Jack Monroe #76 £300 mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the poorest of us all?

[crystaleyesd]

 

[Alansbigplate]

My beloved and most precious one has also left us far too soon due to the big C. He was fit as duck, still playing footie (admittedly in goal!) and cricket until about two or three years before his diagnosis. It took 8 months from diagnosis to his passing and he was in his fifties. My love didn’t just up and leave because he was sick and tired of living in a shitstorm of self centred drama. He would have done anything for one more day or week and I would do anything in the world to have another day or even an hour with him. But hey, Jackie - we’ve all gotta go sometime so let’s eat all the bacon, eh? You are an awful, insensitive oaf without a bleeping clue....stomping through your “career” whilst offending all manner of peoples lives and experiences.

It’s why her dreadful ouchy mouth cancer recipe book nonsense hurt so much. Like a recipe of slop would sort out all the problems of appetite and sickness, along with chemo induced ulceration and inflammation.

 

[BlendedSlop]

Jack Monroe #77: Eau de Nil by ouchy mouth (except bollocks and eyelids)

Fraus I am crying laughing at the thread tonight. Brenda's bangers are the gift I never knew I needed.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Step away from the blender, Brenda

 

[FlashBoof]

I'm a bottle of prosecco down but this made me cry. I'm so, so sorry for you losing your loved one way too soon. She hasn't got a clue. Please don't let her upset you. Lots and lots of love from a Hausfrau who is lucky enough to still have her mum in her life after cancer. It's no joking matter and I don't ever take it for granted.

Bless you, HB....I am so sorry to upset you. I know I am not the only one to go through this and it is definitely not unusual or unique.

I should have added (I realise now in retrospect) that he smoked...quite heavily in his youth and very occasionally mainly when having a beer of a Friday night...up until the day we left the hospital with his diagnosis. I can assure you up until then, we blithely thought it happens to other people so have a fag (or bacon and cheap sausage for breakfast and dinner, or another couple of beers etc etc - I am sure you all get my point).

I am a few years down the line now but am still as in love with him now as much as ever, if no longer in the early stages of agonising grief. Wasn’t doing much left hand tweeting whilst keening and howling and hugging my knees to my chest even then, mind!

The rank insensitivity she displays to everyone, be it cancer and chemo patients, ED sufferers, mental health and people managing autism spectrum issues, trans people, physically disabled people, lovers of the great Adrian Mole and his friends and family.....gosh - there are a lot, aren’t there! Is there any she hasn’t blithely insulted?

The ouchy mouth cook book announcement was one of the cuntiest things she has ever done. If she doesn't know how much cancer treatment can affect everything she is fortunate. Peddling her vile slop as though she was a qualified dietician. bleep.

I really must swear more often! It’s quite the liberation, FrumpyCat!

A Simpsons snuggle pile! Now I feel loved! duck Jackie......she will never understand or know the strength and happiness strangers on the internet can impart.....too busy flogging the trolls shite for sympathy and clicks!

 

[MancBee]

It's the small things that expose these dishonest idiots. Messages deleted, but she was recently 'hoofing' packets of Biscoff, Custard Creams, Doughnuts ....


Jack Monroe

Replying to
Squiggle

I don’t have a lot of sugar these days, none in hot drinks, I’ve given up sweets and biscuits and the only cakes I have I make myself, and that’s not frequent.

Doing a Gunka......again. Sorry if it has been said.

She had lots of sugar THEN (last week), but doesn't have lots of sugar NOW (this week), she might have lots of sugar THEN (next week), but who give a duck?

Thankyou now duck OFF

 

[FlashBoof]

Doing a Gunka......again. Sorry if it has been said.

She had lots of sugar THEN (last week), but doesn't have lots of sugar NOW (this week).

Thankyou now duck OFF

I laughed at that too - at least two if not three doughnuts the actual day before....doughnuts - possibly the sugariest of all cake sort of stuff...especially cheap Asda jam filled ones where the jam is probably 20% fruit and 80% sugar!

 

[Alansbigplate]

She’s talked ten shades of shite today #whiteasmayo #tutelage #brown

 

[Froggies]

Jack Monroe #77: Oh My Christ Brenda!



The gif, the photo, the comments.perfection. You are a funny bunch of Fraus. I have genuinely been crying with laughter

 

[Formal Chicken]

Honestly this thread has been the best yet, I have laughed out loud so much today! I must have liked/laughed on nearly every comment. Brenda’s sausages, words fail me

fraus you have all out done yourselves, now duck off

 

[xoxo]

I cannot stop thinking about Brenda’s foreskin sausages.

 

[vale]

In my days of great enthusiasm for Jack’s recipes, I made the salad bag pesto and made my partner (who is a real foodie) eat it too. I don’t think they have ever quite forgiven me for that experience

I have tried it too years ago and it was everything you wouldn’t want in a recipe. It smelled like moss actually.

 

[Flash123]

When she writes about her work like she has been internationally inspirational.
When I wrote “hunger hurts” - I can understand to a certain degree this went viral and launched her career

However the way she is trying to launch “potatoes” as a groundbreaking piece of work is bizarre

 

[FlashBoof]

Btw - sorry I got all serious. Brenda’s food and the responses have been killing me. What - the - actual - duck! Surely it’s a piss take...no one can dish it up and try to eat it. It’s like something that would have been a dare meal on that ropy MTV programme with idiots doing wretched things for kicks and giggles.

 

[Candytuft]

I have tried it too years ago and it was everything you wouldn’t want in a recipe. It smelled like moss actually.

It smelled like moss.
That’s it, I’m gone

 

[jenny2603]

The Brenda Bangers have broken me. Has Jack commented on them yet? Surely she must be alarmed at Brenda getting all up in her grim food niche.

 

[Whiskers]

Just to echo everyone else, I have been crying (as well as HOOTING) at this tonight! Circumcising sausages just finished me off

 

[lilamay]

She has replied to squiggle who asked about the wisdom of eating carcinogenic meat.

I just have no words. Sorry.View attachment 250916

Um, Words-best-writer-ever-Jackie, that should be 'something's gonna get us' not 'somethings'.
Yes I'm quite pedantic about detail too 'because autism', though I couldn't give a rinsed bean whether Fortnums is Eau de Nil or Duck Egg Blue because with creative writing there's something called artistic license which you seem to make full use of in your 'factual' writing.

 

[colouredlines]

Friends. It is with a heavy heart that I share this from the moonshine recipe:

First preheat your oven to 190C, and pop your sausages in a roasting tin. Place them on the middle shelf, and cook for 40 minutes. They release a good amount of fat, so it’s not necessary to add any more to the roasting tin as it’s – for want of a better term – gratuitously self-lubricating.

 

[lilamay]

Even by age 9 Jack knew she was destined to carry on the good work of the Queen of Hearts and was wise enough to realise that just like Diana, dark forces would conspire against her. One day she was helping her old nan shovel coal and whippets into a bath tub when her nan turned to her and in her and said in fluent cockney that she must be must be careful who she sends snaps of her minge to.

Years later these words would come back to Jack after she was invited to a top secret "saving the poors" meeting at Kensignton Palace when Harry took her aside and said "Jack promise me you'll never said the same nude twice and that you'll test everyone with constant lying". Jack replied "Cor blimey guv'nor you sound just like me old nan 'ave a banana" before scampering off to hitchhike 300 miles home.

'ave a banana' - that has finished me off