Jack Monroe #82 Cooking in a boot

[Yel]

Lots of complicated small issues that YOU couldn't possibly understand.

It really shouldn't take this long to get the website back up and running.

This whole site down thing is baffling. It's just a wordpress as are over 1/3rd of all the sites on the internet. It's nothing complicated and managed wordpress hosting is pretty cheap. Then it would never go down unless through user error, and in that case they would help get it back online in minutes.

Why on earth would 9 years of "work" be lost. Surely in those 9 years she spent a few minutes making a backup?

 

[Grizzlybear]

That bread looks like you could put it through someone’s window.

 

[Cariad]

Jack needs to stay away from bread OR learn how to do it properly.

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Think Jack needs some remedial bread making lessons....this was my sourdough loaf earlier this week ( my Scottish grandad was a master baker though - and so WC too!...triangulate me!)
please excuse the grotty looking Le Creuset casserole dish in background....it is 30 years old and has done me well over the decades...sadly , however, I do not possess a Cotswold sideboard

 

[Scarletfever]

Is she....being nice???

Nope, she's congratulating herself on picking a great co-parent. Not thanking him for bringing her food. Typical narc.

 

[Bookweevil]

Don't think anyone will have made the most of this app's free trial period like you have, Alan I - and I imagine most of the cabal - will be quite sad when it's over!

Let’s Cabal Crowdfund it! The fraus will raise over 70 grand in 2 weeks, while Alan promises to send signed Big Plates to the most generous backers - but actually pisses the cash up the wall in the Groucho while the rest of us wait 2 years for gifs that materialise, resentfully, in the form of one postcard to split between us. Deal?

 

[Incywincy]

Face-tuning noses and mistreating kittens...
Someone else will have to take it from there, I'm TIRED.

Burberry scarfs and Asda George mittens...


(Were they actually Asda because they looked quite expensive and my initial thought was Ugg )

 

[BlendedSlop]

She needs to learn the violin so she can play sadly while she tweets rubbish like this. View attachment 264051
ETA - Haha I cut her avatar off instinctively! The top one is also Jack.

She's been using the "issues with the post" excuse since AT LEAST the Kickstarter debacle. Are we to assume Essex has a disproportionately high number of incompetent posties, or is this another teensy little fibette?

(Edit - and of course one of the Jackolytes rushed to her defence, because dastardly squiggle committed the unspeakable sin of calling her out publicly instead of by DM. Which we know Saint Jack would NEVER do herself...

Thank you for the honourable mention.

I believe it will be online for 48 hours is anyone else wants to watch. There were a few brilliant bits where SHE LEFT and all we had was a view of her blue velvet sofa (fancy), and when she was reading tattle (on her other phone) and we just had a view of the side of her head.

She was also clutching a copy of one of her books at one point.

Nothing new, just the usual poverty, fostering, height, fire station stuff (but it went silent for most of that so I'm surmising a bit)

The one thing I learned was she helped write what allowed in packed lunches for school pupils (really?)

She was her usual nervous, quavery voiced self

Doesn't she ever get bored of regurgitating the same old shite? Every interview, every article, every speaking slot, it's all just a repeat of her "origin story" (I think we're well overdue for a reboot), just with subtle tweaks to accommodate whatever """""truth""""' fits her narrative on a given day. How much longer can she coast along on the same old talking points she's been going on about since 2014?

 

[HarderFaster]

You guyzzzzzz, the cabal is mushrooming. Vlad is sending us some extra shares in Gazprom first thing tomorrow. Especially you, Alan.

 

[Mrslightyear]

Fraus, I am grunkaing on thread 26 and just saw the sideboard thot shots!

My eyes! My eyes!

As you were. Skulks off...

 

[Alansbigplate]

I think she’s lying! To either get people to use the hashtag or as an excuse to erase loads of stuff from her website.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Flashback:

(You'll have to scroll down her page if you want to see the video)

 

[colouredlines]

Can't wait for Incywincy to show up all "guys this black eye looks suspiciously shimmery" to break the tension.

 

[GrunkaLunka]

Hilarious roundup and fabulously funny title by the beloved couple @Pocahontas & @Silver Linings

Tiny bit disappointed she won’t be on I’m a celeb not gonna lie. Thought we might be in for a comeback of that cheeky little duo

...sometimes it goes wrong, okay?

So why does Jack + Ant = Craig Revel Horwood?

 

[HarderFaster]

Translation provided: I like a Charlie big ham Bigham, me (and I can afford it).

£8.99 for a ready meal lasagne is full baller territory.

Jack’s adventures in ‘classical’ music really betray the instability her constant lies about her background have created. She can only just ‘pick out’ single notes: the poor mite has such a good ear and latent vocal talent, you see, but this was never nurtured (she was too busy doing ballet and riding horses...).

But in listening to Classic FM and indeed owning a piano with weighted keys, she is clearly middle class - I used to go to conservatoire Saturday school and I still hid that I liked classical music from all of my mates because they would have taken. the. piss. (Also got gifted my instrumentwhich was then held over my head like a sword of Damocles by school who expected me to pop up as a performing monkey for every function they had - not complaining but just saying that we poor turds don’t own the instruments).

Radio 3 is where all the good classical shit is at. Classic FM is repetitive, crowd-pleasing wank, but that’s Jack’s schtick, too. Also I have a few session musician friends and they all told me that Bocelli is a MASSIVE COCK. Takes one to copy one, eh, Jackie?

 

[Alansbigplate]

Is it worth reading back over events tonight

Oh cripes, well Jack did absolutely nothing so we all did a bit of a chaos instead

 

[Falkor]

Catching up from this morning - since Jack always says she loves Scotland so much, how about a nice wee croft house on Orkney in the village of...

 

[Veronicaaa]

Jack needs to stay away from bread OR learn how to do it properly.

View attachment 264838

"all gifts"

 

[Mrslightyear]

Does anyone know how I can change my username to sentient mirror?

 

[Veronicaaa]

Pffffttt. I'd say 20 minutes there, 20 minutes back. Shop isn't even open yet, so plenty of time for the rain to stop. Besides which, if you only spent £20 last week (or £10) chances are you won't have any food left to fudge together?

She's probably got 3 freezers worth of Ocado deliveries, she's absolutely rolling in food. She just needs to make (and pretend to eat) something absolutely disgusting because that's her niche.

 

[colouredlines]

Jack needs to stay away from bread OR learn how to do it properly.

View attachment 264838

Catching up so sorry if this has already been mentioned. Jack gave up drinking New Year's 2019. She wrote her gushing I'M CURED Guardian article a few days later.

It just seems to me that baking beer bread less than TWO WEEKS into your recovery from 200 units a week is a bit of an unusual idea, no?