Jack Monroe #77 Further into the depths of culinary depravity

[Blurp]

lilamay said:

I've often thought Jack's food looked like astronaut food.

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top - actual space food, bottom - Jack's foodhttps://tattle.life/goto/post?id=2445563

https://tattle.life/goto/post?id=2445563

Jack's food looks remarkably like the dreadful old rat pack food that we used to use for Halloween games - put your hand in the box and guess what it is.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Mmmmm twice cooked fishy, ricey and teeny tiny veg mush .

With, potentially, a chicken stock cube

 

[kachoochoo]

"the jug, not you!" is the joke, but I already couldn't see for HOOTING at "ensure there is a shelf in the middle"

 

[Silver Linings]

It looks so dry that I literally just had to have a glass of water. Also, I present to you profesh food writer and photographer, Jack’s hob.

Nobody is perfect, least of all me, but if I was going to post photos of my hob i’d have got the cif out first.

 

[Alansbigplate]

View attachment 252619

She’s robbed that off me last thread about microwave instructions I feel DEFILED

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

Ooh teeny tiny veg....

Same tit, different day...

 

[colouredlines]

"the jug, not you!" is the joke, but I already couldn't see for HOOTING at "ensure there is a shelf in the middle

She starts every oven recipe reminding her readers to check for a tray. She also invented putting dishes into the sink #maverick

Sneak previews from upcoming recipes:

Add your beans to the stew. Be sure to open the tin first. I recommend using a can opener *affiliate link*

Peel your onion, then dice it. Do not eat the skin. It's not tasty.

Be sure to open your mouth before inserting food.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Jack if you’re there do Homer backing into a bush

 

[bazzam]

1 tin of tuna 4 servings???? also really bland. All her recipes make me thinks of institutional food, prisons, carehomes etc

 

[Veronicaaa]

Honestly lost for words. She's thinking that sounds appealing? And the tip to substitute tuna for beans (I mean, I think I'd prefer beans to tuna) - but it's just unseasoned vegetables cut up small with dried up courgettes on top?

 

[NellieBoo]

I'm baffled by all this teeny tiny chopping of veg for every meal. What's it all about?! I know she likes to cook the living daylights out of everything. But she does that perfectly well without lots of furious dicing and chopping.

 

[colouredlines]

Lockdown Larder Round 2:

- Hi Jack, I forgot to check that there was a tray in the middle of my oven and now I have tuna gratin all over the oven floor! If I scrape it up, is it still edible?

- Yes, absolutely x

 

[triangulateme]

1 tin of tuna 4 servings???? also really bland. All her recipes make me thinks of institutional food, prisons, carehomes etc

If they served her food in prison, I'd actually feel sorry for the inmates. Maybe it'd work as a deterrent?

 

[Pocahontas]

Who’s got either the time or patience to cut that amount of veg into teeny tiny pieces? What an exercise in futility. It will all come out the same consistency after 40 minutes of dying in the oven after being pan fried. What a chore for such a mediocre, basic dish.

Don’t bother, Brenda! It’s not worth it. It’s not worth it.

 

[NellieBoo]

Who’s got either the time or patience to cut that amount of veg into teeny tiny pieces? What an exercise in futility. It will all come out the same consistency after 40 minutes of dying in the oven after being pan fried. What a chore for such a mediocre, basic dish.

Don’t bother, Brenda! It’s not worth it. It’s not worth it.

Exactly! It's bizarre!

 

[SoulRebel]

Just so we know, she’s ‘generally mostly a hard rational and not hysterical person.’

Brava our beautiful princess, known as Amonute

For all the new frau/maven/people that can spell or understand what words mean, this is the current list of the jobs our wee Jackie has claimed so far. This is not trolling, this is what Jack Monroe has said herself.
Bar worker
Body Shop representative
Busker
Call handler - Essex Fire and Rescue Service
Chip shop worker
Craft business owner
Sex worker
Starbucks (barista?)
Sunday school teacher
Supermarket worker
Harvester worker
Stand in for Ruby Rose in a Stooshie video (one of our v funny times)
Accountant
Author
Book reviewer
Chef (not a chef)
Creative director (I think that this was around the time of the Washington Post interview)
Diarist
Food blogger
Food consultant
Trainee pharmacy dispenser
Food stylist
Journalist
Media manager
Patron of 9 charities
Photographer
Poet
Political activist
Publicist
Radio show personality
Recipe developer
Reporter
Sales manager
Singer
TV presenter....and mum

 

[ChickenPorridge]

In all honestly now why in the name of the wee man would you go to all the hassle to make THAT...when you could just put the tuna into a few rounds of her favourite cheap white bread and be done with it. Baffled. My kids would ping every tiny last piece of that veg at my head

 

[Walkdengirl]

duck me sideways, that is disgusting.

Serves 4???? if you could find 4 people to eat that muck you're doing better than me

 

[kachoochoo]

I'm baffled by all this teeny tiny chopping of veg for every meal. What's it all about?! I know she likes to cook the living daylights out of everything. But she does that perfectly well without lots of furious dicing and chopping.

ah, this is why she starts prepping at 3pm, so plenty of time to chop and chop and chop

daily routine
0800 school run
0900 dinosaur nap
1200 furious tweeting
1300 delete some tweets
1500 start chopping
1530 quality time
1800 eat slop
1801 post recipe
1802 furious tweeting
1930 sb to bed
2000 gazing into aware mirror
2100 nudes
2130 delete tweets
2300 bed
0400 tweets to Czech lover

 

[Veronicaaa]

In all honestly now why in the name of the wee man would you go to all the hassle to make THAT...when you could just put the tuna into a few rounds of her favourite cheap white bread and be done with it. Baffled. My kids would ping every tiny last piece of that veg at my head

Or just a nice baked potato with tuna and (Hellmanns) mayonnaise.