Jack Monroe #98 Thoroughly Naff

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As an actual chef I'm happy to provide any alternative lockdown advice to the canbal. Hausfrau -.here's my first piece of lockdown wisdom - dont eat Jack's slop
Canbal???? A step too far. We're only just coming to terms with her tinned fish habit
 
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Oh Icing. I refer you to my very own post of May 5

 
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Also apparently had a fling with a councillor - despite claiming to hate both men and Tories - and broke up his marriage
Sounds like a rumour, although if it's true it is him who broke up own his marriage, not Jack.
 
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it's going on the list! I'm also thinking we may need a list of scaremongerings. like disappearing smartprice lines and fire hazards and such and such
 
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Giddy, basking in attention, thinking she's witty and hilarious Jack is the worst of all the Jacks. You have to feel sorry for the people replying to her shit feeling bad about themselves while she replies with more quips about herself. Jesus C.
 
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I feel like this is becoming a weekly reminder:

Dear Jack

If your son doesn't like kale, get spinach, romaine, cabbage or broccoli instead. Similar nutritionally. No need to play herb charades.

Yours entitledly
Harry
 
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it's going on the list! I'm also thinking we may need a list of scaremongerings. like disappearing smartprice lines and fire hazards and such and such
And H&S advice such as climbing on tables with non-slippy-slipper-grip socks and microwave reheating thrice cooked frozen bollock slop.
 
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There were no such restrictions in our local Asda today. No limits at all. But maybe Asda's restrictions vary across England.
We haven’t got many restrictions at the moment, but maximum of 3 on pasta, rice, baby wipes, and toilet roll.

It’s not my dream job, Jack, it’s just that I’m happy to work the unsociable evening hours so that I can be with my kids during the day.
 
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Absolutely nobody is asking you to update us on the minutiae of the stock at ASDA, Jack. In fact I beg of you to stop. It's not a rapidly developing political conflict in a war-torn country, it's Smart Price cheese and maize snacks for fuck's sake.
 
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It sounds so demeaning calling him the boy or whatever else she chooses today. What’s wrong with ‘my son’? Everything has to be this huge novel worthy way of phrasing things and it just stinks of trying to make herself sound less motherly.

Jack probably read in Diva magazine that all the cool alt lesbians hate the world and everything in it and talk about things with such dislike. Little realising she is neither cool or alt and is copying the personality of someone she wishes she was, rather than what she actually is (which really is a person who sucks the life out of everything and everyone she encounters).
 
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And H&S advice such as climbing on tables with non-slippy-slipper-grip socks and microwave reheating thrice cooked frozen bollock slop.

tbf, she presents these as hilarious scampering escapades. although... "precariously fine, not smelly" and such is a bit of a grey area, as is the mounting of furniture. this requires mulling over.
 
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Absolutely nobody is asking you to update us on the minutiae of the stock at ASDA, Jack. In fact I beg of you to stop. It's not a rapidly developing political conflict in a war-torn country, it's Smart Price cheese and maize snacks for fuck's sake.
That’s exactly what she’s making it sound like! You’d think most of the country were reliant on Asda Smart Price. Of course food prices have been rising and it’s looking like it’ll only get worse with Brexit but there’s no value in looking at the cheapest range of one solitary supermarket. People who can only afford Asda Smart Price either have or will defect to the competition, which is likely nearby as having no money = living in a cheap area (not massive bungalows in fancy areas) which supermarkets usually cater to. Lidl and Aldi are really cheap, Tesco still have it’s Value range albeit under different labelling, there are options. And in the food desert-like places, where Asda might be the only option, then the issue is far bigger than Asda cutting back on their range so still, fucking useless ‘research’...
 
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Ladies and gentlemen, the moment we've all been waiting for. The Jack Monroe fishy eggy shit show
 
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