Jack Monroe #601 Replican't

[Valiofthedolls]

I’m sure in one attempt to get the squigs to guess who she was, she failed so spectacularly that she had to post a second time mentioning razor blades in caps (or some such shite)

And even after that, she still had to tell them!

And then…

How utterly baffling that none of them got it.

 

[Hollaaa]

Even in a mild winter, there are casualties like this lost migratory young one.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

The carabiner tip appears to have disappeared from Grifty Kitchen, unless I’m looking in the wrong place.
View attachment 3337465

The publishers immediately removed it (along with can repurposing into egg rings and cutting off all your own fingers then using them to prise open a can of cold beans) from the ebook and will remove it from any “future reprints” of the book itself.

#awks!

Lucky you were sitting on a big ol pile of grifted cash as backup, eh Jack!

 

[rage naan]

featu dead wasp
View attachment 3337609

remember the baked bees!

Spoiler: Grim

 

[hoopdedoo]

"I, Daniel Blake" was triggering for her not because of what it depicted, but because someone other than her got loadsamoney to make a film about a pov. Thereby reducing the marketability of her own made-up tale of pov woe.

It's like her getting her grubby knickers in a knot when THAT MAN got that budget cookery gig, instead of her. She wasn't in the least bit qualified for that either, but her sense of entitlement overrides everything else.

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

Noted television and film aficionado Jack Monroe has just discovered the actress Kathryn Hunter. Hunter has won an Olivier award, been in several franchise films and series, and has been around for decades, but now, at last, her talent can be recognized, for guest has pronounced her great

Hunter was born in NYC, guest, you insufferable knob. Do you still adore her?

Note: Either guest has nothing to do but watch television (with subscriptions she doesn't have; maybe she uses someone else's account?), or she leads her very full and busy life all day (working 80 hours weeks, having larks with her hundreds of friends and her son and her son's friends and surely taking Content for long yomps in the park) and stays up all night.

No Coops update. I know, because she told us so, that his special diet costs more than she pays to feed herself and the teen who definitely lives with her. Hopefully she can still afford Netflix and Amazon Prime and everything else. Kickyball Jack remains hidden. Strange, that.

View attachment 3338226

Oi, Jack.
If you are going to dead name someone at least get it right.
She's Aikaterini NOT Aikaterina.
Is there any aspect of your life you aren't completely shit at? Like copying from Wikipedia?

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Speaking of anniversaries, on 1st January 2025 the Jack Monroe tattle threads turn five years old*. Five years, 601 threads and a comprehensive Wikipedia.

And all because she lied about an affiliate link.

Hope you made some money of that sleep mask you loved and just wanted to share, Jack! #AllWorthIt

Back to where it all began on New Year’s Day 2020

Jack Monroe (bootstrapcook)

Not only is she saying how fab Mrs hinch is but she's posting affiliate links without ad then has the audacity to claim she's not making money out of it and just wanted to share. She's fame hungry and much of her backstory is invented to target a demographic and make out she's some kind of hero...

tattle.life

*Can we please please please have hats? Or failing that, Jack can you sort us a generic supermarket fake Colin the Caterpillar cake off yer Ma?

 

[Lazarus]

I also don’t believe she had an alcohol addiction or is in recovery.
what troubles me though, like a lot of the lies she tells:
If it’s true, it’s bad; if it’s a lie, it’s chilling.
This ^ applies to alcoholism, 40 tramadol a day, her son being dragged round streets in the rain wearing shoes that were too small whilst she was asking all and sundry for a a job, stealing food from bins, living rough, being a sex worker etc etc.

 

[SamFoxStuckinaCloak]

Have we discussed how Guest was single handedly responsible for the demise of Wilkos?

 

[ahkrin]

She's never got over Allegra's money has she.

Fixed it for you

 

[Onestorytoomany]

The perky blinder comment makes me quite shocked she found it funny, someone has just sexually commented on her body and as a person who supposedly hated her tits so much she was binding them considering having them removed, it seems really off. She claims to be for womans rights yet some tosser gives her a vulgar compliment she is a giggling simpering mess. So much for standing against people thinking that the womans body is theres to comment on. She is no more a feminist than boris johnston.

 

[BlendedSlop]

I think I might have found her Reddit account.

 

[bracrumbs]

I really do think this is at the heart of it all @rage naan and you’ve pinpointed exactly her problem: that so many addictions are publicly admissible because they’re ultimately attributable to the substance itself, and therefore “forgivable”, whilst an addiction to shopping carries a higher level of shame around self-control.

It’s one of the reasons support for gambling addicts is often deprioritised compared to booze/drugs - less relatable because the “substance” itself isn’t inherently addictive (the other being the lower impact it has on our health service).

Then there’s the complex relationship people have with excessive consumption of material goods to add to that equation and she would be pretty hard pressed to see a situation where she could come clean with family, friends or the public (particularly when denying the root - self-inflicted - cause of her “poverty” so vehemently).

And now she’s doubled down so many times, she can’t imagine she could walk it back.

BIb. Ironically, I think the canal are one of the most reasonable threads on tattle. I won’t bash other threads but some of them are unhinged. Sometimes entertainingly so, sometimes not. But I do tend to think if at the end of 2020, she’d done a proper mea culpa with a full explanation, out of everyone, we might have been kindest about it.

 

[bracrumbs]

I’ve always suspected that Jack’s alcoholism was an elevenrife production.

I imagine she drank as most people do, it turned up her worse traits and she embarrassed herself or a partner. Probably a partner. Partner threatened to leave because it was so hideous, Jack said ”nooo, don’t go, I’m a dick when I drink, I’ll never drink again!”

Hence the burglar Bill pictures after a week to prove she was a changed woman. And that got lots of lovely attention so she threw herself into ‘recovery’.

I think the chips to show sobriety she showed were bought off eBay but I think she probably did go to AA. Again, it’s trapped people, they have to spend time with her, they have to listen when she honks on. It would have appealed to her hugely - self reflection is very important in recovery but she could just navel gaze at a surface level about herself all day.

and to go to rehab? She would have loved that. What a way to show you’re not like the ordinary plebs out there, you’re special and most importantly, you now have an out for all your terrible behaviour.

of course, i apologise to our fraus and herrs who have suffered from addiction because none of the above is how it works. But it’s how a devious smol pixie would use it to her advantage.

 

[elepal]

She goes on at tedious and patronising length about the quarter hack (Christ that name gives me the cringe) in Grifty Kitchen.

Spoiler: Quarter hack

View attachment 3339202View attachment 3339203

Ah yes, the "simple system" so succinctly explained by two pages of dense text. FFS... Write a meal plan, look in the cupboards to see what ingredients you have/need, write a shopping list. Done. Where's my sideboard?

 

[Darvos]

Sometimes a bottle and a half. Swapping whiskey for vodka if she was ‘working’.
View attachment 3344556
Like you, I lost a friend at around the same age. In fact, his doctor told him that it was because his heavy intake stopped abruptly (having turned to religion, ironically) that the damage was done. Clicking online sideboards it was not.
View attachment 3344570 See also her “I went sober a week ago and I feel wonderful!” article

That alone she trotted out the ridiculous tired old myth that vodka does not smell shows this is bullshit and she’s never lived it. I call Jimmy, Jimmy and James.

ETA: mind you, not having a sense of smell would explain quite a bit.

 

[CrackingOwlSanctuary]

Idea for a tv programme: Jack Monroe googles things most adults already know and acts amazed, like Philomena Cunk without the charisma.

 

[Lazarus]

Here's some of the comments from her Patreon; these are marked as from 7 months ago.
1)

2)

3)

1yr ago:

And this from 2yrs ago which makes me sick (googled her and she's a dentist - you'd like to think she'd have more sense):

 

[Valiofthedolls]

she then graduated to inventing the lie that someone not only mistook her for Shelby, but had the wit to change “peak blinder” to the vaguely sexualised “perky blinder” and call her it with a thinspo angle pic of her in a hat, tight top and shit 90s style tartan trousers off the market with a big circle zip pull. It’s beyond tragic.

As discovered instantly by @HaveTinCanRattle

Oi oi! Joe Browns Catalogue Blinder!

Including Rock Chick trousers and trendy tucked in cream top

Rock chicks with funky zip fastenings the world over: feeling comfy and looking fabulous!

Spoiler: Mither:

How lucky was Jack that someone was tragic enough to buy the entire shitty outfit from the catalogue in her exact size, only to selflessly donate it to a magic puddle?!

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Is she also going to helpfully deadname the rest of the cast of Poor Things for us - Emily Stone aka Emma Stone, perhaps, or William Defoe aka Willem Defoe, Rothaniel Carmichael aka Jerrod Carmichael? Sarah Qualley aka Margaret Qualley? Maria do Carmo Carvalho Rebelo de Andrade aka Carminho? Or just the ones with Greek ancestry? If so, will she be insisting on calling the actress who played Rachel in Friends Jennifer Anastassakis for no apparent reason too? What a div. She’s the Hilaria Baldwin of Southend.

She’s the Hilaria Baldwin of Southend.

I know it's too early, but THREAD TITLE NOMINATION HERE!