Jack Monroe #312 She just throws adjectives at a page and hopes for the best

[Salmonshirt]

If she gets a fucking mortgage and the squigs don’t wake up to her bullshit I swear to god.
can’t wait for the ‘I said I had £19 in ONE ACCOUNT I didn’t say it was my only account Jesus Christ can us poors not have ONE NICE THING WHY DO YOU ALL WANT ME DEAD’

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Truly cannot express how much I do not care about the state of her rancid mouth. Pulling out my own teeth with my own pliers that I bought with my own money would be more enjoyable than reading any more of her endless tepid dervishes.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

That guy is going to fucking explode if she doesn't get that box opened soon.

He's probably in the box himself. Dying for a piddle and all cramped up. Cursing what seemed like a cute, fun prank.

 

[Hunsgraveyard]

Going back to the previous thread briefly:

Sounds like Sarah Akwisombe who has her own tattle threads. Jack is definitely a contact of hers as posts on Sarah's Instagram page were how the GoHenry lies were uncovered.

how did this come about, I don’t remember this aspect at the time, I do remember her having a serious strop

Sarah Akwisombe was running a comp for O2 (one of the very last before all her brand partners dropped her after the £1M coaching scam she ran was fully exposed) - Jack stupidly replied. See below:

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Lights are on full beam.

ETA- Tectonic plates don’t stop moving you moron, there is no “right place” for them. Did you not attend Science/Geography lessons?

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[Brian Butterfield]

What I find most pathetic is the constant claims that she doesn't read here, alongside remarks that make it obvious that she is not only reading but absolutely up-to-date on the grunk

Bet you 19 quid Tattle is the first thing she looks at when she wakes up every morning.

 

[Veronicaaa]

17 uses of the word "I" in that thread #bigmaths

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

I just had a mooch and this is the first one I could find that likely had seaviews from kitchen/3rd bedroom. Bit frickin spenny for a poor pixie!! https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/123378794#/?channel=RES_BUY

We can confirm that their big lights are most definitely ON

All 50 of them

 

[Onestorytoomany]

I think the job she lost was one she made up in her head, the same way she described a flat having 'fallen through' despite never having so much as viewed it.

I hope JO got it.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[Boyo]

View attachment 1294798

View attachment 1294799

Hold up. I’m certain that in times gone by, when t’big light has dimmed, that we’ve had ‘I’m going off here for a while because I need to look after me and mine but recipe tweets are scheduled and so will appear regularly but I won’t ~actually~ be around’ or some such nonsense. You need a good memory to keep the lies in order, see Jack?

 

[Vinbisha]

Probably off topic, because who can keep up these days, but I hate the way she describes herself as being whisked here, bundled there, kidnapped wherever.
It's so performatively passive, like she's a helpless ingenue dependent the whims of those around her.
I have a friend that speaks like this, and it's so infantilising, it makes me really uncomfortable.

 

[Mr Krabs]

1% of her hundred hour working week is tweeting.
Jack - do a day in the life of. A real one . Not made up (difficult). Because this doesnt quite make sense

Noon - get up and immediately log into Twitter
1pm - graphically describe all the disgusting, mouldy ingredients you’re planning on bunging in the slow cooker for dinner
2pm - do a chaos
3pm - check balance on PayPal. Patreon, tips on Twitter etc.
4pm - grunking on tattle and passive aggressively tweeting about something we’ve mentioned
5pm - post slop photo with recipe ‘coming soon’
5.01pm - throw out slop and order a deliveroo
6pm - several hours of telly time on Netflix which you don’t have
10pm - announce you’re going to bed because today has been ‘exhausting’
2am - go through Twitter, liking tweets that mention you in a positive light and stay up until the wee hours enjoying the dopamine rush

 

[Emmapism]

'Woman realises she can have thoughts without expressing them on social media'

 

[MeeShellMahBell]

Lest we forget the tales and bullshit.

Can someone
View attachment 1291390

 

[colouredlines]

I fractured my ankle this time last year, and spent most of the summer on the sofa. My first instinct after injuring myself was not to tweet about how comical it was...crazy, right?

Space Squig is now about three unanswered tweets away from giving up on Jack and joining the cable. I hope he does - it will be the best origin story we've had (at least until Iqbal joins us, OMG what if Space Squig is Iqbal and the box just contains a massive turd?).

 

[Shimmering]

 

[colouredlines]

A quick reminder that Jack and SB were eating a Chinese takeaway and watching Umbrella Academy on March 24, a full two months before she managed to get the TV working and acquire broadband:

 

[Marmalade Atkins]