Jack Monroe #469 Spam fits my macros.

[Hold my beans]

 

[Valiofthedolls]

 

[Serafina Pekkala]

Dear Ninnies,
I don't have a fish but I do have a zebra!

What ever the kids did, they didn't deserve this...
Go well pals

 

[Veronicaaa]

She really does fancy herself. I've just gone back into that cursed Facebook beauty group for the first time in about two years to delve for Jack pics and OH BOY, the amount of amateur model shoot type photos is vomit inducing. I used to do shit like this when I was about 13.

I found this one too from when she apparently had her eye bitten by an insect. I've never before in all my life known someone who turns ailments into performance art. There should be a special imaginary illness category named after her: HYPOCHONDRIJACK.

ETA the image of the insect bitten eye (that poor insect) To be fair to her, it looks genuine and no glitter to be detected but why does she have to make such a song and dance with the eye patch. Oh I know why, because just taking an antihistamine and getting on with it won't make people stop and go omggg what happened to yooouuu

This pains me every time I see it.

 

[Justacatindisguise]

Jesus CHRIST.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

(It’s a real fish! It’s a Hairy Frogfish)

 

[SmolWarrior]

Love the very entertaining Jack as fish posts. Not to dilute the hilarity of those, but have we mithered over Jack’s political date with Georgia Toffolo before? From 2017 – Kumquat hairdo era. WARNED.



It’s nowhere near as bad as some of Jack’s other appearances, and I know nothing of Georgia Toffolo but she does come across as genuine, open-minded, and thoughtful. Teeth-grindingly awkward seeing Jack giggle away as if she is on a ~real date~ and, of course, talking constantly about herself.

Highlights:

Jack and Theresa May have FOUR OR FIVE of the same type of shoes (spenny I am guessing).

Jack says she’s non-binary transgender and she’s ‘in a really girly phase at the moment. It’s a day to day thing’ and she sometimes shocks her partners by ‘dressing up as a man’. Georgia quite nicely says she doesn’t know enough about it, so won’t comment. Not wanting to derail at all on gender stuff; I genuinely don’t know whether some trans people might share Jack’s attitude towards her own trans/NB status as something that comes and goes in phases.

At the end of the date, Jack’s ‘arguments’ (i.e. endlessly talking about herself) didn’t move Georgia from the centre-right, but Jack says her lovely date has moved her more to the centre. She might even go fox hunting with her! Such moral barometer.

Again we see what a chameleon Jack is; she shifts her views, behaviours, and mannerisms to fit the moment.

I love how they both end by saying it’s the start of a beautiful friendship. Did they ever meet again, I wonder?

 

[Valiofthedolls]

From that early 2013 Xanthe Clay interview.

Spoiler: SHE IS VILE

 

[Foxvint]

Jack trying to be Leggys bit of rough at those dinner parties is objectively very very funny. Oh to have been a fly on the wall at her little My Fair Lady fantasy, dropping her aitches an pissin in the gazpacho

 

[MavisBeacon]

At this juncture I wish to officially start the campaign to have
DRAMATIC PAUSE .. Still I rinse
as the thread title as it will make us all chuckle for days.

DRAMATIC PAUSE from the Slop Empress herself, rest of it from @imBUSY

 

[DianeAbbotsMojito]

God bless the Gloss squig who detected Jack's bullshit at a thousand paces and "innocently" called her out on it.

The rest of the comments were invariably from Sad Mums acting like they were conversing with Madonna and mods trying to be funny. Cringe.

 

[DianeAbbotsMojito]

Just going through Gloss again perusing the many many looks of Jack and I think this is my favourite - Sideshow Bob hair plus some doilies fashioned into a disgusting year 8 fashion show style ensemble.

She just looks so uncomfortable. She's obviously breathing in, was she planning on walking round with her stomach sucked in and shoulders hunched up by her ears all day? The Sideshow Bob hair is just the creme de la creme

 

[Country Bumpkin]

 

[Valiofthedolls]

When was this….?

Well I’m glad it was really cheap and gave you a boost, Jack. You know, given that you were on the bones of your arse, “coming out as skint”, couldn’t pay your rent and on the fucking beg on Patreon and PayPal the month before…

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Going by this Jack's got a very limited understanding of gender politics- she probably thinks identical twins are only identical when they dress the same....

Jack’s got a very limited understanding of lots of things. Especially

SAME

v NOT THE SAME

Spoiler: From her G8 Summit Independent Article

 

[Valiofthedolls]

I’ve just remembered that in the white bralette pic, Jack was soliciting opinions on “dressing for a BBQ”. I’ve given her a nice sleeveless jumper because it’s January (and because I’m sick of seeing her mediocre tits).

EVEN BETTER, I remembered from when @Django posted this back in the autumn, it contains ABSOLUTE SHADE where the mods turned off her ability to comment because she wouldn’t shut the fuck up from dominating the entire place

@Django for the screenie. Black tank top by Val (RIP) NOT RIP.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Don’t fear for Jack, my tenderstems. She’s just now softly, gently, painstakingly moving one scant item at a time across the mountains, prairies and valleys of Thorpe Bay all by her smol pixie self.

One teeny teeny tiny arthritically agonized snuffling and giggling step closer, always closer, forever closer, to her grifted home and its impossibly bucolic spring-blooming forever hydrangea.

(ETA for those who don’t know, this is really Jack. It’s from her Insta )

 

[ChaosCEO]

The Squigs are back to my fave genre of tweet aimed at Jack: “Jack, Morrisons have put the price of Dolmio up by 3p. Help me!”

This one includes the absolutely corking line “No wonder Bootstrap Cook is so busy!”

What does Squig imagine Jack is doing all day? Running from supermarket to supermarket, bursting into the manager’s office and demanding they lower the price of own brand fusilli?

A question to amuse the Frauhaus until Jack emerges from her DRAMATIC PAUSE:

Batman has the Bat Signal to summon him when Gotham is threatened by villainy. What would be the Jack Signal, to summon Jack when a fan notices Baxter’s canned minestrone has risen by 18p?

 

[Valiofthedolls]

 

[Foxvint]

When she says "...with a child to take care of alone", isn't it funny how she has this massive circle of friends who gift her expensive items, tattoo her for free, groom her dog for free (may be wrong on that one but you get the gist). So she went from having literally nobody (not even her family or father of her child) to now being the most popular and fortunate person with a massive circle of friends. Riiiiiiiight. Ok

Also so what. So fuckin what. So did MILLIONS of us. Multiple kids. We held our hands up as making poor partner choices or we just got left, so we got up an worked and made it work. Christ on a bike, you're not the 1st unmarried mother in history you conniving twat. All this tremulous voiced doe eyed 'i was a single mum' as if she was accused of witchcraft in 1356. No one's arsed.