Jack Monroe #384 You're churning out rinsed hoops and boiled slop, not storming the Bastille

[Anglesx]

Keeping up with the threads is practically a full time job, now I get where Jack calculates her 100 hour working week calculations.

Anyway, Mathsing.

Post cards come at the £7 tier, but I think it's a safe assumption that most subscribers are going to think it's worth paying the £3.50 up from the basic tier to get the goodies- post from your fav celebrity crook? bargain. She currently has 763 patreon subscribers, but that was up to 800 at some point.
Let's go with 750 just for simplicity. I know from my pals who have patreons (for cooking-related bits and bobs and actually deliver!) that most people will stump up the extra to get a physical object.
She has 6 tiers, so assuming an even split of patrons across all tiers, that's 83% of subscribers she'd need to do postcards for.
That's 622.5, let's say 622 people who need cards.
Rewards range from 3 to 10 cards depending on tiers.
3 postcards per person, that's between 1,866 and 6,220 cards a month she owes per month.
She hasn't delivered rewards since November 2020, which is 22 months.

Meaning she owes between 41,052 and 136,840 postcards.

I'm sure her local post office is thrilled by the news that during the postal strikes, Jack's going to be rocking up with her shopping trolley filled with tens of thousands of postcards and a shrug "ADHD amirght".

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Creators pause their Patreon when they aren't able to provide content for one month. She's been happily accepting payments without a single word on it for YEARS

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Dublin Jack, Dublin Jack
Goin’ to chat with a Hack
Paying 15 quid to get there
But £350 to come back

Yeah!

 

[AndrewsDaddy]

Typo alert

 

[jenny2603]

Soon this won't be true as Jack will have been deserted but there are still enough squigs to make this funny.

 

[jenny2603]

I see so many posters saying they aren’t funny enough to post - please don’t anyone ever feel like that. I’m not sure I’m funny at all but just post on regardless

I have genuinely learnt so much from peoples posts of their experiences here, like yours and I’m so grateful for people being so honest and open.

and when it comes down to it that’s why we are all here because Jack lies do such a disservice to those with actual lived experience

the humour is just to stop it grinding us all down

Oh yes to all of this. The first time I posted here I was as nervous as a kitten, so much so that I logged out and spent an age feeling like I'd made some terrible social error. I hadn't. I logged back on and canal life was bouncing along quite merrily. The page hadn't been derailed by my comment. You don't have to be funny, clever or any particular way, sometimes people just want to share an idea or insight they have into whatever it is we're all watching unfold. I think in trying to understand Jack, we need all the help we can get, so please just join in with what you have. Jack Monroe gets up and rinses hoops without a trace of shame, your comment will never be anywhere near as naff all that.

P.S We love origin stories.

 

[Geetbo]

I’ve decided to help Jackie out and do one of her recipe cards for her:

Please credit the canal if you use this Jack x

 

[Satisfying Click]

God, that tweet. "My child is my emotional support animal." Poor kid.

 

[jenny2603]

View attachment 1546675
The correct way to make amends is to apologise, without reservation or excuses and to ask them how you can make amends.

As someone beaten with the shitey mental hygiene stick at times in my life, I recognise this. I think most people who've had anxiety, depression and their fun pals will. However I would have thought as an adult with three therapists on speed dial you might have put systems in place to manage your condition given that you have other people relying on you to deliver. Christ when the extent of the "help" I've had is some shitty SSRI I'm not convinced is doing anything and a leaflet telling me to go outside more when one of the few good things I do without fail is go out walking for hours, I have managed not to set up a huge online begging operation by promising stuff and then going oopsie "bad mentals" when I fail to deliver.

I'll forgive anyone a fuck up, we all hear about how poor Jack took on too much with Kickstarter and it nearly broke her, not great but if it was a one off you could draw a line and move on. The problem I have here is that she keeps repeating it and the cashos generated by these mistakes all seem to be flowing into her pocket. Isn't it odd she never has a costly catastrophe that requires selling a sideboard.

 

[NomDeGuerre]

Went out for dinner with a very close ex-colleague and friend of mine tonight. We were having a good life catch-up, they were telling me about the break-up they'd recently been through (it was neither OH or Jackie, rest assured), I was nodding and trying to look engaged but all the time my brain was screaming "honestly man what the fuck did she do to her face in that pic".

I eventually had to show my friend who has no idea who Jack is but was suitably freaked out.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[holliebollie]

My 3 year old just was next to me when I watched the singing video. She said she LIKED it and it was GOOD singing. I’m off to the adoption agency tomorrow.

 

[Slopholm Syndrome]

‘What’s that noise?’ whispers Jan, the manager of Southend Post Office.

‘I’m not sure Jan, it’s loud though!’ shouts Kenneth, the local postie.

Kenneth’s eyes widen. Jan realises in horror what is happening.

It’s Jack Monroe and her 50,000 high quality, double sided post cards.

It’s too late for Jan and Kenneth, they have been buried beneath the high quality, double sided postcards. There’s no way to escape.

‘I HAVE ADHD!!!!!!!’ screams Jack.

The post office was closed, permanently, shortly after the incident.

 

[WaffleKent]

Having spotted a few new Frauen on here, I wanted to give a quick PSA.

This is one of the friendliest, warmest, most compassionate corners of the internet I’ve ever come across (to clarify: these threads specifically; I’m scared of other parts of Tattle).

Tattle gets a rough deal from the media (no doubt fuelled by influencers who stoke the narrative), but I can assure you this thread is not the hissing cesspit people – including Jack – would have you believe. Nope, we just hold her to account and prop up that mirror.

These threads, and specifically the people who post on them, have provided me with solace in some of my darkest times. Even when things have just been too horrible, I can still get a nose-snort from the funnies on here, and the kindness of strangers is actually a bit mind-blowing.

Additionally, while we’re a funny bunch (not really including myself in here; I’ve got a GSOH but I don’t think it’s the level of others here), I would assure anyone that they shouldn’t be intimidated by that. Just enjoy it; no-one’s expecting anyone to crack out a line that has them spraying their Professor Peppy (other law-bending own brands are available) over the monitor.

Lastly, this is a smart part of Tattle. People with insight, life experiences, humour, wit, experience, and perspective. I have learned a lot in my two years here.

Lots of love to you all x

I am a lurker turned poster. Only really been active for a few weeks but I can confirm I slid right in like slop off a shovel and have felt perfectly at home.

There really is genuine insight and emotional intelligence here, something I wish there was more of on twitter. There's also huge amounts of mutual respect which I think has created a place where people feel safe enough to share their often difficult stories. That's actually quite rare on social media these days.

That's my tuppence worth.

 

[Mr Krabs]

Jack’s eternal decluttering.

Oct 2020 - LJC the tin thief forces Jack to get a skip after a few months in the bungalow.

Three months later, she’s just got round to the kitchen.

June 2022 - the bungalow is again so cluttered that Old Harold begs her to sort it out. And then has an aneurysm or something.

But a month later, Jack was sorting through clothes for Vinted. That’s good news!

And this was after already giving hundreds of items to a charity shop.

Spoiler alert: two items went on Vinted, neither of which sold, and the account is now empty.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

That photo is messed up. The facial features, the eye depth and color, the entire hairline, the nose are all just off. The smile/grin also looks really forced--if you put your hand over their mouth and just looked at the face from nose up, you'd think Jack was incredibly worried.

She should be. Jack Monroe has just lost another two patrons.

 

[FrankReagan]

‘Your Patreon is dropping like your pickled radishes’

Oh my, the squigs are getting SALTY *claps hands with glee*

 

[elepal]

Jackie Burns, is it?

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

(same squig each time)

 

[Brian Butterfield]

Jack Monroe is totes fine with losing 46 Patreon paypigs today.