Jack Monroe #574 She's definitely lying about something

[Valiofthedolls]

Hopefully a poorly positioned eyepatch that covers neither the injury nor the head but does look “quirky”

Then please have “bae” catch you standing in a bay window with half your hair gelled flat to your head and the other half of your hair/your makeup looking like you were caught in a major explosion at the Rimmel factory.

*Bonus points for making a (very expensive) Viv shirt out of toilet paper and adorning your neck with a lace garter you bought off the market to go to an imaginary ‘Allo ‘Allo-themed Sunday night fancy dress party at your imaginary friends’ house for imaginary raucous giggles and imaginary orange squash drinking.

 

[pumbilical cord]

Then please have “bae” catch you standing in a bay window with half your hair gelled flat to your head and the other half of your hair/your makeup looking like you were caught in a major explosion at the Rimmel factory.
View attachment 2948947
*Bonus points for making a (very expensive) Viv shirt out of toilet paper and adorning your neck with a lace garter you bought off the market to go to an imaginary ‘Allo ‘Allo-themed Sunday night fancy dress party at your imaginary friends’ house for imaginary raucous giggles and imaginary orange squash drinking.

She's a twit, isn't she.

 

[nothanksbabes]

Then please have “bae” catch you standing in a bay window with half your hair gelled flat to your head and the other half of your hair/your makeup looking like you were caught in a major explosion at the Rimmel factory.
View attachment 2948947
*Bonus points for making a (very expensive) Viv shirt out of toilet paper and adorning your neck with a lace garter you bought off the market to go to an imaginary ‘Allo ‘Allo-themed Sunday night fancy dress party at your imaginary friends’ house for imaginary raucous giggles and imaginary orange squash drinking.

She's such an embarrassment.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Hopefully a poorly positioned eyepatch that covers neither the injury nor the head but does look “quirky”

No no eye patch.... i am just walking around look like Quasimodo. Think i might smack my head off the tap and see if i make it spark

 

[Mr Krabs]

All up in several of Jack’s niches here.

 

[Grifty Mc]

No no eye patch.... i am just walking around look like Quasimodo. Think i might smack my head off the tap and see if i make it spark

I’ll pop a few quid in your tip jar for some urban decay.

 

[Joan of Narc]

I saw on the 'Gram that Big Linda's documentary is being screened in Westminster this evening. I looked at Linda's Insta and it doesn't seem like Jack has graced Linda, Kelly Holmes and the rest of her bezzie mates with her madcap antics for quite some time now.

 

[Seaford Haggington]

Then please have “bae” catch you standing in a bay window with half your hair gelled flat to your head and the other half of your hair/your makeup looking like you were caught in a major explosion at the Rimmel factory.
View attachment 2948947
*Bonus points for making a (very expensive) Viv shirt out of toilet paper and adorning your neck with a lace garter you bought off the market to go to an imaginary ‘Allo ‘Allo-themed Sunday night fancy dress party at your imaginary friends’ house for imaginary raucous giggles and imaginary orange squash drinking.

The lost episode of Worzel Gummidge where Aunt Sally became a pirate.

 

[Jelly Bean]

I saw on the 'Gram that Big Linda's documentary is being screened in Westminster this evening. I looked at Linda's Insta and it doesn't seem like Jack has graced Linda, Kelly Holmes and the rest of her bezzie mates with her madcap antics for quite some time now.

Omg can you imagine 'The Life of Reilly'? Isn't it some vanity project by Big Lin herself? No doubt it will be nominated for an award by her at next year's Diva Awards. It will just be a hideous hagiography. How will they tackle the awful Ripper Museum debacle?

 

[hereforthechaos]

Omg can you imagine 'The Life of Reilly'? Isn't it some vanity project by Big Lin herself? No doubt it will be nominated for an award by her at next year's Diva Awards. It will just be a hideous hagiography. How will they tackle the awful Ripper Museum debacle?

She obviously wants to win the best famous lesbian documentary about a campaigner, called Lin award.
Edit: guest would like to attend the award show

 

[Lobster Johnson]

Then please have “bae” catch you standing in a bay window with half your hair gelled flat to your head and the other half of your hair/your makeup looking like you were caught in a major explosion at the Rimmel factory.
View attachment 2948947
*Bonus points for making a (very expensive) Viv shirt out of toilet paper and adorning your neck with a lace garter you bought off the market to go to an imaginary ‘Allo ‘Allo-themed Sunday night fancy dress party at your imaginary friends’ house for imaginary raucous giggles and imaginary orange squash drinking.

Where do you even buy an eyepatch?!

 

[ahkrin]

You just dehydrate a cabbage leaf on your radiator and tie it on with threads painstakingly wound from the stringy bits of celery

 

[Darvos]

Where do you even buy an eyepatch?!

From ARRRsda. Other supermARRRkets also stock them, tenderstem.

 

[Yel]

I don't think there's any big mainstream expose on Jack ever coming.

The Patreon earnings (thanks to kiddy scripter dark web types resetting her password using her oversharing details) were pretty much what educated guesses estimated - taking the average monthly amount on the platform multiplied by the public number of patreons.

Not sending postcards because she set it up like a Kickstarter isn't meaty.

It's entertaining all the little things like her putting on makeup to invent or exaggerate a black eye but not a smoking gun.

She ended herself with the Guardian article and ever since then the patron numbers dwindled and more have been talking online about her made up or heavily embellished stories. There's little meat to the whole thing.

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

View attachment 2947985

And not just anyone's feet . . .

A li'l smol pixie's crumbly-boned, very possibly tattooed, certainly not recently washed feet.

And as we know that said li'l smol pixie has every ailment, genetic and/or contagious, known to man, that stuff that looks like croutons sprinkled on your food is very possibly verrucas.

Just sayin'

 

[Geetbo]

Yeah guest basically softly, gently cancelled herself. If there was gonna be an expose the time for it was 2022.

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

I’ve said that before about Jack’s teeth and smile ie gingivitis and got shot down because it’s apparently all her bad dental hygiene and drug taking. But I do think she just has a naturally very gummy smile, regardless of what she’s done (it’s on display in at least one of her childhood photos), and she can’t help it.

I think it’s fair to take the piss out of terrible haircuts and the photos Jack’s edited to make herself look 100% worse than she does in real life but big Lin’s face to me is off limits as Jack’s facial structure when she smiles should be. Only fair to judge anything you’ve deliberately done to yourself and/or that can easily be changed is always my personal rule.

Minor derail - It's strange, though, isn't it?

Olivia Colman has a gummy smile, too. On her it looks engaging. On Jack it looks predatory.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

View attachment 2949112

The lost episode of Worzel Gummidge where Aunt Sally became a pirate.

She looks like aunt sally playing dress up with that makeup, has no one ever told her less is more with rouge.....

Big L gives mes the girl who was always picked last vibes, similar to jack tbf. In fact they are really two cheeks of the same hairy arse. Absolutely deluded in a world of their own imagination. Nobody but nobody thinks as highly of them, but themselves.

 

[IcanSpellBéchamel]

Where do you even buy an eyepatch?!

Toys R Us (other toy retailers are available since the demise of Toys R Us). Most sets come with a dinky plastic sword and a tricorne hat, for all your pirate dress-up needs. That's why her eyepatch is so tight; the elastic is designed for a child-size head.

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

A poncey Guardianista has gone on a cooking course in Morocco and look at the pic they ran alongside......

View attachment 2948137

Do we think it's possible guest has set up stall in North Africa and is living the spice dream?

Medina date – a cookery course in Morocco

In the coastal city of Essaouira, our writer masters the ceremonial art of tea-pouring and learns how to make flaky chicken pastilla and gazelle horns with almond paste and orange blossom water

www.theguardian.com

How do you take an 1/8th of a teaspoon off any of those spice volcanos without the rest of it landing on your feet like brightly coloured nuclear fallout?