Jack Monroe #424 She’s as Greek as Prince William

[Hollaaa]

Thought this might amuse the canal… a friend sent me one of these lists of people humble bragging and being general twats. And look who turns up!

27 Humblebrags So Cringeworthy We Almost Couldn't Look

Humility is important. Who wants to hang out with someone constantly bragging about their cool stuff or their awesome accomplishments? The folks below might have got the memo but they didn't quite understand it. With a hat tip to the Reddit forum r/humblebrag, check out these showboaters who just...

www.ranker.com

All the scooping up puts my teeth on edge. I get visions of poo-studded cat litter in human form.

 

[stimpyueejit]

I had to do a double take when reading this recipe. The picture makes it look like the mushrooms are huge, portobello style. But the recipe just says normal mushrooms. So I’m assuming this is just a teeny tiny bowl in the picture and, as ever, this recipe wouldn’t fill a tooth let alone 2-4 people!

That whole recipe would only have enough calories for a generous one person meal, and that’s basically through drinking 200ml coconut milk! I never realised just how terribly calorie deficient these recipes are. Shocking.

 

[Helena Handbasket]

Jack's mum's potatoes look roasted to perfection compared to Leggy's chicken. That bird could probably shuffle away if left unattended. View attachment 1702476

I really dislike Allegra. I think she looks like a right gobby, haughty mare. The sort of woman who says stuff like ‘I think you’ll find’ and ‘i have to say I disagree’ and just as the meetings about to finally end ‘can I just say…’

 

[The carlin]

Leggy is a cabbage patch doll come to life isn’t she.

She seems very boorish. Gives me Boris Johnson in knickers vibes

ETA: totally agree with Helena above

 

[Mr Krabs]

Puts me in mind of

I ate his liver with rinsed fava beans and a nice tea shandy.

 

[Slop n slide]

So everyone gets 100g of mushrooms each, swimming in an insipid tomato sauce. And that’s dinner? I’m sorry, but this recipe is my 2nd malnourishment aneurysm in as many days. If Jack goes to prison for her grifty ways and charity fraud, may she be condemned to eating her own slop in a government-led, country-wide economy drive implemented throughout all prisons, where meals are made from the recipe library of Jack Monroe.

At least in this scenario some of us fraus would be in gainful employment!

 

[GriftyPixie]

Thought this might amuse the canal… a friend sent me one of these lists of people humble bragging and being general twats. And look who turns up!

27 Humblebrags So Cringeworthy We Almost Couldn't Look

Humility is important. Who wants to hang out with someone constantly bragging about their cool stuff or their awesome accomplishments? The folks below might have got the memo but they didn't quite understand it. With a hat tip to the Reddit forum r/humblebrag, check out these showboaters who just...

www.ranker.com

Jesus wept. If she was chocolate she’d eat herself

 

[Snotbuster]

View attachment 1701256

Jack, please hurry up with the VBI so we can have universal yoghurt prices!

Capitalism eludes these folks, huh.

 

[Ablemabel]

People tagging Jack for tit like this will never stop being funny to me.

View attachment 1702444

Maybe they're related to the toothpaste eating man.

WTF is wrong with people?

 

[maytoseptember]

I really dislike Allegra. I think she looks like a right gobby, haughty mare. The sort of woman who says stuff like ‘I think you’ll find’ and ‘i have to say I disagree’ and just as the meetings about to finally end ‘can I just say…’

She’s just soooo posh, and embodies a kind of self-assurance that only people born into wealth and privilege can have. I feel like I can sniff out a public school gel in seconds. It’s an aura. Allegra has that aura.

 

[Helena Handbasket]

She’s just soooo posh, and embodies a kind of self-assurance that only people born into wealth and privilege can have. I feel like I can sniff out a public school gel in seconds. It’s an aura. Allegra has that aura.

She does! And she’s a type within a type isn’t she? Like a caricature of an awkward horsey gel in a Miss Marple. The one who runs about in her school hockey kit and always has dirt on her nose.
I’ve worked among the posh and privileged and on the whole good breeding does carry-I’ve genuinely mostly been met with a genuine kindness, respect and warmth working as a cleaner in both the hotels they stay in and their homes. Allegra seems like she’d be persistantly dismissive and rude and I bet she’s horrible to work with in the kitchen. The ex-waitress in me hates her.

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

She does! And she’s a type within a type isn’t she? Like a caricature of an awkward horsey gel in a Miss Marple. The one who runs about in her school hockey kit and always has dirt on her nose.
I’ve worked among the posh and privileged and on the whole good breeding does carry-I’ve genuinely mostly been met with a genuine kindness, respect and warmth working as a cleaner in both the hotels they stay in and their homes. Allegra seems like she’d be persistantly dismissive and rude and I bet she’s horrible to work with in the kitchen. The ex-waitress in me hates her.

Perhaps this is where Jack changed her origin story. Originally middle class fallen by hard times she realised after the breakup she wasn’t properly posh like leggy and then reinvented herself as a Dickensian street urchin?

 

[Helena Handbasket]

Perhaps this is where Jack changed her origin story. Originally middle class fallen by hard times she realised after the breakup she wasn’t properly posh like leggy and then reinvented herself as a Dickensian street urchin?

Trope Wars

 

[Hunsgraveyard]

A squig has highlighted something I'd missed about how Teemill pay out money. Actually it's worse than missed, it appears I actually took something Jack said at face value. This was a mistake. I had assumed based on a Jack tweet (THE SHAME) that Teemill just had a monthly payday on 4th of the month. They don't.

Back in the heady days of February, Jack claimed that she would receive her first Teemill payout on 4th March as Teemill pay out monthly. You'll be as shocked as I am to learn this is not accurate. Teemill pay every 30 days, so if you open a store today, sell something you'll get a payment in exactly 30 days. In other words, if you sell something everyday, one month after your first sale you'll be receiving daily payments. Jack claims to have taken just over £11,000 on the first two days of trading (1st and 2nd Feb). Jack would have been due her payment from the first days trading (1st Feb) on 2nd March and the payment from 2nd Feb sales on 3rd March. If her first payment really was on the 4th March, then this would relate to sales from 3rd Feb and would mean there had been no sales on 1st and 2nd Feb, so the Trussell Trust shouldn't have received anything as the sales fall outwith the first two days they'd agreed to accept. I doubt there were no sales on the first two days but as ever with Jack, who knows?

The lack of transparency around this is beyond a joke. I've popped Observant Squig's FORENSIC tweet and evidence behind the spoiler below.

Spoiler: Teemill Tweet+Screenshots

View attachment 1702286View attachment 1702287View attachment 1702288

So surely given the considerable sums involved, Jack's well beyond "a bit of grifting with a bullshit back story" and firmly into "serious fraud and theft from charity funds"?

Just a thought.

 

[Madonna_Claws]

*voms*

Cooking bacon has even less to do with bacon than that streaky nonsense yanks call bacon. Bleargh

If you choose carefully, cooking bacon packs can be a very cheap way of getting loads of bacon. I buy them a lot, take time to sort through and trim every last bit of fat off (another thing I will not eat) and get more bacon sandwiches out them than I would with two packs of medallions. So sorry dear Frauen but, not in the spirit of the thread at all I know and you have my pumble, err I mean humble apologies for lowering the tone of the thread, but I'm with Jack on this.

 

[Ablemabel]

I had to do a double take when reading this recipe. The picture makes it look like the mushrooms are huge, portobello style. But the recipe just says normal mushrooms. So I’m assuming this is just a teeny tiny bowl in the picture and, as ever, this recipe wouldn’t fill a tooth let alone 2-4 people!

I've been reading it and I'm on what feels like read 1,000,000 and I've lost the plot. It's a 'curry' right? There is talk of 'curry paste'? But there is not one spice ingredient?

Ignore all previous talk of aneurysms, this is my real one.

 

[ForgettyBetty]

A squig has highlighted something I'd missed about how Teemill pay out money. Actually it's worse than missed, it appears I actually took something Jack said at face value. This was a mistake. I had assumed based on a Jack tweet (THE SHAME) that Teemill just had a monthly payday on 4th of the month. They don't.

Back in the heady days of February, Jack claimed that she would receive her first Teemill payout on 4th March as Teemill pay out monthly. You'll be as shocked as I am to learn this is not accurate. Teemill pay every 30 days, so if you open a store today, sell something you'll get a payment in exactly 30 days. In other words, if you sell something everyday, one month after your first sale you'll be receiving daily payments. Jack claims to have taken just over £11,000 on the first two days of trading (1st and 2nd Feb). Jack would have been due her payment from the first days trading (1st Feb) on 2nd March and the payment from 2nd Feb sales on 3rd March. If her first payment really was on the 4th March, then this would relate to sales from 3rd Feb and would mean there had been no sales on 1st and 2nd Feb, so the Trussell Trust shouldn't have received anything as the sales fall outwith the first two days they'd agreed to accept. I doubt there were no sales on the first two days but as ever with Jack, who knows?

The lack of transparency around this is beyond a joke. I've popped Observant Squig's FORENSIC tweet and evidence behind the spoiler below.

Spoiler: Teemill Tweet+Screenshots

View attachment 1702286View attachment 1702287View attachment 1702288

Interestingly, March 4th IS the day Jack would have received her newly big patreon payout after Nigella boosted the numbers through Jan/Feb.

 

[cheesypopcorn]

I’m still catching up, but just popping in to say that I’ll put myself down for the Red Mushroom Curry, if no one’s taken that yet. I am intrigued as to how it qualifies as a red curry, for a start (tomato paste FFS??), but also she calls it a “hot spicy little number” when it only has 1/4 tsp chilli flakes in it for 2-4 people.

Red Mushroom Curry, 40p (VG/V/DF/GF)

This hot spicy little number is a favourite in my household for dealing with the dreaded cold and flu, or when feeling a little rundown. The combination of garlic, ginger, chilli, tomatoes and a ki…

cookingonabootstrap.com

Long time lurker just popping up to say .... Is her recipe just curry paste, coconut milk and mushrooms? That's just stirring. My toddler could make her 'recipe' more appetising*



*She just wants to eat apples, peas and sweetcorn, better than curried slop

 

[Mendacious Trumpet]

Interestingly, March 4th IS the day Jack would have received her newly big patreon payout after Nigella boosted the numbers through Jan/Feb.

Omg I will die of laughter if it turns she saw a huge balance in her PayPal, mistakenly thought it was the Teemill payout and went onto Twitter trumpeting the 10k figure for charity

 

[jenny2603]

Omg I will die of laughter if it turns she saw a huge balance in her PayPal, mistakenly thought it was the Teemill payout and went onto Twitter trumpeting the 10k figure for charity

I think you might be right. Honestly, there's no way that shop took £11,000 in two days. It would just be like Jack to go boasting without checking and rather than own up and explain, end up handing over "her" Patreon funds to save face, then try and claw back "her" money from the Teemill shop. It would certainly explain the rage and subsequent shifty behaviour.