Jack Monroe #70 #fakingmemories

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Congratulations to @TriviaNewtonJohn for your thread title! A handsome 74 reactions 🎉 you are a literal thread title master!

Special mention goes to @IGisntreal for ‘Lawyer up, ladies’ - a verrrrry close second with 72 reactions 🎉


Recap of thread #69

  1. Well, hot diggedy dawg, the New Jack sure was cute. As sweet and homely as mom’s apple pie (only not one I’d want to eat, if you know what I’m sayin’).
  2. She posted another bruise photo - is this the real eye? Is this just fantasy? Answers on a postcard. For what it’s worth, I think it’s real. Now.
  3. Gosh darn it, she had a chilled day with ‘the boy’, which included big chuckles, Mrs Doubtfire and an anaemic looking cheeky lil fish pie and a ‘skyrocketing food bill’. It’s ok though, she was channelling ‘Zen mama’, so perhaps she’ll close down her Patreon and put out into the world what she has received. Rules of karma, innit.
  4. Hashtags galore! She was ‘mom’, he was ‘mamasboy’ and they were ‘makingmemories’. She was also ‘catmom’ and identified with ‘momsofcats’ - gotta earn that sweet US dolla, y’all.
  5. Oh, drama. She accused someone who interacted with her mother on Twitter of being a troll and told them to ‘lawyer up’ in a series of dramatic tweets, which were powered with enough hot air to fill three balloons.
  6. She made her Twitter private.
  7. And then her Instagram.
  8. Therefore, for as long as her Instagram and Twitter are ‘private’ to the hundreds of thousands of existing followers who can still see her content, the moral and sensible decision has been made to not share her updates here. Also, we do not want to arm the weapon (that being the rhetoric of us being bullying ninnies).
  9. Therefore, advantage Jack Monroe.
  10. What’s everyone having for dinner?
    [*]
    For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):

    Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
    Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

    Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.

    For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.

    *** JACKISMS ***

    Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

    Yes, absolutely x

    Some other favourite Jack quotes:

    ‘Babe, same’

    ‘I did a chaos’

    ‘My maverick brain’

    ‘My sad little face’

    ‘I’m BUSY’

    ‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’

    ‘I laughed up a lung’
    🥴
    One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, and bullying ninnies **

    To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).

    Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *

    Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

    We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

    During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.

    Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.

    Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now duck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.

    *Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*

    Also:
    • She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
    • She got a ÂŁ4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
    • Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
    • Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
    • Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
    • She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
    • During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
    [*][*]
    Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

    We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
    [*]
 
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I don’t think it’s giving away any secrets to say that she has posted a cartoon video of herself chopping an onion and she is back to being a food writer.
 
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Gagging for some anaemic roasties, but no parson’s nose.
 
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I disagree with point 9.

Not having to read the triggering bollocks or worse, still, see the slop, whilst she knackers her engagement stats and can't get those lovely rich American Ladies following her is Advantage Us, surely?
 
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SOMEONE is trolling us with their continued lack of #awareness re. the correct consistency of a risotto.
 
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I made beef casserole in my Ninja Foodi gadget (like a one pot thingie) this evening complete with dumplings.

Moody teen refused to have casserole so had frozen pizza. Then had the nerve to come downstairs asking "what's that lovely smell?"

That would be my lovely casserole dear child ...the one you refused. No he didn't get any.

It came out wonderfully, thick casserole juices and tender beef.

As for Jack, I don't follow her...blocked her long ago but even if I hadn't I wouldn't share anything she posts privately.
 
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Hello. I’ve ended up here as I googled JM black eye as I was looking for something about it! Ive been following her for a long time as a car crash you can’t help looking at. Quite early on one of her stories didn’t add up and they’ve continued to follow the same theme..
Anyway, she’s posting a lot today.
 
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I think prefer not seeing her tweets and not be outraged. But also love this page. I am here for frau banter mostly, and also feel a need to keep a check that she is not begging from the poor and abusing her public influence.
 
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I don’t think it’s giving away any secrets to say that she has posted a cartoon video of herself chopping an onion and she is back to being a food writer.

The caption cracked me up. She is so desperate for drama and the attention 🤣 it’s like when a small kid yells “don’t you DARE tickle me!” while holding their arms up in the air and giggling because they actually WANT to be chased and tickled

Also SHAN’T tell you what’s for dinner because 🔺
 
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The fella and I had a lovely Bolognese with fresh pasta 👍

I'm with @Brian Butterfield on this one.

This is like when you cut a toxic friend out of your life and immediately feel the benefit ☺
 
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Not seeing Jackie's laughable spewings and the fawning of the Jackolytes genuinely feels like an exorcism. Long may it continue.

 
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I'm having couscous made with odds and sods from the fridge/freezer (frozen peas, spring onions, preserved lemons) plus roasted baby vine tomatoes and halloumi and a side salad of green stuff, which I might actually just mix in with the warm tomatoes.
 
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I had spaghetti bolognaise, with the lovely home made Bol I cooked over the weekend. Hubby had a chicken salad
 
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Pork chop, mash, carrots and broccoli, with a lovely thick onion and mushroom gravy. I did brown the onions and not just throw them into a cold pan with everything else.
 
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