Jack Monroe #440 Gently navigating the hinterland of plagiarism

[BlendedSlop]

It must be one hell of a party, considering it appears to have been thrown for people who don't need to worry about getting up for work on a Monday morning.

Maybe it's the annual grifters function? Jack, Cheshire Russ, Rachel Swindon, Supertanskiiiiiii, that beardy Simon twat who's always hanging out in Jack's arse, Roadsidetwat and Workshysunflowers, all sitting round a table wearing party hats and swapping tips on how to extract the most cash from their followers.

 

[Potatoes O’Houlihan]

Sooooo...she was chatting pony all along and hasn't handed her notice in at all on her tenancy or done a single thing about it. Clown

 

[Shimmering]

Am I reading too much into this or is she now openly admitting she has at least 250 patreons on a tier that costs more than a quid?

Huge if true.

Also, I've said this before but want to repeat myself - she really begrudges buying her son food. It always jumps out at me and goes right back to Hunger Hurts where she portrays him as asking for more bread and jam. The shoes thing is weird too. Yes Jack. Kids' feet grow. Either she begrudges him everything, or she thinks this is something that squigs will queue up to bankroll "here's £50 for SB's shoes".

 

[MavisBeacon]

Good spot by a squig replying to Molly's latest tweet- Jack has been softly, gently erased from the list of Guardian writers
However, she still has a profile page with her columns listed https://www.theguardian.com/profile/jack-monroe

 

[Serafina Pekkala]

Does anyone else feel that you spend ages waiting for her to show up but that as soon as she does you remember what an insufferable twat she is...?

Such an annoying way with words. Describes her cat as an 'adorable, greedy, scoundrel' ffs she really boils my beans!

Gadzooks! I might have to go to my happy place... and sink into the safety of Grift and Griftability, until she flounces off again...

 

[Foxvint]

87 year old Mary Berry's on now cooking a Christmas dinner. Don't think I've ever heard her complaining about joint problems or talking about her sex life.

Yes I have no idea about Mary's labia

 

[Toffee finger]

View attachment 1820975

She's waded into an unnecessary fight and is claiming to have posted out all of the missing rewards!

Not sure why she’s posted that many when all her patrons are only paying £1 a month

 

[FrumpyCat]

*Rubs hands gleefully!*

For someone who lights their house with solar light bulbs, only showers in cold water, and wears multiple layers to avoid putting on the heating, that fuel bill seems rather high.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

The fact she’s in that huge house for less than £1.65k is wild. 10 years ago me + a friend were paying £1.6k for a tiny two bed flat in a converted Victorian terrace. Yet again she has absolutely no idea she’s born?! And what does she expect when she’s got a mortgage on the £550k - 800k property she was going for before??

 

[Sideboard Bob]

He looks like the main Ant from Ants. I did quite like him as Tommy Shelby though, love a man in a cardi.

omg.

On topic, Jack’s been liking tweets this afternoon, chaos on the horizon?

 

[Hold my beans]

87 year old Mary Berry's on now cooking a Christmas dinner. Don't think I've ever heard her complaining about joint problems or talking about her sex life.

 

[jenny2603]

Surely she is going to do some promo for Grifty Kitchen? She just keeps retweeting the same post and then flirting with horny dads on twitter.

I think this will be her final book.

The memoir is still showing on Amazon. I'm nearly as obsessed with that as I am with Iqbal. I just can't believe we've come this far and the result is I get cheated out of what would probably be the funniest book ever written.

 

[hoopdedoo]

In the last thread I predicted that Jack would pretend to send out the postcards and other Patreon rewards that are owing, and then blame the Royal Mail disruption for them not arriving on time, or never arriving.

Prove me wrong, Jack, because I suspect that's exactly what you're planning.

 

[HotesTilaire]

live scenes from the party, Jenny numbers

 

[Mr Krabs]

She'd be the Specialist Specials fan ever. She probably went to a gig where they singled her out to have a set list. She didn't even need a ticket. The security recognised her and thanked her for all she does and waved her right through.

She was the inspiration for many of their songs. Even the ones written before she was born. Too Much Too Young was about Jack’s tragic teenage motherhood, while Ghost Town written about her experiences on the mean streets of Thorpe Bay. Of course, the original lyrics were “all the dog cafes have closed down” but they had to change it to clubs to add commercial appeal.

 

[Emmapism]

Has anyone seen the latest TK post on M&S's Facebook? Hah if it isn't epic trolling, it's very coincidental

 

[Mr Krabs]

Right! Let’s have a canal whip round and then the person with the best credit rating and the most flawless background can contact the estate agent and landlady and offer to rent the shitty bungalow for £1,651 pounds a month.

Then to really piss Jack off, they should pay the rent and not even bother to move in, for SPITE.

I’m thinking we rent it between us all. Then we turn the shitty bungalow into a Tattle clubhouse. We can have theme parties (Chapeau Party, anyone?), host live slopalongs, and have a rewatch marathon of Daily Kitchen where we yell stuff like at Rocky Horror screenings. Terrible!

Edit: damn, Dinosaur beat me too it!

 

[definitelynotvlad]

I once wav

Same with Mae. Sigh.

I know we aren’t meant to like twats but at this point in my life (currently watching The Net), my standards are low across the board.

i once waved at Mae Martin thinking they were my sister from afar. we then followed the same route as them through the park and were definitely noticed, and that’s how I accidentally stalked Mae Martin one afternoon.

ETA: on reflection that’s almost as boring a story as Jacks made up beach fantasy, I’m off out to touch some frost.

 

[jenny2603]

I expect the top tier Patrons are rubbing their hands with glee at the prospect of receiving a heavy bundle of 250-ish thick postcards. Royal Mail strike allowing, of course.

Imagine if you'd forgotten you set up the Patreon and it had been quietly running on for two years. Then out the blue you get a weighty parcel of shithouse onions.

 

[jenny2603]

View attachment 1820947

Yeah, Jack, all your money woes are SB's fault. Fuck off.

BUT £20 per week is enough food for three people with plenty of snacks AND YOU SAID YOUR LEASE WAS UP THIS MONTH. Why can't she stop lying about such pointless shit?