Jack Monroe #601 Replican't

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

Spoiler: Animal Stuff - Sad

I can't get past the animal neglect and abuse.

The ancient and hugely adored cat had her last trip to the vet yesterday, as she'd become agitated even with painkillers and was alternating between clambering onto me and hunching up on the armchair with the heated pad. It hurt so much to say it, it hurt even more to do it, but the feeling of her relaxing in my arms made it clear we did the right thing. That cat was in my life for longer than anything else has ever been and Mr D got to see the tough as old boots, functioning through everything life can throw and has thrown at us, me go to absolute pieces.


Her current cat looks worse than mine did a year ago, even six months ago but is so young.

To think that not just one animal, but multiple ones, have been neglected, given subpar living conditions and denied a gentle, controlled end out of what? Stupidity? Magical thinking? Sheer arrogance? To try and spark off a massive funding stream for an inbred creature? It's not just contempt, it's not just 'you bloody coward', it's just so beyond me, I just can't put into words what I feel about it right now.

I'm not having the best of days.

 

[Elsie Ben Felyn]

At around the time that £10 poor mum article came out, she was on lesbo social sites, coming up to Soho and hangong out with us - while the dad had the son as she was only a single parent for half of the week - trying to get a girlfriend and being a photographer/model.
The article caused many a carabiner to be snapped in shock let me tell you.

 

[Whiffy McBiffy]

She already decided to tell 500k strangers he was in therapy a couple of years ago. I know some people here think the tales of trammies and blackout drunkenness are made up for attention (which is a reasonable assumption because she lies about fucking everything), but regardless of how much did or didn't happen, it's clear that having such a narc nightmare for a parent has fucked the poor kid up at least to some extent.

I'm willing to bet my career that her stories about drinking a whole bottle of whiskey a day are horseshit. I'm a fifteen stone bloke, and put it this way, I like a drink. Just the smell of even the nicest whiskey burns the hairs off my arse, and a couple of shots of something like Bells would literally make me puke.

Many years ago, I lost a very dear friend to drink. She was a very petite girl, and she didn't even touch alcohol til after she'd left university. Her poison was Southern Comfort, mixed with lemonade in social situations, out of a pint glass by herself. She was hardcore. She woke up at 6 o'clock like we all do, but instead of eating, she drank alcohol. She held on to her job, but her drinking ruined the rest of her life. She became a liability to be around, and a deeply untrustworthy and devious person in her pursuit of the only thing that mattered to her: Alcohol. By the time she was twenty eight she looked like a walking corpse, and was told by her GP to stop drinking or die. She weighed about six stone, she began to suffer from psychosis, and her liver had already given way to hepatitis. She died from a scarred liver aged just thirty. Her mum died a few years later from a broken heart.

Jack is an attention seeking fraud and bullshitter, who thinks stories like the one I just told are cool and trendy. That's her speciality: Edgy fucking stories that she's completely unqualified to talk about.

 

[rage naan]

Lol

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

How old was she? Either way you timed it for her and not for you so you absolutely did the right thing. I always wonder if I time it right, bit early, bit late. But the fact I am trying to time it as best I can says it all about how we value our non human family.

People who are unkind to animals stimulate a feeling in me that I can't describe, so I know it well. It's visceral for me. I'm not an angry or hateful person, but I truly actively hate people like that. Its my red line for anything. The people who are just neither animal lovers nor haters, the don't get involveds, I'm sad for them as they miss out on the joy of animals but I have no feelings either way towards them. Some just haven't ever had pets and can't fathom it, that's just different outlooks.
---


She's just a likeable woman cooking in her house. No more to it than that. She'll tell you if she's tried it before or if it's a first go. The cupboard looks empty and then some nice flatbreads are made. That sort of a thing. Quite often she's just putting something in and watching it as she isn't sure how long it might need. It's really accessible for those who find written recipes difficult or undesirable to follow. Just watch someone mess about then mess about yourself and get a meal at the end. Lovely.

She was about 22, depending upon whether she was an autumn or a spring kitten - it was hard to tell because she was so tiny and fluffy when I agreed to take her and never really got that much bigger, just fluffier.

22 years of being treated like a princess, with only the occasional bath or grass seed removed from the depths of her fur to spoil her mood.


Her special treats and cat litter I'd ordered before Christmas were delivered today.

 

[Bingpot720]

I was browsing Emma Bridgewater the other day (in my day to day life I am a mini goth, but Christmas turns me into the most basic of basic bitches) and came across this marvellous specimen

Which of course made me think of you fantastic lot. I'm a bit early with my New Year missives but I'm hoping to be less of a lurker in 2025 and onwards.
Bring the chaoi!

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Winning thread title by @Valiofthedolls, based on this post by guest. Censored for swears; actual title was Replicunt. You win an AI chatbot trained on grifty pixie tweets.

Recap: Best described by @Seaford Haggington: "She is only 700 posts in and has already repeated almost every toxic behaviour from the last decade. Quite an achievement." Guest was last seen a week ago arguing with squigs over Cooper's health insurance, or rather lack thereof, and arguing with Carp Man. Apart from some suspicious sock activity, she hasn't been heard from since so we've been mithering over slops of Christmas past. Was guest visited by three ghosts who convinced her to change her ways, or will she resurface the same chaotic lil slopgoblin she's always been?

Wiki up on the pink button!

 

[MancBee]

Happy New Year to all the Fraus und Herren, best wishes for a happy and healthy 2025. You all brighten my days.

May all your teeth shine bright like chickens.

 

[rage naan]

My uncle loved to hand out P38 can openers. Cost only 49 cents retail. A handy backup. View attachment 3339535

What's this now

Oi oi tinny openers

 

[Bugger13]

 

[Lazarus]

i'll post s/s here if anyone's interested, though it's not much that would surprise us...
about 18-20 months ago i signed up for Jack's patreon just to get a look at the comments and to see what was going on over there - i paid the £3.5 tier for a month and left again. needless to say i didn't receive a discount code for the defunct website...

i logged onto Patreon yesterday as i want to subscribe to someone else who *does* provide what they say they will, and out of interest i had a look at Jack's to see if anything was visible. As recently as 6/7 months ago there were still people discussing how she hasn't fulfilled any of the rewards and that's at least 2yrs since her big apology and promise to send every single postcard...

 

[Dobbythehouseelf]

a quick look online tells me that a can opener at asda is 0.65p.

as a genuine working class frau, i am certain that the vast majority of people can afford that. Or they can get one from a charity shop. Or they can borrow one. OR, they could eat something that doesn't come out of a can until they can afford to buy a new one for the huge sum of 0.65p.

The problem is the no fault evictions, the deposit to rent, the car failing its MOT and your kids school photographs all occurring in the same month. So you borrow what you don't have and have no real plan of how to pay it back. Rinse and repeat. in debt, CCJ's, struggling to know what to do next. The idea that someone cant afford 0.65p is laughable and is entirely missing the point.

 

[StatusWoe]

Again, it’s trapped people, they have to spend time with her, they have to listen when she honks on.

I've often wondered about the poor, stuck people who have to listen to her at meetings. I don't mean to make light of a serious thing, but you'd think an afternoon listening to the incessant honk would make it harder for them to stay sober.
---
A Guide to Jack Monroe's 'The Poverty'

Dickensian Pov:
''More jam, mamapapa''
''We shall have a feast, SB''
Soot-covered children (with or without rickets)
Evil landlady
Yuletide Eels

WW1-WW2 Pov:
Military around the edges
Forces' pin-up
Angry strangers yelling 'should have kept your legs shut!'
Rosie the Riveter aesthetic
Lots of tins
Catherine Cookson

1970s Pov:
Retro desserts
Butlins
Caravan holidays
''That'll do''
Pretending to be from a Northern pit village
Aunty Pat aesthetic

1980s Pov:
Same as 1970s pov but includes -
Shoulder pads and big hair
Punk, failed attempts at
Thatcherite obsession with home ownership

Irish Pov:
Saoirse
Secretly approves of Orange Marches.
Dire potatoes

American Pov:
Coffee store
Prison tamales
Attempts to be 'discovered' for her singing talent
Hole (Courtney Love's band)
Free spirit biker

Please feel free to add anything. I've missed a lot of important Jack lore.

 

[Never would have guest]

Catching up so probably already been said but that quarterhack....
"People ask me how I keep my shopping bill down to 20 pounds a week....."
By having literally hundreds of pounds worth of food already in????
I honestly can't believe she became so famous for doing a top up shop.

 

[MavisBeacon]

I also agree with the shopping addiction theory. When she had her "I'm selling EVERYTHING!!" sale, she was in her early 20s with a small baby. She'd only been in decent paid work for a year but the sheer amount of stuff she had accumulated was boggling. Matching sets of brand name crockery, a CHESTERFIELD for God's sake. She's on record (I think in the guardian comments somewhere) about how much she was earning, and I reckon she spent the lot on tat and booze (and possibly other substances). So when she stormed out of the firephone job in a huff she had nothing at all to fall back on except a pile of wedgewood.
I'm also wondering if she did inherit some money from her DEAD grandpa but it was locked away in some way. Other Fraus can correct me if I'm wrong but is it the case that you can't get benefits if you have over a certain amount in savings? So for all her bollocks about being too scared/smol to fill out the forms for social housing, benefits etc she might not actually have been elegible.

"Woman pleads poverty after spending all her disposable income on tat and booze and sitting on a pile of inherited money and her family won't help out because she's a fucking idiot and needs to learn a lesson" is a much less sympathetic story than "I was CAST OUT of my job into the DARKNESS and had to STEAL FOOD FROM BINS to survive".

She's a fake, liar, thief and grifter. Enjoy the silence, guest.

 

[YerDa]

Cringed my innards into an origami crane

 

[Lazarus]

Same as when her very close friends start dying in pairs; nobody ever pipes up to say: Paul was a lovely guy, we’ll miss him…
I think *all* of it is make believe. I think people who know her personally either read those kind of things on her social media and think:
‘She’s got a much wider circle of friends than I knew about because nobody else I know has mentioned this’,or they just know she’s lying.

 

[Walkdengirl]

Was it you who filmed/photographed it and optimistically had a tub of Lurpak on the side to spread on a slice of it, only to find it was crispy mush when it came out of the oven?

I wasn't the lurpack person, this was the 'fudgey' hidden courgette cake, her word not mine it was a soggy revolting mess. Please enjoy the photos!

 

[Valiofthedolls]

View attachment 3335911

When was the metal revival please?

It immediately preceded the goth/grunge rodeo that hit Southend when Jack was 12-13.

Spoiler: My first goth/grunge rodeo 20 years ago 😉

 

[Claret]

She talks about taking her business elsewhere if Wilkos shafted their employees, and her only intention in making the statement was virtue signalling to prop up her idiotic and totally false persona

Meanwhile she personally shafted every PayPal subscriber, every person that placed an order and every charity she worked with, and she did so at the same time she performatively called out Wilkos.

Always the hypocrite Monroe