Jack Monroe #341 The numbers on the key are upside down

[Lazarus]

• Jack currently has 717 Patreon subscribers, an increase of 2 since the start of the last thread. Each subscriber is paying a minimum of £3.50 per month. There is a £44 per month tier which she could remove if nobody was using it, which leads the Canal to suspect there’s at least one mug subscriber. Worth noting Jack has not updated her Patreon since November 2020.
• Jack has not revealed which ‘smaller charities’ would receive a boost following the big TeeMill sale of fascist merchandise which seen Jack forced to hand over her own savings to the Trussell Trust receive £10,000 of proceeds from 1st day sales.
• Jack has not yet paid her tax despite having a recent phone call with HMRC and an appointment with her accountant.
• Jack bought a very expensive dog called Content Laurie who was recently been absent from social media - she’s been photographed this week and today is said to be lounging under the hammock.
• Earlier this year, Jack created the Vimes Boots Index/VBI. This resulted in a number of people submitting receipts, sending tips to her PayPal in order to support this important work. Unsurprisingly, after milking the cash cow dry Unfortunately as Jack is just one woman and a biro, she hasn’t yet got round to completing this work.
• Jack has been saving money via a daily standing order, the money put away will either allow for 2 short breaks with SB, or if Jack doesn’t maintain her sobriety, a nice donation to an addiction charity. Jack has decided, in mid-July to plan a summer break for her and SB. This should be somewhere within reach of public transport which is disability accessible due to Jack’s walking stick. The location should also be an outstanding area of natural beauty or a national park, it should have no rough terrain but have wild camping available. It should be dog-friendly, reasonably cheap and could be in any of the 4 nations of the UK. There has been no update on SB’s dream trip this week
• Jack was cruelly left heartbroken by her ex-OH who has now been outed as a homophobic, tattoophobic friend.
• As a result of tattoo-phobic exes, Jack has designed a very special tattoo as a big fuck you to Harold and LJC. The Canal would like it on record that the tattoo of a wonky key with a ribbon, a pear shaped token and the off centre number 417 which, if viewed a certain way, looks like the apprentice tattoo artist was trying to write LIA(r) on Jack’s hand
• Off topic but there is a thread for male Jack aka Russ in Cheshire.
  

 

[colouredlines]

Jack has been editing this book since February 2021.

In June '21 she made a wall chart of post-it notes...

In Feb '22 she was still at it:

In March:

In April, when she was briefly a lifelong football fan:

In May:

...and now in July.

These edits may turn out to be the longest relationship of Jack's life.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Genuine question, not trying to offend or be a dick, but how does Jack NOT wearing this hairstyle help Black people wear their hair how they please? I understand that Black people still get discriminated for wearing certain hairstyles and that obviously needs to stop, but I don't know why a 1/4 Cypriot Greek not wearing braids helps this cause.

It's a pattern with her, though, isn't it? From saying she can't be racist because she has a Black brother, to then using that Black brother in a story about how she was called a slag when she was babysitting him and her white sister, to her using AAVE to tell Marcus Rashford off publicly, to explaining racism in a black and white monetised video where she calls herself "white as mayo" and promises to give the proceeds to the Minnesota Freedom Foundation (which was never mentioned again), to pitching a book where she's the gatekeeper of Black people telling their own stories, etc etc. Just constant appropriation - some of which for profit - off the back of Black culture, which she implies she's allowed to do because her granddad was Greek Cypriot, overlooking the fact she's 100% English caucasian. And then all the people in her comments telling anyone who objects to STFU, it just reeks of white privilege.

 

[Mel Donte]

Her hair isn't cultural appropriation because of the Ancient Greeks?! #778BCtruther

 

[MooBelle]

Can we agree on one thing about the hair please? Whatever our opinions on it being culturally inappropriate, we can agree it just looks shit though?
Also, Jack getting the plaits because she can't wash it due to arthritis, does that include her getting botox, lip fillers, manicure, waxing, a tattoo and a small dog to help with her mobility too?
Or has another Patreon/t shirt payment landed?

 

[Pocahontas]

Congratulations to @Froggies for the thread title, words by @Vinbisha , which are about Jack’s brand new, incredibly meaningful tattoo of a key with an upside-down tag attached to it (that references a page in the AA book about Acceptance). Your prize is a visually offputting tattoo by an apprentice.

Jack Monroe #340 Not a professional account

Ooh fellow trained fire warden here, I'm allowed to put a high viz vest on in the event of a fire so the fire fighters know I'm the important one with the clipboard of building plans and personal evacuation plans for each client. Does that mean I have a fire fighting uniform ( not lying, just...

tattle.life

Recap of last thread:

1. Jack said she warned the parliamentary select committee back in January about the shortage of grains imported from Ukraine / Russia. Did they heed her warning? No, those fools! We’re paying for it now!
2. She rose early and baked some wholemeal hybrid chocolate subpar cookies that looked sh — sorry, Acceptance is key.
3. Slopbot’s first album dropped and we appreciated those sick beats.
4. She’s currently lying on a hammock doing her final final final final final final final final final final edits. Her arthritic shoulder is causing her pain but she can put suncream on with her hypermobile left arm and tweet like billyo still.
5. Sun’s out, braids out. Yes, she has braids as she can’t wash her hair and she’s sweaty, she may also be peri menopausal. It’s not cultural appropriation because she’s half Greek.
5. Apparently the puppy is under the hammock out of the heat but there’s no photos of that particular puppy. Geddit?!
6. Sorry, I haven’t done the template but hopefully Lazarus will when she catches up.
7. Wiki if you’re new, ‘thread title’ when nominating one!

 

[moldwarp]

Jacks flying monkeys on that Insta post are honestly coming off like that horrific Littlejohn bloke in the Daily Mail. The reason why many Black people dislike white people copying Black hairstyles, is because 1. those Black hairstyles often have important and intricate cultural significance and 2. Because for decades Black people, especially African Americans, were denigrated and insulted for wearing those hairstyles and often banned from wearing them in schools and workplaces. It’s got nothing to do with Vikings, Normans, Greeks or whatever. It’s got everything to do with Black people being prevented or discouraged from embracing their cultural aesthetic heritage by a white culture which then mimicked the stylings for pop videos and roadtrips.

Jack should just listen to the Black commentator on Instagram and learn something for once.

Also wtf is she on about with “modern Greeks wear their hair in braids too”? Eh?? Jack unlike you I work in Greece a lot and can say with great confidence that the population is not, in general, going around looking like Christina Aguilera c 2002. They have generic western hairstyles like the ones in the UK. Stop trying to make Greek braids happen!

 

[Dogmuck]

Jack taking thirsty selfies in her garden, showing off her new tat while doing the final final final final edits on the latest book that started over 2 years ago. Meanwhile, over the pond, LJC is slurping champers (with clean nails) and cruising under the Golden Gate Bridge…with friends. LOOK what you’re missing Louisa

 

[CocoCottesmore]

Re perimenopause, as someone whose experience of it has been awful, I'm glad that it's got more attention. There were a lot of symptoms I was experiencing that I didn't think were peri and I honestly thought I was going mad. Also, I'd lost my mum quite early to breast cancer so was terrified of starting HRT. Highlighting the various symptoms and that the narrative relating to breast cancer is false can only be a good thing. Also, I think its helpful to show that peri/menopause isn't an old lady thing that means you're now on the useless pile. Changing society's expectations of what it means to be an old(er) lady is also a good thing in my opinion.

 

[Winthropp Tuesday]

Ooh. A hitherto unknown squig commenting on a post about Mr Rear Foo Foo and his grifting… OOOH.

 

[moldwarp]

If “there’s nothing to call out, they’re just plaits”, why did she need to give us a long-winded explanation of why this wasn’t cultural appropriation cos Greek? If there’s nothing to call out, no explanation needed, surely. She just ties herself in knots.

This Is it. It’s a silly picture and a silly hairstyle, I suspect her aim in posting it was more to show off her bikini bod and “natural” tan than her hair. With a following as large as hers she must expect to get some negative feedback. So she has a choice she can either take the pic down or politely say thank you for the feedback I’ll reflect on it and go on her merry way.

but no, she has to tie herself in knots justifying it by some bullsh*t about the ancient Greeks (who I don’t believe routinely braided their hair, and if they did it was probably under Egyptian influence in the Hellenistic period. It certainly would not have had the very important cultural significance and heritage that Black hairstyles do), and some further bullsh*t about a Black friend taking her to a Black salon (no way would any Black salon perpetrate this particular follicular monstrosity) and then when all else fails she throws a teenage fit like WILL YOU JUST LET ME LIIIIIIVE!!!

All this because she can’t handle one lick of feedback that isn’t fawning. And that right there is why she’s got so many threads. She’s petty af.

fwiw I don’t always love all the avenues that the cultural appropriation discourse goes down so I wouldn’t really care if she hadn’t been so quick to resurrect the JO jollof rice debacle when it suited her to shout about cultural appropriation.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Now might be a good time to remind ourselves of what Jack's hair looks like when it is long and properly looked after...

 

[colouredlines]

Meanwhile at Southend's finest budget tattoo parlour, the apprentice tattoo artist/hairdresser is shocked that someone finally went for their Free Braids with your Tattoo offer.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Because by definition a lesbian is only interested in other females, fact. Jack didn't have her daughter through IVF, she slept with a bloke (so obviously bisexual, as lesbians don't fk men)

Well me and an awful lot of lesbians aren’t lesbians according to your definition then. Maybe I need to reevaluate my identity.

This kind of opinion harms our community, gives Jack ammunition to her “tattle is full of ignorant homophobes” slant and really, really shouldn’t be propogated.

 

[Lazarus]

 

[OwlRightsReserved]

I am absolutely hooting at someone using Vikings the TV programme as a historical reference for Jack's bad hairdo.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

It’s bewildering that the squigs can’t seem to see she very, very rarely has her son with her. Most of the time she’s on her own. It’s incredible to me that they still believe this single parent schtick.

Mind you, per Gingerbread (who had already sunk in my estimation by their association with her before coming out with that guff) she’s legitimately allowed to “self-identify as a single parent”.

Sadly the RSPB takes a less enlightened approach, so even though I swim for a couple of hours once a week, I am unfortunately unable to self-identify as a duck.

 

[Mr Krabs]

Jack taking thirsty selfies in her garden, showing off her new tat while doing the final final final final edits on the latest book that started over 2 years ago. Meanwhile, over the pond, LJC is slurping champers (with clean nails) and cruising under the Golden Gate Bridge…with friends. LOOK what you’re missing Louisa
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Must be so nice for LJC to be free of Jack. No need to feel guilty about having a glass of wine instead of homemade pissbucha. You can wander around the party and mingle, without having to worry about your other half getting into a ridiculous, half-understood Twitter-inspired spat with one of the other guests. And there’s no silent treatment and stony face on your partner in the taxi ride home. Bliss. (Yes, I had a narc partner. Can you tell?)

 

[DisgruntledGoat]

OMG someone please direct this critical commenter to Jack’s old Insta where the last post in her grid is her white saviouring for Oxfam, holding a Black toddler like she’s Mother Bastard Theresa.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

ETA. This tweet has been deleted and now I don't know what to do