Oh Pocahontas. Your recaps are the best things about these threadsCongratulations to @TriviaNewtonJohn for your thread title! A handsome 74 reactionsyou are a literal thread title master!
Special mention goes to @IGisntreal for ‘Lawyer up, ladies’ - a verrrrry close second with 72 reactions
Recap of thread #69
- Well, hot diggedy dawg, the New Jack sure was cute. As sweet and homely as mom’s apple pie (only not one I’d want to eat, if you know what I’m sayin’).
- She posted another bruise photo - is this the real eye? Is this just fantasy? Answers on a postcard. For what it’s worth, I think it’s real. Now.
- Gosh darn it, she had a chilled day with ‘the boy’, which included big chuckles, Mrs Doubtfire and an anaemic looking cheeky lil fish pie and a ‘skyrocketing food bill’. It’s ok though, she was channelling ‘Zen mama’, so perhaps she’ll close down her Patreon and put out into the world what she has received. Rules of karma, innit.
- Hashtags galore! She was ‘mom’, he was ‘mamasboy’ and they were ‘makingmemories’. She was also ‘catmom’ and identified with ‘momsofcats’ - gotta earn that sweet US dolla, y’all.
- Oh, drama. She accused someone who interacted with her mother on Twitter of being a troll and told them to ‘lawyer up’ in a series of dramatic tweets, which were powered with enough hot air to fill three balloons.
- She made her Twitter private.
- And then her Instagram.
- Therefore, for as long as her Instagram and Twitter are ‘private’ to the hundreds of thousands of existing followers who can still see her content, the moral and sensible decision has been made to not share her updates here. Also, we do not want to arm the weapon (that being the rhetoric of us being bullying ninnies).
- Therefore, advantage Jack Monroe.
- What’s everyone having for dinner?
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For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, and bullying ninnies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
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- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
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Cheesy beanos food of the Gods - many people think it’s ambrosia but that’s nonsense!I had beans on toast with cheese on top
You’ll be missed! A big thankyou for all your hard work to date Silver - you’re wonderful. Perhaps you can ask Vlad for the keys to his private jet? I think you’ve earned it...I know it’s not an airport and this is also not a flounce, but i’m taking a break from the thread. When Jack is public again I may pop up but I don’t want her to have the satisfaction of reacting to what she’s up to.Catch you later you ninnies.
Fucking love a baked bean on toast. I like to add chilli flakes and nooch.I had beans on toast with cheese on top
Exactly cheese has to go on first, it’s the law. I argue with my husband about this, on toast and on Jacket Potatoes - normally call them jackie p’s but since this thread and potatoegate I can no longer say thar word out loudOh wow I haven't had cheesy beanos for years! I might have some for tomorrow's lunch. I do it differently though - toasted cheese with beans on top.
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