Jack Monroe #78 All of your food is brown

[GoLando]

She’s realised that any further TV opportunities are few and far between after spunking the £10,000+ she earned over lockdown, which would have been quite handy in a savings account right now. Still, at least she has a nice sideboard to lie on.

What happened to everything that was in the pipeline following her success as the entire backstaff of producing her own Hellmans show? She told us all about it with the teething necklace pictures.

 

[Chip1984]

She’s setting herself up for another beg.

My thoughts exactly!

Afternoon everyone, I'm a long time lurker (although I posted a couple of threads back). Grunka-ing my way through old threads, whilst popping back to the current threads. I first noticed Jack on Twitter when she ripped into David Walliams' books. Her retweeted/liked tweets kept popping up on my timeline and I thought she sounded a bit self-pitying. Had no idea to what extent until I stumbled across Tattle!

Thank you all for providing me with some huge belly laughs the last couple of weeks!

 

[Walkdengirl]

Just dropping this utter nonsense before I head out.
View attachment 255730
*Scampers*

Dead Sea minerals, home bargains. £1.99 a pot, they do a night and a day cream. There you go jack

 

[Billybellend]

ANY oil will do?

She does know who she is talking to here, doesn't she?

View attachment 255859



Anyhow, did the Socialised-Medicine-in-the-Carpark thing, got stabbed so quickly, I didn't feel a bloody thing, back home and I have FEASTED, I tell you, FEASTED on a packet of crinkle cut crisps and a Nectarine.

I'm such a greedy Goblin

A nectarine?? In SEPTEMBER??? Fancy...

 

[Lanie]

I just made about 10 cheese straws with my son for snacking on over the weekend. It literally cost pence to do.

 

[ThePowderMonkey]

Um I think you’re forgetting the groundbreaking avant garde YouTube cooking show that Jack bravely wrote, directed, starred in and edited all under the witness protection program

A new nutribullet!!! I am absolutely flabbergasted by her hijacking dear Marcus’ campaign.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

My thoughts exactly!

Afternoon everyone, I'm a long time lurker (although I posted a couple of threads back). Grunka-ing my way through old threads, whilst popping back to the current threads. I first noticed Jack on Twitter when she ripped into David Walliams' books. Her retweeted/liked tweets kept popping up on my timeline and I thought she sounded a bit self-pitying. Had no idea to what extent until I stumbled across Tattle!

Thank you all for providing me with some huge belly laughs the last couple of weeks!

Welcome dear heart, love learning what the turning point for our new fraus was. The David W shitfit feels positively vanilla compared to more recent antics

 

[bazzam]

What happened to everything that was in the pipeline following her success as the entire backstaff of producing her own Hellmans show? She told us all about it with the teething necklace pictures.

Just for bravado. Her way of convincing herself it wasn't a total duck up. Like deleting her tweets, all that mad stuff didn't happen.

 

[DaisyJay]

Where are the end results of Jack's photoshoot yesterday?

Come on man, I've been on tenterhooks all night and morning!

I think it is next week?

 

[Lanie]

She should watch this video before she lops a limb.

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

What happened with the toothache? Cured by Crunchie?

 

[Droosie123]

I love hearing what tips people over the edge and into Tattle.

For me it was her stupid rant about JO (THAT MAN) . I noticed a thread here and never left.

I still reel that Jack actually turned up here to complain to us about how nasty we were.

Lawyer up witches....etc.

 

[Bumbear]

Plus the downside of absolutely raking it in is her quarterly VAT & a plethora of other taxes will be due soon Likely what’s causing the sudden frugality, think she hit this problem last year looking at her accounts.

I was going to comment about this the other day and then wasn't sure if I should!

So she filed a set of micro accounts for the year to 31 March 2019 v late (she was in danger of being struck off). At that point there was £15,995 of cash in the business bank account. She had a tax bill (amounts owed are shown in brackets) of £28,014. This is likely to be the corporation tax owed for that year as it's always paid in arrears.

What that means is that she had insufficient funds in her company bank account for that tax year to pay her tax bill, and will be relying on income from the 2019/20 year to pay it.

I am also a freelancer and I was always taught: 1. Do not take out more from your business bank account than the tax owed because 2. If you have no income (or reduced income the following year) you may not have enough money to pay the tax bill as you still have to pay corporation tax on income from that year as well. This is how people end up going bankrupt when their income drops dramatically in subsequent years and they have spent the money that should be put aside to pay HMRC.

So essentially she's going to be in a cycle of robbing Peter to pay Paul - hence I think the realisation that she needs to cut down.

It's technically fine to run your business account this way as long as times are always good. But clearly she's had no income of any significance since Hellmans. This is why I don't do this because I couldn't sleep at night.

The other thing of interest is the amount of the tax bill. Corporation tax is 19% and is owed on your profits after expenses. At a v rough estimate that means there was a turnover in the business year to 31 March 2019 of approx £147k. We'll ignore VAT as it's paid quarterly and pretty much goes in and out (so is overall usually neutral in a micro company).

We can also see that at the point the accounts were made up, only £16k is held as cash at the bank, therefore approx £131k has been taken out of the business account that year. We know there is an assistant on the books as there are 2 employees shown on the accounts. Let's say including tax and NI the assistant has cost £25k to the business. That leaves a v generous approximation of £106k that will have gone to Jack in that business year.

Tax will also be owed on that via a personal tax return for the dividends or PAYE (however it's been taken out - there's v little difference these days in the overall tax due). If, as she states, she is only paying herself a living wage, then the rest has been put somewhere in her personal bank accounts, as it's not showing on the company bank account.

Obviously I can only comment on what's on the tax return for that year - there is another set of accounts due for the year to March 2020 and it will be interesting to see those when they appear.

I hope this is helpful - I don't remember anyone commenting in this much detail about the accounts at the time they became available. I'm not an accountant but I also run my own business (triangulate me if you dare) and I also file micro accounts, so they're easy for me to read.

I'll now duck off as I'm BUSY today.

 

[Walkdengirl]

Fraus, I need to make a key lime pie but have no limes, can I use vinegar, or bottled lemon juice?

I only had lard in so am making the base with that, will it be OK?

 

[bazzam]

Yassssssssss!

A lot of us here grew up in situations far worse economically than Jack's but I've never seen anyone USE that fact so much day in day out. Rather than focusing on how fortunate she is NOW and what she could do on a smaller scale she is jizzing away all of the chances she has and continuing with these crazy delusions of grandeur. It's so so self defeating, not to mention bleeping disingenuous.

it wouldn't surprise me if she had tapped for louisa for half the rent on her crappy bungalow at least until her current lease ran out.

I was going to comment about this the other day and then wasn't sure if I should!

So she filed a set of micro accounts for the year to 31 March 2019 v late (she was in danger of being struck off). At that point that point there was £15,995 of cash in the business bank account. She had a tax bill (amounts owed are shown in brackets) of £28,014. This is likely to be the corporate tax owed for that year as it's always paid in arrears.

What that means is that she had insufficient funds in her company bank account for that tax year to pay her tax bill, and will be relying on income from the 2019/20 year to pay it.

I am also a freelancer and I was always taught: 1. Do not take out more from your business bank account than the tax owed because 2. If you have no income (or reduced income the following year) you may not have enough money to pay the tax bill as you still have to pay corporation tax on income from that year as well.

So essentially she's going to be in a cycle of robbing Peter to pay Paul - hence I think the realisation that she needs to cut down.

It's technically fine to run your business account this way as long as times are always good. But clearly she's had no income of any significance since Hellmans. This is why I don't do this because I couldn't sleep at night.

The other thing of interest is the amount of the tax bill. Corporate tax is 19% and is owed on your profits after expenses. At a v rough estimate that means there was a turnover in the business year to 31 March 2019 of approx £147k. We'll ignore VAT as it's paid quarterly and pretty much goes in and out (so is overall usually neutral in a micro company).

We can also see that at the point the accounts were made up, only £16k is held as cash at the bank, therefore approx £131k has been taken out of the account that year. We know there is an assistant as the books as there are 2 employees shown on the accounts. Let's say including tax and NI the assistant has cost £25k to the business. That leaves a v generous approximation of £106k that will have gone to Jack in that business year.

Tax will also be owed on that via a personal tax return for the dividends or PAYE (however it's been taken out - there's v little difference these days in the overall tax due). If, as she states, she is only paying herself a living wage, then the rest has been put somewhere in her personal bank accounts, as it's not showing on the company bank account.

Obviously I can only comment on what's on the tax return for that year - there is another set of accounts due for the year to March 2020 and it will be interesting to see those when they appear.

I hope this is helpful - I don't remember anyone commenting in this much detail about the accounts at the time they became available. I'm not an accountant but I also run my own business (triangulate me if you dare) and I also file micro accounts, so they're easy for me to read.

I'll now duck off as I'm BUSY today.

very interesting. thank you lovely bumbear.

 

[MrsOgre]

Have heard that Caitlin Moran was on saturday kitchen today. They can have her on but not Jack, it made me hoot

 

[bazzam]

Fraus, I need to make a key lime pie but have no limes, can I use vinegar, or bottled lemon juice?

I only had lard in so am making the base with that, will it be OK?

lemon flavour toilet cleaner will also do the job. all citrus is the same.

 

[Alansbigplate]

it was just me watching a woman with dirty looking hands spoon radioactive cubes into a dish

 

[Breakdance Badass]

ONE OF THE BIGGEST STORIES OF OUR TIME..... FINDING BURBERRY

 

[Montrachet]

Unverified footage a customer in a southern-based Co-Op, taking exception to being asked by the assistant, "Madam, do you know how much this is?"