Jack Monroe #445 A criminal, liar, fraud, grifter and all round heartless asshole

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Oh goody, the chaos continues into today.

I also have no egg rings. Send tinnos/cashos.
 
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I can't get over how truly tit the new book is. Fraus have covered off the dangerous nature of some of the advice which, in and of itself, should be sufficient reason to withdraw the book from sale.
But even the bits that aren't a safety hazard are just so stupid.
I can't remember the last time I used my grater (a key bit and/or piece). But a chopping board is a "might want to add, at some point"?
NO Jack. WARNED. Don't be advising people to chop food on their evil landlord/landlady's benchtops!
 
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Checked Amazon and the 'Untitled Jack Monroe memoir' is still listed for September 2023, so either Bluebird has forgotten to remove it or it's still on the cards.
 
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God she's getting worse. Woman has tits. Woman wears bra. Oh look, let's post a photo of them for attention seeking purposes. Do duck off.

And as for the Shelby thing, yeah right. She's so far behind in the whole Peaky Blinders thing that it isn't true, for sure. Yet another "I can do that" moment. Shelby? More like Shelnotbe
 
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This reads like her attempt at a Here, My Dear. The deliberate inaccessibility of the text for Neurodiverse readers is more calculated than the customary refusal to use legible text on insta posts or Alt Text on anything. (One of my many roles has been to create learning resources and legal information for people who aren't necessarily highly literate, NT or who have a spiky profile on raw ability assessments, so I have frequently had to look at utter guff from people paid too much money and identify all the barriers they have put into their text and then rectify matters).

Apart from the colours being difficult to read for many, the way they're spread over the lines and different poorly differentiated colours for some inexplicable reason (to be a bleep to people, I guess) means what a lot of people will glean from that is

Big heavy kitchen scissors
Measuring jug
Grater
Teatowels
Freezer
storage Per- (Rialto?)
Medium (Derek Acorah or Doris Stokes?)
Huge non- (Sister Felicite spuurtbustler or Sister Cecilia Wangbucklefiddlesticks of the Blessed Lady of Direspuduella? Oh. non. Not nun. And we really shouldn't be bodyshaming women religious whether they have taken solemn vows or simple)
Couple of roasting (roasting what? Chestnuts on an open fire? Conkers because all chestnuts are interchangeable?)
Jars

Knife sharpener (what for? Didn't see a knife in the first list - because it's been made to recede into the background)
Metal serving spoon

Griddle pan
excellent for pancakes (WHAT? What is excellent for pancakes? The griddle pan?)
Small bullet blender, or powerful jug (THE PUNCTUATION SUCKS. And what is a powerful jug?)
Masher Cake Tin (What? What's a masher cake tin? Do they sell them in the 99p shop? Is there a recipe for Masher cake in this pamphlet?)
Casse- (Is this misspelled German now?)
Extra knives (Extra in what sense? As in Zombie hunters? Butter knives? Pen knives like the one she reckons she walks around London carrying?)


Small veg chopper (Already spunked seventy quid on a bullet blender on her say so. But don't have a kitchen knife, so maybe that's how you slice onions, by putting them whole and unpeeled into the small veg chopper?)
Several food-safe spray bottles (What the duck are they? Are they in the pound shop as well? What colours do they come in - and shouldn't be some recipes before they start being sprayed?)
Electric Whisk Digital (have we gone on to What Three Words locations now? Because that's in the arctic end of Norway)
Spatu- (Wasn't that one of the things that was said to Gort in the original The Day The Earth Stood Still?)
la/fish slice (Yes, it was - 'Gort! Spatu - lafish slice, spatu - lafish slice')
Slow cooker.
❤
This is why the book is more dangerous than just being flat out bleeping dangerous.

I read the preview in a rush and Mrs T is not ~overly~ impressed with my drip feeding of Jack back into our lives so I didn’t get her to read it. I also should have expanded on the colours but they confused the words further, so to me the whole duck up there was the thing to mention. Had she seen it, she would have seen red. For the reasons you outline above.

Jack tells us at every opportunity about her own ND, so she should understand how important it is to develop texts that are accessible for all. Here, she shows quite plainly that that hasn’t crossed her mind. The font, colours and layout are all a bleeping nightmare. Like you, Mrs T spends a good proportion of her life producing resources that are accessible. This is not an accessible resource.

It’s the same as the Billy Chip. Supermarkets have to stop putting alcohol at the entrances because it is “murdering” her but it is ok for others to receive tokens that a) look like gambling chips and could act as behavioural cues and b) are ‘big Tory’ in disguise. She’s a weapon.

She’s definitely emboldened. By the book release? By the Guardian article? Up this early after yesterday’s shitshow? I would have been having a long shower, cleaning and running obsessively and trying to block the previous day from my thoughts. There is no way I would have been on my phone.
 
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Probably more edible than anything that comes out of her grothole of a kitchen tbf.
 
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She really did a look at my tits post. Tragic. Her thanking that squig last night for being gracious is interesting cos I earlier that day posted here that she was ungracious. It's not that common a descriptive. She's telling on her tattle obsession again.

Much love to all fraus suffering, this can be a horrible high pressure time of year. Look after yourselves. You're all too funny an whip smart to be lost x
 
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Did anyone else take from the ‘sleeping on the sofa, might as well get used to it’ that she is breadcrumbing that she will be sofa surfing?
I know she’s said before about the weird sleeping arrangements at the new place which she doesn’t have, but…

Also, as she was out til 5am, one can assume SB isn’t there. In that case why sleep on the couch when there’s a perfectly good bed upstairs in one of the very large bedrooms?
 
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The engagement on her tweets are painful.
The amount of views to likes and comments are pretty low!

Troll and poor chaos -> backfire -> deploy selfie or pet -> attempt to bury chaos.

She definitely thought this book would sell half a million copies and when she moves to a bought property rather than rental, she can say it's money from the book. And it's not gone to plan.

Doubt she had any meetings and it was a damage control phone call or a scheduled mid week call to update on how units are shifting in pre-release or something and to say pack it in and spend time promoting the new book or the advance will need returning.

May have half a million followers, but doesn't mean they're all fans that'll buy a book. A lot will be inactive accounts, a percentage will be bots and others will be people following for a follow back (such as bands and wannabe influencers who add anyone hoping they follow back) and just because someone likes a tweet, doesn't mean they'll buy the tweeters product.
 
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I’m torn.

The M&S thread says there’s loads of bargains to be had in the food hall but I know the queue to get in will be massive. Do I risk missing out on chaos for a £1.50 Colin and a reduced tin of munchy mix?
 
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Probably more edible than anything that comes out of her grothole of a kitchen tbf.
She’s like a child -always with the I got more. Couldn’t just say something like “Great toy isn’t it? Xxx loves it!”

** WTF is the dogs name, I have forgotten it’s actual name😂😂
 
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I’m torn.

The M&S thread says there’s loads of bargains to be had in the food hall but I know the queue to get in will be massive. Do I risk missing out on chaos for a £1.50 Colin and a reduced tin of munchy mix?
Yes, absolutely X
 
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I’m torn.

The M&S thread says there’s loads of bargains to be had in the food hall but I know the queue to get in will be massive. Do I risk missing out on chaos for a £1.50 Colin and a reduced tin of munchy mix?
I always remember the pensioners being especially vicious in M&S.
 
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She’s like a child -always with the I got more. Couldn’t just say something like “Great toy isn’t it? Xxx loves it!”

** WTF is the dogs name, I have forgotten it’s actual name😂😂
Laurie, the poor pooch. I have a cat called Pooh but that's different, it's not as stupid as Laurie.
 
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Sorry, but huh? Routinely escorted by a posse of hunk like brothers? Come on, is anyone actually buying this drivel?
I was thinking about this ridiculous claim earlier - typical rate is £500-1000 plus expenses. So if she's got a "posse" that's at least 3 right? So who the duck is funding £1500-3000 a day plus expenses (travel, food etc) for her to go out every time? And why aren't they seen anywhere? Hmmmm makes you 🤔

 
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