John Stones #30 JS5 is back on our screen, how we wish he'd make us scream

[cobette]

Spoiler

@Gossgossgoss9888 pls excuse my ignorance … but won’t sad songs just make you feel worse? Can you bring yourself to go out for a walk? Fresh air does the world of good sometimes. I hate the thought of you being so upset and down on your own . I would definitely do what mimi says and get signed off for a while? Will that help? There must be a solution for you sweet. Do you have family near by?

@cobette what time is it there. Is it breakfast time?

It's just after 8, just getting ready to leave and I'm super excited about my breakfast!

Spoiler: basic ootd

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

It's just after 8, just getting ready to leave and I'm super excited about my breakfast!

Spoiler: basic ootd

View attachment 1590035

Love this one

 

[Violetroselily]

It's just after 8, just getting ready to leave and I'm super excited about my breakfast!

Spoiler: basic ootd

View attachment 1590035

Love this

What is for breakfast?

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Are petrol stations open?? I’ve got 3 miles in my car

 

[WylieWyles]

Spoiler

You're not misremembering, the spreadsheet is correct

Yeah, ADs are a short term fix at best. A couple of weeks or a little more to get them into my system, if I'm lucky a month or so of being good and happy and functioning and efficient, but I can't keep it there and it gets out of hand.

Need to register with a new GP so I can feel a bit safer going to them. Then need to make an appointment for the depression. Exhausted thinking about it.

Don't know about a psych referral. I'm scared.

Spoiler

I've struggled with treatment-resistant depression and anxiety for over 20 years and I've tried over a dozen different medications or combinations of multiple medications, from both GPs and psychiatrists. GPs would only prescribe SSRIs and SNRIs and finally a very very good psychiatrist put me on an MAOI and lithium when I was in a very very deep depression and that combo helped a lot.

After finally doing pharmacogenetic testing (Genesight) a couple years ago it turns out that there are only about 6 antidepressants that work with my genetic profile and the way I metabolize drugs. None of them are SSRIs, and only 2 of the drugs I had been on were on the list, which in hindsight explains a lot.

Not sure if the genetic testing is an option for you, but I do think for treatment-resistant depression if you can see a psychiatrist rather than a GP, that's worth a try, unless your GP is pretty knowledgeable about more "advanced" treatments and various types of augmentation. In the US, they are generally not.

And of course, talk therapy has been invaluable but getting on the right medications has made the most difference for me.

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Violetroselily]

Are petrol stations open?? I’ve got 3 miles in my car

Seems a bit mixed so might be pot luck unless you go after 5, that seems to be the universal reopening time

Spoiler

I've struggled with treatment-resistant depression and anxiety for over 20 years and I've tried over a dozen different medications or combinations of multiple medications, from both GPs and psychiatrists. GPs would only prescribe SSRIs and SNRIs and finally a very very good psychiatrist put me on an MAOI and lithium when I was in a very very deep depression and that combo helped a lot.

After finally doing pharmacogenetic testing (Genesight) a couple years ago it turns out that there are only about 6 antidepressants that work with my genetic profile and the way I metabolize drugs. None of them are SSRIs, and only 2 of the drugs I had been on were on the list, which in hindsight explains a lot.

Not sure if the genetic testing is an option for you, but I do think for treatment-resistant depression if you can see a psychiatrist rather than a GP, that's worth a try, unless your GP is pretty knowledgeable about more "advanced" treatments and various types of augmentation. In the US, they are generally not.

And of course, talk therapy has been invaluable but getting on the right medications has made the most difference for me.

I hope you feel better soon.

View attachment 1590039

Look at all those plushies

 

[cobette]

Spoiler

I've struggled with treatment-resistant depression and anxiety for over 20 years and I've tried over a dozen different medications or combinations of multiple medications, from both GPs and psychiatrists. GPs would only prescribe SSRIs and SNRIs and finally a very very good psychiatrist put me on an MAOI and lithium when I was in a very very deep depression and that combo helped a lot.

After finally doing pharmacogenetic testing (Genesight) a couple years ago it turns out that there are only about 6 antidepressants that work with my genetic profile and the way I metabolize drugs. None of them are SSRIs, and only 2 of the drugs I had been on were on the list, which in hindsight explains a lot.

Not sure if the genetic testing is an option for you, but I do think for treatment-resistant depression if you can see a psychiatrist rather than a GP, that's worth a try, unless your GP is pretty knowledgeable about more "advanced" treatments and various types of augmentation. In the US, they are generally not.

And of course, talk therapy has been invaluable but getting on the right medications has made the most difference for me.

I hope you feel better soon.

View attachment 1590039

Look at him with his friends

Love this

What is for breakfast?

I think tiramisu French toast!

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Look at him with his friends



I think tiramisu French toast!

View attachment 1590056View attachment 1590058

Omg that would be absolute heaven I can’t wait to see a pic of that

What’s everyone having for lunch. I’ve just put a frittata in

 

[Gossgossgoss9888]

Definitely go and register and make an appointment with the new surgery/GP as soon as you can. And perhaps consider taking some time off work, if you’re struggling to make it out of bed, or with sleep or in general. Work isn’t worth risking your health for.

I know it’s scary to think about a psych referral or going to mental health team, but it might end up working for you, even better than short term meds could.

All the hugs for you.


Handsome fella

Spoiler: ❤️

Really don't want to have to take any time off work. The thought of it makes me feel sick. Don't want people knowing, don't want the awkwardness of going back, feeling like everyone thinks/knows I can't cope.

@Gossgossgoss9888 my experience with our crisis is that they can just be a sounding board too. The term “crisis” is very misleading because essentially when people reach that point they may need other interventions.
Just know there’s people to reach out to
Also, if you don’t mind me asking, why does a psych referral worry you? You honestly don’t have to say

Spoiler: ❤️

This is going to be some garbled nonsense.

I can say it here, to people who don't know me IRL, all casual like "I have bipolar disorder" because it's a useful shorthand for what I'm like or how you might experience me over time.

But that's a 15-year-old diagnosis and I've spent much of the time in those 15 years alternating between pretending and believing there's nothing wrong. There's a big part of me - even now, sitting here, on my sofa in my pyjamas, wrapped in a blanket, tears streaming down my face that haven't really stopped since I woke up this morning - that thinks I'm OK and this is life and everything is normal and fine and there's nothing wrong with me and there's no help to be had because this is just how people feel sometimes.

I'm scared of being referred and having it confirmed again because I don't want to be ill and I don't want to be someone who has to see a psychiatrist and take medication and have the label and never be able to get away from it. And last time it only made things worse, so it wasn't even like a compromise of acknowledging I'm ill in order to feel better, it was the shitshow of the pain of admitting to needing help and then just feeling worse anyway.

I'm also kind of scared I might get referred and they confirm that part of my brain is right, and I am OK and nothing is wrong. Because that would mean there's literally nothing that anyone could ever do to help.

And most of all, I like to be able to run, and hide, and pretend, and the thought of being "in the system" gives me such anxiety because I don't know how I'd be able to escape if I wanted to. Don't like going into things where I can't see the exits.

Spoiler

@Gossgossgoss9888 pls excuse my ignorance … but won’t sad songs just make you feel worse? Can you bring yourself to go out for a walk? Fresh air does the world of good sometimes. I hate the thought of you being so upset and down on your own . I would definitely do what mimi says and get signed off for a while? Will that help? There must be a solution for you sweet. Do you have family near by?

@cobette what time is it there. Is it breakfast time?

Spoiler: ❤️

Re: sad songs, yes and no. Hard to engage with anything else though. And sometimes there is a feeling of recognition in it. Like not being the only one.

Am very much doubting my ability to go for a walk. Not dressed yet. And even walking round the house I'm doing tiny tired shuffly steps and feel like stopping to lie down at any minute.

Don't want to miss work. Will keep going unless/until it becomes physically impossible.

Family's not an option. Would make everything worse.

Spoiler

I've struggled with treatment-resistant depression and anxiety for over 20 years and I've tried over a dozen different medications or combinations of multiple medications, from both GPs and psychiatrists. GPs would only prescribe SSRIs and SNRIs and finally a very very good psychiatrist put me on an MAOI and lithium when I was in a very very deep depression and that combo helped a lot.

After finally doing pharmacogenetic testing (Genesight) a couple years ago it turns out that there are only about 6 antidepressants that work with my genetic profile and the way I metabolize drugs. None of them are SSRIs, and only 2 of the drugs I had been on were on the list, which in hindsight explains a lot.

Not sure if the genetic testing is an option for you, but I do think for treatment-resistant depression if you can see a psychiatrist rather than a GP, that's worth a try, unless your GP is pretty knowledgeable about more "advanced" treatments and various types of augmentation. In the US, they are generally not.

And of course, talk therapy has been invaluable but getting on the right medications has made the most difference for me.

I hope you feel better soon.

View attachment 1590039

Spoiler: ❤️

Thank you So sorry to hear you know what it's like.

My problem isn't that my depression is treatment-resistant, it's getting the balance right. Everything that shifts the depression sends me way too far the other way.

Your pup is adorable.

You're all such sweethearts. I'm sorry for the miseryguts thread derail.

Handsome bae will give you thank you kisses.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Spoiler: ❤

Really don't want to have to take any time off work. The thought of it makes me feel sick. Don't want people knowing, don't want the awkwardness of going back, feeling like everyone thinks/knows I can't cope.

Spoiler: ❤

This is going to be some garbled nonsense.

I can say it here, to people who don't know me IRL, all casual like "I have bipolar disorder" because it's a useful shorthand for what I'm like or how you might experience me over time.

But that's a 15-year-old diagnosis and I've spent much of the time in those 15 years alternating between pretending and believing there's nothing wrong. There's a big part of me - even now, sitting here, on my sofa in my pyjamas, wrapped in a blanket, tears streaming down my face that haven't really stopped since I woke up this morning - that thinks I'm OK and this is life and everything is normal and fine and there's nothing wrong with me and there's no help to be had because this is just how people feel sometimes.

I'm scared of being referred and having it confirmed again because I don't want to be ill and I don't want to be someone who has to see a psychiatrist and take medication and have the label and never be able to get away from it. And last time it only made things worse, so it wasn't even like a compromise of acknowledging I'm ill in order to feel better, it was the shitshow of the pain of admitting to needing help and then just feeling worse anyway.

I'm also kind of scared I might get referred and they confirm that part of my brain is right, and I am OK and nothing is wrong. Because that would mean there's literally nothing that anyone could ever do to help.

And most of all, I like to be able to run, and hide, and pretend, and the thought of being "in the system" gives me such anxiety because I don't know how I'd be able to escape if I wanted to. Don't like going into things where I can't see the exits.

Spoiler: ❤

Re: sad songs, yes and no. Hard to engage with anything else though. And sometimes there is a feeling of recognition in it. Like not being the only one.

Am very much doubting my ability to go for a walk. Not dressed yet. And even walking round the house I'm doing tiny tired shuffly steps and feel like stopping to lie down at any minute.

Don't want to miss work. Will keep going unless/until it becomes physically impossible.

Family's not an option. Would make everything worse.

Spoiler: ❤

Thank you So sorry to hear you know what it's like.

My problem isn't that my depression is treatment-resistant, it's getting the balance right. Everything that shifts the depression sends me way too far the other way.

Your pup is adorable.

You're all such sweethearts. I'm sorry for the miseryguts thread derail.

Handsome bae will give you thank you kisses.

View attachment 1590082View attachment 1590084View attachment 1590086

Spoiler

I suppose work would be a good distraction no? Keep you going on a way. I know it can be really hard to pull yourself out of a dark place Hope work crush cheers you up a bit this week at least

are you eating at all?

 

[Gossgossgoss9888]

Spoiler

I suppose work would be a good distraction no? Keep you going on a way. I know it can be really hard to pull yourself out of a dark place Hope work crush cheers you up a bit this week at least

are you eating at all?

Spoiler

Yeah, I'm a bit scared that time off work means crawling into a pit of despair and never forcing myself out of it. The routine is hard af and I'm really struggling with it but I'm scared of letting it slip and then not being able to get it back.

Eating sporadically.

Had Sunday dinner with my parents last night so not going to starve, had a full meal with loads of veg etc but it was a struggle to get through it and felt sick for a bit after, too full.

On my own, brief periods of gnawing hunger that I don't have the energy to do anything about, but most of the time no appetite at all. Cooking is too much effort. Even preparing food at all. Eating a little when I can. Apple, slice of bread, small lump of cheese.

Luckily I have plenty of weight so am not going to waste away.

 

[Violetroselily]

Spoiler: ❤

Really don't want to have to take any time off work. The thought of it makes me feel sick. Don't want people knowing, don't want the awkwardness of going back, feeling like everyone thinks/knows I can't cope.

Spoiler: ❤

This is going to be some garbled nonsense.

I can say it here, to people who don't know me IRL, all casual like "I have bipolar disorder" because it's a useful shorthand for what I'm like or how you might experience me over time.

But that's a 15-year-old diagnosis and I've spent much of the time in those 15 years alternating between pretending and believing there's nothing wrong. There's a big part of me - even now, sitting here, on my sofa in my pyjamas, wrapped in a blanket, tears streaming down my face that haven't really stopped since I woke up this morning - that thinks I'm OK and this is life and everything is normal and fine and there's nothing wrong with me and there's no help to be had because this is just how people feel sometimes.

I'm scared of being referred and having it confirmed again because I don't want to be ill and I don't want to be someone who has to see a psychiatrist and take medication and have the label and never be able to get away from it. And last time it only made things worse, so it wasn't even like a compromise of acknowledging I'm ill in order to feel better, it was the shitshow of the pain of admitting to needing help and then just feeling worse anyway.

I'm also kind of scared I might get referred and they confirm that part of my brain is right, and I am OK and nothing is wrong. Because that would mean there's literally nothing that anyone could ever do to help.

And most of all, I like to be able to run, and hide, and pretend, and the thought of being "in the system" gives me such anxiety because I don't know how I'd be able to escape if I wanted to. Don't like going into things where I can't see the exits.

Spoiler: ❤

Re: sad songs, yes and no. Hard to engage with anything else though. And sometimes there is a feeling of recognition in it. Like not being the only one.

Am very much doubting my ability to go for a walk. Not dressed yet. And even walking round the house I'm doing tiny tired shuffly steps and feel like stopping to lie down at any minute.

Don't want to miss work. Will keep going unless/until it becomes physically impossible.

Family's not an option. Would make everything worse.

Spoiler: ❤

Thank you So sorry to hear you know what it's like.

My problem isn't that my depression is treatment-resistant, it's getting the balance right. Everything that shifts the depression sends me way too far the other way.

Your pup is adorable.

You're all such sweethearts. I'm sorry for the miseryguts thread derail.

Handsome bae will give you thank you kisses.

View attachment 1590082View attachment 1590084View attachment 1590086

Spoiler

I totally get your reasons for not wanting to see psychiatrist. I know our situations aren't really comparable, but it took me years to see a GP about depression and sometimes I look back and have all these "what ifs" about if I'd gone sooner (though I do try to ignore this and adopt a more no regrets way of thinking so not to be consumed by it)

Everything I worried about was all in my head and nothing bad has come of it. It was bleeping awful having to admit I needed help and things definitley got worse before they got better, but now I look back and am sort of proud of myself for taking control?

Don't get me wrong, there are parts of me that worry about people finding out (approx 3 people IRL know I take meds, and none of them are my nearest and dearest) because I don't want to be labelled. And I worry that one day I will have to stop taking them. But that is all outweighed ten fold by the benefit I get from it.

I also understand your worry about being told actually you're physically ok and therefore there is no reason for how you feel. But even if they no longer support a bipolar diagnosis, that doesn't mean your symptoms and feelings are say less valid.


Can you list out the pros and cons of seeing a doctor? And apply a bit of a "what's the worst that can happen, and what's the best that can happen" lens to it?

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Spoiler

Yeah, I'm a bit scared that time off work means crawling into a pit of despair and never forcing myself out of it. The routine is hard af and I'm really struggling with it but I'm scared of letting it slip and then not being able to get it back.

Eating sporadically.

Had Sunday dinner with my parents last night so not going to starve, had a full meal with loads of veg etc but it was a struggle to get through it and felt sick for a bit after, too full.

On my own, brief periods of gnawing hunger that I don't have the energy to do anything about, but most of the time no appetite at all. Cooking is too much effort. Even preparing food at all. Eating a little when I can. Apple, slice of bread, small lump of cheese.

Luckily I have plenty of weight so am not going to waste away.

Spoiler

this makes me sad. I wish there was something we can do to make you feel better. If only I could send JS round

Spoiler: Lunch

I’ve never had one before .. I hope I like it!!!

 

[LurkingAnnie]

Spoiler: ❤

Really don't want to have to take any time off work. The thought of it makes me feel sick. Don't want people knowing, don't want the awkwardness of going back, feeling like everyone thinks/knows I can't cope.

Spoiler: ❤

This is going to be some garbled nonsense.

I can say it here, to people who don't know me IRL, all casual like "I have bipolar disorder" because it's a useful shorthand for what I'm like or how you might experience me over time.

But that's a 15-year-old diagnosis and I've spent much of the time in those 15 years alternating between pretending and believing there's nothing wrong. There's a big part of me - even now, sitting here, on my sofa in my pyjamas, wrapped in a blanket, tears streaming down my face that haven't really stopped since I woke up this morning - that thinks I'm OK and this is life and everything is normal and fine and there's nothing wrong with me and there's no help to be had because this is just how people feel sometimes.

I'm scared of being referred and having it confirmed again because I don't want to be ill and I don't want to be someone who has to see a psychiatrist and take medication and have the label and never be able to get away from it. And last time it only made things worse, so it wasn't even like a compromise of acknowledging I'm ill in order to feel better, it was the shitshow of the pain of admitting to needing help and then just feeling worse anyway.

I'm also kind of scared I might get referred and they confirm that part of my brain is right, and I am OK and nothing is wrong. Because that would mean there's literally nothing that anyone could ever do to help.

And most of all, I like to be able to run, and hide, and pretend, and the thought of being "in the system" gives me such anxiety because I don't know how I'd be able to escape if I wanted to. Don't like going into things where I can't see the exits.

Spoiler: ❤

Re: sad songs, yes and no. Hard to engage with anything else though. And sometimes there is a feeling of recognition in it. Like not being the only one.

Am very much doubting my ability to go for a walk. Not dressed yet. And even walking round the house I'm doing tiny tired shuffly steps and feel like stopping to lie down at any minute.

Don't want to miss work. Will keep going unless/until it becomes physically impossible.

Family's not an option. Would make everything worse.

Spoiler: ❤

Thank you So sorry to hear you know what it's like.

My problem isn't that my depression is treatment-resistant, it's getting the balance right. Everything that shifts the depression sends me way too far the other way.

Your pup is adorable.

You're all such sweethearts. I'm sorry for the miseryguts thread derail.

Handsome bae will give you thank you kisses.

View attachment 1590082View attachment 1590084View attachment 1590086

I completely understand what you’re saying, and sometimes it feels like ignorance is bliss I felt that way with my own health but what if all your anxieties over everything are answered?
we can all sit here and try to help, but ultimately we’re just outsiders looking in.

Take care, and always reach out if you need to talk xxx

Spoiler: Here’s some northern sunshine for you all

 

[Violetroselily]

I completely understand what you’re saying, and sometimes it feels like ignorance is bliss I felt that way with my own health but what if all your anxieties over everything are answered?
we can all sit here and try to help, but ultimately we’re just outsiders looking in.

Take care, and always reach out if you need to talk xxx

Spoiler: Here’s some northern sunshine for you all

View attachment 1590310
View attachment 1590311

beautiful. I'm currently under about 3 inches of dust as I tidy up under my bed

How warm is it?

 

[LurkingAnnie]

beautiful. I'm currently under about 3 inches of dust as I tidy up under my bed

How warm is it?

hate under the bed cleaning

Quite warm - Was in my gym gear, just leggings and a cropped tee - too warm for a jumper for me. RLF was in his bae uniform of shorts and a hoodie

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Spoiler

just been to the park now home for ice cream I finally got fuel I was down to 0 why do I do it to myself

 

[LurkingAnnie]

Spoiler

just been to the park now home for ice cream I finally got fuel I was down to 0 why do I do it to myself View attachment 1590342

Exactly the reason I went out - you reminded me I had nothing… and there’s a Starbucks next door to the garage so we went wild

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Exactly the reason I went out - you reminded me I had nothing… and there’s a Starbucks next door to the garage so we went wild

What did you get????

 

[LurkingAnnie]

What did you get????

Brown sugar oat shaken espresso, a blondie and we tried half a pumpkin spice loaf too