Jack Monroe #340 Not a professional account

[FeelingGroovy]

My neighbour is a firefighter.

I am *officially* firefighter adjacent.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Oh my days, her tattoo being upside down is everything but like the lack of apostrophe on her vile t-shirts, she'll have wanted it that way

Lots of love to @moglits, reading that brought tears to my eyes. Just genuine love there.

 

[Hollaaa]

Spoiler: More Filth

Hoses, helmets ...

Spoiler: Filtherife

 

[DinosaurSenior]

When I walked to work today, I moved lots of pavement snails to safety. (v heavy lovely rain in celery town today)

If I were a Jack Person, it could be said that I have saved many lives.

 

[Boogs]

What are the (upside down) numbers on the tag meant to signify? I think I missed that

Is it from her time in 'Nam? Is it a bible verse? If it's the verse I googled, she's having a laugh!

It’s the 1st number off hers, Bubba’s and Lieutenant Dan’s dog tags.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

In restaurant parlance, Friday is Global Release Day. You know what that means - it's time to unleash the first Pet Slop Bots album. You can download it directly from here: http://www.slopbot.com/petslopbots.html as a zip file. It should work on any device but if it doesn't, please let me know and I can find an alternative way to upload it. Tuck into your electroslop, dear hearts. It's a nourishing bed soup for your ears.

 

[Prognosis Negative]

I have a fireplace in which we have a fire during the winter.

Ergo, I've probably seen more fires than Jack Monroe.

Where are my traaaazers, Chief?

Whispering sweet nothings about what slop she'd like to lick off you

On reading that sentence I could smell and taste old hospital ward food on a hot day

I feel trolled- see you in court

 

[KebabGirl]

In restaurant parlance, Friday is Global Release Day. You know what that means - it's time to unleash the first Pet Slop Bots album. You can download it directly from here: http://www.slopbot.com/petslopbots.html as a zip file. It should work on any device but if it doesn't, please let me know and I can find an alternative way to upload it. Tuck into your electroslop, dear hearts. It's a nourishing bed soup for your ears.

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OMG!!! I can have The Onion Police as my ring tone, and Nightmeat on my work phone. Best Friday ever!

You are a genius Traumy, a bona fide genius.

 

[Ostapbender]

In restaurant parlance, Friday is Global Release Day. You know what that means - it's time to unleash the first Pet Slop Bots album. You can download it directly from here: http://www.slopbot.com/petslopbots.html as a zip file. It should work on any device but if it doesn't, please let me know and I can find an alternative way to upload it. Tuck into your electroslop, dear hearts. It's a nourishing bed soup for your ears.

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Just slung it on, what an absolute banger! Congrats

ETA

Spoiler: vietnam

Jack's lawyer: Look, Jack, I'm sorry, but joking about how you served in Vietnam is not a hate crime.
Jack:

 

[auntylil]

Spoiler: Merail: pet loss

Dear cabal.



I have had to take a step away from Jack recently and, given that this place has been solace during my darkest times, here I return.



Earlier this week, we had our beloved boxer dog put to sleep. She was only 7.



A week and a half ago, she seemed low. Not her usual bouncy, helicopter tailed self. It lasted a few days so we took her to the vet. They couldn’t find any sign of anything wrong - my dog, of course, was all boops and smiles - but decided to take a suite of blood tests later to rule stuff out.



Two days later, we were woken by a clattering sound next door. My dog staggered into our hallway, confused and weak, and dribbling a bit of wee. We ushered her into our bedroom, cradled her while she recovered, and carried her to her favourite spot on the sofa.



Another vet trip, and more bemusement at what was wrong. All the bloods were normal, and we were just waiting for the heart. To rule that out, she was referred to a cardiologist but, in the meantime, we kept her comfy and full of her favourite roast chicken.



These collapses started happening daily. They wiped her out, but when she rallied it was like nothing was wrong. Wowfing with joy when her dad and I snuck a hug; sitting at my feet as I made yet more chicken; running to me with her crocodile ‘teefs’ toy. Friends came over and we presented them with a bag of gifts for their new baby; pup gently reached into the bag and lifted out the stuffed giraffe in her chops. It was for her, right?



Tuesday, cardiologists. She was going to be kept in for a few hours for some scans, an ECG, the works. I kissed her on the head and we headed back home.



Half an hour down the road, we were called back. They’d found something on the scan.



There was a huge mass on her spleen, and there was fluid around her organs. When the fluid was withdrawn for sampling, it was blood. The suspected tumour had ruptured, and was bleeding. Cancer was most likely spreading throughout her body as we spoke.



The vet soberly said we could refer her on for other scans, but she was too weak to travel far. She had that look in her eyes of ‘you know what I’m saying, don’t you’.



We gently got her home. Blanket on the sofa, chicken in the oven. She was snoozing, stirring when we chatted, and very interested when she could smell what was cooking. And we held her paw, and kissed her head, and got a good lungful of popcorn paw.



And at 4.30, we took her to the vet. We explored the fields around there, talked to her, and took her in. She died in my lap, wrapped in her blanket, with her dad and I telling her how good she was and how much we loved her.



Cabal, my heart is broken. I mean, my chest literally hurts. Our house is far too quiet and I don’t know how we’re supposed to live without her (I know we will). We are moving to our first purchased home together in a few weeks and I am devastated that she isn’t with us (I mean, she will be. In a little pot, and in a ring I’ve ordered for myself, and in our hearts). I haven’t cried like this since my Dad died when I was 14.



And I see the tokenistic pictures of Laurie, and I think about Jack ignoring three vets, and I think about the other animals, and I’m furious. Incandescent. Outraged at how unfair it is. Part of pet ownership is putting your pain before theirs; being devoted until the end. They love you unconditionally, and it is the very least you owe them.



I cried when I made tea tonight because she wasn’t by my side waiting for drops. But my pain came before hers; my suffering must prevent any of hers. And that’s just what you do. They are not there for clout, or content. They are family, and you will lay your very heart down for them.

I'm so sorry to read this, like many people here, I also know what it's like to lose beloved animals. They aren't just pets, they're family, and are forever missed. Sending you all the love & hugs x

 

[NellieBoo]

In restaurant parlance, Friday is Global Release Day. You know what that means - it's time to unleash the first Pet Slop Bots album. You can download it directly from here: http://www.slopbot.com/petslopbots.html as a zip file. It should work on any device but if it doesn't, please let me know and I can find an alternative way to upload it. Tuck into your electroslop, dear hearts. It's a nourishing bed soup for your ears.

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A cuboid slab that is vaguely greek. Bahahahaha

 

[Sideboard Bob]

In restaurant parlance, Friday is Global Release Day. You know what that means - it's time to unleash the first Pet Slop Bots album. You can download it directly from here: http://www.slopbot.com/petslopbots.html as a zip file. It should work on any device but if it doesn't, please let me know and I can find an alternative way to upload it. Tuck into your electroslop, dear hearts. It's a nourishing bed soup for your ears.

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Spoiler: So many cool surprises!

OMG!! Happy Global Release Day! I love this so much. The posters! The #FACTS! The lyrics! And the canal shout-outs!

Thank you for sharing this with us TS. I’m trying to think of something cool/witty to say, but I just love your art and music.

 

[auntylil]

View attachment 1420047
THAT is comedy bleeping gold. I’m

She’ll claim it’s meant to be a balloon (with a hole in it) on a string or some tit I’m sure

Yo! Slop for brains! Your tattoo is on upside down!
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Almost looks like it says LIA(r). How apt!
Oh dearie, dearie me, sack the APPRENTICE!

 

[Bobtheknob]

Is that the key to her forever home?

I thought it was the key to Aparthotel 17 (A17) where she stayed when in ‘rehab’! Anyway, moving on, it’s a crap tattoo like the rest. Any good tattooist is booked up 6 months in advance, says a lot that she didn’t have to wait very long for the appointment.

 

[kachoochoo]

got derry girls on e4 rn and struck by how much toto (rip irl) resembles content

 

[Bobtheknob]

I shagged a fireman once. I absorbed his knowledge via, um, osmosis.

Was it big Dave?

 

[auntylil]

In restaurant parlance, Friday is Global Release Day. You know what that means - it's time to unleash the first Pet Slop Bots album. You can download it directly from here: http://www.slopbot.com/petslopbots.html as a zip file. It should work on any device but if it doesn't, please let me know and I can find an alternative way to upload it. Tuck into your electroslop, dear hearts. It's a nourishing bed soup for your ears.

View attachment 1420162

Thank you so much, can't wait to listen to this tomorrow!

 

[Prognosis Negative]

Hahaha Chapeau indeed @traumatised sideboard

 

[SkippyDoo]

What are the (upside down) numbers on the tag meant to signify? I think I missed that

Is it from her time in 'Nam? Is it a bible verse? If it's the verse I googled, she's having a laugh!

Jack mentioned it is a reference to a page in the AA’s own “bible”, “The Big Book.”

I am not sure whether it would depend which edition you had as to whether that’s always going to be a correct page number.

I think she means “Acceptance is the Key” which is how some of the text on a version of that page I have seen, is sometimes summarised.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Unfortunately there were two other cats before pretzel and mini

Harriet and Millie (Milliband) one was orange and not unlike the 50% Maine coon cat family Cooper et al came from