Jack Monroe #57 1 potato, 2 potato, 3 potato, 4, got the designer gear, need cash for more

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Pocahontas

Pocahontas

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Congratulations to @NoseyParkour for the thread title! 51 reactions.

Full title:

1 potato, 2 potato, 3 potato, 4, bungalow full of designer gear, needs cash for more

Recap of thread #56

Jack Monroe is done with rinsing beans, now she’s rinsing her loyal followers of their hard-earned, much-needed money.

After lulling people into a false sense of security by BOTHERING to mither on about ice lollies, Jack then pulled out her sucker punch:
‘What does burnout feel like?’

Accounts of genuine burnout poured in and she agreed with any and all descriptions. After asking ‘How do I get better?’, she then detailed her personal socio-economic circumstances, and in her own gracious way, asked, ‘How the duck am I going to pay my bills?’

The fourth question wasn’t really a question, more a bucketful of hyperbole, ending with: ‘I’m fucked, aren’t I?’

Subtext: I spent all my money on a mini-break to one of my homelands and Five Guys burgers and I need a new nutribullet.

Oh, but what’s this? This old thing? Oh, never mind that, that’s just my Patreon details. Lil ol’ haphazard me doesn’t know all of the logistical details, but, oh well, you may as well have a look. Here’s the bleeping link. Ooh, thanks dear heart Nigella, you’ve shared me to all YOUR followers as well. Shucks.

What happened next? Those Patreon supporter numbers rose faster than any of her tinned pear cakes ever did.

‘What if there’s no-one around to notice?’ You’ve always got us, Jack. We’re noticing. And we have receipts (for when you press delete)!
 
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Upthisweek

Upthisweek

She mentioned to someone that Patreon is in dollars in a tweet, Amanda Palmer's Patreon is in pounds. She would have had the option to choose which currency on sign up - It's not as she said 'how Patreon is'.
 
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Pocahontas

Pocahontas

Moderator
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):

Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack v Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

Thread no 31 is the infamous thread on which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on page 17.

For anyone wanting to re-live the glory days of her 2 week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL): Threads 2-9

Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

Yes, absolutely x

Some other favourite Jack quotes:

‘Babe, same’

‘I did a chaos’

‘My maverick brain’

‘My sad little face’

‘I’m BUSY’

‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’

‘I laughed up a lung’
🥴
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. *She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts)*

To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time.

Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that.

Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.

Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.

Also:
  • She grew up in a 5 bed (mortgaged/owned) house
  • She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st
  • Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
  • Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
  • Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
  • She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burgers and discounted chicken slices.

Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live (courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
 
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Yel

Yel

Moderator
Upthisweek said:
She mentioned to someone that Patreon is in dollars in a tweet, Amanda Palmer's Patreon is in pounds. She would have had the option to choose which currency on sign up - It's not as she said 'how Patreon is'.
Click to expand...
Oh jack and her admin is too busy to go to the effort of changing a setting.

Remember when she was saying how she was far too busy to do a link in bio thing, despite other bloggers telling her it was easy and took a few minutes to set up 😆 🙄
 
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Shesaidwhat?

Shesaidwhat?

She has a Tracey Emin piece of art, a Viv Westwood dress, I think it was it a Burberry coat and a Dyson hairdryer she’s only used on the k****n. She could sell those if she really was struggling. Why are people being taking in by her still? It’s only because I don’t want kicked off Tattle that I’m keeping my fingers still and away from her Twitter page.
 
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Bookweevil

Bookweevil

An. Ornament. To. The. Nation.

Well, duck me sideways. What does this mean and who is this clown??🤡 The work of a top-tier Patreon if ever I saw one.
 
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heretoreaditall2019

heretoreaditall2019

Silver Linings said:
View attachment 199670Duh.

ETA - @Pocahontas You, dear heart, are wonderful and brimming with eloquence and other Nigella words. ❤
Click to expand...
Have to live with, current tense?! To give her credit she is brilliant at eluding to the struggle. She never outright lies and says “I am using a food bank / claiming benefits” so she’ll never get done for scamming, she drops historical essays and then eludes to financial difficulties and lets people plug the gaps.

I think most of us, no matter how comfortable, have been super cautious for fear of encountering financial difficulties during covid? Like many I’ve managed to resist buying £2k Smegs, £900 sideboards, going on holiday, buying two sets of AirPods, a £170 alarm clock. It’s not exactly a difficult sacrifice to make is it?!
 
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MancBee

MancBee

heretoreaditall2019 said:
She never outright lies and says “I am using a food bank / claiming benefits” so she’ll never get done for scamming
Click to expand...
Don't be so sure. I can't go into too much detail, But I am speaking to the person concerned later to see what I can legally say without getting them in trouble. Just to say R Jackie should be careful, what she is doing is obtaining money by deception. I'll leave it there.
 
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Silver Linings

Silver Linings

F6ACC29A-4C7E-4837-AD4B-A90912AEA4A6.jpeg
2BED06B0-C862-4577-8FED-E0F903E57AE7.jpeg

Subtly implying she wasn’t taking her medication for DKL and Hellmanns, excuses, excuses.
 
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TheDragonWithAFlagon

TheDragonWithAFlagon

Bookweevil said:
An. Ornament. To. The. Nation.

Well, duck me sideways. What does this mean and who is this clown??🤡 The work of a top-tier Patreon if ever I saw one.
Click to expand...


This ornamentation
To the nation
With Patreon

Music happens to be the food of love
Sounds to really make you rub and scrub
I say

Pass the Patreon the left hand side (I say)
Pass the Patreon the left hand side
It's a good'un, give me cash, make me jump and prance
It's a good'un, give me the dollars, 'cause I'm scamming every chance (Jack knows!)

It was a cool and lonely breezy afternoon
(How does it feel when you've got no food?)
You could feel it 'cause me Nan's gonna be played by June
(How does it feel when you've got no food?)
So I left my gate and went out for a walk
(How does it feel when you've got no food?)
As I pass the tower blocks I heard them say
(How does it feel when you've got no food?)

Pass the Dyson on the left hand side (I say)
Pass the Dyson on the left hand side
It's a good'un, give me the cash, make me jump and prance
It's a good'un, give me the cash, 'cause I'm scamming every chance (Jack knows!)

So I stopped to find out what was going on
(How does it feel when I have no food?)
'Cause the spirit of Jack, you know she leads you on
(How does it feel when I have no food?)
There was a howling dread and a session was there in swing
(How does it feel when I have no food?)
You could smell the chilli as I saw and heard them say
(How does it feel when Jack has no food?)

Pass the sideboard on the left hand side (I say)
Pass the sideboard on the left hand side
It's a good'un, give me the dough, make me jump and prance
It's a good'un, give me the dosh, 'cause I'm scamming every chance (Jack knows!)

'Cause I say listen to my story, I say blend it into paste
Give me lots of money watch me photoshop my waist
I say listen to the blueticks, donate to me with haste
Give me lots of money and I'll buy myself a place

Pass the Emin on the left hand side (I say)
Pass the Emin on the left hand side
It's a good'un, give me cash, make me jump and prance
It's a good'un, give me the dosh, see me scamper every chance (Jack knows!)

You hear me on the radio
And so I say, you're gonna hear me on the stereo
And so I know you're gonna play me in the kitchen, oh
And so I say you're gonna hear me wherever you go (bowl!)

Pass the Lumie on the left hand side (I say)
Pass the Cotswolds on the left hand side
I'm a good'un, give me money, make me squeak and prance
I'm a sad'un, give me the love, 'cause I'm scamming every chance (Jack knows!)

On the left hand side (I say)
On the left hand side (I say)
On the left hand side
(We meet) On the left hand side (say man)
On the left hand side

I say east, say west, say north and south (on the left hand side)
Lack of attention's gonna make me really scream and shout (on the left hand side)
I say east, say west, say north and south (on the left hand side)
Lack of attention's gonna make me really howl and shout
 
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Emmapism

Emmapism

heretoreaditall2019 said:
Have to live with, current tense?! To give her credit she is brilliant at eluding to the struggle. She never outright lies and says “I am using a food bank / claiming benefits” so she’ll never get done for scamming, she drops historical essays and then eludes to financial difficulties and lets people plug the gaps.

I think most of us, no matter how comfortable, have been super cautious for fear of encountering financial difficulties during covid? Like many I’ve managed to resist buying £2k Smegs, £900 sideboards, going on holiday, buying two sets of AirPods, a £170 alarm clock. It’s not exactly a difficult sacrifice to make is it?!
Click to expand...
Exactly THIS. Her Twitter followers shouldn't be her get out of jail free card because she can't keep her erratic spending under control.

I'm self employed too and I very much make hay while the sun shines. The lean times are inevitable but you have to brace yourself for that.
 
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TheDragonWithAFlagon

TheDragonWithAFlagon

MrsOgre said:
She made a big point of how she took her medication during DKL as it was in the morning and explained why she was so hyper on the show🙄
Click to expand...
Yeah, that's not how amphetamines work for somebody who has ADHD.

It is, however, how they work for people who don't have ADHD.
 
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