Jack Monroe #384 You're churning out rinsed hoops and boiled slop, not storming the Bastille

[Pimpinella]

I believe in the Burger King. She is pathetic enough to take to the internet to inform everyone that a real live human wanted to pump her. I do not believe the six hours of hot wild post burger sex Jackie is trying to sell us. Instead I think some squalid episode involving a creep in the night has taken place and Jacks being so very lonely was grateful for a quick hump 'n' dump to give her a little brag on the internet. Top tip Jack, some men are disgusting and would literally shag a hole in the ground, it's no great compliment to attract one of those ones. Maybe you and Therapy Hoop could do a lovely chat about about self respect and see if that does anything for you.

The most expensive item on the McNasties menu is a double 1/4 pounder with cheese meal at 6.89. Divide that by 6 hours £1.14.8 per hour..... way cheaper than a street corner girl.... sad but true. She really needs some sort of intervention and TBH it's a mystery why nobody has stepped in... parents? Agent? What is going on?

Also she doesn't address the point that she crowdfunded the donations, meaning people bought her books off her so she was paid to send them.

For "thousands" read 17.... we know how she exaggerates...

 

[metroglide]

Has anyone picked up (no pun intended) on Jack’s mummified looking hand?
I wonder if all this FaceTuning happened when her phone was in the handbag… it’s the only possible reason. View attachment 1547420

Is there a hamster sitting on her hand?!

 

[Swisspea]

Yes! What a lovely way saying it!

I think I remember TheUnmumsy Mum describing them as that and it just stuck.

 

[Holasenoritax]

Any legal fraus/herrs here? Was just wondering if the unhappy patreon subs could club together in some kind of class action suit against Jack for non delivery of goods?

Great idea

 

[It’s The Truman Show]

Why hasn't any of her FM asked her what the loving fuck is going on with her melted pus in that jumpsuit photo?? I am trying so hard to have a grunkathon and catch up but keep going back to it.

I think anyone would be scared to comment on her appearance as she will go mad.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Who bullied who out of a career? What she in about?

 

[VeniVidiVicki]

Has she cut it herself? She said haircuts are an unnecessary luxury in HH2, didn't she?

Has HH2 to been deleted from her blog? I can't see it. (This might be news I have missed).

It’s still there

 

[Just Lou]

Am gutted I just checked when mine is due for delivery but back when I PRE ORDERED IT IN MAY I had a different card registered and for some reason it didn’t switch so I’ve just had to update and now needing to wait til Saturday

Ha! Me too!

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

It’s still there

Thanks.

Will edit my post to prevent 56,000 similar replies.

 

[drivingdownthe101]

Not squiggling the top one as over 220k followers. No idea who she is but the reply made me lol. And also the fact even more people are now going to search out gossip on Jack Monroe’s grift.

View attachment 1547671

Bit behind so sorry if this lands inappropriately but…. hahahahahahahaha.
Julia Patterson is a master grifter. One of the best (worst?).

 

[Ooointitot]

Can any of you kind frauen please point me to the origin of lingering honk? Is it a direct quote from JM?

 

[Swisspea]

Oh, you're in for a TREAT!

Don’t do it if you have loose bowels.

 

[Captainmouse]

I wonder if the reason for postcards was to promote herself for a launch into the art field. How much easier* to take a photo and sell prints than write a book etc. someone might think.

She tried that before the 'slop'

 

[Katkat]

Next chunk (this is it now so they’re all on the same thread)

Not in chrono order but have grouped related posts together. I haven’t included the make up brush grift or the posts someone else has already posted in this thread.

Spoiler: Gloss archive 2017

View attachment 1548459View attachment 1548464View attachment 1548467View attachment 1548468View attachment 1548470View attachment 1548471View attachment 1548472View attachment 1548473View attachment 1548476View attachment 1548477View attachment 1548480View attachment 1548481View attachment 1548484View attachment 1548487View attachment 1548491View attachment 1548493

And this is very short!

Spoiler: Gloss archive 2018/19

View attachment 1548500View attachment 1548501View attachment 1548504View attachment 1548505

That’s it! Now fuck off

Amazing work (you, not her obvs) Thank you!

 

[SarcasticEllis]

The boiler suit is from 2019 according to that evening standard piece it was featured in.

I want to believe she is telling the truth, however I feel if she did buy it back then she couldn’t have resisted trotting out the chortle-some ‘nans curtains’ line over her socials then.

 

[lop]

Vlad’s up to his tricks this morning!

 

[drivingdownthe101]

"In bed miserably sick"
Of course she was. I don't think there's anyone in the history of the human race who's been ill as often and as severely as Jack. Incidentally, what work commitment was she trying to swerve around this time?

Can't even be bothered to comment on the Patreon revelations because you've all covered the "IT'S BEEN TWO FUCKING YEARS" element much more eloquently than I could.

I'm just going to wait for the latest hairdon't. Hopefully it's as hilarious and terrifying as the shrivelled floral goblin monstrosity from yesterday.

I’d be constantly ill too if I ate her slop.

 

[OrigamiEyes]

I agree with whoever said Jack’s best route (following apology and closing her funding) would be to disappear for a bit, genuinely get therapy (don’t think she would engage but she’d pick up the right language) then write a book about her own social media addiction, narcissism and need for attention. Given her position and her story, that could genuinely become a big seller.

I agree but I'm not sure she could do it. Her sense of self seems to totally depend on the attention she gets on Twitter.

 

[Elastoblast]

Argh sorry dear heart @Elastoblast I should have been more specific and said "a) my mum uses social media like Jack does" (i.e. half a million Twitter followers and uses it as a stream of consciousness!) IMHO there's a world of difference between putting occasional family pics on the gram and Jack's MO on Twitter. If I had kids I'd be exactly the same as you

No worries at all. I read it as that but was trying to compare Jack's endless invasion of that poor lady's privacy to the normal thoughts of a parent. I try to be considerate about my boys feelings , I hope I am...Jack centres it all on her

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

Is there a hamster sitting on her hand?!

In my head, I heard this as a line in that Everlast and Santana song, 'Put Your Lights On'