Jack Monroe #312 She just throws adjectives at a page and hopes for the best

[NomDeGuerre]

 

[Sideboard Bob]

 

[HotesTilaire]

I live rent-free, in Jack’s head. Hiya Jack, you’re behaving like an insufferable twat again, go do some colouring in or stroking moss on stones x

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

We welcome our mortgage broker frau who comes here later to verify that what she’s heard is true, her client does indeed take £5k+ per month from Patreon

 

[Orphan_Black]

I wonder what meds she's taken for her arthritis.......Naproxen? Or....Cocodamol? Muy interesante!

Nothing it's self-diagnosed.

If you laze about all day, doing fuck all, then yeah, your body will ache and your joints will be stiff. That's not arthritis, Jack, you're just idle. I have Osteo-Arthritis in certain joints, physio's number one advice? Movement, gentle exercises and stretches. I was nearly lame by the time I got diagnosed, my ankles and feet were in a shocking state, took the advice given, went on to run half marathons. (Albeit very slowly, and still get painful days, but I manage the condition. Jack just wants an excuse to be even lazier!)

 

[Bobtheknob]

C’mon Laurence, you must have read the wiki by now. If you out the grifting, cosplaying, con artist with millionaire parents we’ll vote for you at the next election.

 

[Terrible]

Superdrug must be paying

 

[Jelly Bean]

She thinks these invented characters make her look smol and vulnerable. She’s just a fragile pixie being taken care of.

Ugh its horrid. Every professional she comes into contact with feels protective of the smol fetid mouthed grapefruit be-ankled pixie.
Crew on TV shoots laugh fondly as she wanders around gazing upwards at shiney lights.
Security guards at Parliament gently, softly wave her through chuckling and telling her she is a legend.
MPs in Westminster tell her what a good job she is doing and admire her greasy pigskin chapeau.

 

[HotesTilaire]

I wonder if she keeps these details the same between SB’s visits so she can wheel them out wether he is there or not depending on her motives. Then if SB family are ever like he‘s not there right now?? she can be like “oh I was referencing the other time but I was fudging the details to protect his privacy/engage with my audience” etc

EDIT: I’m not sure if I’ve explained that very well you know how some people will wheel out the same story time and time again? I’ve known people in the past that have little going on in their lives but still feel the need to have social performance capital so re-use anecdotes?

I’m actually stating to suspect that what she says on SM bears no relation at all to what’s going on. I bet every evening with her is the same - she sits on the phone typing. The person next to her has no idea that a whole libel case just kicked off, or whether she’s playing candy crush. She’s just always on the phone. I had a friend like this who barely looked up to speak to her son, she was so busy messaging guys having online romances which came to nothing IRL.

 

[Raver_Bear]

View attachment 1292107
WHAT’S IN THE FUTHERMUCKING BOX?

For the love of god Jack!! This squig has spent their money on sending YOU something. Can you please just open the damned box, or at least acknowledge that you have received it and thank this person? You ungrateful, selfish, thoughtless ghoul!

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

What the ffffuccccckkkk is she talking about? There's a big difference between saying you have £19 in your bank account a week or so ago to now saying you've been looking at flats to buy WHICH REQUIRED A ££££ DEPOSIT.

View attachment 1291732

You aren’t owning us hun. I think you’ll find it is the other way around.

You are the one who wrote the Diva article for us .

 

[blurstoftimes]

let’s play would you rather! would you rather:

a) be forced to wear a hairpin that continually escalates gremlin feelings
b) be a decaying butterfly stuck in a moment in time on a corkboard copulating with katie hopkins

 

[Geetbo]

Tbf I would definitely like to see Jack take part in an interview where every lie is skewered.

Oh, and Jack, making bollock and prune slop for Kym Marsh on Morning Live is not a plum BBC job.

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

BBC Klaxon. I don't know if I am late to the party but Jacks food bank segment is on the BBC News page.

I await others hot takes.

Nice that she brought out the same jumper again.

 

[SarcasticEllis]

View attachment 1291647

don’t be all humble about your cheap telly when you cut about wearing a £100 hat

 

[Shimmering]

She's buying a house. And spinning it as "for SB" so she can't be criticised for pretending to be poor.

Probably.

I don't think she does anything for anyone but Jack.

 

[Jelly Bean]

Argh her nasal whine is on Radio 4 now at the food bank.
'I was a food bank user ten years ago'
'I work with politicians a lot'.
'I've done a lot of work with Trussell Trust offering cookery courses' cough Lee Anderson cough.
'The most powerful thing I can do 99% of the time is close my mouth and open my ears'

 

[Ostapbender]

“As you know, I will move mountains for that boy” yeah except, I dunno, asking your parents for food for him? Asking his dad to buy him shoes? Pay attention when you’re watching Umbrella Academy on your non-telly non-Netflix account with him, instead of Tweeting all night? Go ahead, move a fucking mountain. Or maybe start with not introducing another OfJack into his poor life every ten minutes!

Who has to say "as you know" when saying they'd move mountains for their son? You're SUPPOSED TO move mountains for your son

 

[NP]

Precious Movie Tuesdays… spent on Twitter.

 

[instacharlie]

On site security? Was she looking at retirement flats?