Jack Monroe #312 She just throws adjectives at a page and hopes for the best

[FunnyFuneral]

Yes, I can't think of anything I'd like to have more in my broken tooth-hole than chunks of cracked black pepper. Cheers Jack absolute ledge.

With you there Chickeny P, all i want to eat mid dental crisis is splinters of hard baked crisps (any brand) and chinese take away. So soothing when the bits of rice slip in to the cavity in the gum where your abscess lurks . She truly is a massive poultice, after being applied to the wound. Incidentally I have suffered many a dental crisis and never have i chewed lumps out of my cheeks and gums as a result, that sounds like a J1G thing...

 

[jenny2603]

Jack's cheek cupping dentist who disapproves of her boiled sweet habit sounds like Adrian Mole's.

'As I was stumbling out of his surgery clutching my frozen-up jaw he said that he had often seen me walking home from school eating a Mars bar, and it would be entirely my own fault if I was toothless at thirty.

I will walk home another way in future'.

Jack's lies are bizarre- I mean who invents a creepy cupping dentist in their head?

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

God, she's such a bore. Why doesn't she just text all this tit to her friends instead of to strangers?. Oh hang on...

Spoiler: I love my dentist 🦷

OT...i love my dentist. I've been going to the same dentist for 32 years, in a rufty tufty part of Edinburgh.

He used to say "Good girl, hop down", and once had to kneel on my sternum to extract a toof . He retired last month at the age of 70, and I'll miss him so much.

Spoiler: Big Wide!

did anyone’: dentist always say this even though you are an adult?!

 

[Candytuft]

It’s been a good night for the pesky grifter. A quick beg for dental treatment ker ching ! And all she had to do was tell a pack of what may or may not be lies. Whatever. People get Oscars for performances that are not quite so entertaining.

 

[Jelly Bean]

View attachment 1292114
How is her right leg laid over her right leg with right foot. Is that not two right feet?
Can I say right anymore? Have I lost the plot offa this clove oil/codeine mash up?


eta yes I had lost the plot....or rather just put my glasses back on and her legs are indeed the correct way. IGNORE

Gooseberry eyeballs init

But it is good that she can use the arthritic hand that is useless. Either one useless hand is holding the bowl or the other useless hand is holding the phone and taking photos.
Bless my soul a miracle.

 

[EllaEm87]

Spoiler: Big Wide!

did anyone’: dentist always say this even though you are an adult?!

My dad was my dentist. He was a man of few words. Used to tap the side of my face with the mirror when he wanted me to open my mouth he didn’t cup my face either, but he’d use it as a wrist rest occasionally while working. I know he did this to others too cos he’d have me in the surgery sometimes when Ma was working. I wonder if she’s mistaken this for gentle cupping.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

That guy is going to bleeping explode if she doesn't get that box opened soon.

He's probably in the box himself. Dying for a piddle and all cramped up. Cursing what seemed like a cute, fun prank.

 

[Sketchy]

It’s been a good night for the pesky grifter. A quick beg for dental treatment ker ching ! And all she had to do was tell a pack of what may or may not be lies. Whatever. People get Oscars for performances that are not quite so entertaining.

And don't forget a good night also for freebies had she mentioned her favourite Chinese takeaway.

 

[rubyred66]

View attachment 1292114
How is her right leg laid over her right leg with right foot. Is that not two right feet?
Can I say right anymore? Have I lost the plot offa this clove oil/codeine mash up?


eta yes I had lost the plot....or rather just put my glasses back on and her legs are indeed the correct way. IGNORE

Gooseberry eyeballs init

Looks like a foot and a half here.

 

[ChocolateMuffin]

But it is good that she can use the arthritic hand that is useless. Either one useless hand is holding the bowl or the other useless hand is holding the phone and taking photos.
Bless my soul a miracle.

Phone is clearly propped on her ample bosom whilst she uses her satay sauce covered tongue to take the photo.

 

[Jelly Bean]

If my daughter, who is about the same age as Jack described herself as 'mischievous' I would severely question my parenting and conclude it had been bleeping awful.

 

[Vinbisha]

Just as I'm enjoying Medieval Jack and her foftly, flowly, fuper folpodine flop, she drops in 'a jar of boiled sweets' and its suddenly Billy Bunter Jack having japes galore.
I've got timeline whiplash, has she got a TARDIS?

 

[ChocolateMuffin]

View attachment 1292150

If my daughter, who is about the same age as Jack described herself as 'mischievous' I would severely question my parenting and conclude it had been bleeping awful.

It is a bit cringe but tbh I'd be least worried by the mischievous and more worried that she's claiming they never resolved her tooth issues as a child!

Perpetual toothache. Perpetual RENTER.

Why you sob?
Jack's a knob

(SORRY...I guess this one has been done )

 

[DinosaurSenior]

View attachment 1292150

If my daughter, who is about the same age as Jack described herself as 'mischievous' I would severely question my parenting and conclude it had been bleeping awful.

I hate the word "mischievous"...i feel like I judge people on how they pronounce it.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I hate the word "mischievous"...i feel like I judge people on how they pronounce it.

I'm with you there, Dino S. I bet Jack says it with the extra 'I'.

 

[Bugger13]

As someone who fails regularly at the basics due to my mental health I'm so very pleased that Jack can manage all five of her bucket wish work things with her mad mentals which are worse than anyones ever.


Also surely that thread is just proof she's successful off the back of the poors

Yes. Let’s hope the lawyers are watching. Seems like good things are happening for our plucky heroine so good luck proving the ‘damage’ to reputation/loss of earnings. (Also see the glee and ‘I’m getting a house out of this).
Nice job Jacko.
Toot, toot.

I was actually convinced Jack was RSM when Jack went on a rant saying “this is my story” when in fact it actually wasn’t. I thought she had logged into wrong acccount. I know she isn’t RSM but I like to amuse myself with it.

Bucket list news:

View attachment 1291350

Aka ‘tit, can’t be gloating too much, my patreon mugs will wonder why they’re funding me for doing duck all’.

 

[Cack Conroe]

Jack's lies are bizarre- I mean who invents a creepy cupping dentist in their head?

She thinks these invented characters make her look smol and vulnerable. She’s just a fragile pixie being taken care of.

 

[Tabitha D]

Wouldn't Chinese food be painful to eat if her mouth was in as bad state as she proclaims?

Yep, can definitely confirm this. I had a chipped tooth a few months back, it caused an infection and I ended up having root canal treatment. Even with antibiotics and pain from the dentist, the pain was unbearable. I couldn’t chew at all, and couldn’t even bring my jaws together because it hurt so much. I could only tolerate lukewarm soup and even that wasn’t easy - it was like my face was on fire. A Chinese takeaway would have been out of the question.
She’s such a liar.
It’s one medical trauma after another. I suspect all of then are made up or at least heavily exaggerated.

 

[Soapy Dolphin]

View attachment 1291955

Wheelchair emoji for Monroe!

For a delirious happy, loved up, bucket list completed personage with an aneurysm inducing array of work offers she does seem to spend an awful lot of time reading our witterings. You our stan...toot toot!

I broke a molar many years ago. The tooth was split all the way down through the root. ! PAIN ! I could barely breath and couldn't lie down in bed it was so intense. Hot, buttery, buttery, buttery, buttery potatoes in bed one night and chomping on a Chinese takeaway the next?
Nah, pipe down treacle!

 

[BlendedSlop]

I hope the bloody mystery box contains a boxing glove on a spring. Might knock out the manky tooth that crumbled to dust two nights ago but is also somehow still embedded in her jaw.

Speaking of the ouchy mouth, it won't come as a shock to anyone reading that her previous teeth tweets contradict the latest ones. 30 years of tooth trouble, yet the problems are due to overcrowding when her wisdoms came through, but her teeth were also "perfect" until The Poverty ruined them.