Jack Monroe #312 She just throws adjectives at a page and hopes for the best

[Rekyavikgirl]

I'm sure it'll be an incredibly rare fracture that's tricky to spot on X ray

 

[Soapy Dolphin]

How many ankles can one woman have?
She mangles at least one a week.

 

[Cucumberthunder]

In the Radio 4 bit, I'm sure she said she goes into foodbanks to teach people how to budget? And in, like, the next sentence she's saying all the poors are experts in budgeting #makeitmakesense

She also said she's developed courses for the trusell trust on budgeting - why if poor people are so good at budgeting?!

Her prejudice was laid bare when the guy she was talking to said he used to be an aerospace engineer - she was so amazed. Forgetting her own origin story that "normal" people can fall into poverty.

 

[colouredlines]

I’ve never imagined my own funeral. Is that a very narc thing to do? Now I think about it, it would be in the capable hands of my sister. And what was all of that last will and testament bullshit? She doesn’t need one if she’s fine with everything going to her son, all £19 of it. No idea if she’s just joking about tweeting from the grave. I’m not very good with knowing when people are joking or not. Maybe I have undiagnosed SEVERE autism, I don’t know.

I think funeral planning is relatively normal (and sensible!) - I once found a document that my mum had saved with notes of hymns and readings she wants at hers. I didn't find a document of salacious tweets to be released after her death, though. What a shame.

 

[Jelly Bean]

Mmm if I had fallen phenomenally down the stairs and had a grapefruit ankle, possibly needing A & E, from this

I really don't think I'd be sitting with my legs crossed At The Ankles. For either ankle this would be incredibly painful.

 

[Amanda Lin]

Look Pal, I don’t have time for a job where I may actually do something useful, I’ve got 100s of tweets to send.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Let's not get carried away here guys. Remember the gig of a lifetime?

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This will be, no doubt, even more underwhelming than the Sticky Brown Poo.

Also, let's remember the great opportunity which was 10 years in the making, a culmination of her life's work, turned out to be the four 3 minute slots on Lorraine. The recipes for which the web team couldn't even be bothered to upload.

 

[Shimmering]

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She's claiming to be on twitter for an hour a week?

Literally can't lie.

 

[FrannyGallops]

Nice that she brought out the same jumper again.

Face made for radio and a voice made for Twitter. I wish she’d stop inflicting that nasally whine and dead eyed stare on the nation. Stop trying to get on the telly, pet. Your own show ain’t never gonna happen.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

We need a category in The Sloppies for her worst and most revolting writing because 'pissant flapping face hole' has immediately gone right up there.

If she's going to be boring af, so am I. Last night I had a dream that I went to a Russian museum and asked one of the staff if they had any info on Jack Monroe. They started printing out reams of paper for me as I turned to my mum and said 'I was just asking about my favourite subject'. My mum rolled her eyes and said 'I know'. Is this peak autism?

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Omg thank god we still have Harold

 

[Veronicaaa]

Just in case anyone has these ingredients -
"roast chicken scraps thumbed off the carcass, chicken stock, a can of chickpeas plus minus the goop, red pepper, tiny tomatoes cut into even tinier pieces, lemon + Greek cheese"
It would be cheaper and far, far more delicious (and take under 10 hours) to just serve that with bulgur wheat or similar (use the chicken stock to soak the bulgur in). You're welcome

Not that I want to start a pile-on or anything, but this was a serious suggestion so HOW DARE YOU MAKE A SICK FACE

 

[jenny2603]

private healthcare at least has a purpose “in this hellscape”, but who has the money for (delete as appropriate) spoons/pigskin hats/the entire Cotswold catalogue/a whole set of redundant cookery books/a goat leg/4 McPlant burgers?

ETA - Interestingly “private healthcare” comes up as “private health care” ffs. Why can’t I type B u p a?

ETA- I don’t agree with the fact that we should have to have private healthcare. However, it exists and for many people (the ones who don’t get it as part of a benefits package) they choose to spend their money on that rather than holidays or going out. Private healthcare at least serves a better purpose (whether you agree with the principle or not) than spending the equivalent ££££ (which she has done) on furniture to clutter her house. I don’t think I am expressing myself well here. Sorry.
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As a FORENSIC frau I visited the Bupa website and looked at the prices. Assuming Jack couldn't get NHS treatment via Bupa I reckon she could pay £127 for a tooth extraction as a one off. Quite frankly if I was the level of pain she describes I'd borrow the money even if it was twice that and my income is lower than Jacks. Then again, I don't make a living doing poverty cosplay on Twitter.

 

[NomDeGuerre]

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She was eating potatoes and (salty, briny) feta in the early hours and has had a Chinese takeaway tonight. Why has she chosen to eat solids for the first time in MONTHS when she’s got such debilitating toothache?

 

[FlirtyThirty]

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In the running for a BBC job? *shudders*

 

[Cucumberthunder]

And people living in poverty, as Jack has started to call them, are not some homogeneous group who are great at budgeting.

Some are great, others are ok, others are dreadful. some poor people you will cross the street to avoid.

I hate this prettification of poverty.

I remember when she got angry at someone saying she portrayed an enid blyton (I think?) cosy poverty. Now she's doing exactly the same - painting everyone in poverty with the same brush.

Young homeless/vulnerably housed people I've worked with in the past were mostly useless at budgeting because no one had ever taught them. And they had a community who would chuck them a couple of quid for the chicken shop or they'd know which places did a lunch (only a couple a week here as we're in a small town). In some cases they knew which mate would give them some weed to sell so they could make a few quid. They had skills, they got by. But budgeting was often not one of those skills.

 

[Satisfying Click]

She really is incredibly thick, no?

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It's Jack's way of saying, "My high-earning ex wasn't prepared to pay for it."

 

[colouredlines]

Let's not get carried away here guys. Remember the gig of a lifetime?

This will be, no doubt, even more underwhelming than the Sticky Brown Poo.

 

[Orphan_Black]

Fingers crossed for you, pal!

Spoiler: Gift for Jack

 

[Brian Butterfield]

Tbf I would definitely like to see Jack take part in an interview where every lie is skewered.

**PAGING EDWINA**