Jack Monroe #458 This addled lie factory is on another level

[MoistenedGussets]

New thread made in honour of @fishyfishfish

Slightly edited to remove 'Gak' as it's slang for Drugs I didn't think a tread title would be the best place to accuse JM of being Drug Addled.

Please forgive and shoot me at Dawn

Recap wise...

Holy Moley Baths Of Cash..

And she wants to talk about anything but the bath.. begging to talk about the Recipes which in fairly sure are sloppy seconds from other places and her own books.

Mod edit:
Let’s leave the court outfits posts in the old thread please. Thanks

 

[Inigomontoya]

@Marmalade Atkins, paging @Marmalade Atkins ...

 

[mackjonroe]

Oh she’s awake!! Ignoring the coins thing of course and sneakily asking if it’s safe to talk about the recipes yet!
She’s a fool if she thinks this is going away.

 

[Archduchess of Luxembourg]

First

ETA too slow dammit

 

[hooplifehero]

Sure let's talk about the recipes... see how that goes Jack.

 

[mackjonroe]

Sure let's talk about the recipes... see how that goes Jack.

Haha
Today is gonna be a good one!

 

[MoistenedGussets]

You knowwwwww...
I haven't returned the book yet.... Sooooo....

Photos of recipes *for review purposes* is possible.. time consuming, but possible...

I'd not want to flood threads with photos of the food, unless anyone's trying to lose weight of course, guaranteed appetite suppressant.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

She's awake and has jumped straight on Twitter with a stinking, arrogant attitude. Because that'll be good PR right there.

 

[Hold my beans]

Recap: Jack's a shameless LIAR

 

[BWinter]

It’s interesting she’s chosen the bread and jam ice cream as one of the three from the metro, and then in the origin story includes a woe is me tale about The Poverty and then getting the idea in therapy. I can 100% see how someone seeing her recipes for the first time would be drawn in. Clever marketing.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Comparison again between Batch Lady and Jack. I shan't label them this time, I think you can tell who is who.

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

As a stroppy middle child of the thread can I ask that the good Frauen catch up with everything before posting things like articles and “tea” (e.g. “the make up artist has disabled comments!”).

It’s basically a full time job keeping up with the threads without stuff being duplicated 5 or 6 times.

Danke Schön.

 

[lilykestrel]

Recap: the 10,000 coins filling up the Guardian bath was proven to be a lie by a behind-the-scenes reel posted on Instagram by the make up artist. It was rather a set up involving cushions and an unspecified amount of pennies.

Fraus discussed outfits. I will be attending as a perfectly spherical fried egg. I will add glitter to signify metal microshards from an improperly sanded egg ring.

 

[Veronicaaa]

It’s interesting she’s chosen the bread and jam ice cream as one of the three from the metro, and then in the origin story includes a woe is me tale about The Poverty and then getting the idea in therapy. I can 100% see how someone seeing her recipes for the first time would be drawn in. Clever marketing.

I'm not so convinced that people will be drawn in by it.

It's all such twitter-speak. The mental and emotional labour thing and the fact she has to go to a therapist to ~unpack~ not wanting bread and jam. It's such nonsense.

 

[Country Bumpkin]

So after those bots spew out some her recipes, she wants to talk about them. I smell something fishy...

 

[PoorPatrol]

Mama Mia, her puttanesca recipe is tit!! I can picture her doing it on This Morning and Gino having some kind of breakdown

Jack, you wanted to talk about the recipes, yeah? Well maybe let’s talk about why you think it’s necessary to put sardines that are already cooked, into 600ml of liquid and then cook for 30 mins? Why, also, would you use x2 tins of sardines, when you could use the stronger saltier (and correct for a cultural recipe!!!) flavour of x1 tin of chopped anchovies that are sold in Sainsbury’s for 90p a tin? You’re not saving money, because you’re using x2 of the alternative.

If you’re being thrifty, why would you have the gas on for 30 mins when 10-15 would suffice? Oh, wait, I know the answer! It’s because you’ve used way too much liquid (600ml) and need to reduce down the unnecessary volume

Why is your puttanesca devoid of any of the things that would give a depth of flavour? It’s supposed to be cooked with onions and garlic, with parsley added at the end. All we seem to have here, is mashed fish boiled into tinned tomatoes for half an hour.

Puttanesca is supposed to strike a lovely balance between being rich in flavour, but light and fresh, salty, with pops of zing here and there. Why am I cooking pre-cooked, mashed sardines for so long? Won’t the sauce just become a slop? Apologise to the whores of Naples, now! WARNED.

PS, after your bread and jam bullshit in the ice cream recipe, you could have at least treated us to a history of puttanesca (bleep’s sauce) and how it ties in with your definitely not made up experience of being a sex worker. Missed an opportunity to talk about yourself there pal.

 

[JombleWomble]

The Metro "article" is just a reprint of the Quarterhack but they've made a terrible mistake with their choice of stock image. They've chosen eggs that

Spoiler: Spoiler

aren't perfectly round!

I only have the Metro app because I like the puzzles. I don't even usually read the rest of it and this edition has not convinced me to start. (ETA- I will be reading the Letters page for the next few days though, to see if there's any interesting feedback about these featured recipes)

Final FINAL edit- one of the Metro jigsaws today is a picture of two walri!

 

[AndrewsDaddy]

The makeup artist (MUA) posted on insta including a slow-mo nose wipe reminiscent of Daniela Westbrooke at her finest. Such laughs they had. Jack was seen surrounded by other women wearing substantial browny orange clothes rather than being nude as claimed.

 

[Mendacious Trumpet]

Apologise to the whores of Naples, now! WARNED.

Too early

 

[LavaFlake]

Mama Mia, her puttanesca recipe is tit!! I can picture her doing it on This Morning and Gino having some kind of breakdown

Jack, you wanted to talk about the recipes, yeah? Well maybe let’s talk about why you think it’s necessary to put sardines that are already cooked, into 600ml of liquid and then cook for 30 mins? Why, also, would you use x2 tins of sardines, when you could use the stronger saltier (and correct for a cultural recipe!!!) flavour of x1 tin of chopped anchovies that are sold in Sainsbury’s for 90p a tin? You’re not saving money, because you’re using x2 of the alternative.

If you’re being thrifty, why would you have the gas on for 30 mins when 10-15 would suffice? Oh, wait, I know the answer! It’s because you’ve used way too much liquid (600ml) and need to reduce down the unnecessary volume

Why is your puttanesca devoid of any of the things that would give a depth of flavour? It’s supposed to be cooked with onions and garlic, with parsley added at the end. All we seem to have here, is mashed fish boiled into tinned tomatoes for half an hour.

Puttanesca is supposed to strike a lovely balance between being rich in flavour, but light and fresh, salty, with pops of zing here and there. Why am I cooking pre-cooked, mashed sardines for so long? Won’t the sauce just become a slop? Apologise to the whores of Naples, now! WARNED.

PS, after your bread and jam bullshit in the ice cream recipe, you could have at least treated us to a history of puttanesca (bleep’s sauce) and how it ties in with your definitely not made up experience of being a sex worker. Missed an opportunity to talk about yourself there pal.



View attachment 1870622

There was already a sardine puttanesca in Cooking on a Bootstrap as well. I remember it because it evoked a visceral feeling of horror that she'd butchered a classic. She's so bleeping LAZY it grates my onions.