Jack Monroe #340 Not a professional account

[Django]

Thank you, the curse is lifted, my kitchen cupboards have stopped opening and shutting abruptly and the toddler’s stopped levitating x

Happy to help, not all heroes wear capes xoxo

Someone cleverer than me should make those lyrics into a Jack song tho

 

[instacharlie]

Bloody hell, who did those braids? Cooper?

 

[NeoCortex]

Why is Jack so obsessed with her very slightly below average height? She is not by any description extremely short

Does she think height is a personality trait?

I wouldn't have said she's short either. Either her height fluctuates or she lying.

 

[Captainmouse]

So, basically she went to the local church to sort the boxes of donations, but in Jack’s mind she was in an episode of London’s Burning.

I doubt she shifted her Mediterranean, just went into twatter overdrive

 

[MrsFawlty]

'Brave and important' is the sort of bobbins Nigella says about Jack And no doubt Jack thinks about herself.
Comes to something when farting about on twitter is considered either of those things.

They're all so 'worthy', aren't they?

 

[Charitas]

But also displays her dog’s ID tag with her phone number on it. That doesn’t matter because it’s her work phone and she doesn’t answer it.
which means she’s either missing out on paid work


I met Ray Davies once about 6 years ago and I still get Fanny flutters butterflies at the thought.

My favourite Ray Davies story is that when they were trying to get signed he suggested his brother would happily sleep with an agent in a Whitnail and I manner and fisticuffs were the result. I realise brothers in bands appear to resort to punching with some regularity but pimpimg out not so much

 

[Captainmouse]

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Wasted all that money on appointment midweek then? They didn’t blue light you straight in for emergency surgery then

 

[Phillipa78]

All the 417 reminds me of is 24601
Jack as Jean Valjean: We were starving. I stole a loaf of bread
Bishop: You poor thing, of course you couldn't help stealing from a Patreon subscriber or 700. Run along and thanks for all you do

Does anyone have a copy of the big book? Just curious as to what's on page 344?

 

[auntylil]

Hot off the press: I just showed my husband her tattoo. He is an actual tattooist and no longer an apprentice. He screwed his nose up and said it’s shit, average at best and why has she got A17 written on there upside down.

I think I love your husband!

Just as well Jack’s never gone that route with the fiancées and super serious OHs really.
It would be like in Jaws, “we’re going to need a bigger boat arm”.

BIB #threadtitle nomination

 

[here we go again]

PS I had sex with two firemen (not at the same time), just call me Old Chief.

Must…resist…urge…to…make…hose…joke.
On topic: Jack’s a ghoulish twat and her new twattoo is hideous.

 

[Elastoblast]

My type is very much androgynous and I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t think she was attractive when her first book came out (shame it was still a couple of years before I realised what my fascination with androgynous women was ). However now I find her repulsive. She doesn’t know who she is and her vile narcissistic ways mean that it doesn’t matter how she wears her hair or what she clothes she wears (lesbian or otherwise) she’ll always be ugly.

Also imagine that nasal twang talking dirty in your ear

Whispering sweet nothings about what slop she'd like to lick off you

 

[Boogs]

no she hasn’t, she’s just been picking up white dog shit.

#1978thruther
ETA - snap. Ah the 1980s and the days of white dog shit #nostalgia

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

Jack can't bake for toffee but she excels at sloppy.

Is it too soon to start nominating for thread titles?

 

[Shesaidwhat?]

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Has she FaceTuned it or is the line work a bit off? The key stalk looks like it’s bending

 

[Moneypenny’sfreedom]

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Grunking so not sure where this will land but…

Dear Jack

Feeding them to the poor dog or letting poor dog counter surf doesn’t count …. Dogs can make an appreciative audience but the food has to be edible ( dictionary definition: fit and suitable to be eaten). I know it’s a new/novel concept. But have spelt the word for you now, perhaps you could learn to apply it to your own cooking?

( they aren’t cookies, you are not American, you pretentious lying cow)

 

[jenny2603]

I wonder how someone who is apparently poor affords 47 tattoos.

Jack gets them all done at mates rates when she has the cashos.

 

[Boogs]

I wonder how someone who is apparently poor affords 47 tattoos.

They were all before the poverty (if you ignore the Instagram photos during the poverty).

 

[Captainmouse]

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We’re back on people. It’s back on. Get your hats ready. And for the love of G-d someone hide Sue Perkins.

Praise beans!

 

[Mrs Peel]

I've been meaning to say for ages, if anyone is in any doubt about how big a golden doodle can get, should take a look at 'Brodie That Dood' on SM. He is utterly gorgeous but absolutely huge. Go big or go home, eh Jack? .

More like "Get big and Content goes back to the breeder, stat"

 

[Tittykitty]

Vlad is unimpressed by Jack’s latest inkings