Jack Monroe #91 POOR (ISH)

Status
Thread locked. We start a new thread when they have over 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Order Thread by Most Liked Posts
LavaFlake

LavaFlake

Omg that recipe review made a VIP member. The Tattle Gods have truly aligned!
 
  • Like
  • Haha
  • Heart
Reactions: 89
Lumpyspaceprincess

Lumpyspaceprincess

I did wonder about the coconut milk in the soup. I actually have a 1/3 of a can leftover so was probably going to make a Thai carrot soup. Mushroom though, nope...
 
  • Like
  • Haha
Reactions: 17
Jumpstart

Jumpstart

I know it’s been said before. But that poor cat needs his nose seen by a vet.
 
  • Like
  • Sad
  • Heart
Reactions: 40
Montrachet

Montrachet

colouredlines said:
This is also mad because béchamel usually features in any beginners' cookbook. It's one of the most versatile things you can make (and cheap, from staple ingredients!). It's not hard to master and once you've got it down, you can make croquetas, fish pie, lasagne, macaroni cheese, dozens of other different sauces...
Horse spunk really is not an adequate substitute.
Click to expand...

Just to add further to the culinary nonsense, she advocates making a "roux-style base" for her Ocado soup. Now a Bechamel / Roux has its place, rarely thankfully, but in a soup? Not in my kitchen. How can you get a mushroom soup wrong? Saute onions, garlic, celeriac, carrots, potatoes etc. Add plenty of seasoning plus nutmeg / onion seeds, top up with stock and mushrooms. Cook until vegetables soften, blend then add cream and tarragon. Done. Easy.


"Add a splash of water and mix well and quickly, then add a splash more. It’s important to add it a splash at a time so that the flour from the mushrooms forms a roux-style base, rather than a puddle with some floury lumps in, so don’t try to rush this step – it’s the work of a moment, but makes all the difference. "


P.S. You can get flour from mushrooms? This is brand new information. She even has the inspiration for Brenda's bangers highlighted on her front page.

(Unsecure website - enter at your peril)





 
  • Sick
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 55
Formal Chicken

Formal Chicken

LavaFlake said:
Vegan mushroom soup
Verdict: I've definitely had worse things in my mouth but also a lot better.

I forgot to include the flour and water I used in my first picture. For full disclosure, I used McDougalls plain flour and water from the tap (#boostrapping).

The recipe itself was relatively easy to follow. However, I immediately hit a wall with a massive case of the eye wets while cutting my onion. "Are there any solutions?" I wailed to my family on a WhatsApp chat. They provided many but unfortunately I had tried them all.

An initial problem was that the recipe didn't call for enough oil when adding the celery, (fat) cloves of garlic and onion. Half a tablespoon meant everything began to stick quite quickly despite me having a relatively decent pan. Cooking all the above for only a "few minutes" also meant they didn't sufficiently soften. I don't know a lot about cooking but any soup recipes I have followed always require the onions to sweat for a sufficient about of time. Instead they were still as crunchy as JM's black eye aesthetic.

I only had light coconut milk so needed to double the quantity. This meant I also had to reduce the water being added to the dish. I was immediately fearful that doubling quantity would overpower the dish and also make it too thick. Was I correct? Read on, dear heart to find out...

Well you've read on, here you go. The cococunt was definitely far too overpowering. Despite using half a stock cube and plenty of black pepper™️ in a portion for just one person, it took away from the rest of the meal - making it overly rich and sweet. I could have added more salt but was acutely aware of rinsing Mr Knorr's stash already. Perhaps some fresh parsley could have helped balance it out, but instead I simply think less cocount milk would have helped. It can be quite a strong flavour at the best of times after all. The texture was also slightly off for me, I would have liked slightly less bite from the onions and celery and also think half of the mushrooms should have been blended (forgive me) although appreciate the latter is personal taste. Finally, I think the amount of flour made it slightly gloopy. I had to use half a tablespoon and although I added some water to think it at the end, as Jack permits, it still had that floury sheen to it. I think less roux would have been beneficial.

The curse of light coconut milk was also a benefit as I didn't have to translate the solid block of milk into millilitres.

Overall, with a few tweaks I think would work a lot better. To keep vegan I would swap out the coconut milk for a plant based milk or vegan creme fraiche. I'd use long life oat milk to taste if needing to keep on a budget. Less flour is also needed, the roux wasn't quite right. I also think the base ingredients could do with being cooked for longer to help support that "blended" or combined (sorry I can't think of a better word) flavour you associate with soup. However, it certainly isn't inedible although I wouldn't use the recipe again.

View attachment 281546

View attachment 281557
Pics prior to adding POBP. Could only cup with one hand as I haven't mastered the act of taking pics with my tongue. Bowl was found on the A470 in the hard shoulder (Ikea).

I also can't believe I've written this much about a pissing soup. Being in between jobs is great fun.
Click to expand...
The eyes wets and bowl was found on the A470 did it for me 😂 hilarious

thank you Matt much for taking one for the cabal!
 
  • Like
  • Haha
  • Heart
Reactions: 32
chocolate choux

chocolate choux

Sideboard Bob said:
Pie Jesu on a bike! There is no way I’ll catch up in time before work, so forgive me if I’m covering old ground, but like everyone else I’m so angry with her.
Re. the benefits, I’m sure someone asked her about that on Twitter a few months (or weeks?) back and she basically said that her previous experience of the benefits system was too harrowing (or words to that effect) for her to go back to.
Click to expand...
I missed this but what the duck?! The privilege! Many people have negative experiences with the system. They don’t have the option of opting out and relying on PayPal donations :rolleyes:

@LavaFlake love the review and glad it wasn’t too horrific. Seeing food with a bit of texture in the JM thread is a shock to the system!
 
  • Like
  • Heart
  • Angry
Reactions: 34
Nottonightbabe

Nottonightbabe

Saint_clemmie said:
She could do so much. Half term/Halloween treats on a budget. Christmas is coming up, many people will be spreading the cost and getting bits to put in the freezer. There’s so many content possibilities to actually help and inspire people. She just can’t be fucked. She’s moaning about posting some postcards ffs!
Click to expand...
Good point about Christmas, a lot of people's budgets will be tighter this year and there's always the threat of lockdowns limiting stocks in stores. She could be showing people where to make savings, get-ahead recipes that can be frozen and don't break the bank?

Personally I'd rather have oven chips on Christmas Day than a JM inspired dinner but, it would go down well with a lot of her fans and surely would be more relevant than beige recipes, or photos of her and SB's breakfasts every day? 🤷

She's just bloody lazy.
 
  • Like
  • Heart
  • Haha
Reactions: 33
B

byropaw

Pocahontas said:
View attachment 281543
Click to expand...
That horse is really fat

blurstoftimes said:
That horse is far too majestic and FANCY for Jack's tastes. Her horse spunk bechamel would be sourced from something more like this...
Click to expand...
This horse is also really fat. I'm now worried about the UK's horse population!

LavaFlake said:
Vegan mushroom soup
Verdict: I've definitely had worse things in my mouth but also a lot better.

I forgot to include the flour and water I used in my first picture. For full disclosure, I used McDougalls plain flour and water from the tap (#boostrapping).

The recipe itself was relatively easy to follow. However, I immediately hit a wall with a massive case of the eye wets while cutting my onion. "Are there any solutions?" I wailed to my family on a WhatsApp chat. They provided many but unfortunately I had tried them all.

An initial problem was that the recipe didn't call for enough oil when adding the celery, (fat) cloves of garlic and onion. Half a tablespoon meant everything began to stick quite quickly despite me having a relatively decent pan. Cooking all the above for only a "few minutes" also meant they didn't sufficiently soften. I don't know a lot about cooking but any soup recipes I have followed always require the onions to sweat for a sufficient about of time. Instead they were still as crunchy as JM's black eye aesthetic.

I only had light coconut milk so needed to double the quantity. This meant I also had to reduce the water being added to the dish. I was immediately fearful that doubling quantity would overpower the dish and also make it too thick. Was I correct? Read on, dear heart to find out...

Well you've read on, here you go. The cococunt was definitely far too overpowering. Despite using half a stock cube and plenty of black pepper™️ in a portion for just one person, it took away from the rest of the meal - making it overly rich and sweet. I could have added more salt but was acutely aware of rinsing Mr Knorr's stash already. Perhaps some fresh parsley could have helped balance it out, but instead I simply think less cocount milk would have helped. It can be quite a strong flavour at the best of times after all. The texture was also slightly off for me, I would have liked slightly less bite from the onions and celery and also think half of the mushrooms should have been blended (forgive me) although appreciate the latter is personal taste. Finally, I think the amount of flour made it slightly gloopy. I had to use half a tablespoon and although I added some water to think it at the end, as Jack permits, it still had that floury sheen to it. I think less roux would have been beneficial.

The curse of light coconut milk was also a benefit as I didn't have to translate the solid block of milk into millilitres.

Overall, with a few tweaks I think would work a lot better. To keep vegan I would swap out the coconut milk for a plant based milk or vegan creme fraiche. I'd use long life oat milk to taste if needing to keep on a budget. Less flour is also needed, the roux wasn't quite right. I also think the base ingredients could do with being cooked for longer to help support that "blended" or combined (sorry I can't think of a better word) flavour you associate with soup. However, it certainly isn't inedible although I wouldn't use the recipe again.

View attachment 281546

View attachment 281557
Pics prior to adding POBP. Could only cup with one hand as I haven't mastered the act of taking pics with my tongue. Bowl was found on the A470 in the hard shoulder (Ikea).

I also can't believe I've written this much about a pissing soup. Being in between jobs is great fun.
Click to expand...
Did you seriously type cococunt? I am DYING
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: 44
Mustard

Mustard

When I make a potato soup, I use flour to make a roux instead of using cream. I got the recipe from Gimme Some Oven.
 
  • Like
  • Wow
Reactions: 10
Status
Thread locked. We start a new thread when they have over 1000 posts, click the blue button to see all threads for this topic and find the latest open thread.