Jack Monroe #76 £300 mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the poorest of us all?

[Thank(space)you]

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[Man tries not to laugh gif]

Postie was probably trying to work out what smells like (and resembles) a rotting corpse

(Jest, your honor, despite my father's criminal past, I have no knowledge of what a burning body looks/smells like)

 

[BananaSmith]

Perhaps she's looking for a job as paint chart colour decider? It's that white going to be called white or whiter than white?

Surely whiter than mayo for our Jackie?

ETA I see I am not the first Frau to make made this comment, am still in a Grunka. Now, I'll duck off.

 

[Bookweevil]

She thinks she’s fuckin Fleabag

(the vicar though. You would wouldn’t you)


Postman will have been ‘is that the smell of bull shite? Lost her fuckin books my hole’

Sorry to quibble, my hotcrush @Alansbigplate but it was a priest...forbidden fruit.

 

[Dogmuck]

#77 The postman only sniffs twice

 

[Alansbigplate]

Sorry to quibble, my hotcrush @Alansbigplate but it was a priest...forbidden fruit.

This might shock you, but I’m not the religious type

 

[bazzam]

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[Man tries not to laugh gif]

he probably thought the drains were blocked

 

[Bookweevil]

This might shock you, but I’m not the religious type

Thank duck for that!

 

[Icing _on_ the_cake]

But, but.... wasn’t it *just* the other week that she wouldn’t stop going on about the copious amounts of biscuits she was eating? So ‘these days’ means like, this week? Classic THEN and NOW situation, ffs

Yes, and glueing them together with biscoff because she is such a maverick/greedy goblin.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Thank duck for that!

 

[FlowerOfTheEast]

I would encourage any frau to cook a JM recipe if they haven’t already. It’s an experience. The salad bag pesto is not advisable unless you’re seeking a near-death experience though

I made this twice back when I was but a stupid jackolyte. TWICE. The first time I thought it was minging because of something *I'd* done. So I made it again just to check. It's lucky I am now a bullying ninny or I might actually be considering dining on moonshine mash and bollock sausages.

 

[Saint_clemmie]

the vicar though. You would wouldn’t you)

Yes.

 

[Switchstreetz]

"Someone would present a problem and I had to use what I had to find a solution" is a bit terrifying if you're dispensing drugs. It's not like subbing arborio rice with basmati. Ooooh I'm sorry Mrs Noggins, your life saving medication isn't in stock today but how about you swallow a few viagra and rub some tiger balm on it and it'll be the same thing.

Mrs Noggins, upon entering the pharmacy:
"Jack i have an ouchy mouth, paracetamol, half a bottle of penicillin and some bonjela, what can i make?"

 

[Icing _on_ the_cake]

I can't cope with this hole. She's spent the last six months constantly going on about biscuits and Biscoff spread like how bleeping short does she think our memories are?! And she ate a bag of sugared bleeping doughnuts 2 days ago. Deleting your verbal diarreah tweets doesn't actually delete peoples' memories. And absolute cringe at the whole Prince Harry thing. Imagine trying to insinuate to your followers that you and him are mates in real life over something you read in a magazine.

Jack's obviously in the wrong job. She should be in government.

"No I wasn't in Durham and if I was it was only to get childcare."
"It was world-beating THEN."

 

[Droosie123]

One of my friends is a Catholic priest. He pops round to ours for wine/coffee/gossip now and then...we watched Fleabag together over a few weeks and his comment was along the lines of “oh for fucks sakes” at the Priest bit.

Mind you Andrew Scott...I would. Sadly he wouldn’t as I gather his bread isn’t buttered that side.

 

[Icing _on_ the_cake]

I am absolutely creased at the 39p recipe (it isn’t 39p), the fact someone is having sausage with rice (wtf?!) and that right under the picture of the slop is the word thankyou and also a good ol’ rattle of the tip jar. S

She’s absolutely shameless.

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PS. Even in her Celery Studios Edinburgh production, that isn’t casserole and it looks bleeping disgusting.

Ah glad it's not just me who though sausage and rice a bit weird.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Mrs Noggins, upon entering the pharmacy:
"Jack i have an ouchy mouth, paracetamol, half a bottle of penicillin and some bonjela, what can i make?"

I haven’t got bonjela would a squirt of Mr Muscle do? Absolutely! X

 

[kachoochoo]

Mrs Noggins, upon entering the pharmacy:
"Jack i have an ouchy mouth, paracetamol, half a bottle of penicillin and some bonjela, what can i make?"

blend it all together and bung it in a vigorously simmering curry! apply plenty of black pepper eyeshadow and a lady doctor's red lips! gaze upon yourself in your wifi mirror! what, you don't have one? now duck off. x

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Why are people asking her questions as if she's vegetarian?

Do they actually read anything she says?

You don't need to answer

 

[crystaleyesd]

STOP THE PRESSES LADS. Jackie's invented a new milk which she will be pitching to hipster vegan startups on twitter in approx 37 seconds - CORN MILK

https://cookingonabootstrap.com/2020/09/22/instant-moonshine-mash-tiny-veg-sausages-58p/

 

[Eurgh]

I’m still holding out for that pistachio milk.....