Years ago I was in a very emotionally abusive relationship. I look back and don’t even recognise the person I was back then. I stopped going out with friends, when I was out with him I daren’t look in the direction of other men, so I kept my head down otherwise he’d accuse me of fancying them (later on I found out he was cheating), if he texted and I didn’t text back immediately he’d give me the silent treatment, sometimes I’d have to take photos to prove where I was and who with, the list is endless but because it wasn’t fists I didn’t see it as abuse. When people said nasty things about him I always defended him as I didn’t want people to think badly of him. In the end I was so ill I struggled to get out of bed, I had severe depression. I couldn’t even speak, my mother was so worried about me she picked me up and drove me to the GP. Even she didn’t know all that had gone on as I didn’t want her to hate him but she isn’t stupid and knew some of it, as did my children. The GP put me on antidepressants and got me into to see a counsellor and there I found out about narcissists. I’d tried to split up many times but I wasn’t strong enough and felt sorry for him but this time as hard as he tried I didn’t go back but also didn’t want to fall out with him as he wasn’t a man you messed with. I wanted to remain amicable if we saw each other out and smile and say hello and told him that. I‘ve an ex husband who is father to my children, we just grew apart and wanted different things from life but have always remained friends, we didn’t even have a solicitor for our divorce. Anyway as time went on I saw the narcissist looking into my home on a few separate occasions, he didn’t see me as I hid. I didn’t know what to do as I still wasn’t well and not thinking straight, I suppose I’d also got use to his controlling ways. A friend said you need to tell the police, which I did, only to be told he wasn’t doing anything wrong as it’s a public path. I’m not sure if he’d found out I’d contacted the Police but a week or so later the Police rang and said I need to stop writing to him, I was shocked as I hadn’t and I said it’s not me please look into this, they said there was no need they were just giving me a polite warning, I was really shocked. A week of so later I get another call from the Police saying my ex had been in again with messages from me and if I didn’t stop I would be in serious trouble, with this I burst into tears and again said it isn’t me please can you look into it as how can I stop if it isn’t me, they put the phone down. A few weeks later the door goes it’s the Police to arrest me for contacting him again. I couldn’t believe it, I was in absolute bits I don’t even have a point on my driving licence let alone been in trouble with the Police. I was put in a cell and after hours I’m questioned, they tell me they know I did it so to just own up. I told them many times I know they didn’t know I’d done it because I hadn’t. They asked for my passwords to various accounts which I gave, I told them how he had treated me and that I was seeing a counsellor for it, they took her name. Hours later I was released on bail, I was so embarrassed and devastated I really couldn’t cope with anymore but what gave me hope was it would at last be looked into and they’d finally realise it wasn’t me. A couple of weeks later I received a letter saying it was being dropped as there wasn’t enough evidence. That for me was the worst outcome, at that point I seriously wanted to take my life as my head couldn’t cope, I’d planned to go down to the railway line as I couldn’t see any other way out. Anyway to try and cut a long story short I rang a MH number I had and a wonderful woman was at my house with in half an hour and basically saved my life. Shortly after that I went away with my children where we couldn’t be found but the Police were ringing my phone. Eventually I answered and I got a female who was higher up in the rank, I told her all that had happened and she then told me (which she shouldn’t really have but I think she was so worried I would take my life and she seemed angered I’d been arrested) that they couldn’t get evidence as he’d only ever taken in screenshots of the messages, which basically could have been from anyone. Whilst I was being interviewed I will never forget one of them saying you protest too much, which is kind of what you’re saying about Carl but I was terrified that I was going to be charged for something I hadn’t done so of course I protested. The Police that arrested me were shocking, they never even bothered to contact my counsellor or my GP to validate my side. Still to this day I don’t know if other women he’d cheated on had done it, or if he wrote them to get back at me and also as still having some control over my life but this time via the Police as my counsellor said. He went into three different Police stations over those weeks, with different screenshots supposedly from me. Why weren’t the Police suspicious because surely if I’d done it he’d want to prove it was me and give them the evidence they needed to be able to get the proof not screenshots. I could have lost my life and my children their mother, so sometimes the innocent do protest because they are innocent. I’m not saying Carl is for one minute but from my experience I was terrified I was going to be hated by people and locked up for something I hadn’t done. There is so much more to this story but hopefully it explains why you shouldn’t assume someone protesting they’re innocent means they’re guilty, as it isn’t always the case.
I haven’t written this for sympathy, as I say it happened years ago and I’m in a far better place in my life but more importantly to anyone reading this, especially anyone suffering in silence please get help. No one and nothing is worth taking your life over, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel however bad it seems at the time and I say that from experience.