Jack Monroe #498 Bootlickcook

[House of Carbonara]

I feel like, with the collective and varied skillz of the frauen, we could run the country efficiently..

And I do my own website and I'm ... Getting on a bit!

So much this, with bells on. We totally could.
I am getting on a bit too, dearest Dino, but it has never stopped me trying to understand how stuff works. Mr. HoC is an engineer with a ton of technical knowledge, but in this house I am the HelpDesk.

@Abelmabel, I think you hit the nail on the head - so much of her ignorance is due to her not having worked for so long (and I doubt she did much more than answering the phone with the Fire Service, but could be wrong obvs), so has no idea of what the real world is like.

 

[DianeAbbotsMojito]

She has no respect for knowledge or expertise at all. She just thinks she will be brilliant at everything, including the technical stuff. I bet she would really object to paying someone else to do the work.

She does think she'll be brilliant at everything, it doesn't occur to her that she's bang average. That "dressmaking" she did was dire, really really awful and laughable but she obviously thought she'd got a real talent. She has monologues in her head with her sad act fans telling her that there's nothing she can't do and she's amazing, the tragic twit. She threw one punch that landed with HH1 and she's been dining out on it ever since but unfortunately it's just the scrap ends of the buffet left and it's time you get an Uber home, guest, you grifting chancer.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Does any frau have a screenshot of the deleted tweet from the weekend please? I'm afraid I was being burgered* at the time and didn't get to see it.

*Eating a burger in a beer garden

Do you mean this one, tenderhead?

https://tattle.life/threads/jack-mo...n-a-nation-quiche.38874/page-22#post-14949784

 

[Ablemabel]

So much this, with bells on. We totally could.
I am getting on a bit too, dearest Dino, but it has never stopped me trying to understand how stuff works. Mr. HoC is an engineer with a ton of technical knowledge, but in this house I am the HelpDesk.

@Abelmabel, I think you hit the nail on the head - so much of her ignorance is due to her not having worked for so long (and I doubt she did much more than answering the phone with the Fire Service, but could be wrong obvs), so has no idea of what the real world is like.

I'm wondering now whether this is why she writes everything down in the Moleskins and has ring binders everywhere. Very mid 90s.

 

[DianeAbbotsMojito]

Do you mean this one, tenderhead?

https://tattle.life/threads/jack-mo...n-a-nation-quiche.38874/page-22#post-14949784

It was indeed, I'm so sorry that you had to look at it again. I hope you're bearing up ok considering the circs. I'll send cashos ASAP buy yourself some eye bleachios, mate.

Lolling at her thinking that she's delicious and dangerous. She's right about dangerous though since she's probably just given half a dozen volunteers botulism via quiche.

"I'm delicious and dangerous" is what she encants to herself when taking ridiculous sex face selfies like this. I will never not find this funny just look at her I cannot. U just know she has Maneater by Nelly Furtado on her internal jukebox as she struts up and down Southend Prom. Sorry, hobbles with her walking stick down Southend Prom, obvs.

 

[Livia Fantasy]

Flaneater*

(SORRY SORRY)

 

[Jelly Bean]

I had a quick look at the first thread and so little has changed. She was being bullied and was at her desk for 20 hours A DAY. From 6am to 2am
Anyway amongst all the Jamie Oliver bullying (which was worse than I remembered tbh) there was this nugget.
Rufus Hound knew how TV worked and knew if Jack co presented she would then get her own series

 

[MavisBeacon]

What I don't understand (among another 100 things) is how guest has so little understanding of anything vaguely technical. She grew up with it, not like us oldies, but she's useless at it. How comes?
Case in point - any, and I mean ANY bull posted online will be scrutinised AND saved for ever and ever. So, think before making stupid and easily verifiable claims, Monroe. We have receipt, and a wealth of knowledgeable frauen here.

I find it crazy she writes everything longhand in her stupid notebooks when it would be so much easier and quicker to use a spreadsheet. And probably easier on her achy hands too

 

[Captainmouse]

I find it crazy she writes everything longhand in her stupid notebooks when it would be so much easier and quicker to use a spreadsheet. And probably easier on her achy hands too

Or dictation software

 

[Livia Fantasy]

I find it crazy she writes everything longhand in her stupid notebooks when it would be so much easier and quicker to use a spreadsheet. And probably easier on her achy hands too

It's because she has no concept of "work" and just attributes being busy scribbling notes down with her tongue poked out in concentration as "work" when it's pointless busy-ness as a substitute for doing anything remotely productive.

See also: her 4-hour shopping lists after taking a full inventory of the shelves, freezers and drawers. WHYYY? Do it ONCE I can understand, then go get what you need and know what you actually have stashed away / needs defrosting. It's such performative balls instead of getting on with it. Watermelon, but we run a pub, and have seen this in a couple of former staff - will faff-a around during busy moments (like, rearranging the crisps) instead of just getting on with the most important thing: serving the paying punters / going to bleeping Asda.

 

[Seaford Haggington]

I had a quick look at the first thread and so little has changed. She was being bullied and was at her desk for 20 hours A DAY. From 6am to 2am
Anyway amongst all the Jamie Oliver bullying (which was worse than I remembered tbh) there was this nugget.
Rufus Hound knew how TV worked and knew if Jack co presented she would then get her own series

View attachment 2143210

I guess he had no idea how bad she could be at presenting. I cannot watch more than a few seconds of DKL without turning inside out with cringe. Even by the last episode she still does not know where she is supposed to be looking when she speaks.

 

[Ablemabel]

It's because she has no concept of "work" and just attributes being busy scribbling notes down with her tongue poked out in concentration as "work" when it's pointless busy-ness as a substitute for doing anything remotely productive.

When I was very little, my father used to bring home from work note books for me. Hardback black covers with a red stripe and lined pages. I used to spend hours writing lists, etc. in it. Jack and her notebooks always remind me of that. Difference was I was about six. There was as much purpose to what I wrote as there is to hers.

Edited because my grammar sucks!

 

[Livia Fantasy]

When I was very little, my father used to bring me these note books from work home for me. Hardback black covers with a red stripe and lined pages. I used to spend hours writing lists, etc. in it. Jack and her notebooks always remind me of that. Difference was I was about six. There was as much purpose to what I wrote as there is to hers.

Page 1, Line 1: "I bleeping hate that scarf"

(I *do* love nice fresh stationary tbh)

 

[TbilisiPeach]

There's no fraud or crime as she made a wishy washy post and directed people to her usual donation sources. Nothing specific about using it for legal fees either in the request or the actual pages where people gave.

There's lots of personal expenses and loss of earnings someone freelance would encounter with a case. She could just say she spent weeks on it investigating it and money went on loss of earnings, which of course is a moot point as it isn't going anywhere at all.

Same with patreon, you pay your money to get access to the private posts. The other stuff is seen as a wish list, not a legal obligation. You pay money to someone on sites like patreon or Kickstarter and you accept the risks.

Thanks, Queen @Yel . It can't be said often enough, she's not particularly likely to have done anything outright illegal. She's dodgy af, and uses every opportunity to beg online, but neither her Patreon, nor her PayPal donations are crimes. And yes, she has to pay tax on those income streams, and no, there is no evidence at all that she doesn't do that. All we know for sure is that she was once late for filing her taxes. Again, dodgy and pathetic for someone who is always ready to point out the nefarious tax dealings of Tory MPs, but something HMRC will sort out.

Anyone paying for more than a month for Patreon and not receiving anything has at least partially themselves to blame. I think the one exception to this is probably that community garden. Can't quite remember if they ever got their refund.

 

[DianeAbbotsMojito]

I forgot to share this photo of the happy couple guest and Growler that I chanced upon last week when I was looking for Gloss-based antics.

Jack looks like a 12 year old boy child who's just won a competition to meet Steve Bruce and he'll get to shake all the Newcastle player's hands afterwards and go home with a little goody bag.

not misgendering or poking fun at androgynous women. You can be an androgynous woman and not look like Steve Bruce or a twelve year old boy.

 

[House of Carbonara]

I'm wondering now whether this is why she writes everything down in the Moleskins and has ring binders everywhere. Very mid 90s.

It so is, isn't it. It's like she lives in a temporal bubble.

 

[Veronicaaa]

I think the one exception to this is probably that community garden. Can't quite remember if they ever got their refund.

Were they asking for a refund, or were they just having trouble unsubscribing? I can't remember the details.

 

[TbilisiPeach]

Were they asking for a refund, or were they just having trouble unsubscribing? I can't remember the details.

Neither can I. And I can't be bothered to look. I'm a right Jack today. That'll do.

 

[Jelly Bean]

I guess he had no idea how bad she could be at presenting. I cannot watch more than a few seconds of DKL without turning inside out with cringe. Even by the last episode she still does not know where she is supposed to be looking when she speaks.

Quite. Made it all the more ridiculous all these people on twitter saying guest should 100% have a programme - when they had no idea how bad she would be
Nigella even suggested she have programmes simultaneously on BBC1 and BBC2 as her work was so vital I kid you not.
People had gone barmy mind you. On his programme JO had been chastised on twitter for cheerily shaking a bag of dried pasta, this was seen as mocking those who couldn't find pasta in the shops.

ETA Feckin eejits the pair of them

 

[Ablemabel]

She also puts me in mind of one of those people who thinks her status is such that she should have 'help'. I work with people like this who think their mere existence means that they can command the services of assistants, secretaries, admin, but in fact they are lazy arses and if they could get their head out of their a for 5 minutes, they could do it themselves. I dislike these people

At her age I'd expect her to be pretty tech savvy, a super quick typist, etc. but given I've seen the pic of the biros in the lapel pocket shenanigans (another nonsense idea of what someone who works looks like) I imagine she's a one finger at a time keyboard plonker.