Jack Monroe #498 Bootlickcook

[Livia Fantasy]

 

[Lucy Aeroplane]

Hello ninnies! Another month, another Patreon update - apols for the delay had a bit of work goss to catch up on and you know how it is lol. Behind a cut as per:

Spoiler: For length

Topline: Jack Monroe opened May 2023 with 428 paying Patreon subscribers. Where she hides the revenue she takes we've had to estimate this to be worth £5.3k, using Olia Hercules' average per subscriber fee of £14.12 and subtracting worst case platform fees of 12%. We once again implore Jack to unhide her revenue so we can accurately report on this!

Jack is down 6.1% month on month, losing 32 subs and gaining just 4 in month, netting off at a loss of 28 subscribers. This is the 8th consecutive month of losses, and has been pointed out by our wise mavens as one of the worst she's had - maybe it was the Tina Turner guest pics that did it? Optimistic that we'll see even higher losses in June 2023 opening just as there's 3 bank hols in this month so maybe ppl will review their bank statements a bit more!

On Nigella - she's still 1.8 * pre-Nigella promo, but if you look at the first row for Feb 2021 when our records began she was at 346 paying subs, she's only at 1.2 * that level. This is a super slow, gentle, soft cancellation but rest assured it's happening. Those 2 hours spent pretending to be a chess genius could have been better spent trying to retain some of ur passive income hun!

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Please let me know if you have any questions/suggestions. And thank you for reading this - I do really appreciate it cos this is a fun little project.

I love that you do this, and I like your reporting style too. THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO X

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

That Ash Sarkor woman is doing an impressive grift for her wedding. She will be needing a thread on here if it is successful.

Spoiler: Ash Sarkar mithering

Reposting because I managed to leave my own profile picture in one of the screenshots, thank you to whoever removed it. Also popping behind a spoiler because it's not strictly related to the current thread.

Ash's posts don't strike me as particularly grifty - she's saying "we'd rather not spend money on things we'll never use again, can we borrow them?" rather than "please pay for my wedding." She's also turned down an offer of free wedding photography. She could be gearing up for a bigger beg, but on the face of it, she's not on the grift.

 

[VeniVidiVicki]

Sorry if already coveted, but have we picked up on guest going off on another jolly (whether Chessney is just a "friend" or something more, idgaf) without her son? The only time that poor kid ever gets to go anywhere is when his dad organises it. I know we all suspect it's because he doesn't actually live with guest and she isn't allowed unsupervised contact after the past couple of years but it makes it even more grotesque that she's posted multiple Twitter screeds about grand plans to take SB everywhere making memories and none of it has materialised.

Yeah the last time she rolled out Chess Jack was February half term when she was planning on taking him camping. Nothing.

It‘s just been the Easter holidays when he will have had two weeks off school. Nothing. I’d prefer to think she’s not allowed to take him away rather than that she’s dangling stuff in front of him and never doing it.

 

[DianeAbbotsMojito]

A dozen engineers?
What a website repair looks like in the mind of someone who's never had a website repaired

What it actually looks like

duck me, she is THICK.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Did Jack set up crowdfunding specifically for the libel case or did she just direct squigs to her Patreon as usual? I wasn't following the Sue Lee chaos from the start.

Edit: asking because I was wondering about fraud, i.e. if obtaining money via crowdfunding under false pretences would be classed as a crime, or if it's thought to be the responsibility of those who donated?

Here are the exact posts courtesy of @panda_eyes

“If it ends up being a pro bono case then I’ll donate the cash, obviously! And if it ends up not being a case at all, I’ll KEEP THE CASH AND SPEND IT ALL ON MEEEEEEE, OBVIOUSLY!”

At least Lozza Fox got his fiver donated, even if it was only to the Trussell effing Trust.

 

[Livia Fantasy]

she’s dangling stuff in front of him and never doing it.

Are you describing my love life?

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

The final boss of Burberry scarves was unveiled at the Met gala last night - a true investment piece for Linda as it’d also double up as a gorge cell blanket

 

[noweverythingsucks]

At least twice, dear heart.

View attachment 2142731View attachment 2142732

I'm almost certain there was a third beg shortly before or after HH2 but I can't find it.

Though if the "dozen engineers and specialists" she had on the case couldn't fix the bleeping thing, she should probably just give up.

View attachment 2142738

I'm pretty sure if there are cached/archived or backed up versions of the sites this would take less than an hour for one smol pixie with access to Google or Wordpress support, and if there aren't then a teams of web engineers on 14 hour shifts would be no help unless they're building a new site. Which tbf would be useful since it has always been a pile of rit.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

Hello ninnies! Another month, another Patreon update - apols for the delay had a bit of work goss to catch up on and you know how it is lol. Behind a cut as per:

Spoiler: For length

Topline: Jack Monroe opened May 2023 with 428 paying Patreon subscribers. Where she hides the revenue she takes we've had to estimate this to be worth £5.3k, using Olia Hercules' average per subscriber fee of £14.12 and subtracting worst case platform fees of 12%. We once again implore Jack to unhide her revenue so we can accurately report on this!

Jack is down 6.1% month on month, losing 32 subs and gaining just 4 in month, netting off at a loss of 28 subscribers. This is the 8th consecutive month of losses, and has been pointed out by our wise mavens as one of the worst she's had - maybe it was the Tina Turner guest pics that did it? Optimistic that we'll see even higher losses in June 2023 opening just as there's 3 bank hols in this month so maybe ppl will review their bank statements a bit more!

On Nigella - she's still 1.8 * pre-Nigella promo, but if you look at the first row for Feb 2021 when our records began she was at 346 paying subs, she's only at 1.2 * that level. This is a super slow, gentle, soft cancellation but rest assured it's happening. Those 2 hours spent pretending to be a chess genius could have been better spent trying to retain some of ur passive income hun!

View attachment 2142708

Please let me know if you have any questions/suggestions. And thank you for reading this - I do really appreciate it cos this is a fun little project.

Spoiler

 

[Veronicaaa]

Sorry if already coveted, but have we picked up on guest going off on another jolly (whether Chessney is just a "friend" or something more, idgaf) without her son? The only time that poor kid ever gets to go anywhere is when his dad organises it. I know we all suspect it's because he doesn't actually live with guest and she isn't allowed unsupervised contact after the past couple of years but it makes it even more grotesque that she's posted multiple Twitter screeds about grand plans to take SB everywhere making memories and none of it has materialised.

She also has a young dog, allegedly. I haven't been away in the 5 and a half years since I got mine

 

[Captainmouse]

There isn't enough of Southend for her to walk seven miles. The school would need to be somewhere in open countryside.

ETA: or possibly under the sea

Maybe she took the pier?

 

[DianeAbbotsMojito]

She also has a young dog, allegedly. I haven't been away in the 5 and a half years since I got mine

Hang on, she'll have 50 odd "mates" just waiting in the wings to come and look after Content at a moment's notice and for no recompense other than a tupperware of slop and the opportunity to come and play nursemaid to guest the following week when she inevitably crashes and burns after her toot -toot-a-rama weekend away and if you had any friends you'd know that.

 

[MavisBeacon]

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LJC this drives me nuts as it's such an obviously dumb lie. It's a Wordpress blog, not the bleeping CIA mainframe.
Also, yet another example of her unprofessionalism. You'd think that if this is HER LITERAL JOB (which she maintains it is) she would actually invest some time and/or money in making sure it's updated, secure, backed up etc etc.
To be honest (and not to give her any ideas - Hi Jack, pause your Patreon you bleeping grifter) she should have done a tip jar rattle for a complete redesign and build, although that would actually entail some work on her part, not just taking the money and failing to fix the existing site. "14 hours and a dozen engineers" oh duck off.

 

[Fleasyweezy]

At least twice, dear heart.

View attachment 2142731View attachment 2142732

I'm almost certain there was a third beg shortly before or after HH2 but I can't find it.

Though if the "dozen engineers and specialists" she had on the case couldn't fix the bleeping thing, she should probably just give up.

View attachment 2142738

Whilst I get that she’s been sloppy (what a surprise) with backing up her website, even though this should be part & parcel from whoever supports her platform, if it was an old copy used for the restore, I don’t understand why Google Ads can’t be implemented again especially if she had “a dozen engineers & specialists” working on it for her. Let’s face it, given the majority of websites, especially for small companies, use this as a source of income, it would probably only take a very small effort to have done this as well for our queen of bleeding hearts

 

[Phil Anthrope]

Guest is literally looking round the room for things to tweet about at this point. Chess set catches her eye: let's wheel out a variation on the most boring chess anecdote imaginable. What a sad lonely life.

I think it's deliberately done to draw attention away from the negativity and controversial surrounding her "celebrate the monarchy quiche". Possibly orchestrated by her agent as a damage limitation exercise.

 

[VeniVidiVicki]

Whilst I get that she’s been sloppy (what a surprise) with backing up her website, even though this should be part & parcel from whoever supports her platform, if it was an old copy used for the restore, I don’t understand why Google Ads can’t be implemented again especially if she had “a dozen engineers & specialists” working on it for her. Let’s face it, given the majority of websites, especially for small companies, use this as a source of income, it would probably only take a very small effort to have done this as well for our queen of bleeding hearts

It’s bizarre isn’t it? Seems such an easy source of income. Even we’d be paying her fgs! Maybe she had a falling out with Vlad?

 

[DianeAbbotsMojito]

Does any frau have a screenshot of the deleted tweet from the weekend please? I'm afraid I was being burgered* at the time and didn't get to see it.

*Eating a burger in a beer garden

 

[noweverythingsucks]

Maybe she took the pier?

You got to caveat that with 'not literally!', there'll be a post about the evil trolls asking her to drown herself in the pipeline.
---

Does any frau have a screenshot of the deleted tweet from the weekend please? I'm afraid I was being burgered* at the time and didn't get to see it.

*Eating a burger in a beer garden

I dunno if there is a better way to do it but I *think* I found it yesterday on the second page of most liked posts (previous thread).

 

[lilykestrel]

At least twice, dear heart.

View attachment 2142731View attachment 2142732

I'm almost certain there was a third beg shortly before or after HH2 but I can't find it.

Though if the "dozen engineers and specialists" she had on the case couldn't fix the bleeping thing, she should probably just give up.

View attachment 2142738

"A dozen engineers and specialists" means poor sods on the live chat doesn't it, not Jack holed up in a bunker with twelve people working flat out on a Wordpress blog, like wartime Bletchley Park

ETA didn't realise I was a page behind and other ninnies have made similar jokes