Ooh - is “absolutely get fucked” the new “now duck off”?
Jack Monroe #67 Eye can’t believe it’s not glitter
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Jesus Christ in heaven.
(sunglasses by me)
(sunglasses by me)
I think she was quiet for just over 3.5 hours. I almost mentioned it!Was there “a couple of hours” today she wasn’t tweeting to allow for this sleep?
My mother did that. She said it was because she couldn't be bothered to cut triangles. They were made with the cheapest white sliced, blue bits picked off before I saw them (she missed that bit out sometimes), the mould cut off the cheese, more scraped off the margarine, then everything doused in salad cream and maybe a single cucumber slab. The rectangular shape made it easier to stack and wrap 2 foot of cling film round them until they resembled a deformed haggis in shape and then they'd be rammed/crumpled into a corner of a small ice cream tub to make space for a carton of Um Bongo and a fake KitKat. On special occasions (school trips), she'd fill them with margarine, salad cream and an egg and chuck in a Mint Club and a packet of Sainsbury's salt & vinegar for poshness.
I think it was a reaction to my grandmother's sandwiches. She made hers with a fresh baked loaf (usually Poppy Seeded) she sliced incredibly thinly, then spread with a translucent layer of butter, then Fish Paste and Cucumber, salt and pepper, egg and cress, salt and pepper or beef sliced thinly with a 2mm thick slice of tomato, some homemade horseradish and more salt and pepper. They'd be cut into small triangles, crusts off, onto a two tier china stand and then served on little gold rimmed plates, together with a cup of strong looseleaf tea in a bone china cup and saucer and a small piece of Cherry Fruit Cake, a Lemon Fairy Cake with glace icing and a candied lemon quarter. She even provided a pair of silver tongs to pick up a sugar cube, those little apostle spoons and a cake fork.
I have a feeling everything JM does or says is to spite her mother. Being tit at cooking - well, that one's obvious by the way she witters on about how marvellous the men in the family were with food. Talking about sandwiches whilst the woman is in hospital/home afterwards. Having an
Nice angle for the enhanced lips though.
I love that you had to clarify you did the sunglasses, as we’re really not that far off her doing this as her next twitter shitfit
@TheDragonWithAFlagon your grandmother's sandwiches sound absolutely amazing!!!!
Don't shoot me down here BUT what if she has actually hurt herself? I'm so confused I also feel like it's really not any of my business but it's in the public domain and I'm curious, could she possibly have genuinely hurt herself?
I just feel a bit bad
I just feel a bit bad
Her mum just got out of hospital! And she’s taken dirty minging books to A&E! I need a lie down
...And that's an urgent Safeguarding report if I've ever seen and filed one. Which, as it is literally part of my job, I've done many, many times for less dubious sounding ones than this.
No ten year old should be sitting there checking his mother isn't dead and saying he was a bit worried/would have called an ambulance if she'd stopped breathing, if nothing else because it makes it sounds as though her being spark out on the sofa isn't an unusual occurrence for him.
She could have, but I would have thought she'd have known about it sooner. I am probably wrong as I am no doctor of course. I am in the position of hoping its nothing and being annoyed at the whole thing and feeling bad if something is genuinely up. Either way SB should not be subjected to this.
She has hurt herself, the swelling does looks sore but in typical Monroe style, its SEVERE.Don't shoot me down here BUT what if she has actually hurt herself? I'm so confused I also feel like it's really not any of my business but it's in the public domain and I'm curious, could she possibly have genuinely hurt herself?
I just feel a bit bad
Exactly this.
She might have done but why put it all on twitter? And why is everything wrapped in obvious lies?Don't shoot me down here BUT what if she has actually hurt herself? I'm so confused I also feel like it's really not any of my business but it's in the public domain and I'm curious, could she possibly have genuinely hurt herself?
I just feel a bit bad
Believe me, I *know*.
There's usually some truth to her tit, she just plenty of peppers it to be the worst of all the worst thing ever to happen to anyone EVER. There are always inconsistencies and weird stuff that doesn't make any sense or add up. I feel like too many of her followers are the same attention seeking types and encourage the behaviour far too much but there ya go.Don't shoot me down here BUT what if she has actually hurt herself? I'm so confused I also feel like it's really not any of my business but it's in the public domain and I'm curious, could she possibly have genuinely hurt herself?
I just feel a bit bad
Her mentions are full of people droning on about sandwich shapes. This has been a strange day, even for Jack.
Dear Jack, your 10yo child having to ensure you're breathing for two hours isn't funny, or something to lightly tweet about. You're bleeping disgraceful. Kids should not be put in that position.
It’s possible. But even if that’s the case, she has obviously enhanced the injury with makeup. (Why would she do that?). And she’s such a serial liar, with a history of similar incidents (recorded in these threads). that it’s hard to believe her.Don't shoot me down here BUT what if she has actually hurt herself? I'm so confused I also feel like it's really not any of my business but it's in the public domain and I'm curious, could she possibly have genuinely hurt herself?
I just feel a bit bad
If you genuinely hurt yourself and are concerned, you at least get yourself seen to. Would your first reaction, on apparently smashing your face into a tap, be to post on social media, then not do anything about it until the next day?Don't shoot me down here BUT what if she has actually hurt herself? I'm so confused I also feel like it's really not any of my business but it's in the public domain and I'm curious, could she possibly have genuinely hurt herself?
I just feel a bit bad
It just doesn't look like any black eye I've seen.
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