Jack Monroe #392 This is why ppl cook you on that gossip app innit

[heretoreaditall2019]

then why are you begging for cash hun

 

[shugabug23]

“Have a Strepsil Jack you fanny” for #ThreadTitle nomination!

Did I do that right?

Recent convert to Tattle, I can say I’m here to stay! The canal makes me on the regular, can’t believe I used to have to read her tweets and argue with myself in my head to what a BORE she was becoming with all the moaning!!!!! Thank(space) you all for having me!

 

[Raker]

I think I might be reaching saturation point with this fucking waste of skin.

- get off your lazy arse and get a job you absolute clip artist
- stop fleecing well meaning people
- Twitter is NOT a job. Get a real one.
- You are as thick as 2- day old shite - stop showing yourself up.
- You are a disgrace and you must be an absolute embarrassment to your family.
- stop playing at being poor, stop playing at downsizing.
- Stop telling lies, big and small. Stop grifting.
- You don’t deserve to have any contact with your lovely child. Or any animals.
- You are supremely untalented at cooking, writing and TV. Retrain as anything else, but be aware of your shortcomings — you are unintelligent, uneducated and unpleasant
- Get a new “story” and stop telling people the same old embellished shite. It is out of date and risible. Your “advice” is dangerous.
- Do your steps properly- especially the ones where you look at your own behaviour and you make reparations to those you have wronged.
- You are a disgrace and you must be an absolute embarrassment to your family.

I’m not sure what my aneurysm was… but I know it’s definitely happened. I’m off for a while #notanairport

 

[Lazarus]

New thread - first timer so I hope this goes ok.

I’ve been BUSY self diagnosing peri menopause in myself so the recap is brief though I’m sure others will support.
• Jack’s BRADyguard looks like a Camembert cheese.
• She has symptoms which resemble covid but it can’t be covid because she tests regularly due to being in close contact with CEV people.
• She went to a concert, and travelled to Bristol, but if she does have covid she’s caught it from SB’s school which is massive.
• When all other concerts and events were cancelled due to the passing of her majesty the Queen, Jack still managed to get out to see Arcade Fire, when others including the support act cancelled due to the singer being outed as a sex pest.
• She’s now sleeping in a library (quiet shagging at least), because she’s living as she will in her new place she’s moving into in 6 months time.
• Content ate the cable off the hoover meaning Jack and her crumbly ouchy shoulder had to manually sweep the carpet.
• Her, SB and an unnamed individual are eating chicken and prune pies. Jack’s oven is broken so I’m assuming these will be cooked on the gas radiator or steamed pudding style. Question: if the oven is broken indeed, how does she heat up her oven trays before bed?

 

[MancBee]

I am indeed on holiday. I have a sunburned upper arsecheek.

I cannot wait to return to catch up with what the dickhead has been doing. I’ve seen her Twitter updates which have given me a flavour.

Me too, though I'm in central Spain (Extremadura) away from the coast where it is cloudy and hot. Trying to keep up here as I don't want to fall too far behind, but sitting on my phone reading about the smol pixie would be a bit rude. I keep trying to do sneaky reads when no-one is looking.

I could say that I wish I wish I was home contributing to the discussion, but that would be a lie. I love it here. Just off out for tapas and some vino tinto. Adiós cábala.

ETA I can hardly wait for the haircut pictures. I can imagine they will be dreadful.

 

[Cucumberthunder]

"I don't talk about my little brother except when racial justice is a trending topic"

 

[Cucumberthunder]

Jack's school run fantasy is such a big indication that SB isn't there. Kids in Yr8 aren't walked to and from by their mum. They just aren't.

If you drive your kid, you don't get out the car. How embarrassing would that be? Even if you liked your mum in private, you'd be mortified in front of your mates if she was just stood there.

Doesn't she live really far from his school? Could the journey be such that she doesn't trust him to do it solo yet? Given how she tends to infantalise him, if it involves a couple of changes she may not want to admit he's capable enough to handle that.

Although I do tend to agree that the simplest explanation is that he isn't there for school mornings. And the school gate thing is nonsense, even if there are a lot more helicopter parents nowadays most have jobs to get to so even if they do have to take their kids to school they generally dump and run.

The drive back from dropping baby cucumber back from nursery involves going past a secondary school and even though it's on a busy main road parents still pull over and drop their kids off on that road rather than going into the car park.

Also - morning ninnies - hope you're not eating breakfast:

 

[Tin Can Crook]

Literally a week ago:

So reliable.

 

[Lazarus]

Great work so far, GrannyOgg. Keep it up!!


On the literal autism: I had an old colleague who’s son was autistic. He used to take things very literally, for example: one year at Easter, he was making cards at school. The design of the card was a large Easter egg with smaller eggs made out of tissue paper.
he brought it home and my colleague and her family said well done etc. she said to her son along the lines of ‘that’s a lovely Easter egg, and I like all the wee eggs on the front of it too’. He responded ‘it’s not an egg with small eggs on the front. It’s a bit of paper with tissue paper stuck on it’.
that to me is classic literal thinking for someone with autism.

 

[Dogmuck]

Winning thread title, words from a squig supplied by me nominated by @LeftoverCoffee. Congratulations your prize is the remaining chicken bacon black pudding 🩸 prune carrot and celery Pie - named in your honour

In the last thread Jack:

Wanted to throw a pie at the new king

Went to the pharmacy for an ouchy throat and was told to SHUT UP go on complete vocal rest and gaggle loads of stuff plus sage tea. She was WARNED because of her unsustainable workload.

Surprised even her very dear irl friend that she’d met the queen a few times

Had her son, his dog and his LFC trackie top over for the day.

Took them to Wilco

Breadcrumbed about her lodger who she’s not allowed to have but has been there for 9 months.

Did some top tier trolling with her bodyguard

That’s it from me please feel free to add to the recap.

NEWBIES - please read the Wiki accessed by the pink button at the top of the threadit will help you understand sooo much.

Title nomination towards the end with THREAD TITLE NOM to make it easier to find and no swears please.

 

[Geetbo]

I am indeed on holiday. I have a sunburned upper arsecheek.

I cannot wait to return to catch up with what the dickhead has been doing. I’ve seen her Twitter updates which have given me a flavour.

 

[PeepholePringle]

This could've been written this month tbh

 

[Veronicaaa]

I think she's referring to the vignette function on Instagram filters

me, right now -

 

[Penelope_Ghent]

Agreed. Outrageous waste of their time and money

Because I am an absolute PITA I have already put in an FOI to the NHS asking what the talk is about, notes of meetings where it was agreed Jack would be invited to speak and what the remuneration is (I expect this part will be withheld).

 

[DinosaurSenior]

How is she a "Creative"? What does she create apart from a sense of rage in me?

 

[hooplifehero]

View attachment 1569455

I ain’t gonna change y’all! Take me as you find me babes cause you sure as hell ain’t getting me at my best if you can’t handle me all at my worst! I speak as I find and I speak whatever’s on my half-cocked, rootin-tootin mind!


JACK YOU ARE THE WORST

 

[That Forensic Man]

 

[Deeznutslol]

She had to add the third tweet

View attachment 1572755

Something about her saying she’s a ‘big sister’ to this young black boy just doesn’t sit right with me lol. I presume he is a child fostered by her parents, in which case she’s one of their long moved out adult children and it’s not like she would have been around to be a big sister to him and take care of him? Idk just seems like she’s using him to inserting herself into a conversation about racism.

 

[SpudYouHate]

My 15 year-old son just made this by using Inspect Element on JM's tweet.

 

[jenny2603]

Jack is secretly a tory, Jack claims she hates torys yet dated alagra mcevedy when she was going through her lesbian phase. Jack also worked as a sex worker, not paying taxes and claiming benefits for being a single mum (despite jonnys dad having shared custody) she must be fiddling tax because how does one woman afford to rent such a nice bungalow in one of the nicest areas in the UK, she only wears designer brands, has a designer dog, £150 a month ritalin prescription, lip fillers, the list goes on. Jack will say its libel though cause anything that rings true that doesn't fit her narrative is libel.

Imagine buying designer clothes but using shampoo to wash clothes and boiled soap for shower gel, definitely doesn't have her priorities straight.

Trsut me, Jack was never a sex worker. The shitting dog would have been eaten alive on her first shift. It's just more pov wank fantasy for the neckbeard mention men.