The only way I can imagine this disgusting white chocolate slop enticing anyone into bed is if (a) the beloved has no taste buds, eyes or sense of smell or (b) the beloved is so desperate to avoid eating this nightmare that they move swiftly past dinner to sexy time without eating it, a move that Jack would count as a good result.OK, let's take a closer look at this 'delicious' spaghetti recipe...
Headrush spaghetti with dried mushrooms, white chocolate and cream.
Ingredients (per person):
100g spaghetti
100g mushrooms, dried
2 garlic cloves
20g white chocolate
1 tbsp oil
50ml cream
Fresh parsley, to serve
Hard strong cheese, to serve
Drying mushrooms deeply intensifies their flavour, and I buy them from the reduced chiller when I find them – all varieties – and pop them on a baking sheet in the oven for 40 minutes at 180C, or until crisp. They should snap like a cracker when cool. If 40 minutes in the oven sounds a lot – make a batch of Easy Peasy Soda Bread or Love Soup at the same time, or both… [OK this is bullshit and something she's copied wrong off the internet - every recipe I've found online for dried mushrooms involves lower, slower drying in an oven - most say a temperature of 170 FARENHEIT, not centigrade, for at least two hours or more. Anyone have some mushrooms that they'd be willing to experiment with and see what happens to them after 40mins at 180C?? ]
When your mushrooms have dried out, allow them to cool and store in a clean airtight jar. I’ve had mine for around 6 months now in a Kilner jar , and they’re still good. [Liar]
To make dinner…
Pop a pan of water onto the boil, and add your pasta. Reduce the heat to a simmer and simmer gently for 8 minutes, or until cooked. [Can't fault this]
To make the sauce, first pound the mushrooms to break them down. If you don’t have a mortar and pestle, use a pair of kitchen scissors and a teacup, or a rolling pin (or empty bottle as equivalent) on a chopping board or work surface. Or fling them in a blender. Just do what you have to to crush them down a bit… [This is only going to work if they're actually dried, as per my first point]
Cheat-roast the garlic: pop it into a bowl or onto a saucer, rub a little oil into the papery skins, and put in the microwave for 30 seconds on a high heat. {I actually just tried this - it does not work. You get slightly warm rock hard garlic]
Squash the sweet garlic pulp from the skins [NOPE - it is rock hard] into the dried mushrooms, and add the cream and white chocolate [HOW are you meant to prepare the chocolate? there are no instructions - chop? grate? stick the whole bar in? useless twat].
Toss through the pasta with the oil, and serve in a heap with fresh torn parsley and finely grated hard strong cheese scattered on top. [that's 1 TABLESPOON of oil PER PERSON, plus 50ml cream. MMMmmm cold cream, chocolate chunks, raw garlic, slimy oil and crusty mushrooms - no mention of emulsifying with pasta water or anything. Yum Yum! yes please Jack I'd love to have sex with you right now, after I've finished vomiting]
Very wise.Thank you dearest tendernaan
Maybe I shall celebrate by buying myself a stab vest, as I’m going to a flower festival in my area at the weekend. Thanks for the best prices!!
I can’t cope with thistles DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP BREATHING Mousestem??Very wise.
Even if there are no knife-wielding Ninja assassins, there could be an aberrant thistle waiting for you to accidentally brush against it.
Could be worse, at least she has her gob shutWell that's going to haunt my nightmares for the next twenty years!
“I had a brief moment of 'what the fuck am I doing with my life'” ended me, send @FunnyFuneral for I am deceasedSomeone was already deranged enough to make the headrush spaghetti: me. Yes that is a big chunk of white chocolate in the bottom right. No it did not add anything pleasant to the dish. It was exactly as minging as you'd think. Here's my original post.
View attachment 2953244
This is what I imagine having worms would be like.Someone was already deranged enough to make the headrush spaghetti: me. Yes that is a big chunk of white chocolate in the bottom right. No it did not add anything pleasant to the dish. It was exactly as minging as you'd think. Here's my original post.
View attachment 2953244
It’s fascinating that as soon as she starts threatening her latest lovebombing target with disgusting sex pasta slops they suddenly “remember” that theyFuckin' Milkybar pasta. I've said it before and I'll say it again: the level of delusion is off the scale
Normally I would have at least some sympathy for someone who has been dumped, but in the case of this Stone Dyke who dated a man for his big car and salary in the hope of locking him into a Forever and Ever home, I'll make an exceptionIt’s fascinating that as soon as she starts threatening her latest lovebombing target with disgusting sex pasta slops they suddenly “remember” that theyare SEVERELY ALLERGIC TOdon’t like one of the key ingredients
Leggy
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poor LJC wasn’t quite as prepared, but quickly recovered to only make that mistake once.
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Come-To-Bed Parmigiana, 74p [VG/V/DF/GF*]
11 months ago today, I turned up to work late, sleepless, an incoherent babbling wreck chewed up by an 18 month landmark court trial and with bright copper dye fading from my wiry, tousled mania of…oursouthend.wordpress.com
And then there’s Ol Hazza, and the time that rather than be subjected to this View attachment 2953278
To be fair. A lot of us have been taken in by guest at some point.I see this was before TD called her out … View attachment 2953029
In my terrible youth as a terrible cyclist on a terrible Italian team I used to get spaghetti with honey and parmesan for breakfast. If we were good it would be accompanied by the worst "steak" youve ever seen.Our thread favourite Nigella did a chocolate pasta dish on one of her shows, I could've sworn.
Sweet pasta is a thing where my mum's from and never stops being unfathomable to me.
#notfrugalOccasionally I buy a packet of fancy dried mushrooms to use in a pasta dish (not involving white chocolate). Never have any of the mushrooms "snapped like a cracker". If they were that dry they would fall apart when they were cooked, and the flavour would be lost. But flavourless ingredients are what makes guest's recipes so, er, distinctive.
I'll do it, but I insist on a stab proof vestImelda Marcos aged better.
Of course, she looked after her feet.
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Is it just mace you aren't allowed on a bus, or are other spices also forbidden?
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Is it just mace you aren't allowed on a bus, or are other spices also forbidden?
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We could probably earn a few bob wrestling in any that was left over.
I can see "Damen im Smash" being very popular with a certain portion of the male population.
just sayin'
Was the honey more to give you energy for the cycling? As I remember years ago reading a few books about Lance et al and during the races they basically needed to be mainlining sugary stuff for snacks along the way. (And then in the evenings they were getting their blood transfusions)In my terrible youth as a terrible cyclist on a terrible Italian team I used to get spaghetti with honey and parmesan for breakfast. If we were good it would be accompanied by the worst "steak" youve ever seen.
A dehydrator? You’re not that mushroom nutter from down under are you? Oh tbf I’m sure she dumped hers at the tipI have a dehydrator (yes I'm fancy) and it only goes up to 90°C. She doesn't know what she is doing.
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