Jack Monroe #79 Big mistake. Big. HUGE.

[Montrachet]

This is a piss-take lasagne, surely?

Not sure - too BUSY now waiting for Jack to post on this gem of a Twitter thread.

 

[Scarletfever]

What's she doing for loo roll, washing powder, washing up liquid, toothpaste, soap?

Where do these fit in to her "£20 a week shop"?

 

[Dogmuck]

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tweeted and deleted.

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Wishing you hadn’t made it up said anything?

Was the spare coat in a charity bag or was it in bag that had clothes in to give to SBs brother? Or do you consider his brother a charity case?

Also re manky bacon on a school day. You can tell she’s never had a proper job, like you’d have the time to make bacon on a Tuesday morning and not be concerned your work attire/kids school clothes would smell like an abattoir all day. Bacon smell clings to everything and hangs in the air for hours.

 

[Geetbo]

For one horrific moment there I thought Jack had turned to onlyfans to pay her rent.

 

[Dogmuck]

A Dog? She will probably find one half immersed in the mud in the park, take it home, clean it up, realise it’s a Samoyed (had to google that - most expensive dog breed) put “many many” messages on the local Facebook groups and then just look after it until it is claimed.

 

[Upthisweek]

Rather than get a dog to fill her 'lonely weekends' why doesn't she go and volunteer in Southend Foodbank (practice what she preaches). They are desperate for volunteers, she would get out and about, meet new people, perhaps get inspiration for recipes and her book. Volunteering can be brilliant for your mental health. For a single parent who says she doesn't have much free time, she sure seems to have lots of free time! As a parent I couldn't imagine having 3 out of 4 weekends to myself!

 

[Saint_clemmie]

Yellow sticker shite is hardly a reliable option for her followers. Why doesn’t she care about their health and happiness? who wants to aspire to eat like that? Least of all SB! Why can’t she show people how to meal plan cleverly and cook good, simple food from scratch with minimal ingredients? That’s certainly what I’ve done when I’ve needed to. That’s what I do now tbh, it’s not always about spending less but reducing waste and plastic consumption, generally not being an idiot. And who has the time to take two trips to Asda for one shop?

Spoiler: Spoiler

#spoiler,
She had to split her poverty shop in 2 to make room for her crunchies, cheap wet ham and marmite luxuries. “2 separate receipts please, now fuck off!”

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

I think if you have a book due and you are sat in front of a pad to make notes. Your fucked.
By now the only thing you should be doing is proofreading and checking references. That’s it.

 

[emmer_moans]

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groceries. View attachment 257632
2011 you is not relevant!!!! With anything. It’s 2020, nearly 2021. I hate this implied experience, whether it be ‘fame’ or various posh partners that have taught her all these farking big words to talk all proper like View attachment 257633
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As has been said many, many () times, imagine NigellaMom responding with this level of preofesaionalism.

'plain English'.....PLAIN English?! Errr Jack is a florrid word vomiter, not a user of plain English!

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Candice Brathwaite’s sister has come out with an Insta story (recorded to YouTube video) contradicting her sister’s bollocks. We can only pray for such quality content, but another day of rotting slop is better than nothing I suppose

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Oh Squiggle down under, you deserved better.

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My eyes! My eyes! What the actual fuck is that?!

If I’ve learned anything over the last week, it’s that I am definitely NOT the worst cook in the world

 

[blurstoftimes]

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Sounds like a narc parent who’s ego is finding it difficult to accept that their kid is growing up and doesn’t rely on solely them as the centre of their universe anymore

It will get its own book deal, soar to the top of the best seller list and then jack will be its servant

‘hi twitter - something awful just happened to me. An old french antique mirror looked me and my son up and down and said ‘John Lewis WiFi Trash shouldn’t be manufactured as a newer model’

 

[Silver Linings]

YOUR PRICING IS STUPID, AND DISINGENUOUS!!! And unless you froze those two day out of date potato cake thingies there’s no way they aren’t mouldy under that rancid bacon.

 

[Harrybosch]

I looked through £20 shop and was genuinely bewildered and not a little concerned at what she was feeding to her son and encouraging others struggling financially to eat. I'm vegan and skint and I'd never waste money buying, say, tinned beans. Why not buy dried beans, cook them yourself and spend the money you've saved on decent noodles, rather than the cheapest shit Asda can offer? Why buy that jar of sauce and the packet sauces, when you could make something with far more goodness in yourself? Why buy biscuits? Make your own. And so it goes on. Just because people are poor doesn't mean they're fucking idiots or deserve to eat shit. Cooking beans, making sauces, baking biscuits... even if you can barely cook, these things are not difficult

I'm always bewildered by people buying ready-made sauces. They are very expensive and usually don't taste great. You can make a great satay sauce using peanut butter, soya sauce, chilli (flakes or a squeeze of chilli sauce), ginger (frozen is good) and garlic and a bit of water. Will it reach the heights of a more complex satay? No, of course not. But it's a simple sauce that can turn some stir fried veggies on a bowl of rice into a meal. Yes, the initial ingredients cost more than one sachet of satay sauce and I get that there might be a situation where you have empty cupboards and only a few quid, however, these are extreme situations that frankly we should fight against rather than provide survival tips for. No one should ever be in that situation in the first place.

If you get the peanut butter, soya sauce, chilli flakes and frozen garlic and ginger, you'll be able to use them to make many meals. I'd recommend anyone stock up on a few basic cooking ingredients over time to make tasty meals. You don't need millions of herbs and spices or oils and pastes, but a few that you like can really make a difference to a meal.

Ones that I use the most are
frozen ginger
frozen garlic
dried chilli flakes
siracha
miso paste
peanut butter
soya sauce
white wine vinegar
rapeseed oil
olive oil
mustard
frozen parsely
frozen coriander
turmeric
salt
pepper
ground coriander
ground cumin
fennel seeds

I'm lucky enough to have many more, but to be honest, I could whip up great meals with that list for ages. A rough calculation brings the above list to around £25 if buying budget lines/at Aldi/at my local Asian shop. The great thing though is that of course you'd never buy all of this at once. You'd set £2-3 aside each week for one or two of those items.

I'm sure it's been said before, but it's always useful to put good olive oil, a nice vinegar, a jar of mustard or a hot sauce and some nice spices into your foodbank donation box. It gives people to ability to not just eat, but eat something tasty.

Actually, it’s pretty standard for south Asian and other ethnic people to rinse their lentils. You rinse until the water is no longer cloudy. We also do the same with rice.

Yes, but before cooking, no?

 

[Scarletfever]

Enjoying the silence today, but yesterday it was oppressive and caused tumultuous grief.

Stop taking photos of his food. It's messed up. Like he's hungry for breakfast and she's fannying about with a camera. And then saying he's "truffling away". Give him at least a shred of privacy and dignity and let him eat his breakfast in peace.

Who has time for all this tweeting in the midst of getting out to school? And two coats does not fit in with her poverty cosplay at all. She's slipped up there.

 

[Steerpike88]

She's...she's blocked me.

I've never been more amused

 

[Geetbo]

Alan! You make me lol every day, at least once. Not just me, of course, lots of us.
I also really dislike Peter Andre.

The main problem with the Andre is that, twat though he is, I would still smoke him like a fine cigar.

 

[Pocahontas]

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What’s she talking about?! Patchy hairline?
Oh my god the way she’s posing with the pen and looking down give it a rest!

I hope that pen means she’s in final edits phase, and not highlighting the shit out of Wiki printouts phase.

 

[SweetTransvestite]

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Posted by @PennyLoafer in April.

But that was THEN.

This dog thing is really upsetting me. It’s all about what a dog can do for her. What about what a dog would need from you, you selfish twat?

Do you really think a dog wants to put up with your unstable thinking/life???

You moan about responsibility yet want more?

what if your landlord gives you notice or something else happens and you need to move house and can’t find another house that accepts dogs?

You are pleading financial instability but want to take on the great financial cost of looking after a dog properly?

some days you can’t walk because of all your ailments, will the dog walk itself?

are you going to call him nasty names when he doesn’t fit in with your life?

in your “headspace”!!!!
I’m sure a dog has no wish to be in yours you self absorbed piece of shit.

now get to absolutely fuckety fuck.

Cannot this enough.

Jack, ffs....buy a fugging Tamagotchi you insufferable tosspig & stop fishing for the sads

 

[Satisfying Click]

Bin bags are bloody expensive? Is she hallucinating on the mouldy slop?

289 patreons, *minimum* of $1156 A MONTH, £886 in today's exchange rate - how many bin bags can that buy?