Jack Monroe #344 344%

[Hollaaa]

Fugue state: GCSE English edition.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

I might be stepping out of my lain here , but her tweets about AA are out of order and I’m not in the mood for her be kind shit.

Recently, it appears that a lot of people on SM seem to think that is ok to post stuff that they do when they are in “bad mentals” as a way to help others, knowing full well that a considerable number of their followers are in vulnerable places. Jack is a prime example of this, using baking, poetry and whatever else bollocks she is banging on about.

Personally and professionally I think this is really dangerous. When I was in a bad place, I knew what I needed to do - I had learned about it and taught about it, but could I put it into practice? I read what my brain could take and tried my best, but in the end it was time and luck that meant I am not there now.

Seeing a random say their baking gets them out of the ‘bleakest period in a long time” will not help someone who has just set their microwave on fire because their brain is so full of other thoughts. Seeing Jack quote poetry and say how much it lifts her mood will not help someone who can’t even reply to a text because the intrusive thoughts are so bad.

She is a danger on so many levels. The AA stuff was horrific. The way she is pretending to be ill is horrific. There are so many people out there who are suffering, who cannot get the help (due to the crisis going on in the health and social care sectors) and desperation leads them to grifters like Jack. It’s tragic.

 

[Django]

I don't know if this had been mentioned but congratulations to @Marmalade Atkins for being post 344 on thread 344 #344 344%

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[kachoochoo]

remember when you broke your tooth?

"soft and crumbly"

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[colouredlines]

Jack's most treasured possessions:

- coffee table book of Sweet Nothings (or possibly a collection of scraps of paper; inappropriate semicolon makes tweet hard to parse)
- toy giraffe
- Emin
- Tiffany earrings
- Le Creuset pan (if not stolen)
- Dad's ugly watch
- camera
- Georgia Church Suppers cookbook
- Greek cookbook inherited from Dusty Aunt Helen
- Harold
- approx 734 spoons

The start of a long, long list...

 

[colouredlines]

@HotesTilaire you called this back in May, but will your other prediction come true??



View attachment 1438578

My DREAM is that wannabe Frau @Jack_M comes back and at the same time Twitter wanker RussInCheshire makes an account to defend himself and they're both mithering away about needing a piss and a sandwich and then they fall in love and it's the first Tattle wedding and we all get to buy new hats (pigskin for most, stretchy hummus artificial pigskin for the vegans - sorry lads but I don't make the rules, I just live by them).

I am furiously manifesting as we speak.

 

[colouredlines]

She’s ~baking~ again…

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View attachment 1441857

Nuts have quite a short shelf life, and because of their high fat content, they go RANCID. That's not an exaggeration, as anyone who's ever eaten an expired macadamian will attest.

Also, "thrupenny crumblenuts" is a terrible name. Like, you could offer them to Enid Blyton and she'd say, "Jesus, that's a bit twee, innit?"

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Maybe Ballet Jack will delight us by joining forces with Poetry Jack and portraying some of her misquoted poems via the medium of interpretive dance. Sleeve tattoos and all.

(I just wanted an excuse to post this picture again, because, well, you know why. The absolute tool. )

 

[colouredlines]

This week's version:

"My life is relentlessly bleak, I've been depressed for 20 years, my boyfriend dumped me, I'm on a shit ton of medication, I work 100 hours a week, arthritis keeps me from washing my hair, I may be going through menopause at 34, and I'm so miserable I can barely stagger into the kitchen to feed myself..."

"...but at least I'm not flipping burgers. TOOT TOOT Borbora, ya bitch!"

 

[Ostapbender]

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View attachment 1438815

'I wish I'd looked after me teeth' as the dentist lovingly clasps my saddy gums

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Jack's caught up with last thread.

 

[SweetTransvestite]

'I shall spend my pension on brandy, and summer gloves, and say there's no money for butter'.
Whaaaat? Are you taking the piss Monroe?
Oh do fuck allllllllll the way off and do it now. Go on, off you fuck you throbbing great schlong.

 

[NomDeGuerre]

I won't share but I think she's just outed one of her meeting fellows in her latest Twitter post.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[Orphan_Black]

Splish, Splash, Jack's taking a bath.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

 

[colouredlines]

Maybe this is me being a dick because my dissertation was on postcolonial literature, but Jack has the most basic, old-fashioned taste in poetry; it's all white British or American (apart from her one foray into Pablo Neruda), and all the best-known writers.

Postcolonial poetry is an ENORMOUS field, and a huge amount of it is written in English, so there's no need for the awkwardness of translation.

Basically, for our non-poetry Frauen, this is the equivalent of someone boasting about how they love music, they're so into music, they're a music expert, and their only reference points are Elvis Presley, The Beatles, Madonna, and Oasis.

 

[colouredlines]

344! We have as many threads as Jack has teeth!

(or had, before they started crumbling at a rate of one a month)