...and the pointy brown shoesThat suit gives me ‘I’m a bloke who never wears a suit but my mate is getting married at a golf course and I’m the best man so have just picked one from Moss Bros’ website’ vibes. Of course, the bride would spend the entire time side eyeing him for wearing such a bloody awful tie and ruining the wedding photos. And for showing everyone photos of the groom in a dress on the stag.
Babes, sames. I live with the fear of developing veiny cock hands & arms because I have been on the shame game about it with so many other folk. Gives me the absolute heaves.Sarah Jessica Parker. Or Angelina Jolie. Both got very ugly veins especially in their hands. Huge nasty veiny hands. I'm a top vein shamer, yuuk to both of them. Jack's ugly veiny filthy nailed hands clutching a bowl knock me sick
The only thing that's due about Jack is her taxes and the VBIYeah, that "I'm due to be Chancellor" joke has already been done to death by everyone on Twitter and their dog. Typical Jack.
I would like to congratulate Jack for managing to type through gritted teeth. That's quite an achievement.
Do these people have no self respect? They certainly have no manners, tagging in the entirely worthy and deserved actual winner with their ridiculous arse-licking. Fucking pick-me idiots.
Its an awful long winded way to say. Congratulations ya prick.
Did someone say "face absolutely filtered to f*ck again"?View attachment 1662629
And she’s off!
I was lying in my bed mithering last night and wondered what a kick in the teeth this must feel like for Jack. Asking her followers to vote for her and it looks like they just can’t be bothered to. Jack might have 570k followers but they just aren’t that interested in you Jack.Did anyone see Jack actually there?
Did she get dressed up, someone called and told her she hadn't won because she's as popular as a piranha at the swimming pool, so she stayed home and live streamed it... On her own... Eating Pumble.. still wearing the tux... Yelling angry words at the screen..
I would like to think that when confronted with the choice of voting for Jack or voting for people who do actual campaigning work for the group in question, everyone bar the most devoted leg-humper had a come-to-Jesus moment and either didn't vote, or voted for someone else.I was lying in my bed mithering last night and wondered what a kick in the teeth this must feel like for Jack. Asking her followers to vote for her and it looks like they just can’t be bothered to. Jack might have 570k followers but they just aren’t that interested in you Jack.
She's very, very good at stealing other people's content, isn't she. Not an original idea ever.View attachment 1663685
Fuck off, Jackie-come-lately, Jay Rayner made this joke about 6 hours ago. Badly-dressed, joke-stealing, deluded twat.
Wonder who wrote that for her?
That's what annoyed me the most about her try-hard sycophants, they kept the worthy winner tagged in their arse kissing posts. How disrespectful.Do these people have no self respect? They certainly have no manners, tagging in the entirely worthy and deserved actual winner with their ridiculous arse-licking. Fucking pick-me idiots.
There is so much going on at the moment and she is NOWHERE doing NOTHING. It’s my aneurysm that her followers don’t see that 🫠Utterly predictable but somehow still funny that food inflation was confirmed as hitting 14.6% yesterday but Jack’s Vainglorious Bollocks Index is still nowhere to be seen, and she was tweeting selfies of her outfit for a mutual backpatting session for a cause she’s done absolutely nothing for.
Almost like she’s absolutely fucking pointless.
My highlight of a very dull evening !Looooooool Krishmate just called Steve Baker MP a cunt live on telly. He’s just tweeted an apology. Pray for Louisa Jesus Compton.
Sad to say I have that shirt with the dogs on it in the last picture (To add insult to narcissistic injury we've just broke through £100,000 in the stock take
The attachments still need
TotalClothes
110 2x Oliver Bonas jumpers
35 boiler suit (which was dyed pink)
300 trouser suit she wore for the Diva photoshoot (and ofm awards)
75 Sweaty Betty leggings
300 2x Viv westwood dress (assume sale)
200 R&P bras (x 2 minimum)
350 Warm & wonderful diana sheep jumper
10 horrendous steam punk clock leggings (worn once)
116 Instagram look
49 Ted Baker pyjamas
5 jolly warehouse skirt
12 'limited edition' vest
3 Asda Cream Gratitude Slogan Sweatshirt (kids)
110 Two pairs of granny curtain boiler suits
12 2x dylon machine dye
450 Vivienne Westwood Red Label 2014 red tartan trazzers
450 Vivienne Westwood dark red tartan trazzers
550 Vivienne Westwood anglomania mid length dress
350 Vivienne Westwood anglomania vintage white shirt blouse
325 Vivienne Westwood worlds end snap button conquistador plaid waistcoat (beige)
600 Vivienne Westwood matching plaid trazzers (beige)
600 Vivienne Westwood womens grey pants (plaid)
100 calvin klein sportswear
150 nike pro sportswear
865 joesph stretch leather leggings (ew)
20 genderation t-shirt
35 M&S COLLECTION Pure Cotton Flannel Check Shirt khaki
16 M&S COLLECTION Unisex Cotton Rich Zip Through Hooded (8-9 Yrs) navy
14 Punx 'workers of the world unite' t-shirt black with red star
70 Liverpool FC Nike Womens Away Stadium Jersey 21/22
56 Sugarhill Brighton Rita Rainbow Heart Jumper white
4 H&M playsuit blue
45 Superdry Classic Lumberjack Shirt pink
45 Dickies Lightweight Cotton Coverall Overall Reflective - Navy Blue
25 'not up for grabs' classic t-shirt
12 fire brigades union t-shirt (probably nicked)
3 childrens jumper with city names green
Jackets
5000 Burberry brit jacket ($5-6k)
1790 Burberry short islington trench coat
339 All Saints belfern suede biker jacket
300 all saints leather jacket
36 Topshop denim jacket
144 4x other denim jackets
109 Joules coast waterproof jacket yellow
370 The North Face mens gotham jacket black
Accessories
780 2x Burberry scarves: one for her and one for LJC
146 Ray Ban sunglasses (one pair, probably multiple)
795 mulberry elkington oak bag
14 replacement oliver bonas strap
60 mary poppins parrot umbrella
60 cath kidston rucksack
300 3x wigs
119 Hatteras pigskin leather cap dark brown (wax suede stetson hat)
60 Boy london snap back black/gold hat ($60)
290 Burberry lightweight check wool silk scarf
375 mustard burberry scarf
20 kangol shoulder bag
15 liverpool fc scarf
635 Moschino Women's Leopard-print Calf Hair Pouch
12 Gucci monogram double ring belt black gold dupe
14 2x Scribbler 'fuck off' eye mask
Shoes
180 Dr Martens 2976 alyson wintergrip chelsea boots (brown)
120 Dr Martens willow edition boots
7 replacement Dr. Martens Round Shoe Laces, Yellow
120 Dr Martens red boots
158 Nike Epic React Flyknit orange trainers (asda trip)
245 Edinburgh book festival' Russell & Bromley chester tassel loafer (dubious provenance)
245 Downing Street' leopard monstrosities with block heels
245 assumed third pair of 'spenny loafers'
20 black pleather Primark boots with chain
100 magnum boots
895 Jimmy Choo ren sandals blue 2016
750 Christian Louboutin Audrey Strappy Glitter Sandal
85 leather converse
350 Church's brogues
215 Russell and Bromley charlize theresa may jobbies
190 Nike Air Max Vapormax 360 (grey gold white)
190 Nike Air Max Vapormax 360 Fossil Metallic (silver black white)
30 Belle Emporium Double Buckle Chain Ankle Boots black (gold chains)
35 firefighter 4000 boots with pull ups
Jewellery
1550 2x Tiffany pearl hoop earrings sterling silver (two pairs)
485 Tiffany 1837 Makers I.D. Tag Pendant in Sterling Silver, 24" (worn at arcade fire gig)
66 Tatty Devine Fishbone necklace
265 Pandora bracelet with at least 7 charms (£55 bracelet + 7x £30)
Watches
600 omega seamaster (replica?)
130 Finn
150 Garmin
199 Apple watch (assume series 3)
150 Rotary Swiss Commando limited edition caged 1990s (gift from big Dave)
200 Fitbit versa 1st gen
0 adventure time finn watch (gift from grandma)
Cosmetics
800 77x Lipsticks
200 14x Foundations
250 40x Eyeliners
500 misc makeup
900 botox Vie Aesthetics (estimate, £300/3 areas x 3 treatments)
3960 fillers Vie Aesthetics (estimate, £330/ml x 3ml per year x 4 years)
1056 haircuts at Toni & Guy, Woo Hair etc. (estimate, £66 x 4 per year x 4 years)
3000 2x tattoo sleeves (estimate, £1,500 per sleeve)
150 Penhaligons fragrance
134 stinkbug eyeshadow look (no freebies hint hint)
70 Jean Paul Gaultier classique 2 piece music gift box ('her partners')
13 Superdrug Me+ Vitamin C with Squalane Booster 30ml
22 ck one
54 3x lush sleepy body lotion (£10, £18 or £30 ea.)
13 Sanctuary Spa Radiance Illuminating Whipped Moisture Cream
Furniture
400 Cotswold Company small sideboard (living room, blue)
229 Cotswold Company tallboy (bedroom, ivory)
799 Cotswold Company chester dove grey writing bureau (similar)
849 Cotswold Company oakland rustic oak dining table
399 Cotswold Company oakland rustic oak storage bench
2396 2x Cotswold Company chester dresser
1529 Cotswold Company chester grand dresser
299 Cotswold Company bookcase (porch, used for manky wooden photography boards)
800 2x Cotswold Company small sideboards
499 Cotswold Company chester wine console
599 Cotswold Company chester large sideboard
699 Cotswold Company chester large sideboard (wine rack version)
800 2x Cotswold Company oakland rustic oak shoe storage bench
730 Cotswold Company chester dove grey extra large dresser top
1000 Unidentified Cotswold(?) cupboard/wardrobe
1200 8x kendal dining chairs
384 8x Argos maine narrow bookcase white
144 3x Argos maine narrow bookcase oak effect
60 3x Argos maine tall CD DVD tower oak effect
80 2x Ikea helmer white 6 drawer unit
1350 Hopkins SPITE SOFA (designers guild florence 2 seater)
535 custom captain's chair
400 John Lewis hammock
400 John Lewis egg chair
575 next westcott no footend double bed
150 6x metal folding chairs (for her Mormon tabernacle Amish prayer circle fellowship things)
200 4x metal patio chairs (for her Mormon tabernacle Amish prayer circle fellowship things)
240 2x Brix Design Works Brant Bar Chair (wire gold)
150 2x IKEA TOBIAS Chair, transparent/chrome-plated
840 2x The Orchard Button Back Upholstered Chair Oatmeal Fabric with Wooden Legs
Kitchen
250 magnetic Allegra spice jars
104 rusty eBay spoons
80 Emma Bridgewater toaster with TOASTER on it
140 4x Ikea hejne 'cheapo shoe racks' for seasonal crockery
72 9x Ikea knagglig wooden box
324 4 2x Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Dinnerware Set, White, 12 Piece (4x Dinner Plates, 4x Salad Plates, 4x Cereal Bowls)
92 4x Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Mugs, White, Box of 2
19 Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Cream Jug, White
136 8x Sophie Conran for Portmeirion Pasta Bowl, Dia.23.5cm, White
200 more random Sophie Conran for Portmeirion shit (see instagram)
300 kitchen aid
400 20x John Lewis clear plastic storage bins
290 Baywood 33 drawer tea chest
30 John Lewis Perspex cube pasta storage with pink lids
20 full set of oversized unicorns/animal mugs from Asda
425 Graham and Green birdcage lampshade
65 SimpleHuman hand soap dispenser (kitchen)
2500 Smeg fridge (double American style)
400 ooni pizza oven (freebie)
56 7x Wilko snake charmer kitchen baskets
479 Nespresso creatista plus coffee machine (doesn't drink coffee)
2000 cooker
45 Bialetti moka color blue 6 cup
45 Bialetti moka express silver 6 cup
135 Global Classic knife
300 Blok knife (Observer Food Award)
300 Mcusta Zanmai supreme ripple knife
70 nutribullet 600 (replacement)
0 chest freezer (second hand free allegedly)
700 2x chest freezers
60 Rock tumbler
5 Tesco zencker enamel medium pie dish
40 campingaz stove
10 blue travel kettle
265 blenheim forge nakiri knife
70 Joseph Joseph knives
4 Asda rainbow butter dish
70 Dunelm Retro 20L 800W Pink Digital Microwave
70 nutribullet (dead)
70 blue microwave
70 copper microwave
25 cream toaster
25 glass kettle (broken because adhd)
25 pink kettle
10 wilko slow cooker white (for shower gel)
0 replacement wilko slow cooker white (freebie)
40 slow cooker black (for coffee)
3 asda glass salt/pepper grinder
3 Joie Spud Dude peeler
5 flower saucepan (oxfam)
9 H&M plate green fancy
30 vintage weighing scales small (msg use only)
10 2x lidl moscow mule copper mugs
28 BRITA water filter jug
305 61x (at least) high quality crystal clear food storage containers (shitloads) £5 ea. but go up to £20 ea.
18 metal bin cream
18 metal bin silver
10 25x Wilko hexagonal glass jars (£5 12pk)
4 tesco espresso cup with saucer black gold
6 Wilko copper effect bread bin
42 12x Wilko Copper Effect Tea and Coffee Canisters (£10.50 for 3)
28 BIA gold camel teapot
35 ICEL meat cleaver
135 second Global knife
850 Samsung fridge freezer Series 5 RB38T665DSA 70/30 (very similar)
1000 knife roll she left on the train (at least)
168 Denby Halo Coupe Dinnerware Set, 12 Piece, Blue
60 2x charity shop crockery hauls (£40 + £20)
30 victorinox swiss army knife
Bathroom
60 squatty potty
20 etekcity bathroom scales (read: fuck off)
35 simplehuman Wall Mounted Shower Soap Pump Dispenser, Single
90 simplehuman Wall Mounted Shower Soap Pump Dispenser, Triple
Electronics
60 3x “tiles” for locating lost keys/phones by internet magic
80 Nokia 3310
40 Vintage ferguson radio casette recorder
549 55" TV
120 24" TV for SB's PlayStation
199 Airpods (dropped in cooking)
249 Airpods pro
300 dyson hairdryer
110 Crosley cruiser suitcase turntable ('SB's' bedroom)
320 2x Roberts Revival Mini radio
900 6x DAB radios (£150 ea.)
199 Bodyclock luxe 700FM alarm clock
499 Dyson fan
1200 iMac desktop
1000 macbook pro
1000 other laptop
79 apple mouse
249 1x tablet
100 2x microphones
100 3x sets of headphones
60 3x backup batteries
140 4x studio lights (ESDDI)
45 3x extension leads
30 1x pivot stand
539 1x canon 700D as backup
700 Sony vaio laptop
1000 iPhone 13/14 pro
700 android phone
300 30x records
20 2x short tripods
40 sony walkman casette player green (WM-EX)
180 House of Marley Get Together Bluetooth Speaker
60 House of Marley Jammin' Positive Vibrations (EM-JH010-SU) On-Ear Headphones - Sun
750 hp all in one pc (estimate £500-£2k)
22 2x light/fountain speakers
Home adornments
428 fancy knobs
72 antique bird of paradise porcelain door knobs and finger plates (bedroom door)
432 if she's done the other say 6 internal doors as well
35 two-headed Skellington dog plastic Halloween decoration
155 Morris & Co. Strawberry Thief curtains (median price £65-45)
37 culinary concepts gold s-shaped test tube vase (unboxed second, allegedly half price)
300 sentient mirror
2000 438x baubles
28 John Lewis llama doorstop
18 H&M peacock gold candlestick
100 10x H&M gold candlesticks
294 'I can't forget' screenprint navy/raspberry
10 squid game guard mask from the market
95 Abigail Aherne grey hare table lamp
12 replacement wilko wire cage hessian light shade
12 replacement blue light shade
30 flamingo neon light
20 wolf duvet set
8 Edmond the solar pug
12 la savioe book box
30 3x wire cage lamp shade copper
20 'on air' small light
20 vintage metal tool box blue
140 2x Wilko Blair Floor Lamp Cream And Copper
270 French mid century brass piano lamp (closest match)
25 vintage kodak camera (bookend, brought back from Dordrecht)
370 2x big spotlight lamps on tripods
300 Harrods mirror (bedroom)
172 John Lewis Velvet Pair Lined Pencil Pleat Curtains Pink (median price £111-234)
Work
1000 unread books (estimate)
543 32x copies of cooking on a bootstrap (kickstarter version) just sat there
15 6x ring binders (for coroner's reports)
525 35x moleskin notebooks
44 per roll wallpaper used as ADHD friendly “to-do” list
70 folding table
150 5x hastily installed curtains
4 1x actual tin can (eBay)
25 wooden calculator (unused)
60 12x derwent colorsoft pencils
200 Sarah Akwisombe’s Money & Manifesting course
22 2x giveaway copies at big green books
Garden
420 3x VegTrugs (unknown quantity)
150 wire racking (kept outside)
75 magnolia tree
80 2x summit camping stove (shed)
37 large metal bin black (kept outside)
Exercise
1199 water rower
400 bike (estimate)
400 carrera bike given to someone who's was stolen
249 Peak Design rucksack (asda romp)
140 Kathmandu transfer rucksack 38L
150 arbor longboard (~$200)
40 small longboard white
200 osprey rucksack grey
Toys
100 CUDDLY TOY (Hamleys)
60 Lego flower bouquet
10 Jenga
350 playstation
0 small star wars figurines (safekeeping)
22 scrabble
7 how to speak cat game
22 Jellycat amuseable toast soft toy
5 glowstick wristbands
0 wooden sleigh (taken from 'someone's driveway')
16 Tiveez 1000 Piece jigsaw puzzle - Amsterdam Sunset Bicycle
10 vintage Fisher Price chatter phone (current value)
20 62x shopkins (put on birthday cake)
Pets
2200 content
150 puppy grooming package (£25 x 1pm x 6mo)
700 Vets bills
10 flappy fishy (for cooper)
9 pet pooch boutique dog collar
20 hi viz dog harness
9 burger (lol) dog toy
10 ball thrower
Travel
250 Sleeper to Edinburgh last min on a Friday
309 3 nights at Eden Locke, Edinburgh
170 Last minute train home on a Monday morning
360 cafe 3x weekly for 6 months (£5 x 3pw x 6mo)
20 Sad Asda shop
28 hoppa shopping trolley
250 Groucho joining fee
1900 Groucho membership (£950 per year x 2 years)
Food
65 13x quality street tubs (£5 ea.)£90,852£100,589
The new pair of boots she bought after wearing the taped together pair for a while on TV (despite having other pairs ...?)
Artificial snow
plastic flower headdress phase
Le Creuset
furniture and set dressing for the shed outside that she was going to turn into a studio
lawnmower
tents
The hen with the rubber eggs for nesting hens?
dusty plastics string of pearls plant
laptops for 'team of staff'
squishy sofa
velvet sofabed
baskets, baskets everywhere
leather armchairs
drinking glasses (content approved)
red teardrop drop hoop earrings
leather jackets
teeth whitening (maybe filter)
fake tan
'shoe obsession'
fancy crockery (shitloads)
food storage (shitloads, kilner jars etc.)
double monk shoes black
THAT BLOODY LAMP
watch with flowery strap
watch with chunky silver strap
guitar
Sarah Akwisombe evil eye necklace
blue stripey viv trazzers
3x engagement rings
10x huge bags of clothes (donated away)
cream desk lamp
100x rolls of paper for photo backgrounds
electronic keyboard
vintage walking stick brass handle
monsoon silk floral dress blue
'basic' belt
3 4G plus home broadband hub £10/mo
'sexy 60th' red and black leapord print (?) groucho awards dress
fancy teabags (no naughty comments about elaborate teabagging. WARNED)
spenny herbal australian teas
special spice-jar-grabbing tongs (assumed)
2x round copper side/end/bedside table
black side zip boots
3x christmas trees
copper kettle
leapord print shoes oxfam
diesel lost in lust leather jacket black
kettle green/white flying ants?
red adjustable floor lamp (similar to anglepoise but no mechanism)
samsung phone silver
spare samsung phone dark blue removable battery
gold and pink flowers teapot
silver calculator watch
2x tiled patio tables with chairs
watch worn at Groucho awards
headphones trashed by gluing flowers on
gold padded armchair
Aldi hammock chairs at £300 a piece
hundreds of pounds she spends on her private prescriptions
cambridge folk fest x4
glastonbury
latitiude festival 2016
lightbulb desk lamp
leather suitcase light brown
folding chair (glasto in the garden)
vintage Laura Ashley curtains from eBay
cassette table that Andy The Sound Guy from the Samsung shoot madeAnything spenny is fair game, but I'll add whatever fraus want.
My own benchmark is discretionary or 'non-essential' spend in the context of someone who claims to not be able to afford shower gel or 6p for butter instead of lard etc.
Jack moves things around constantly so try to avoid double counting.
Instagram is a literal and figurative gold mine (see TBC spoiler).
If I like your stocktake post it means I've seen it and will include in the next update.
Please provide the price and description line for the item so I can add it straight to the stocktake e.g. "£158 orange nike trainers (asda trip)"
Have fun.
Now fuck off x
Having browsed twitter a lot recently (for the purposes of research obvs) I am bloody mortified at the utter wetness of the bios / comments of most of the 'leg humping' squigs. They are so beige and think that their little funnies on twitter count for something. I'm embarrassed to be human when I read them. I get the impression that twitter is a very safe space for them to show support of issues such as BLM / Trans rights / refugees etc but in real life they would silently shit themselves if a trans person was appointed at their kids school or if a refugee family moved into their street. My Very Interesting Point is coming I promise ; )I would like to think that when confronted with the choice of voting for Jack or voting for people who do actual campaigning work for the group in question, everyone bar the most devoted leg-humper had a come-to-Jesus moment and either didn't vote, or voted for someone else.
From the Jack Monroe School of Cooking...Someone has produced a worse concoction from cans than Jack. The canned cheddar cheese soup is a particular lowlight.
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