Jack Monroe #399 Catastrophically embarrassing

[Lurkingandlaughing]

'A forever home'. Thats literally a term she has stolen from the looked after children her family fostered. While claiming vicarious trauma from their presence in her life. You are a vampire Jack. Really.

 

[Mr Krabs]

She's said in the past that she "pays" herself the equivalent of full time National Minimum Wage (or Living wage?). She should have built up a tidy little nest egg by now.

I don’t think she’s put a single penny away for a deposit, retirement, even for a small emergency. When I see her posting those bank screenshots, I believe her. I think she has a well above average income and I think she spends it all. Would not be at all surprised if there was a lot of debt there too.

 

[auntylil]

we watched with amusement as she carried on telling enormous porkies rather than cooking them.

Four hundred lies and a funeral.

Obvs a massive underestimate

400 lies and a pumble?

We don't want the word funeral because "someone" will twist it into us wanting her to LITERALLY STOP BREATHING! FFS

 

[AndrewsDaddy]

Yes, and if she gets called out for buying a house she can use the "I was desperately saving every penny so SB and I could have a forever home" excuse and her worshippers will praise her for being such a good person.

She’ll find it in a puddle or down back of sofa or the homeless hobo living in her spare room will miraculously gift a house she’s just looking after.

 

[skybluepat]

I’m a bit behind so forgive me if repeating, but have we seen this like? Did make me laugh.

 

[Bugger13]

I wonder if she'll win a prize.

One of the therapists really ought to gift her a goldfish. It could remind her of the squigs as they all have similar memory competence (joking, I think that 2 second memory thing is actually disproven).

 

[CrackingOwlSanctuary]

Photo of Jack Monroe leaving the Fire Service in 2011, colourised.

 

[TheCat'sMother]

She said in one of her interviews that she earned £22,000 p/a for 120 hours per week.

I'm not an expert in s/e taxes, but surely HMRC should be questioning the hours Jack says are worked each week?

I would say they were unfeasible. Especially over a period of time. Even for someone who isn't constantly on Tw*tter.

 

[Lazarus]

She's said in the past that she "pays" herself the equivalent of full time National Minimum Wage (or Living wage?). She should have built up a tidy little nest egg by now.

No, sorry she won’t have built anything up. She also said she donates the rest to charity.

 

[Bugger13]

can food writers expense food or saucepans?

I’m betting they can with spoons as it would explain a lot

 

[Ooointitot]

400 lies and a pumble?

We don't want the word funeral because "someone" will twist it into us wanting her to LITERALLY STOP BREATHING! FFS

I've had a bastardised version of the Proclaimers on my Internal Jukebox for weeks and wish to pass it on:

But Jack has told 400 lies and she will tell 400 more

 

[Feck]

400 lies and a pumble?

We don't want the word funeral because "someone" will twist it into us wanting her to LITERALLY STOP BREATHING! FFS

We have walked 400 threads and we will walk 400 more.

@Ooointitot thinking along the same lines there

 

[Ooointitot]

I do hope she does buy a house though, so she can sell it again to pay reparation and fines from all the county court cases that are incoming.

That really would be lovely

ETA yes I am a witch

 

[MsGilmore]

I'm not an expert in s/e taxes, but surely HMRC should be questioning the hours Jack says are worked each week?

I would say they were unfeasible. Especially over a period of time. Even for someone who isn't constantly on Tw*tter.

She isn’t required to declare the hours worked. Just the income and expenses.

 

[Foxvint]

Maybe she'll find a forever home in a puddle

 

[AnnRKey]

Wish she'd stop using the word "nix". I mean I know it means cancel/delete in nerdy terms but all I can think about when I see her use it is a big pair of nix holding in her unruly labia.

 

[House of Carbonara]

Please, please somebody post a snippet from Blackwater (the dictionary ep). I can't work out how to do it.

BLACKADDER, dammit!

 

[jenny2603]

She isn’t required to declare the hours worked. Just the income and expenses.

Just as well because bull like that could make Hector very suspicious.

 

[TheCat'sMother]

Yeah it doesn’t quite but I included both last and this year rates given she oosted around the start of the tax year - but yea she must have lied or got it a bit wrong. If we give her benefit of doubt still puts her in one of nicest houses in area; unless she’s paying off massive arrears, which would block a mortgage.

Surely Jack's late/missing rent payments would kiss tata to a mortgage?

 

[Tin Can Crook]

'A forever home'. Thats literally a term she has stolen from the looked after children her family fostered. While claiming vicarious trauma from their presence in her life. You are a vampire Jack. Really.

I always associate it with animal rescues and find it really weird when adults use it to refer to their own house.

Do we know how many bedrooms the crappy bungalow has? In my head it's a 5 bed but I'm realising I don't actually have that backed up by facts. I'm just picturing this sprawling property full of her tat. That would be excessive so I'm assuming it's less.