Jack Monroe #79 Big mistake. Big. HUGE.

[Morrisey]

Poor Jack, furiously trying to type on her two phones, all the while slowly freezing to death in September.

 

[Switchstreetz]

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This is better than the mona lisa alan! your photoshops always make me laugh so much imagine this popping up on your pc though *shudder*

"It looks like you're trying to access Microsoft word. Get to absolute fuck. Heres the link to my patreon"

 

[lilamay]

The way she writes recipes is abysmal.
‘Scum.’ Scum - why would you write this in a recipe that you want to entice people with? Also - ‘wait a beat, or more accurately, two minutes.’ Just say two minutes, you fool!
‘Some people are a bit aghast at me using stock cubes in curries’ - what a fucking shoddy sentence. I hate your writing, Jack - you have no business in this ... business.

Exactly?! Also - 'if it really gives you the willies'... I just don't want to suddenly be having these mental images when I'm reading a recipe, ya know?

She wants to be seductive a la Nigella, but in reality she makes Mr Bean look like a siren.

 

[Tabitha D]

I’m also still wondering whether Jack has handed over the proceeds of her monetised BLM video to charity, as she had promised to do (only after she was challenged on why the video was monetised, mind). She did say she’d confirm when this had been done.
That was 4 months ago.

 

[Geetbo]

Cannot this enough.

Jack, ffs....buy a fugging Tamagotchi you insufferable tosspig & stop fishing for the sads

Could we all please take a moment to appreciate the word tosspig.

 

[Geetbo]

Not to be triangulated but I put a follow request in for her on Twitter a few days ago and it’s been accepted this evening.

I’d imagine panic has set in about her dropping follower numbers.

I actually think she’d be devastated if these threads just suddenly stopped - she loves attention, even from people who think she’s a complete dripping bellend.

 

[Professor Slop]

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[HarderFaster]

Jack trying to produce "relatable" writer content is the most embarrassing thing I've ever seen, and I was here for the sideboard thot shots.

It's glaringly, mortifyingly obvious to anyone with an ounce of experience that she doesn't edit her writing, or indeed take any care with it: she spews it all onto the page in a horrible pile and her editor does (IMO) a lax job of cleaning it up and adding some structure, leaving in plenty of that awful, gushy prose and overwrought metaphor that the Jackolytes seem to love.

I love an academic/ writer meme as much as the last person. I resonate strongly with the despair. But I find the despair actually comes significantly earlier than 13(??) days before deadline, it's in the post-conception/ early implementation stage of project when you question the very usefulness of anything you're doing. By this stage she should be at steely resignation, powering through, fuelled by sugar free Monster drinks and fear.

Also I call bullshit on writing in a denim shirt. Too structured. It's an egg-stained hoodie and fleece pyjamas or you're never gonna get that book in.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

@instacharlie sending lots of love to you & any other fraus who may be triggered by the next set of shit she has for us.

we’ll be back to bone dry lasagne and gangrenous veg in no time girls I promise

 

[Pocahontas]

It’s the worst phase of her so far. I don’t care about her book but this fiddling while Rome burns is excruciating to witness.

 

[Eurgh]

Thankfully all the Denby & Le Crueset only cost 40 pence.

Agreed it’s a death trap, I do hope it’s been secured to the wall? And properly, with super long screws, not by our death trap DIYer!

Screwed to the wall? SHE RENTS!!!!

 

[lalalanded]

Does anyone else think Jack costing recipes with "sausages 2 - 10p (Asda Smartprice 20 for £1”) is totally devious and an attempted stealth boast gone wrong?

You can't buy two sausages on their own for 10p so it's factually incorrect and yet another talking her way around the truth. The whole costings are utter shite.

All of her costing is off tbh. So off, in fact, that is actually completely useless to people on a very tight budget. What's the point of costing a bit of grated cheese when you have to actually buy the entire block? She can't even get that right. I won't go on her site anymore but it would be much easier if she did a 'This is what £20 can get you and what you can do with it' rather than 'this portion is 24p even though you have to buy £7 worth to be able to make it'.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

How many days till deadline?

 

[FeelingGroovy]

*sounds the manky nails klaxon*

I’ve been planting bulbs this morning and my nails aren’t that bad.

 

[Silver Linings]

I swear part of the reason this year feels so weird is spending too much time ‘with’ Jack and her endlessly repeating cycles.

<Ron Burgundy - I don’t believe you gif>

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Yes! Recently all the dishes she’s done I’ve never even heard of, but obviously have eyes so know they’re wayward. But with all these fancy names it’s as if she’s actively trying to prove that you can be forced into poverty by the government and it’s your own laziness preventing you from eating like you too are a member of the Groucho?

I feel she does nothing to actually challenge poverty. It's as if her attitude is to accept it, embrace it and make genuinely poor people feel unworthy of decent food. She helps to perpetuate the shame and stigma associated with poverty by making disgusting slop and yellow sticker mush. There doesn't seem to be the outrage that Marcus Rashford had, he said enough poverty and has set about doing amazing things. Whereas Jack seems to be wearing a tory mantle under her poverty mac. She really does see ordinary people as beneath her.

 

[Fraggle]

Someone else has dared to call her out. Don’t worry though, the other jackolytes are as full of shit as usual.
Blows my mind how they can come up with such utter crap-the last thing she uses is plain bloody English.
I wonder how many other people see these responses & wonder if they’re mad or everyone else is. I did before I found tattle.

Squiggle has a valid point that we’ve all mentioned on here; using reduced items which you are not guaranteed to get in every store is not helpful for those truly struggling. Just hope they can weather the maverick storm heading their way.

 

[Montrachet]

This was exactly it Poca, let’s make love

Ok, Alan.

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Alan: Right, let battle commence! [Slightly muffled] Do you like me doing that? Shall I do it more quickly or shall I maintain the same speed?

Pocahontas: That’s fine.

Alan: Right. Shall I move on to the other one? Oh, that’s lovely. That’s first class. That is superb. Ooh, there you go, it’s all happening! Poca, I’m afraid I have no sheathes.

Jill: No what?

Pocahontas: Sheathes, er, prophylactics, you know, rubber johnnies. Actually, being your age and everything there’s probably no need for them. I’m talking about the menopau – whoooo! Poca, you know your onions! Do you mind if I talk? It helps me keep the… wolf from the door, so to speak. Poca, what do you think about the pedestrianisation of Norwich town centre? I’ll be honest I’m dead against it. People forget that [increasingly breathless] traders need access to Dixons! [Regaining himself] They do say it’ll help people in [half-sighing] wheeeeelchairs…