Jack Monroe #431 Close your begs, woman!

[FunnyFuneral]

i wonder if Jack's brother confronted her over her blatant lies about their childhood?

I'm an only child so can't really say for sure, but surely it would piss you off to see your sibling talking absolute bollocks about their upbringing?


Yeah I always wonder if people think I'm an absolute prick with my liberal use of tender one.

Tender three tin can man chef of the year, dear heart Geetbo.

 

[Ablemabel]

My theory on Dordrecht is that old Harold googled & found this.
The stare into the camera and smile is pure vomit. Also she really cannot sing.

God that's cringe. Isn't that the sort of thing you do when you're 8?

 

[auntylil]

So, what’s everyone asking Father Christmas for this year?

Jack Monroe (Black Dress) Cardboard Cutout -

Jack Monroe (Black Dress) Cardboard Cutout - We offer high-quality Celebrity Standees, Miniatures and Masks for any occasion or event.

www.celebrity-cutouts.co.uk

They've got an actual smol size one, too! Perfect!

• Mini Cutouts are approximately 60cm tall by up to 21cm wide (1ft 9' x 0.68ft)*

Who the feck would want a cut-out of this non-celebrity? That company needs to sort its head out!

 

[Ablemabel]

Sorry if this lands wrong, I'm a few pages behind but I'm just mithering about the comments on her old Guardian articles pointing out how shit the recipes/costings are...

Do you think this is the origin of the 'trolling & abuse' she claims to have suffered? People pointing out that the recipes don't work or the amounts aren't adequate or the pricing is off because of the stocked-larder issue - all valid questions and criticisms that she immediately saw as trolling because perish the thought she receive an ounce of criticism? I can see how her mind would grab onto that and twist it and grow it into a massive thing she then used as narc fuel - something to battle against and to manipulate her fans/readers into feeling sorry for her.

Anyway, just mithering... as you were ninnies.

I would imagine this nonsense started at birth

Yea but I’m guessing that when the sibling in question is such a pathological liar, after say, the 1000th time of calling her out, there comes a point where you just can’t be arsed anymore …

agree with this because it never, ever ends. There is no magic moment where the narcissist goes 'you know what you're right that was bullshit/uncalled for/downright shite.' in my experience they might apologise but it's just - performance and the mask doesn't take long to slio again and you find yourself back in the middle of a nightmare. All you can do is protect yourself and sometimes that means ignoring them completely.

 

[House of Carbonara]

Spoiler: TW

My mother would laugh about such things. Hilarious little anecdotes about 'I said I'd wash his mouth out with soap and water - and I did!' she fucking waterboarded him with fairy liquid and sink water until he nearly suffocated/drowned in foam and water. 'I told him not to steal food and just - oh, so funny - I went to tap his hand but forgot I was holding the carving knife at the time!'he needed stitches 'I told her that if she was a bully and pushed him, I'd let her know what being pushed around was really like!' down the fucking stairs 'Oh, it was so funny to see her smug face after I'd said my piece!' she hissed at the right year old next door that she was going to burn her Mummy's house down because she'd complained to the council about the state of the rubbish piled up against their fence.

She laughed all the way to my brother being put on the At Risk Register and her being threatened with eviction. And then, obviously, became the pawr ickle victim of domestic violence and defenceless ickle old lady who couldn't cope with keeping the garden tidy. A way of life for decades - decades that left a trail of abused children behind her. But oh, those stories were so funny - as though her laughing meant they couldn't possibly be admissions of violent abuse or veiled threats of further violence towards you because hey, she's got away with all those other things, what makes you think that anybody would ever believe you when she'll just give a tinkly little laugh and tell them that it's actually a really funny story?


Cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt.

Oh my darling...

 

[FlusterCuck]

Well she has a drawer full of them, so multiply by the number you'd get in a bedside drawer... could be as many as 10, so £290. Though she wasn't specific about it being a bedside drawer, it could be anywhere in the shitty bungalow.

Perhaps they are in one of those sideboard drawers that she leaves slightly ajar. So that any prospective OHs might catch a glimps and get horny. (I feel even worse now)

Sorry catching up from yesterday. So she has enough of them to fill a drawer and in her new "forever home" she will be sleeping in the lounge with SB next door on the gold chavvy bed at least some of the time and she will be keeping them ……………..
a) in the lounge arranged like a modern art installation on the (Cotswold) sideboard
b) in a draw in the bedroom
c) in the kitchen for stirring slop
all of these would be highly inappropriate with an impressionable teen in the house

 

[Archduchess of Luxembourg]

This one is particularly good. The commenters have actually worked the volumes she has used are bollocks and that’s on top of the fact that the recipe is disgusting.

Jack Monroe’s black pudding and carrot hash recipe

This is hangover food at its finest, especially when served with soft-boiled eggs and fried bread

www.theguardian.com

Is that an actual alcoplop on a plate? Was she on the red wine and Guinness the night before that shoot?

 

[HotesTilaire]

Freaks me out that you can be in another country in just a few hours. I could drive for three days and still be in Australia.

The journey to Wales by train will be a similar amount of time and changes as France, from where she lives.

 

[DinosaurSenior]

All of the other events by the Association are available online so fingers crossed this one will be too

 

[NellieBoo]

We are Jack free here though!
Last time I travelled interstate I saw a wallaby and a koala walk out of a forest together. So cute, but they were probably planning a massacre. Hehe.

That's true . Although the way things are going I wouldn't be surprised if she got a head transplant and emigrated .

Spoiler: Animal Massacre

On a much smaller scale, obviously because I can't elevenerife Australia- years ago, I took my son out on a lovely walk while we were on holiday in Cornwall. We came across a stoat 'playing' with a baby rabbit .

 

[HaveTinCanRattle]

Here’s the lone comment from before she was Guardian famous. Check out the date. “Best known for” insufferable jumped up fame-seeking little prick even back then

View attachment 1751379
Jack posturing to the Guardian:
View attachment 1751386

Tell me more about the craft business.

 

[Snotbuster]

I'm still in shock at the revelation that Jack lived in a shared house for a few months. Imagine having her as a flat-mate

Getting Jack-splained 24/7. Urgh.

 

[Mr Krabs]

“byelines is everywhere” always makes me chuckle.

Reminds me of Tubbs from the League of Gentlemen yelling “lines and lines and lines!”

 

[That Forensic Man]

Max Clifford was sentenced in 2014, so she was probably just reading a news article TBH.

I don't think there is some grand conspiracy behind Jack's rise to (sort of) fame. She clearly wanted to be famous, but it largely seems to have been a case of right place, right time.

Agreed, sometimes it's good to have a bit of the old



To see if anything shakes out
But I'm sure there was a publicist 'behind the scenes' planning the pov to mouthpiece to campaigner to author pipeline, with a few meaningless awards chucked in etc.
Jack fit that mold of being the acceptable face of pov they were looking for

 

[hoopdedoo]

Four hours minimum.... She'll need to get up at 4.30. or.... Stay in a hotel. It costs a lot of money to discuss poverty

However, travelling by train might give her a "legitimate" excuse for a no-show. As in, train was late, train was already full when it got to the station, train broke down en route, etc etc

ETA: and accompanied by a rant about how the Tories have destroyed affordable and reliable transport for the povs who don't have cars

 

[VeniVidiVicki]

She claimed in that AWFUL happy baby podcast where she called her child “it” multiple times- said having a child was just like having a dog that the reason she’s “not very maternal” is because she came from a military family. Stupid dead eyed narc fucker.

Bonus points for “NO! NO! I grew up with a revolving door of troubled children/spent a lot of my childhood parenting difficult children” re: not wanting kids of her own. SHE IS VILE. And her adenoidal whine is just is appalling to listen to.

ETA this is a GREAT resource for anyone tempted to start feeling sorry for her at any point

I couldn’t watch all that. She’s so HORRIBLE.

 

[Marj24]

So do we reckon she's actually turning up in Wales, or will she softly, gently bin it off?

It depends on the pay check, if substantial, it is likely she will brazen it out, however she will probably arrive at least half an hour late.

 

[Cookiecookie]

The journey to Wales by train will be a similar amount of time and changes as France, from where she lives.

That same distance would take me to just past Katherine...This country is stupidly big.

 

[Hollaaa]

The mini one is way cheaper and given Jack’s miniature size is probably life size. Must admit I’m tempted, imagine the fun you could have with that thing. Cutout Jack under a train, in a skip, in the bin

Aisle 5 in Asda. Outside a paint shop. In a hotel shower. Basically anywhere but the kitchen.

 

[Ms Biscuit]

You're off the hook, tender one, sadly it's sold out!

Grr. This annoys me. I want her to face rows and rows of empty chairs.