Jack Monroe #397 Note to self pick up more Lil’ smokies when in Tblisi

[HotesTilaire]

So Leggy at that time? Her most recent stint in live in rehab must have been funded by LJC or herself then

Dayhab was shortly after a grown up stepped in and apologised to the headteacher. Prior to dayhab we were treated to pictures very obviously in LJC’s Old place, so there’s an assumption LJC had a hand in it, but who knows?

I gone and done it but I'm not happy about it

Spoiler: FORENSIC bean analysis

Behold the sacrificial beans, I already feel bad because I'm quite fond of beans

View attachment 1586514 View attachment 1586515

Into the sieve they go, sorry for what I'm about to subject you to, you don't deserve this

View attachment 1586516

"Rinse thoroughly"
At this point I realised this is not only going to be a waste of fuel/energy but also a substantial waste of water because you have to toss the beans a lot to get ALL the sauce off

View attachment 1586517

Rinsed beans

View attachment 1586518

"Boil rapidly for 10 minutes"
The water turned this murky colour and I could feel them sticking to the pan
After one minute 'rapidly' boiling I realised that was already one minute too many

View attachment 1586519

After 10 minutes of rapid boiling I sieved the beans to determine if any simmering was needed 'until they soften', it was not
If you completed the second paragraph prior to taking the beans off simmer, as the recipe would suggest, that's another 10 minutes and they would probably have disintegrated completely at that point

View attachment 1586520

You would add these beans to the sauce, yum

View attachment 1586521

Squidged a few softly, gently with the back of a spoon, they're just complete mush

View attachment 1586522

My take away is Jack has either never actually done this and just guessed at how long you would need to boil them (but why boil them at all) or just wants them to be complete slop
The pan survived to boil another bean, after 10 minutes they were no longer sticking to the pan, their spirits were well and truly broken, along with my appetite

Praise beans a canal cook along!

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Yup Priory pre-2015, there’s a Times article but it’s paywalled. She refers in “you don’t batch cook when you’re suicidal”

Times Article Screenies. It’s VERY VERY long, very self indulgent, and I’ve just caught her in a massive whopper in it (about Borb) having only skimmed to make sure was in right order.

TW for multiple S*****e mentions Read with care.

I spoilered our her son’s name. Off to read it properly…

Spoiler: Times Article

 

[PorkandBeans]

I gone and done it but I'm not happy about it

Spoiler: FORENSIC bean analysis

Behold the sacrificial beans, I already feel bad because I'm quite fond of beans

View attachment 1586514 View attachment 1586515

Into the sieve they go, sorry for what I'm about to subject you to, you don't deserve this

View attachment 1586516

"Rinse thoroughly"
At this point I realised this is not only going to be a waste of fuel/energy but also a substantial waste of water because you have to toss the beans a lot to get ALL the sauce off

View attachment 1586517

Rinsed beans

View attachment 1586518

"Boil rapidly for 10 minutes"
The water turned this murky colour and I could feel them sticking to the pan
After one minute 'rapidly' boiling I realised that was already one minute too many

View attachment 1586519

After 10 minutes of rapid boiling I sieved the beans to determine if any simmering was needed 'until they soften', it was not
If you completed the second paragraph prior to taking the beans off simmer, as the recipe would suggest, that's another 10 minutes and they would probably have disintegrated completely at that point

View attachment 1586520

You would add these beans to the sauce, yum

View attachment 1586521

Squidged a few softly, gently with the back of a spoon, they're just complete mush

View attachment 1586522

My take away is Jack has either never actually done this and just guessed at how long you would need to boil them (but why boil them at all) or just wants them to be complete slop
The pan survived to boil another bean, after 10 minutes they were no longer sticking to the pan, their spirits were well and truly broken, along with my appetite

I can never unsee that.

Please, for the love of pumble, please don’t let Jack take a crack at American BBQ sauce.

She’d toss a tin of tomatoes, a jar of orange marmalade, and an inexplicable anchovy into a blender, whiz it all into a gloppy mess and call it ‘Meemaw Jack’s BBQ Sauce’. Heck, her little ADHD puppy brain would probably mix up BBQ sauce and red-eye gravy, so she’d fling in a couple of tablespoons of instant coffee, too. Then she’d paint the resulting slime onto an innocent chicken breast pulled from one of her three freezers (frozen? thawed? who cares???) and microwave it until nice and rubbery.

 

[HotesTilaire]

So she managed a breakdown and the Priory before splitting with Leggy!
This is dated Nov 15 -isn’t that when she joined Mrs Gloss Facebook makeup group?

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Has anyone ever written a message with their lipstick or is it just a ... narrative device? Makes u think

I wrote my number in eyeliner on the foil of a cigarette packet for my first love. He still has that bit of paper 32 plus years later.
I don't wear lipstick, it tastes like crayon.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

So she managed a breakdown and the Priory before splitting with Leggy!
This is dated Nov 15 -isn’t that when she joined Mrs Gloss Facebook makeup group?

I’m trying to find the screenies that were shared recently to see when it was. I had in my mind 2017 but I really don’t recall. Looking now.

ETA not sure when she joined. Need a more knowledgeable frau on that. The posts recently of her posing around eyefucking herself with her waps out contradicted what she was saying elsewhere not long before but the ones I was thinking of are 2017. For decency’s sake I SHAN’T post those again.

Also, I’m not imagining it am I, wasn’t the whole point of the Borb burger story this year to say she was GOING to do this ‘look at me now’ burger thing with her next book (with enabling publisher and squigs applauding her), yet in 2015 she’d already done it?! twit.

 

[StatusWoe]

I gone and done it but I'm not happy about it

Spoiler: FORENSIC bean analysis

Behold the sacrificial beans, I already feel bad because I'm quite fond of beans

View attachment 1586514 View attachment 1586515

Into the sieve they go, sorry for what I'm about to subject you to, you don't deserve this

View attachment 1586516

"Rinse thoroughly"
At this point I realised this is not only going to be a waste of fuel/energy but also a substantial waste of water because you have to toss the beans a lot to get ALL the sauce off

View attachment 1586517

Rinsed beans

View attachment 1586518

"Boil rapidly for 10 minutes"
The water turned this murky colour and I could feel them sticking to the pan
After one minute 'rapidly' boiling I realised that was already one minute too many

View attachment 1586519

After 10 minutes of rapid boiling I sieved the beans to determine if any simmering was needed 'until they soften', it was not
If you completed the second paragraph prior to taking the beans off simmer, as the recipe would suggest, that's another 10 minutes and they would probably have disintegrated completely at that point

View attachment 1586520

You would add these beans to the sauce, yum

View attachment 1586521

Squidged a few softly, gently with the back of a spoon, they're just complete mush

View attachment 1586522

My take away is Jack has either never actually done this and just guessed at how long you would need to boil them (but why boil them at all) or just wants them to be complete slop
The pan survived to boil another bean, after 10 minutes they were no longer sticking to the pan, their spirits were well and truly broken, along with my appetite

Horrifying. Poor beans, may they RIP.

I always marvel at Jack's unique ability to take a perfectly decent ingredient and ruin it for everyone.

 

[Snotbuster]

Sweet baby Jeebus. She has created the insane bastard child of chili con carne and mole.

The entire Southwest begs you lovely UK fraud to NEVER attempt this abomination.

Her recipe is awful. A clear sign that she genuinely does not give a duck about food, texture, sapor, anything. What good are nine bookshelves of cookbooks if this is what you come up with?

 

[StatusWoe]

Times Article Screenies. It’s VERY VERY long, very self indulgent, and I’ve just caught her in a massive whopper in it (about Borb) having only skimmed to make sure was in right order.

TW for multiple S*****e mentions Read with care.

I spoilered our her son’s name. Off to read it properly…

Spoiler: Times Article

View attachment 1586545View attachment 1586547View attachment 1586548View attachment 1586549View attachment 1586550View attachment 1586551View attachment 1586552View attachment 1586556View attachment 1586558View attachment 1586560View attachment 1586567View attachment 1586568View attachment 1586569View attachment 1586570View attachment 1586571View attachment 1586576View attachment 1586577View attachment 1586578View attachment 1586579View attachment 1586580View attachment 1586582View attachment 1586583View attachment 1586596View attachment 1586586View attachment 1586587View attachment 1586588View attachment 1586589View attachment 1586590View attachment 1586591View attachment 1586592

Wow that article's long! Jack doesn't deserve all that column space.

 

[Jelly Bean]

Also, I’m not imagining it am I, wasn’t the whole point of the Borb burger story this year to say she was GOING to do this ‘look at me now’ burger thing with her next book (with enabling publisher and squigs applauding her), yet in 2015 she’d already done it?! twit.

Yes she was banging on about including it in her acknowledgements Very mature.

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

I think the “memoir” is just how the publishers have decided to categorise Jack’s politically illiterate rant propped up by distasteful weaponisation of the deaths of vulnerable people. Hence she’s wanking on about coroners reports so much lately.

Of course, Ms Main Character Syndrome won’t be able to resist centring herself and “more jam mummy?” among tales of people dying after receiving benefit sanctions. If she hasn’t been customarily cancelled by then, she will be, because it’s extremely obvious that not a single employee at Bluebird has the brains to see that comparing a period of totally voluntary poverty to victims of deeply ingrained class inequality isn’t acceptable.

Re: Times article… “model beautiful”?? bleeping hell. Every single journalist who stroked that monstrous ego should be forced to make a public apology.

 

[Day3TShirt]

I think the “memoir” is just how the publishers have decided to categorise Jack’s politically illiterate rant propped up by distasteful weaponisation of the deaths of vulnerable people. Hence she’s wanking on about coroners reports so much lately.

Of course, Ms Main Character Syndrome won’t be able to resist centring herself and “more jam mummy?” among tales of people dying after receiving benefit sanctions. If she hasn’t been customarily cancelled by then, she will be, because it’s extremely obvious that not a single employee at Bluebird has the brains to see that comparing a period of totally voluntary poverty to victims of deeply ingrained class inequality isn’t acceptable.

Re: Times article… “model beautiful”?? bleeping hell. Every single journalist who stroked that monstrous ego should be forced to make a public apology.

Could the “model beautiful” be a dig? Some models are ‘unconventional’ looking, to put it kindly.

 

[hoopdedoo]

First-time poster, regular reader since I stumbled across Awfully Molly's expose. Thanks to all the fraus und herren for chronicling the rapid fire action on Twitter.

I think I started to follow Jack on Twitter a couple of months ago, but something was....off. I was interested in low-cost recipes, but there was very little of that among the me-me-me and the chaos outbursts. Although there have been lots of lies over the past few weeks, the one that sticks with me - and it's very minor compared to some of the whoppers - is the high-end shoes for the Edinburgh book festival.

"A stylist left them behind after a photoshoot at my house"? That is utterly ridiculous. Having worked with people who do those kinds of photoshoots - stylists never leave items behind, especially if they want to work with that brand/label again. Celebs on the level of Lady Gaga can "decide" to keep an item they like from a shoot, but the designer writes off the cost of that item, in the hope that the celeb will wear it again and draw more attention to their work. Jack is nowhere near that level of celebrity, despite what she might think.

Now I can see Jack not wanting to get criticized because the poors shouldn't have nice things (taking food out of their child's mouth, etc etc etc), but there are so many other ways that could have been spun. Like "I bought them at a charity shop" or "yes they are expensive shoes but this is how the media expects personalities to dress even if they don't have a lot of money, and this is how marginalized voices get excluded". Instead she chooses the most absurd and easily disprovable excuse. And that's just one example.

As for the current "people are threatening me" chaos: Just waiting for the inevitable plea for to fund the legal action against these malcontents...

 

[NeoCortex]

Dayhab was shortly after a grown up stepped in and apologised to the headteacher. Prior to dayhab we were treated to pictures very obviously in LJC’s Old place, so there’s an assumption LJC had a hand in it, but who knows?


Praise beans a canal cook along!

Cordon Bleurgh

Yes she was banging on about including it in her acknowledgements Very mature.

View attachment 1586627

That lends further credence to my theory that there is no burger man and she spent six hours in her unwashed bed with a Hitachi wand

 

[That Forensic Man]

Just highlighting some of the more unhinged squig replies

Spoiler

You trust wrong

Yes, definitely
Met officers are going to arrest themselves
#FORENSIC

Hope you've got some evidence of that, sloptart

So you were trying to put words in Molly's mouth and took silence (being blocked) as confirmation, literal scum tactics
Nice of you to just admit to it though

So the premise of this whole tweet is completely undermined
We assumed it was that other nuisance account when it could equally be Jack stans literally making things up and running to tell mumma

 

[Marj24]

Some recent advice for those temporarily on a low budget, I'm sharing it for the pierogi recipe alone. The YouTuber has some fancy equipment but reasures it is not necessary. On previous low budget weeks she has stated how the extreme budget caused a lack of fruit and veg, I wish she did here but her focus was keeping yourself full. Jack claims to be able to feed 2-3 on £20 with a veg and fruit forward shop, rubbish! This video really highlighted how basic your menu might be on a seriously low budget but there are positives things that others might like to take away to help them cook to a low budget. For the older fraus, she reminds me of Sally Thomset (Man about the House/Railway Children)

 

[House of Carbonara]

HOW does her writing manage to put me off eating, like, forever?! "

This luscious, dense, simple little number was thrown together this afternoon in the midst of a craving for something hot, stodgy and comforting while I worked from home in the bitter cold. I love my beautiful (rented) house with its views of the sea, but when the temperature drops and the wind kicks up it is devastatingly cold, and I turn to piles of soft thick blankets around my shoulders and knees as I work, and the culinary equivalent of that snug warm feeling, is these. I used the last of the frozen berries that also appeared in the berry banana bread from last week, such is the way with these recipes of mine, one often rolls into another. You can use fresh berries if you prefer, but I like the variety of four or five you tend to get in a frozen bag, as well as the price.
First finely dice or, if you have the patience, grate your bread. My hands seize up in the cold weather – and goodness it has been cold lately – so I confess I tore mine into chunks and threw it into a very old MagiMix that I found for £10 in the Southend Vineyard charity shop a few months ago. It is not an essential piece of kit for everyday use, but I use it in place of my wrists and hands when they are being defunct, and it allows me to carry on doing my work. So I suppose if you have a food processor, tough blender or little bullet style blender and don’t mind the extra washing up, you could use that. Anything goes, as long as your bread is in little pieces at the end of this stage."



Was that the one where people were calling her a narcissist and that looked like it was written by a sock?

Sounds like something written for Comic Relief. Good grief. If The Little Match Girl wrote cookbooks this is whatbit would sound like.

 

[miss_terious]

HOW does her writing manage to put me off eating, like, forever?! "

This luscious, dense, simple little number was thrown together this afternoon in the midst of a craving for something hot, stodgy and comforting while I worked from home in the bitter cold. I love my beautiful (rented) house with its views of the sea, but when the temperature drops and the wind kicks up it is devastatingly cold, and I turn to piles of soft thick blankets around my shoulders and knees as I work, and the culinary equivalent of that snug warm feeling, is these. I used the last of the frozen berries that also appeared in the berry banana bread from last week, such is the way with these recipes of mine, one often rolls into another. You can use fresh berries if you prefer, but I like the variety of four or five you tend to get in a frozen bag, as well as the price.
First finely dice or, if you have the patience, grate your bread. My hands seize up in the cold weather – and goodness it has been cold lately – so I confess I tore mine into chunks and threw it into a very old MagiMix that I found for £10 in the Southend Vineyard charity shop a few months ago. It is not an essential piece of kit for everyday use, but I use it in place of my wrists and hands when they are being defunct, and it allows me to carry on doing my work. So I suppose if you have a food processor, tough blender or little bullet style blender and don’t mind the extra washing up, you could use that. Anything goes, as long as your bread is in little pieces at the end of this stage."

good grief even her recipes manage to work in a bunch of poor me whining

"such is the way with these recipes of mine" yes Jack, no one ever thought of using up ingredients in a separate recipe before you came along and showed us the way

 

[Marj24]

I was famous for my chilli in the 80's . It was good but not great ( again it was the 80's).

I will share it here, it is a decent base (and not JM abhorant) Keep your expectations low.

Spoiler: Marj's chilli

A tablespoon of oil
1lb of mince from the butchers
A diced onion
A couple of cloves of crushed garlic
1 teaspoon of cumin
1_teaspoon of oregano
2 oxo beef cubes (it was the 80s)
1/5-1 tsp of chilli powder
A can of plum tomatoes
A drained can of kidney beans
Salt and pepper.

Method

Heat the oil to medium, add the onions, fry for 4-5 mins until softened. Add garlic and cumin, fry for another minute or two. Add the mince, break down and cook until well browned and separate. Add the oregano, tomatoes, chilli powder, kidney beans and oxos ( other stock cubes are available). Also add about half a can worth of extra water. Bring to a hard simmer and turn the hob temperature to low. Cook for 45-60 minutes, stirring occasionally until meat is well braised. Adjust seasoning and serve with your favourite sides.

 

[Lazarus]

I’ll tell you who I think was maybe a sock, £500 squig. Only squig asking for refund Jack every interacted directly and openly with that I’ve seen. Everyone else she ignores or DMs.
Handy how that squig disappeared just at the right time. Changed the narrative, everyone asking for refunds was a liar after that. Very convenient Jack picked the one squig that wasn’t genuine

Has anyone ever checked if £500 squig is a stock photo with glasses?