Jack Monroe #77 Further into the depths of culinary depravity

[Icing _on_ the_cake]

Im thinking “half a leek” must be a pet name for octopus lookalike vag.

Maybe she's a Monty Python fan? Eric the Half a Leek.

 

[MrsOgre]

You'd be better off licking the number plate of a car straight off the motorway..

Or stood outside on a rainy day in Edinburgh? Maybe she is branching out into health care advice next

 

[LennyBriscoe]

View attachment 252664View attachment 252668
Edinburgh is 420 miles away from Southend. Just fyi.

She is so frigging salty! That person has a lot going on and she couldn’t even find it in her to wish her family all the best?! Mardy cow

 

[bazzam]

I had practically duck all in my cupboards and fridge this evening and came up with a better meal than that. (It was quinoa and courgette fritters which tasted pretty good, but it was a definite day-before-the-supermarket-shop meal).

mine is couscous with fridge gravel/tinned beans-not rinsed baked/olives/sardines/tuna

 

[Veronicaaa]

I need to know. The addition of mushroom, Jack is that the recommended daily allowance of vitamin d?

In all seriousness, I do think Jack's cooking all the nutrients out her veg in her perpetual commitment to slop.

 

[Ac789]

She always overstates how many her recipes serve. My theory is it is the only way she can make them sound cheap. I would think that recipe does not have enough calories on its own to feed 4 as a main course.

 

[colouredlines]

1 tin of tuna for 4?! How big is this tin?

That looks disgusting. She has got to be trolling now surely?

Why chuck all that veg in a dish when it’s not needed? One of the nicest comfort dishes I cook is pasta with tuna, tinned tomatoes (seasoned, I know...maverick) and black olives. It doesn’t need a load of random veg chucked in

Shocked react for the seasoning.

 

[Scotty1976]

I mean it is basically a fishy cowpat ffs.

Would Audrey eat it ?

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

She always overstates how many her recipes serve. My theory is it is the only way she can make them sound cheap. I would think that recipe does not have enough calories on its own to feed 4 as a main course.

Five loaves, two fishes... Feeds 5000.

 

[DinosaurSenior]

How dare she preach about the horror of living in a tourist town during lockdown? The big old unruly fanny jumped on the first train to Edinburgh 3 days after lockdown ended here, when we were still peeping out from beneath the manhole covers.

 

[Geetbo]

Would Audrey eat it ?

Yes, absolutely x

 

[kachoochoo]

‘2000 gazing into aware mirror’

That brings to mind one of my favourite quotes: ‘When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you.’

This also applies to her Tattle time

thought you'd like that

 

[Candytuft]

Putting mushrooms in, all diced up ? Pointless. What a waste.

 

[HarderFaster]

View attachment 252664View attachment 252668
Edinburgh is 420 miles away from Southend. Just fyi.

She truly is despicable. Imagine someone - probably a fan - gently disagreeing due to some heavy tit going on in their life, and being that unpleasant in response.

She asks for nothing but compassion and forgiveness from everyone around her ("I have mental health problems so I mocked the memory of a dead, disabled child, forgive me!"; "I lost the use of my hands, how dare you question why I haven't posted the book you paid me money for"; "I'm sad and therefore I should be allowed to torture a dead kitten to make me feel better, donate some money towards her vet bills!") but she never affords anything similar to anyone else.

Absolute creature.

 

[Malacandra]

We were lucky enough to take our grandchild away for a week's holiday by the sea recently. We knew that the cottage had a tiny fridge/freezer and limited cupboard space. In order to shield as much as possible we knew that we would not be going in shops or cafes and so we did a very careful shop to ensure that we wouldn't have to buy anything extra. We are keen cooks but decided to keep everything as simple as possible.

We shopped in Aldi and took:
Cereal
Bread
Ready-made pancakes
Ready-made waffles
Eggs
Cheese
Butter
Ham
Bacon
Milk (fresh and long-life)
Baked beans
Peanut Butter
Jam
Chicken nuggets (forgot the fish fingers)
Frozen chips
Frozen peas
Tinned tuna
Apples
Pears
Blueberries
Grapes
Easy-peeler oranges
Avocado
Salad leaves
Carrots
Cucumber
Tomatoes
Onions
Fresh herbs
Passata
Spaghetti
Rice
Coffee
Tea
Oil
Crisps, biscuits, and other treats for grandchild
We bought her an ice cream every day from the van

I think that's about it. With those ingredients we ate 3 meals a day, were never hungry and grandchild was happy.

I wouldn't recommend eating like that for a long time, but for a few days it was fine and it was so cheap!

 

[Pocahontas]

I had practically duck all in my cupboards and fridge this evening and came up with a better meal than that. (It was quinoa and courgette fritters which tasted pretty good, but it was a definite day-before-the-supermarket-shop meal).

I read that as ‘I had to practically duck all my cupboards’
and was like ‘Whoah, girl.’

 

[colouredlines]

I worked it out:

217 cals per serving, 83 of which come from the cheese (which doesn't even have a name like cheddar or brie...just...cheese ). This is supposed to be the main meal of the day.

I mean, maybe she's putting a LOT of the optional breadcrumbs on top?

 

[Pocahontas]

Read this as Kat Slater dragging Alfie away from a fight

Love that.
I had to mind Dirty Dancing when Johnny beats up Baby’s sister’s sleazy boyfriend but then he pushes him away with ‘You’re not worth it, you're not worth it.’

 

[MissPoppyFourPaws]

We were lucky enough to take our grandchild away for a week's holiday by the sea recently. We knew that the cottage had a tiny fridge/freezer and limited cupboard space. In order to shield as much as possible we knew that we would not be going in shops or cafes and so we did a very careful shop to ensure that we wouldn't have to buy anything extra. We are keen cooks but decided to keep everything as simple as possible.

We shopped in Aldi and took:
Cereal
Bread
Ready-made pancakes
Ready-made waffles
Eggs
Cheese
Butter
Ham
Bacon
Milk (fresh and long-life)
Baked beans
Peanut Butter
Jam
Chicken nuggets (forgot the fish fingers)
Frozen chips
Frozen peas
Tinned tuna
Apples
Pears
Blueberries
Grapes
Easy-peeler oranges
Avocado
Salad leaves
Carrots
Cucumber
Tomatoes
Onions
Fresh herbs
Passata
Spaghetti
Rice
Coffee
Tea
Oil
Crisps, biscuits, and other treats for grandchild
We bought her an ice cream every day from the van

I think that's about it. With those ingredients we ate 3 meals a day, were never hungry and grandchild was happy.

I wouldn't recommend eating like that for a long time, but for a few days it was fine and it was so cheap!

Can highly recommend the Aldi part baked bread range for your next shopping trip!

 

[Veronicaaa]

I read that as ‘I had to practically duck all my cupboards’
and was like ‘Whoah, girl.’

Jack the sideboard fucker is getting to you.

How dare she preach about the horror of living in a tourist town during lockdown? The big old unruly fanny jumped on the first train to Edinburgh 3 days after lockdown ended here, when we were still peeping out from beneath the manhole covers.

#neverforget