Jack Monroe #558 I own a fridge! This is my cooker! Look at my rug! Look at my duvet!

[Falkor]

Thread title by @Valiofthedolls and nominated by @Hold my beans - had to be slightly edited down from the original, which was:

I sent my shopping to the wrong address! I’ve got a rucksack! I’ve got a shopping trolley! I’ve got a skip! I’ve bought MUGS! I made a candle! I made bath salts! I’ve designed a kitchen! I collect orange peel! I’m tidying my kitchen! I’m going to the shops! Ive got a sofa! I’ve got new trainers! I’ve got a bed! Look at my eyeshadow! Look at my NEW HAIR! I own a fridge! This is my cooker! Look at my rug! I Look at my duvet! I’ve got lots of tea! ! I’ve got lots of spices! I’ve got a girlfriend! Look at all my forks! I’m in my garden! I’m on a train! I’m on a bus! Look at these cushions! I’m eating chips! I fell off a bike! I drew a picture! I like fruit pastilles! Here is my dining table! Here are all my forks! I’ve got new dishes! I found a mattress! Look at my hat! I am in Croydon! I am in Edinburgh! I am in London! I was on the beach! I’m in the park! I’m in the coffee shop dog groomer!! I’m playing crazy golf! I bought some mushrooms! I’m in a dress! I’m on a gun! I bought some ham! I broke a kettle! I bought old books! I’ve got a garden! It has a tree! I found a scarf! I’m on a dancefloor! I’ve got a BOYFRIEND! I like my pens! I like my notebooks! I like lists! I’m polishing a kettle! I’m decorating my shed! I’m tidying under the stairs! I am in Asda! I went to Tesco! I ate gelato! I laughed at stones! I watch Eastenders! I am at Pontins! I decorated a Christmas tree! I’m taking photos! I’m in my porch! Look at my bag! I went to a concert! I went to a day rave! I’m at my parents’! So is the dog! I’ve got (another) hat! I have GCSEs! I’m on the toilet! I’m on a log! I’m making boxes! I’m wrapping mini eggs! I bought spoons off eBay! I’ve got a bag! My jacket comes from Tesco! I’m in bed eating! I make semifreddo! I’ve got some wall art! I’m playing the piano! I’m growing strawberries! I’m in my bedroom! I’m dying my clothes! I’m wearing loafers! I tidied the attic! Look at my boilersuit! Look at all my crockery! I bought new curtains! I’m in my hammock!

GOODNIGHT!

Congratulations both of you, you win some year-old defrosted eels for your Christmas lunch on Monday.

Jack has gone silent again after a brief appearance on Times Radio. Patreon sent out an email which appeared to confirm that her account was hacked.

Wiki is the pink button up top, carry on everyone.

 

[MancBee]

Happy Chistmas to all you lovely Fraus, Herren and Ninnies. You truly are a wonderful lot.

I looked up at the sky last night waiting for Santa. My eyes shone longingly, intently, impatiently, and I turned to my partner (not left, still here, etc etc) and with a loving, caring, comforting voice, like clipped silk (he didn't have velvet) He said to me............

 

[RandomFishOils]

She never, ever wanted the “cookery” thing at all. She never wanted the pov label at all. She never wanted the activist role at all.

She wanted to be famous. A celebrity. A chicken star. Not sure how though - she can’t sing. She can’t act. She can’t play a musical instrument. She can’t dance. She can’t model. She can’t take photographs. She’s not beautiful. She can’t write poetry. She can’t write, full stop. All the things that she thought she was so good at, and would be sooooo easy to do. But she wasn’t. She failed at each and every one. And then, just by chance, “Jackie” got slightly famous in a left wing newspaper for lying about being poor. One stupid bloody newspaper propelled her to national attention for being a bit skint, and all the other stupid left wing, lack of critical thinking newspapers believed her. She was lying about it then and has had to try and maintain that lie for over a decade. Alongside her poverty lies have had to come her “recipes”, because that’s what the papers said. But she can’t cook either, but it has all became part of the false narrative - this is how I survived due to evil TORIES and AUSTERITY. But it’s DELIGHTFUL, I’m so fat and happy and WHOLESOME on a tenner a week for food.

I’m the very proud, working class daughter of a trade union activist, who fought tooth and nail for his colleagues (not sitting in an office on a £70k a year job, retired at 55 I may add). I’m not sure whom I’m most embarrassed about, to be honest, her or what now constitutes the left wing which has promulgated the grift. Middle class wankers who have no idea what it’s like to be working class, let alone POOR. I’m proper fed up with it all. Can you tell?

 

[hiyaaaacath]

Guest has left so we are reminiscing.

I’d like to point out that guest is a TRUE hero for somehow:

Working 20 hours a day
Reading 400+ books a year
Parenting SB

AND still managing to go through bags of frozen veg and sort into individual veg.

And they say nurses have it tough….

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Guest has left so we are reminiscing.

I’d like to point out that guest is a TRUE hero for somehow:

Working 20 hours a day
Reading 400+ books a year
Parenting SB

AND still managing to go through bags of frozen veg and sort into individual veg.

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And they say nurses have it tough….

That is definitely something fun to do while whizzing off your tits. Just saying.

 

[nothanksbabes]

As I sit in my (adoptive) parents' miniscule house, my dad has dementia and my mum is on oxygen 24/7 with heart failure because she had no choice but to work 2 and 3 jobs at a time from the age of 14, I've never hated Jack and her poverty cosplay more.

I can't fucking comprehend what it's like to have wealthy parents and a "normal" family and doing my level best to alienate them and fuck it up.

I didn't have time (or money) to do a food shop for while I'm here and nor is there anywhere to put any of it, so today my meal options are toast or a cuppa and a biscuit, although my sister is doing Christmas dinner tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm very grateful my family are still here to see Christmas as most of this year I thought at least one of them wouldn't be, and I'm grateful for everything they've done for me. Jack has a normal middle class family* and has no fucking idea how difficult this time of year is for people who don't for whatever reaaon. She's made a career fucking lying about her life for sympathy rather than being grateful for what she has and I detest her. I hope she's miserable, she deserves it.

Anyway that's not very festive cheer of me, but fuck her, and love to all of you.

*I know this is no guarantee life is going to be great, but you know what I mean. She's objectively privileged and she fucking hates it.

 

[Claret]

Furiously reading to catch up so no idea where this will land but she is no celebrity, not even in her hometown. I was visiting what is also my home town of Southend on Sea over Christmas and spotted Jack, on her own, walking down the high street. She walked from top to bottom and not a single person acknowledged her.

If say, Jamie Oliver did the same I imagine a few people might at least do a double take as they walked past, but for Monroe there wasn't the slightest recognition. She was just another person in the crowd, a mere guest you could say

She's finished isn't she, the capacity for her to grift is over, and she knows it. The best she has to look forward to is anonymity, the worst is notoriety and the HMRC leaving their calling card. She has no family to fall back on either, she will be shunned by them, anything that sullies the name of the big chocolate has no place in the family so that bridge is burned.

Happy belated Christmas everyone, 2024 will be a good year, the fiction that is Jack Monroe will finally be over, the empress will e seen to have no clothes

 

[Winthropp Tuesday]

Happy Christmas you jingly ninnies. I’ve just got back from a hellish day at my in-laws, sister in law is so loud and obnoxious - even worse when she’s had a bottle or three of champagne.

Mum in law said she’d wanted her son to marry a young colleague of hers and not me, and stroppy nephew was a little entitled wang all afternoon.

I’m miles away from my own parents and miss them like crazy. It’s dawning on me that I don’t fit in with this lot I’ve married into and I’m absolutely trapped.

So just to say - thank you, because you lot do keep me going with your absolutely top class humour and commentary. Long may it continue. Only another 3 more hours of this shitfest of a day to get through.

 

[MurielSnark]

Re-posting this here as I just wrote this on the last thread:

There's something very sad about the thought that she's sitting alone in the bungamansion, reading through her old blog posts and social media and deleting things, one by one, presumably after reading them and deciding that is not the story she wants to preserve. It must be a lonely existence.

What, after all, does she have to look forward to next year and what can she celebrate from this one?

She's been kept afloat by funds obtained through misrepresentation but the ship is sinking and she's been cut adrift by all the media and celebrity luvvies she thought were her mates. She has a kid who's growing up fast and (hopefully) learning to put boundaries in place around his awful mother. Her family seem cool towards her, if not actually estranged. She's still living in the small, parochial enclave she grew up in and nobody there seems to like her much. She has few skills and a CV composed of lies.

In the spirit of the festive season, I hope this is a period of honest self-reflection for her, not just a panicky attempt to cover up her misdeeds and lies.

It's never too late, Jack, to make things right.

 

[nothanksbabes]

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. It's the only bad thing about posting on an anonymous forum, the fact I don't know who you are to be able to take you for a drink and a meal and tell you you're doing you're very best. Because you are. I'm sure your parents are so happy to have you there . Even if your dad might not be able to express the comfort that genuine company brings, even to people quite far down that road.

Not sure what else to say

That's so lovely, thank you

I've lots to be thankful for, and I've spent most of December having a lovely time with really nice friends and being merry and a one woman party. Christmas is just a weird time isn't it... the only time I really wish I had a family of my own and a more conventional background. I'm in my late 30s and all my friends are married with nice lives and new homes and babies and I'm single and watching my parents disappear before my eyes. I know I'm far from alone finding this time of year a bit weird.

Everyone in this thread is bloody lovely and I'll stop derailing now.

And Jack needs to stop being a fucking perpetually spoilt brat and enjoy her family and her son. And stop inflicting her miserable "recipes" on the world.

 

[MancBee]

According to Shartface Monroe, you can't emulate a Peaky Blinder with crisp ironed shirts.

That's a private joke between Jack and her dad. For goodness sake, do you want her chickens to stop breathing?

 

[Five hundred dogs]

Merry Christmas ninnies.

 

[griftalo]

I've been browsing the Mrs gloss group. I'm sure all of it's been posted/ mithered over before, but I'd not seen some of these horrors ...

Spoiler: guest being unbearable

Lol she looks like Adam Ant
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They mean shopping addict as you well know

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No you can't
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A flower crown?? Wtf. Also Adam Ant again. And yeah in an emergency I too always buy the largest most impractical option. As if boots at the station even has these enormous things
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Please compliment me on my Halloween costume

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More home rearrangement nonsense

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I NEED ATTENTION
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Even her "oh that? That's just my diary" oh so casually used as a background is full of bitching about being exhausted

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There aren't really words for this one

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presumably the aim was "sexy" but it's come out more "very pissed"

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why are all of her posts showing off about doing talks & being on TV? Seriously what a wet sponge of a person

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God it’s no wonder they told her to shut up and stop hogging the page. She talks about herself like some historical item of incredible rarity and interest to people instead of the smelly hoover bag that she is.

 

[WoolyMammoth]

As I sit in my (adoptive) parents' miniscule house, my dad has dementia and my mum is on oxygen 24/7 with heart failure because she had no choice but to work 2 and 3 jobs at a time from the age of 14, I've never hated Jack and her poverty cosplay more.

I can't fucking comprehend what it's like to have wealthy parents and a "normal" family and doing my level best to alienate them and fuck it up.

I didn't have time (or money) to do a food shop for while I'm here and nor is there anywhere to put any of it, so today my meal options are toast or a cuppa and a biscuit, although my sister is doing Christmas dinner tomorrow.

Anyway, I'm very grateful my family are still here to see Christmas as most of this year I thought at least one of them wouldn't be, and I'm grateful for everything they've done for me. Jack has a normal middle class family* and has no fucking idea how difficult this time of year is for people who don't for whatever reaaon. She's made a career fucking lying about her life for sympathy rather than being grateful for what she has and I detest her. I hope she's miserable, she deserves it.

Anyway that's not very festive cheer of me, but fuck her, and love to all of you.

*I know this is no guarantee life is going to be great, but you know what I mean. She's objectively privileged and she fucking hates it.

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. It's the only bad thing about posting on an anonymous forum, the fact I don't know who you are to be able to take you for a drink and a meal and tell you you're doing your very best. Because you are. I'm sure your parents are so happy to have you there . Even if your dad might not be able to express the comfort that genuine company brings, even to people quite far down that road.

Not sure what else to say

 

[Lobster Johnson]

don’t get me started on people rescuing dogs from other countries whilst there’s so many dogs here sitting in kennels, unloved and unwanted.

Just a warning Frauen, don't do this. We adopted a dog from Spain via a charity in the Netherlands (we live just over the border). The poor little thing had been in a shelter with his mum and siblings for 4 months and they'd done 0 socialisation with them. A 26 hour trip in a crate in the back of a dark van meant that he wouldn't go near a crate afterwards and, despite the home visit and multiple consultations before the adoption, just couldn't adapt to living in a city. He was stressed all the time and got gradually worse around people and other dogs. He got incredibly protective of my wife to the extent that I couldn't sit next to her on the sofa without him trying to bite me.

Long story short, we did everything short of moving to a farm to help him(which the adoption charity suggested) but when he sent me to A&E, he had to go back to the charity. They then got very abusive towards both me and my wife and threatened to sue us, doxxed us on their FB group leading to a load more hassle from their followers. In short, if you can't meet the dog beforehand, don't adopt them. And don't let somebody who has spent 20 minutes with an animal tell you what their needs are. These groups are, in Europe at least, completely unregulated.

 

[Naboo The Enigma]

Bringing this from the previous thread sorry, but these are not the words of someone who has EVER had to care for children whilst on a budget.

She's so obviously never had to get up at 6am, five days a week, to get her children washed, teeth brushed, dressed appropriately, fed and organised, then taken them to school. Then had to go to work and be on her feet for a shift at a thankless minimum wage job before picking the kids up, feeding them their tea, taking them to after school activities and playdates (sorry - hate that Americanism, but you know what I mean - you have to socialise the little monsters ). Then supervised their homework, bathed them, read bedtime stories, made the next day's packed lunches, sorted book bags, washed uniforms. And at some point tried to find time for grocery shopping, housework and household admin.

Unemployed parents go through the same - the DWP expect you to spend "working hours" looking for a job.

Making home baked bread is an all day job - even with a bread maker, it's a pain in the arse to measure the ingredients, and supermarket bread is much, much cheaper.

Soup takes at least half an hour cook down, after sautéing the base, which we know she never does, and isn't at all filling.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Is it a fever dream or did Jack once try to slow cook minute steak (that had already been barbecued) and call it a bourgignon?

You did not imagine that. We also did not imagine this.

March 7th 2022. Three days after posting the pic of her tiny shiny button smol Stetson ugly pigskin £120+ hat…

…Jack was on a BUS! Sitting upstairs at the back!

When THIS absolutely definitely 100% was a thing that absolutely definitely 100% happened

ss @Silver Linings

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I keep wondering somewhat what she could/should do in this situation. She’s pretty much burned through any media opportunities and doesn’t really have a niche anymore, plus I imagine she spent most of what she earned. At first I thought maybe coming clean would give her a chance to do something new, but that was part of the point of the Guardian article and it didn’t end up with any constructive outcome.

I guess part of the problem is that she would need a solid skill to enact a comeback, which wasn’t really the case with the cooking…and to stop making the same mistakes over and over again. It’s kind of a sad situation although I agree she deserved to be called out on the dishonest grifting.

I guess she could go the confessional route, it worked for Elizabeth Wurtzel I hope she doesn’t go into ADHD advocacy because that's the last thing we need lol

I don’t think there’s any opportunity whatsoever for any sort of comeback. She’s fucked herself royally and mea culpa-ing soooo many times is just one part of that. She’s both a pariah and a joke. Plus she’s utterly talentless, deeply unpleasant and fundamentally unlikeable. Oh, plus she’s burned so many bridges that bungamansion might as well be stuck on a teeny tiny smol island at this point.

All she has left now is to make amends to her family (who, apart from her son I couldn’t give one tiny shit about- they can fuck right off for enabling all this), close her fucking Patreon, delete her entire blog full of shit nutritionally devoid unworkable repulsive “budget” recipes, stop stealing money from well meaning people and disappear completely from view to live a quiet life, ideally one where we never, ever have to see or hear from her again.

I’d love a very public reckoning for the PayPal and Patreon grifts and the UTTER FUCKING LIES upon which she’s built the past decade of the grift, but don’t think we’ll get that, not least
because Jack’s fundamentally incapable of telling the truth, to the point am not even sure she knows what the truth actually is. And is incapable of making any form of sincere apology.

Hopefully HMRC come calling tho if they haven’t already, cos she’ll be in a whole world of shit and pain if and when they do.

 

[Mr Krabs]

Another Facebook group Jack posted on briefly was DIY on a Budget. We were treated to a bunch of posts about her cold damp sad little povvo hole which I’m saving for posterity.

Love the resentment dripping off the page about the sofa. She was obviously told they couldn’t afford the spenny one (or it just wasn’t practical for the filthy bugger) and she was going to scowl and hate it until she got her own way.

 

[moldwarp]

I wonder at what point Sir Matt realised he was going to have the worst 2 weeks of his professional life.

Probably when they told him who was hosting with him. I reckon the foodie industry insiders have had her number for a long time. Leggy probably gave them all the tea when she was fresh off the heartbreak.

Matt was grumpy from the start and I do feel sympathy for him, it must be truly galling to train and practise your craft for years and then have this complete faker bully her way in and pretend it's all about her and that you're just her 'co-presenter'. I can only imagine as a parallel example how a brain surgeon might feel if he gets to surgery one day and is scrubbing up when he's suddenly told by some clueless manager that Belle Gibson (the now exposed scammer who pretended she'd cured her fake terminal brain cancer with organic almonds and yoga) will be joining him to do the surgery today. And then he's there, with his little saw and his endoscope, trying to get the tumour out of some poor sod's cerebellum, and Belle's in the theatre leaping around, gurning and chanting bollocks over the patient.

So I can see why Matt was so visibly pissed off. There was a genuine threat to his professional rep and future career opps, just from being in the same camera frame as her.