Oh Pocahontas
Oh PocahontasSouthend Echo
Thursday, 17 September 2020
The sign of the times?
It was mid-Thursday morning when Jack Munroe, a single mother in Southend, glanced out of her large bay window and saw something terrible.
‘A For Sale sign’, she said, pointing to the bewildering object, her hands still shaking from the shock. ‘I don’t know why it’s there, or where it’s come from.’
Could it have been an error, this reporter enquired, by one of the town’s many estate agents? But Munrow, 42, was adamant. ‘I just stepped out of my door, and there it was,’ she insisted, blaming the phenomenon on a mysterious group of ‘malign vicious bullies’ who criticise her every move.
‘I just want a real home for me and my boy,’ Munroah whispered, wiping her tears on a vintage Vivienne Westwood traazer suit. With a determined look on her face, Ms Munroe then proceeded to wield her John Lewis axe and in two fell swoops, chopped down the offending For Sale sign.
Once the sign had been dealt with, Ms Monroe was last seen disappearing into her impressive two-storey house, muttering something about ‘furious wasps’ and that she was in need of ‘a cuppa’. When this reporter asked if they too could have a cuppa, entry was blocked by three Smeg fridges and the words ‘Get to absolute fuck’ were issued from behind the thick net curtains at the front of Ms Munroe’s house.
Therefore, citizens of Southend, beware. The signs may appear in YOUR front lawn. What could they mean? From where do they come? It might be time to invest in an axe of your own.
Artist’s impression of the scene:
I've seen less than a dozen episodes of Friends but among them are the iconic Ross in leather trousers and this one. Wasn't one of the friends a cook?
CHEF omg.I've seen less than a dozen episodes of Friends but among them are the iconic Ross in leather trousers and this one. Wasn't one of the friends a cook?
It was useful for noting who to avoid, just like people who tell you they are "dynamic" or "happy-go-lucky" when you didn't actually ask.
I quit smoking about four days after Jackles went sober so if you wish I can keep you updated in her absence?I miss not knowing how many days sober it is.
Yes, Monica!I've seen less than a dozen episodes of Friends but among them are the iconic Ross in leather trousers and this one. Wasn't one of the friends a cook?
Every time people describe themselves to me, I think, "well I'll be the judge of that, you arrogant fuck."Yessss!! I could write a book on this topic. ‘I’m whacky’ circa 1992=absolute prick.
AmazingProper pissing myself @Alansbigplate - not even hooting anymore. And I feel ya...
View attachment 246634
Oh god, bonus points if they describe themselves as ‘random‘Yessss!! I could write a book on this topic. ‘I’m whacky’ circa 1992=absolute prick.
"Quirky" D'ya reckon?Oh god, bonus points if they describe themselves as ‘random‘
Did oor Jackie buy a new wig?
I've not got my contact lenses in and thought this was that portrait of Henry VIII to begin with...It might be easier, if he’s tired, just to prop a little telly up on his chest while he’s lying down and play him Celery Studios Edinburgh’s latest Award winning film (17th best gay film 2014). He’ll soon come round
Again, LOLEvery time people describe themselves to me, I think, "well I'll be the judge of that, you arrogant fuck."
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?