Jack Monroe #78 All of your food is brown

[Pocahontas]

I suspect because she is a lazy troglodyte with delusions of grandeur. She’s been living quite happily on the funds from other people’s pockets, and if she worked a proper job how would she be a viable recipient? Plus she’s waiting on that call from Matt Tebutt.

‘Jack, babe. Second series. Time to get to the naughty little duo back together.’
‘I KNEW it.’

 

[Silver Linings]

Nearly 500 tweets since she reactivated but absolutely wasn’t coming back.

Her reply to the tweet up thread. “It’s not just me”. Good lord the self importance.

 

[Silver Linings]

Whoever told Jack she was funny needs to have a word with themselves.

Apologies again for ginormous Davey C. His eyes follow you around the room trying to steal your benefits and tax your bedrooms.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Her followers are bloody insane. She honestly just got called a culinary genius and is basking in their nonsense compliments. She must have a second of hesitation, surely. She must know she’s taking the mick? View attachment 255456View attachment 255457

So breakfast isn't included in this bullshit Asda smartprice thing then, given that there's no cereal/porridge/bircher ON THE RECEIPTS??

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Close to a grand a month for absolutely nothing, just existing?

Topped up with SIX books worth of royalties, YouTube, aff links, website cash, Guardian think pieces, TV appearances, brand collabs (admittedly thin on the ground), freebies from brands it’s simply undeniable that she’ll be in the top 5% of the country, and with a diversified enough income to always be okay (unlike most of us who just have one employer?).

So not in the mood to hear wealthy people complain about their own financial mismanagement.

 

[Droosie123]

Six months.....about as long as the threads about her have been running here then.

Should have thought about it before launching her attack on THAT MAN whcih is what brought many of us here.

Along with hiding all his books in a bookstore with her equally silly girlfriend of the time.

You exposed yourself for exactly what you are Jack ...a fake cook and a bitter one at that. You got lucky and got some books published But it doesn't make you an expert and doesn't mean you can cook (you can't).

 

[HarderFaster]

Does anyone else feel like if they had Jack's foundation -- as in, her current connections, income, living situation, etc. -- they could not only be doing a better job of cooking and writing professionally but also of managing their professional profile and advocating for disenfranchised people and lobbying for policy change? She has sooooo much opportunity and pisses it away.

Yep, this is spot on. Regardless of her incessant whingeing about her 4.5 GCSEs from Grammar School and having to tolerate poor children staying in her house, she has social and cultural (and economic, what with Daddy being a press-chasing landlord) capital in spades.

How many people happen to know journalists who make it their mission to tell the world about their temporary plight on benefits? How many people have a millionaire ex with links across the restaurant and publishing industries? How many people have an agent gunning for them and managing their PR disasters (or in Jack's case, the Sisyphean task of making her delete libellous tweets)? An ex-fiancée on good terms who happens to be a commissioning editor at Channel 4?

She has so many people to turn to for help, advice, mentorship and work. She has hoardes of deranged fans who seemingly would die for her. She's so, so lucky. And yet it never seems to be enough, even to make her aim for vaguely competent performance.

It's sad, really. Not for her, because I genuinely think she's evil. But because her place could be taken by someone so much more worthy of it.

 

[Emmapism]

I will say 'found it on the floor' is one of my new favourite Jack bits of nonsense.

This WiFi enabled mirror? Found it outside my front door one evening! Who would leave something so great outside I thought.

It looked like it cost approximately £300 so I brought it into the house. Looks great in the bedroom. What a bit of luck!

The only thing is, lately ..... every night at 3am I wake up, drenched in sweat.

It feels like someone is watching me. Like I let something wrong into the shitty bungalow that day. Something.......alive.

 

[Alansbigplate]

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Late on the Burberry scarf but I don’t know why she bothers buying the odd “luxury” (hate that word) item when she pairs it with such utter shite? I know the coven hate the scarf but it can look cool af if you can actually dress, which we’ve established she can’t. It’s sad she’s spending £200 a pop on shoes, £350 on cashmere scarves and still look like a Karen old enough to be her mother? Honestly £40 in uni qlo and you can look cool af - this is so unnecessary.

And sad that she can’t fit tuition in her budget after these unveils isn’t it.

 

[Montrachet]

I will also be putting fishfingers in their rightful place in butties, not in lasagne

Perhaps they've all drunk the Kool-Aid..

As that term originated from events at Jonestown, maybe we should collate pictorial evidence of her followers' blind devotion. Any more suggestions?

 

[Bookweevil]

'a bigger allium'
wtf is she on about?

Prince Allium?

Seen here in a coat matching his lipstick and a discarded scarf found buried in the mud at Balmoral?

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Alansbigplate]

To the person who asked about the 3m.
View attachment 256264

‘I am only in this for the money’ woopsie!

 

[bazzam]

Fraus, I need to make a key lime pie but have no limes, can I use vinegar, or bottled lemon juice?

I only had lard in so am making the base with that, will it be OK?

lemon flavour toilet cleaner will also do the job. all citrus is the same.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

It's delusions of grandeur, all of it. When you think about how furious she was that JO got that channel 4 lockdown show. She truly, truly thought that should have been hers. It's the equivalent of a Hollyoaks actor kicking off about not being cast instead of Brad Pitt. Imagine Nigella posting a selfie at a lake and alluding to 'might jump in, but probably not' every few months. Best of all, it paid off and she actually got such a good opportunity out of it.

 

[Cuileann]

“Keep in touch with your doctor” “Call your doctor”

How about instead you don’t suggest that it’s easy to don your designer gear and stomp over to your GP and then be given drugs that would put you on what you scarily called ‘a rollercoaster’. Then swan about for weeks swinging away in your hammock chilling out reading books until you feel well enough to spend all fucking day on twitter.

Rage. I’m inarticulate but she’s such a bloody dangerous dickhead.

Forgive me Fraus, but I'm not fully up to date (Grunka-ing along a few threads behind) but her meds posting has infuriated me.

It's kind of, I'm going to be an utter dick and then just remind people that they've got to #bekind to me because I'm mentally ill. YOU CAN'T DO THAT. Mental illness does not (and should not) grant you a 'Get Out of Jail Free' card if people are salty back to you in retaliation. Bloody hell. It's unhelpful as well because it pushes a self-victimising stereotype onto people who have mental health conditions. Just like all the fun stereotypes she reinforces over autism, too

I'm also kind of intrigued that her chemical rollercoaster is in fact sertraline. I know different people react to drugs in different way, but from the time I was on it, all I did was cry and vomit. No rollercoaster for me.

Anyway, her post has come at an opportune/relevant time as I have spent last week off work because depression came out of left field and punched me in the gut a few times. In a wholly unglamorous way I've spent a disturbing amount of time reading Tattle in the bath because everywhere else is bloody cold, and reading your posts has cheered me up so much. You are really very funny Fraus, I think more comedic geniuses here than I've ever known IRL the Brenda sausage thing and @Pocahontas's reaction to the cat mask in particular had me dead. Think you're all utterly marvellous (and in my head you are all your icons, so reading a conversation between a cartoon princess, a tin of carrots, a BOY hat, etc.)

Back to Grunkaing...

ETA: sorry also I know this is off topic by now but I've ended up down a Frances Wheetman rabbit hole and what the rackety fuck is going on there!?

Seriously, how do these people come into being?

 

[Morrisey]

£10 for a moisturiser is hardly a stringent budget.

Like go to Aldi and buy their own brand cream. You can get at least 3 pots for a tenner. Stop trying to make people feel sorry for you Jack by pleading poverty over fucking moisturiser. Fuck off, and take your leeks on toast with you.

 

[Scotty1976]

Fraus, I need to make a key lime pie but have no limes, can I use vinegar, or bottled lemon juice?

I only had lard in so am making the base with that, will it be OK?

Mackie I have no greaseproof paper to line my baking tin .Will £50 notes do instead ?

 

[HarderFaster]

Totally agree who ever that was if from here shouldn't have posted that, but it's online and apparently false. She should really sort that because if the person who posted was just "a fan" and fans do look things up like how much they earn because they are nosey like that then it's easily accessible to them.

Just the other night, I looked up how much Nadiya Hussain had made from her various book and TV deals. And contrary to Jack's narrative that we're all horrible trolls I was actually looking because I'm so happy that she's made such a success of herself after she was so unsure of herself on Bake Off. I think she's great and totally deserves to make bank.

It's actually quite common to do this with people you like and admire: humans are inherently nosy. If Jack thinks that looking into her finances is an immediate attack on her integrity it's because she's hiding something or telling fibs. Shocking, I know...