Jack Monroe #498 Bootlickcook

[Geetbo]

Quite. Made it all the more ridiculous all these people on twitter saying guest should 100% have a programme - when they had no idea how bad she would be
Nigella even suggested she have programmes simultaneously on BBC1 and BBC2 as her work was so vital I kid you not.
People had gone barmy mind you. On his programme JO had been chastised on twitter for cheerily shaking a bag of dried pasta, this was seen as mocking those who couldn't find pasta in the shops.

And when she got DKL she was so tit, and such a nightmare that she's basically been blacklisted ever since. Really makes you think.

 

[TbilisiPeach]

Quite. Made it all the more ridiculous all these people on twitter saying guest should 100% have a programme - when they had no idea how bad she would be
Nigella even suggested she have programmes simultaneously on BBC1 and BBC2 as her work was so vital I kid you not.
People had gone barmy mind you. On his programme JO had been chastised on twitter for cheerily shaking a bag of dried pasta, this was seen as mocking those who couldn't find pasta in the shops.

ETA Feckin eejits the pair of them

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I wonder if all of these people were suffering with a high Covid fever at the time.

 

[Veronicaaa]

And when she got DKL she was so tit, and such a nightmare that she's basically been blacklisted ever since. Really makes you think.

The lingreenie disaster which got her booted forever from This Morning was after that. And those appearances on Lorraine as part of the Savers Squad, which led to the other 2 members of Savers Squad (who Jack never, ever mentioned) getting invited back rather than Jack. Jack doesn't want to do TV of course, she'd rather gouge her own eyes out with rusty teaspoons (of which she has plenty).

 

[Livia Fantasy]

At her age I'd expect her to be pretty tech savvy, a super quick typist, etc. but given I've seen the pic of the biros in the lapel pocket shenanigans (another nonsense idea of what someone who works looks like) I imagine she's a one finger at a time keyboard plonker.

Presenting Evidence Z: *THAT* piano performance. FUuuuuuuuucking hell.

 

[Geetbo]

The lingreenie disaster which got her booted forever from This Morning was after that. And those appearances on Lorraine as part of the Savers Squad, which led to the other 2 members of Savers Squad (who Jack never, ever mentioned) getting invited back rather than Jack. Jack doesn't want to do TV of course, she'd rather gouge her own eyes out with rusty teaspoons (of which she has plenty).

I do miss Sloppy Squad. The pear brick still haunts my nightmares.

 

[Mr Krabs]

It was indeed, I'm so sorry that you had to look at it again. I hope you're bearing up ok considering the circs. I'll send cashos ASAP buy yourself some eye bleachios, mate.

Lolling at her thinking that she's delicious and dangerous. She's right about dangerous though since she's probably just given half a dozen volunteers botulism via quiche.

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"I'm delicious and dangerous" is what she encants to herself when taking ridiculous sex face selfies like this. I will never not find this funny just look at her I cannot. U just know she has Maneater by Nelly Furtado on her internal jukebox as she struts up and down Southend Prom. Sorry, hobbles with her walking stick down Southend Prom, obvs.

She just looks like she’s suffering from a painful affliction.

 

[Livia Fantasy]

Nigella Hun why stop there? Maybe BBC news should also be dedicated to jack using bottled lemon juice and making a super simple béchamel.
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What the hell is that? Is that meant to go in the oven, or am I mopping the floor with it? BARF.

 

[Veronicaaa]

What the hell is that? Is that meant to go in the oven, or am I mopping the floor with it? BARF.

It'll thicken in the oven

 

[Livia Fantasy]

She just looks like she’s suffering from a painful affliction.

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Might also need these:

 

[Jelly Bean]

The lingreenie disaster which got her booted forever from This Morning was after that. And those appearances on Lorraine as part of the Savers Squad, which led to the other 2 members of Savers Squad (who Jack never, ever mentioned) getting invited back rather than Jack. Jack doesn't want to do TV of course, she'd rather gouge her own eyes out with rusty teaspoons (of which she has plenty).

Ah point of order dear heart - guest was invited back to This Morning once more. When she offered a visibly horrified Phil bollock sossidges.
It was off the back of the old man eating toothpaste wasn't it? When she was on a high from her viral lamb and champagne tweet? And guest cheerily and cockily tweeted 'I'm hooome' before filming her segment.
Now THAT was the final nail in her coffin TM wise.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Ah point of order dear heart - guest was invited back to This Morning once more. When she offered a visibly horrified Phil bollock sossidges.
It was off the back of the old man eating toothpaste wasn't it? When she was on a high from her viral lamb and champagne tweet? And guest cheerily and cockily tweeted 'I'm hooome' before filming her segment.
Now THAT was the final nail in her coffin TM wise.

Sorry, I should have said *she claimed* the lingreenie disaster was what resulted in her getting the boot from This Morning (something about undercooked pasta, which was actually the least of anyone's worries with that particular segment).

 

[Lazarus]

Here are the exact posts courtesy of @panda_eyes
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“If it ends up being a pro bono case then I’ll donate the cash, obviously! And if it ends up not being a case at all, I’ll KEEP THE CASH AND SPEND IT ALL ON MEEEEEEE, OBVIOUSLY!”

At least Lozza Fox got his fiver donated, even if it was only to the Trussell effing Trust.

Has anyone ever picked up on the significant time difference between the UK and Israel being 2hrs? That meaning it was 9:30pm on a Friday night in Israel when she posted this. If the case was so pressingly urgent that she was fundraising immediately and nothing could wait until she’d taken legal advice on the Monday, then how is it the case that almost a year later she hasn’t done anything about it?

 

[Livia Fantasy]

Matt you very much thank matt [sniff] you thank

 

[pumbilical cord]

Ah point of order dear heart - guest was invited back to This Morning once more. When she offered a visibly horrified Phil bollock sossidges.
It was off the back of the old man eating toothpaste wasn't it? When she was on a high from her viral lamb and champagne tweet? And guest cheerily and cockily tweeted 'I'm hooome' before filming her segment.
Now THAT was the final nail in her coffin TM wise.

I've heard of toothpaste man but not the lamb and champagne tweet. I guess that's gonna be my evening entertainment sorted!

 

[noweverythingsucks]

There were 11 houses between our house and the school gate. Obviously I cycled to school because it was TOO FAR to walk

Mine was 40 minutes each way because I was too POOR to get the bus there were no direct buses. I've just checked and that was less than a third of what poor guest had to do in her days of poverty anorexia liking coronation chicken bullshitting.

 

[noweverythingsucks]

It's because she has no concept of "work" and just attributes being busy scribbling notes down with her tongue poked out in concentration as "work" when it's pointless busy-ness as a substitute for doing anything remotely productive.

See also: her 4-hour shopping lists after taking a full inventory of the shelves, freezers and drawers. WHYYY? Do it ONCE I can understand, then go get what you need and know what you actually have stashed away / needs defrosting. It's such performative balls instead of getting on with it. Watermelon, but we run a pub, and have seen this in a couple of former staff - will faff-a around during busy moments (like, rearranging the crisps) instead of just getting on with the most important thing: serving the paying punters / going to bleeping Asda.

The funniest thing is that it's just performative to pretend that she's working these massively long weeks - and its not questioned that this amounts to her writing her own shopping list for four hours.

 

[houseofhoop]

It's because she has no concept of "work" and just attributes being busy scribbling notes down with her tongue poked out in concentration as "work" when it's pointless busy-ness as a substitute for doing anything remotely productive.

See also: her 4-hour shopping lists after taking a full inventory of the shelves, freezers and drawers. WHYYY? Do it ONCE I can understand, then go get what you need and know what you actually have stashed away / needs defrosting. It's such performative balls instead of getting on with it. Watermelon, but we run a pub, and have seen this in a couple of former staff - will faff-a around during busy moments (like, rearranging the crisps) instead of just getting on with the most important thing: serving the paying punters / going to bleeping Asda.

Fake work innit

 

[MooBelle]

What the hell is that? Is that meant to go in the oven, or am I mopping the floor with it? BARF.

You mean you've never seen the horse gunk lasagne in the flesh before?