Sorry that should be I almost emailed them. The joys of trying to sneakily tattle when I'm on duty
Jack Monroe #91 POOR (ISH)
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Vegan mushroom soup
Verdict: I've definitely had worse things in my mouth but also a lot better.
I forgot to include the flour and water I used in my first picture. For full disclosure, I used McDougalls plain flour and water from the tap (#boostrapping).
The recipe itself was relatively easy to follow. However, I immediately hit a wall with a massive case of the eye wets while cutting my onion. "Are there any solutions?" I wailed to my family on a WhatsApp chat. They provided many but unfortunately I had tried them all.
An initial problem was that the recipe didn't call for enough oil when adding the celery, (fat) cloves of garlic and onion. Half a tablespoon meant everything began to stick quite quickly despite me having a relatively decent pan. Cooking all the above for only a "few minutes" also meant they didn't sufficiently soften. I don't know a lot about cooking but any soup recipes I have followed always require the onions to sweat for a sufficient about of time. Instead they were still as crunchy as JM's black eye aesthetic.
I only had light coconut milk so needed to double the quantity. This meant I also had to reduce the water being added to the dish. I was immediately fearful that doubling quantity would overpower the dish and also make it too thick. Was I correct? Read on, dear heart to find out...
Well you've read on, here you go. The cococunt was definitely far too overpowering. Despite using half a stock cube and plenty of black pepper™️ in a portion for just one person, it took away from the rest of the meal - making it overly rich and sweet. I could have added more salt but was acutely aware of rinsing Mr Knorr's stash already. Perhaps some fresh parsley could have helped balance it out, but instead I simply think less cocount milk would have helped. It can be quite a strong flavour at the best of times after all. The texture was also slightly off for me, I would have liked slightly less bite from the onions and celery and also think half of the mushrooms should have been blended (forgive me) although appreciate the latter is personal taste. Finally, I think the amount of flour made it slightly gloopy. I had to use half a tablespoon and although I added some water to think it at the end, as Jack permits, it still had that floury sheen to it. I think less roux would have been beneficial.
The curse of light coconut milk was also a benefit as I didn't have to translate the solid block of milk into millilitres.
Overall, with a few tweaks I think would work a lot better. To keep vegan I would swap out the coconut milk for a plant based milk or vegan creme fraiche. I'd use long life oat milk to taste if needing to keep on a budget. Less flour is also needed, the roux wasn't quite right. I also think the base ingredients could do with being cooked for longer to help support that "blended" or combined (sorry I can't think of a better word) flavour you associate with soup. However, it certainly isn't inedible although I wouldn't use the recipe again.
Pics prior to adding POBP. Could only cup with one hand as I haven't mastered the act of taking pics with my tongue. Bowl was found on the A470 in the hard shoulder (Ikea).
I also can't believe I've written this much about a pissing soup. Being in between jobs is great fun.
Verdict: I've definitely had worse things in my mouth but also a lot better.
I forgot to include the flour and water I used in my first picture. For full disclosure, I used McDougalls plain flour and water from the tap (#boostrapping).
The recipe itself was relatively easy to follow. However, I immediately hit a wall with a massive case of the eye wets while cutting my onion. "Are there any solutions?" I wailed to my family on a WhatsApp chat. They provided many but unfortunately I had tried them all.
An initial problem was that the recipe didn't call for enough oil when adding the celery, (fat) cloves of garlic and onion. Half a tablespoon meant everything began to stick quite quickly despite me having a relatively decent pan. Cooking all the above for only a "few minutes" also meant they didn't sufficiently soften. I don't know a lot about cooking but any soup recipes I have followed always require the onions to sweat for a sufficient about of time. Instead they were still as crunchy as JM's black eye aesthetic.
I only had light coconut milk so needed to double the quantity. This meant I also had to reduce the water being added to the dish. I was immediately fearful that doubling quantity would overpower the dish and also make it too thick. Was I correct? Read on, dear heart to find out...
Well you've read on, here you go. The cococunt was definitely far too overpowering. Despite using half a stock cube and plenty of black pepper™️ in a portion for just one person, it took away from the rest of the meal - making it overly rich and sweet. I could have added more salt but was acutely aware of rinsing Mr Knorr's stash already. Perhaps some fresh parsley could have helped balance it out, but instead I simply think less cocount milk would have helped. It can be quite a strong flavour at the best of times after all. The texture was also slightly off for me, I would have liked slightly less bite from the onions and celery and also think half of the mushrooms should have been blended (forgive me) although appreciate the latter is personal taste. Finally, I think the amount of flour made it slightly gloopy. I had to use half a tablespoon and although I added some water to think it at the end, as Jack permits, it still had that floury sheen to it. I think less roux would have been beneficial.
The curse of light coconut milk was also a benefit as I didn't have to translate the solid block of milk into millilitres.
Overall, with a few tweaks I think would work a lot better. To keep vegan I would swap out the coconut milk for a plant based milk or vegan creme fraiche. I'd use long life oat milk to taste if needing to keep on a budget. Less flour is also needed, the roux wasn't quite right. I also think the base ingredients could do with being cooked for longer to help support that "blended" or combined (sorry I can't think of a better word) flavour you associate with soup. However, it certainly isn't inedible although I wouldn't use the recipe again.
Pics prior to adding POBP. Could only cup with one hand as I haven't mastered the act of taking pics with my tongue. Bowl was found on the A470 in the hard shoulder (
I also can't believe I've written this much about a pissing soup. Being in between jobs is great fun.
You could deffo serve that over rice. Or mash.
Thank(space)you @LavaFlake for taking one for the team and trying it! 9/10 review. You lose a point for not taking the photos on your hallway floor 
Why is she so against lasagna? If there's one thing worth making the effort to cook it's that!! Although, to be fair, I don't make mine with horse jizz
i am dead at this!!
Shoebury is next to Thorpe Bay. Don’t ever suggest to someone who lives in Thorpe Bay that it’s Shoebury, you will never hear the end of it!
Is thickening soup with flour a normal thing to do?!
Thorpe Bay and Shoeburyness are technically separate places. Literally right next to each over. Southend in quite a large area. Lots of little towns all merge together.
So I did google this cos it made me do a double take and the BBC Good Food recipe calls for flour - although others including THAT MAN'S don't. But it did remind me a little of when I make a stroganoff.
That’s a bleeping white sauce. Her mushroom soup is a white sauce.
Well done for taking one for the team Lava. It looks horrible. Exactly as I expected.
This has made my day. Thankyou (
) for being so committed to the cause.If the week goes well I may attempt a recipe myself as I am trying to wean myself off giant chocolate buttons and back onto proper food and figure slop might be a good way to transition.
Or maybe not.
She should just stick it in a lasagne and call it a day.
@LavaFlake Congratulations for staying alive and for pulling it off. You’ll be known as That Woman now 
You have beautiful hands, and lovely clean nails so she’ll be after you.
You have beautiful hands, and lovely clean nails so she’ll be after you.
With that review @LavaFlake I'm afraid you've accidentally stumbled into Jack's highest patreon tier (recipe testing) and you now owe her $44/month
She could do so much. Half term/Halloween treats on a budget. Christmas is coming up, many people will be spreading the cost and getting bits to put in the freezer. There’s so many content possibilities to actually help and inspire people. She just can’t be fucked. She’s moaning about posting some postcards ffs!
Vlad is sending bonus bitcoin for risking your life for the cabal!
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