Slopalong #3 She doesn't understand beans

[zetta buttons]

*Waves from Billingham *

*waves from an ex-Stockton resident .

I’m not making anything because I can’t cook and it will be worse having me attempt it. I have given to two very local charities in terms of food and donations (£) but they are . Can I just tell you the amount to add?

ETA- In fact don’t. She is being so horrific, once I check the GK fully, if it is as bad as we think I will donate to another third charity that is book related. I’ll wait and give you the total in a week. I might have persuaded Mrs T to make something by then.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

I haven't been over here for a while as I have been BUSY, but I made a festive donation to charity. I chose a kids' Christmas parcel for Refuge. Might go back through the thread now and catch up on the slops .

Spoiler: Receipt

 

[That Forensic Man]

Are we allowed to have multiple attempts at the same recipe? I’ll do the pangrattato too if so

Yes, absolutely x

 

[Lazarus]

Are we allowed to have multiple attempts at the same recipe? I’ll do the pangrattato too if so

YES! I hope we get wildly different results.

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

Why would you eat banana peel? I know in the UK we collectively waste an awful lot of food, but even my my most aggressively knit your own yoghurt mother earth friend wouldn't serve up banana peels in a meal.

 

[pumbilical cord]

Why would you eat banana peel? I know in the UK we collectively waste an awful lot of food, but even my my most aggressively knit your own yoghurt mother earth friend wouldn't serve up banana peels in a meal.

It's often used in cooking in many parts of the world:

Banana peel - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

but, like many things Jack attempts, her versions are likely bloody awful.

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

It's often used in cooking in many parts of the world:

Banana peel - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

but, like many things Jack attempts, her versions are likely bloody awful.

Thank you, I didn't know that.

 

[Amanda Lin]

I am going to try the chicken and cannellini soup. It sounds like a waste of ingredients, but I’m game.

Mmm lunch today kids is… blended un-rinsed (what a twist!) beans. Sure whole family will be thrilled and clapping for joy.

Well the executive summary is: unpleasant and salty

Chicken and cannellini Soup:

1. I found some beans to use

2. I had some concerns about wasting food in the midst of a cost of living crisis so I made a few tweaks to Jack’s recipe so the food wouldn’t have to binned. (Sorry if this breaks some slopalong rules, I will try harder next time)

3. I fried the additional items of: onion, garlic and herbs in a pan. I used a pan without a lid for the full Jack experience

4. I couldn’t bring myself to use the bean water. The best before date was 2024 but I bought these beans over a year ago during a short lived Ottelenghi phase, which I had to abandon because sourcing all the ingredients was a full time job.

5. In with the chicken stock cube water

6. I wasn’t sure about blending, but did want to try to stick to the Jack experience. Luckily I had a blender, I’m not sure what the recommended substitution is in Grifty Kitchen, perhaps run over the soup with a lawnmower.

7. soup slopping time.

Essentially it was a bowl of stock, there was some flavour from the garlic and herbs that I added. Beans don’t have a taste and by blending them their texture and heartiness was negated.

It was a pointless bowl of slop, also zero chicken taste. In conclusion I wish I had ottolenghed the beans!

 

[Fleasyweezy]

Are we allowed to have multiple attempts at the same recipe? I’ll do the pangrattato too if so

I’m going to throw my eBay chapeau in the ring & try the banana pancakes since I have some very ripe bananas that I can sacrifice for the grifty cause. Although, since chopping boards are an optional nice to have, I may have some explaining to do as to the multiple score marks in the work surface after I’ve completed all that fine & forensic slicing

Well the executive summary is: unpleasant and salty

Chicken and cannellini Soup:

1. I found some beans to use

View attachment 1837816

2. I had some concerns about wasting food in the midst of a cost of living crisis so I made a few tweaks to Jack’s recipe so the food wouldn’t have to binned. (Sorry if this breaks some slopalong rules, I will try harder next time)

3. I fried the additional items of: onion, garlic and herbs in a pan. I used a pan without a lid for the full Jack experience

View attachment 1837823

4. I couldn’t bring myself to use the bean water. The best before date was 2024 but I bought these beans over a year ago during a short lived Ottelenghi phase, which I had to abandon because sourcing all the ingredients was a full time job.

5. In with the chicken stock cube water

6. I wasn’t sure about blending, but did want to try to stick to the Jack experience. Luckily I had a blender, I’m not sure what the recommended substitution is in Grifty Kitchen, perhaps run over the soup with a lawnmower.
View attachment 1837829

7. soup slopping time.

View attachment 1837831

Essentially it was a bowl of stock, there was some flavour from the garlic and herbs that I added. Beans don’t have a taste and by blending them their texture and heartiness was negated.

It was a pointless bowl of slop, also zero chicken taste. In conclusion I wish I had ottolenghed the beans!

Run over the soup with a lawnmower

 

[Tabitha D]

I’m astounded she can call that a “chicken & cannellini soup” when there’s no actual chicken in it. It’s just chicken stock cubes, which are mostly salt and flavouring.
And what on earth is her obsession with blending everything? Beans are definitely not improved by blending.
This new book’s going to be a cracker isn’t it.

 

[VeniVidiVicki]

OMG @Amanda Lin - I had to go back and reread the ‘recipe‘ because I couldn’t believe that it could literally be heating up and mashing some beans wirh chicken stock cubes.

How naive I was

 

[Emmapism]

"Unpleasant and salty'

When Jack makes a soup match her personality

 

[Lostcat]

I genuinely couldn't believe that was the full recipe, and had to go back and check. You made it better, you added onion and bit of garlic!

1 x 400g tin of cannellini beans
2 chicken stock cubes
1 tbsp lemon juice
plenty of black pepper

That's not a soup recipe, that's just heating up beans in very salty water. Your recommended daily allowance of salt is 6g maximum, if this is for two people then that's 1 stock cube each. If we go by a standard Knorr Chicken stock cube that's almost 3.5g of salt per person, in one very small meal.

That's dangerous for children or folk with medical conditions, and exceedingly unhealthy for the rest of us! I'm horrified that (a) she thinks this is a reasonable recipe, and (b) it passed any sort of quality/health checks when going through the publishing process. It's outrageously bad!

Also, the Advertising Standards Authority and Trade Descriptions Act might have something to say about calling this chicken and cannellini bean soup when there's no chicken in it. If you were selling it you'd probably have to name it "Chicken Flavoured Cannellini Bean Soup".

 

[Amanda Lin]

The soup reminded me of the urban myth (maybe true) of people swiping ketchup packets from cafes/service stations to make tomato soup in the few days before payday when money has run out.

Although I can imagine sauce packet soup tastes a lot better than the pointless salty bean paste broth.

 

[Tabitha D]

That soup also works out at about 120 calories per portion so is hardly what you’d call nutritionally sufficient. After all, it’s just half a tin of cannellini beans with added salt.

 

[That Forensic Man]

Well the executive summary is: unpleasant and salty

Chicken and cannellini Soup:

1. I found some beans to use

View attachment 1837816

2. I had some concerns about wasting food in the midst of a cost of living crisis so I made a few tweaks to Jack’s recipe so the food wouldn’t have to binned. (Sorry if this breaks some slopalong rules, I will try harder next time)

3. I fried the additional items of: onion, garlic and herbs in a pan. I used a pan without a lid for the full Jack experience

View attachment 1837823

4. I couldn’t bring myself to use the bean water. The best before date was 2024 but I bought these beans over a year ago during a short lived Ottelenghi phase, which I had to abandon because sourcing all the ingredients was a full time job.

5. In with the chicken stock cube water

6. I wasn’t sure about blending, but did want to try to stick to the Jack experience. Luckily I had a blender, I’m not sure what the recommended substitution is in Grifty Kitchen, perhaps run over the soup with a lawnmower.
View attachment 1837829

7. soup slopping time.

View attachment 1837831

Essentially it was a bowl of stock, there was some flavour from the garlic and herbs that I added. Beans don’t have a taste and by blending them their texture and heartiness was negated.

It was a pointless bowl of slop, also zero chicken taste. In conclusion I wish I had ottolenghed the beans!

Well slopped tender one x
Modifying the recipe ingredients or method is frauen'd upon to not skew the results for people that can't or don't know how, but if you modified it and nothing improved it also shows it can't be saved!

What would you rate it:
0 - Dog tit
1- Dire
2 - Terrible
3 - Middle class
4 - Inhale greedily
5 - Ovary groaner
S - Stolen

Also it slipped past me the first time but the recipe says you can rinse baked beans in a pinch, classic Jack
She doesn't say to not boil and simmer the baked beans for 20 minutes so that's the same cockup as Mumma Jacks Best Ever Chilli

This recipe is just a handful of simple store-cupboard ingredients, but it really is so much more than the sum of its parts. Super easy to throw together, and deliciously comforting. If you don't have cannellini beans to hand, any pale-coloured beans will do: try white kidney beans, chickpeas, butter beans, pinto beans, haricot beans, or even standard cheap baked beans with the tomato sauce rinsed off at a pinch.

Bring to the boil, then reduce to a simmer for 20 minutes, until the beans are very soft.

 

[Fleasyweezy]

Tender ones, I fear I am beyond the help of even four therapists on speed dial. Tonight, I made the banana peel pancakes & there is insufficient mind bleach to unsee the things I witnessed tonight in my own little sanctuary I have previously called home. Even the squabbling cats are too traumatised to keep up their feline warfare.

Spoiler alert; I made this exactly as per the recipe until the very end when I got a bit agitated by what was going on in my own kitchen… Also, I have no idea how to do the spoiler alert stuff so apologies for dragging unsuspecting victims to join my complete mental breakdown & very recent serious concussion (as in last hour from banging head against a convenient wall as the gloop gradually turned beige & even more unappetising)

1) Recipe

2) Finely sliced bananas (with skin as she only retrospectively informs the reader to finely chop the skin separately

3) Pop banana slices in a bowl with the milk & oil

4) Beat well with the tines (prongs) of a fork. Not entirely sure how you would beat it with anything else, like the handle, but I’m just a simpleton in the kitchen c/w our Jackie

5) Oh, I was meant to realise I should have peeled the bananas first Oh well, lucky I’ve got one of them bullet gadgets that you so helpfully suggest after I’ve mashed banana peel until my crumbly wrists disintegrated. I digress

6) Add flour & beat well to combine to a thick smooth batten (stet)

 

[Fleasyweezy]

Part II - the “cooking” bit

6)

Tender ones, I fear I am beyond the help of even four therapists on speed dial. Tonight, I made the banana peel pancakes & there is insufficient mind bleach to unsee the things I witnessed tonight in my own little sanctuary I have previously called home. Even the squabbling cats are too traumatised to keep up their feline warfare.

Spoiler alert; I made this exactly as per the recipe until the very end when I got a bit agitated by what was going on in my own kitchen… Also, I have no idea how to do the spoiler alert stuff so apologies for dragging unsuspecting victims to join my complete mental breakdown & very recent serious concussion (as in last hour from banging head against a convenient wall as the gloop gradually turned beige & even more unappetising)

1) Recipe

2) Finely sliced bananas (with skin as she only retrospectively informs the reader to finely chop the skin separately

3) Pop banana slices in a bowl with the milk & oil

4) Beat well with the tines (prongs) of a fork. Not entirely sure how you would beat it with anything else, like the handle, but I’m just a simpleton in the kitchen c/w our Jackie

5) Oh, I was meant to realise I should have peeled the bananas first Oh well, lucky I’ve got one of them bullet gadgets that you so helpfully suggest after I’ve mashed banana peel until my crumbly wrists disintegrated. I digress

6) Add flour & beat well to combine to a thick smooth batten (stet)


View attachment 1838917View attachment 1838918View attachment 1838925View attachment 1838929View attachment 1838933View attachment 1838936

oh FML, I even attached the wrong bloody recipe

Tender ones, I fear I am beyond the help of even four therapists on speed dial. Tonight, I made the banana peel pancakes & there is insufficient mind bleach to unsee the things I witnessed tonight in my own little sanctuary I have previously called home. Even the squabbling cats are too traumatised to keep up their feline warfare.

Spoiler alert; I made this exactly as per the recipe until the very end when I got a bit agitated by what was going on in my own kitchen… Also, I have no idea how to do the spoiler alert stuff so apologies for dragging unsuspecting victims to join my complete mental breakdown & very recent serious concussion (as in last hour from banging head against a convenient wall as the gloop gradually turned beige & even more unappetising)

1) Recipe

2) Finely sliced bananas (with skin as she only retrospectively informs the reader to finely chop the skin separately

3) Pop banana slices in a bowl with the milk & oil

4) Beat well with the tines (prongs) of a fork. Not entirely sure how you would beat it with anything else, like the handle, but I’m just a simpleton in the kitchen c/w our Jackie

5) Oh, I was meant to realise I should have peeled the bananas first Oh well, lucky I’ve got one of them bullet gadgets that you so helpfully suggest after I’ve mashed banana peel until my crumbly wrists disintegrated. I digress

6) Add flour & beat well to combine to a thick smooth batten (stet)


View attachment 1838917View attachment 1838918View attachment 1838925View attachment 1838929View attachment 1838933View attachment 1838936

oh FML, I added the wrong recipe I included one that actually does work. @admin, do I need to remove or can I cause a smoll chaos?

Anyway, here’s the correct shite

1) recipe #2

2) Heat remaining oil (low, medium, hot heat is not clear) & dollop two tablespoons at a time. (Am I actually meant to be making crumpets, two dropped scones at a time or pancakes? Send helpios)

3) Fry for a few minutes (2 mins, 3 mins? Will experiment each side)

4) Looks a bit charred though - will try cooler temperature. Turns to lowest heat

5) Hmm, no words now to describe; think I might leave it here..,

BTW important details

A) Cost - 2 x bananas at today's cost in the Co-Op; 23p but FOC as already had some in my incredibly well stocked store cupboard. Milk - 13p; however, I only had fancy milk in the fridge which meant I had to buy two pints of Co-Op milk to keep it fair. So £1.49 outlay. Flour - also 13p but this time the well stocked store cupboard told me to f’ck off & buy me own so another 65p. Two tbsps of oil - actually lost the will to live to calculate this level of granularity & the store cupboard remembered it’s manners & told me to look in the puddle next to the shed I don’t own & there it was, a free bottle of extra virgin olive oil from a kind, anonymous friend, no less. So cost is somewhere between £0.26 or about £5 if you apply the full VBI.

B) Texture - actually weirdly without any. Maybe I beat it too well

C) Taste - despite smelling promisingly of banana, it was like a cheap wine where the taste faded before it hit your tastebuds & then finished with a weird aftertaste. Maybe I should have saved the extra virgin olive oil for something better & used a different one. Clues would have been helpful.

D) all in all though, does no-one test the recipe???
Anyway, I’m off to find the details of the local (non-Trussell) Foodbank to make a donation

 

[Amanda Lin]

Well slopped tender one x
Modifying the recipe ingredients or method is frauen'd upon to not skew the results for people that can't or don't know how, but if you modified it and nothing improved it also shows it can't be saved!

What would you rate it:
0 - Dog tit
1- Dire
2 - Terrible
3 - Middle class
4 - Inhale greedily
5 - Ovary groaner
S - Stolen

Also it slipped past me the first time but the recipe says you can rinse baked beans in a pinch, classic Jack
She doesn't say to not boil and simmer the baked beans for 20 minutes so that's the same cockup as Mumma Jacks Best Ever Chilli

I did cheat by adding the extra onion, garlic and herbs… but in my defence I made it for family lunch and wanted something vaguely edible.

I would rate it a solid 1, it was edible albeit very salty. Also the flavour was my added items so without that it would have just been salty water with stock cubes in. The colour was an unappetising yellow and the texture was water. It could possibly function as a diet/cleanse recipe and maybe that is where it was stolen from?

Conclusion: Salty, insipid and pointless.

 

[jf99]

Ok ninnies, I’m bleeping bored so it’s time to have a go at the Pangrattato al Pomodoro.

Wish me luck because my knife is fucked after opening a tin with it last night.