Jack Monroe #300 Fauxcialist

[Helatruralhome]

Happy #300 everyone, I've got a hat to celebrate. It's not made of pigskin so it's not an investment piece but I think it's quite festive.

Can I just bring over from the last thread the shocking fact that @Toffee finger has given us, which is that Southend doesn't have wheelie bins. How the fuck did she see potatoes and greens rolling out of a hole in her neighbour's bin if they don't even have bins?

Lol where we are we are on a 3 week collection and only allowed to put out 3 bags (equivalent to 1 bag a week- no wheelie bins) but recycling is good!

 

[Soapy Dolphin]

I'm wondering what will be rinsed and re-fried, with added fridge funk, for breakfast tomorrow. Making me feel a bit queasy.

I will never eat anything described as a 'smoosh'. It's disrespectful of my body and my soul.

Mash Direct do a carrot and parsnip version (can't get it round here any more). I lovingly referred to it as Carrot Smoosh!
Are we breaking up...waaahh!

 

[trueblue222]

Not slating anyone from Essex but her accent is quite bland to me. You should hear me .

And it’s not common either !!! Nonsense

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Did she specifically say wheelie bin though? She could have meant black bin bag. These are the FORENSIC details we need

Perhaps she meant their garden compost bin. We have one and it often yields us a potato crop.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Everything she writes is like a teenage diary from years ago. Most people would probably read theirs and cringe, but Jack probably just thinks "I'm brilliant, me"

And she can fuck right off with those exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's reads like something straight out of the embarrassing stories of shout magazines( mostly tailored towards 11/12 year olds.)

 

[Skyfall]

What an oversharing tw&t Jackie gal is.

 

[BubbleDuck]

Never to be heard of again. She will have messaged him her raft of excuses about her illnesses and 100hr week. And asked him to keep it private because of the bullying. I would bet my house on it.

I forget , was the cooking charity gig going to be before or after her Monopoly game with Martin Lewis , to raise funds for shelter ?

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

I found it very telling that she said a while back her dad tells her to get a real job! She's supposedly a best selling author, writer,cooker, bullshitter, surely that is a Real job that many people have and do well in.

I think her parents are dissapointed that she didn't follow what they had planned for her. I am sure I also read on here her parents were not too impressed with her baby news back in the day.

I honestly think her parents had high hopes for their daughter and she didn't turn out how they planned and to prove them wrong she tries to keep herself relevant and famous by doing more outlandish and stupid things.

Maybe that's why the adopted another daughter, one that wouldn't let them down.

 

[EllaEm87]

Just had to google nuzzle thinking I’d been WRONG all these years and it was some sort of hand gesture. Nope. Jacks just tweeting nonsense.

 

[Smeghead]

Hello! I've been a lurker from Thread 1, I thought I'd finally pop my head in for Thread 300. To celebrate, I've done an advanced search on Twitter to get some stats for you all Obviously this doesn't include deleted tweets, I'm sure there's a lot more that we can't access anymore!

Number of times Jack has said she's exhausted - 25

Number of times Jack has mentioned that SHE RENTS - 40

Number of times Jack has threatened to sue for libel - 7

Number of times that Jack has mentioned trolls - 26

Number of times that Jack has asked people to donate to Trussell Trust - 8

Number of times that Jack has asked people to donate to Jack - 9, plus tip jar in bio and TWO links on her website (both Donate and Tip Jar lead to her paypal.me)

Must be a lot deleted!!

 

[Malkiavelli]

The Menu.

Some of that actually sounds quite nice - imagine if someone who can make the things they say they’re making look as it sounds *on the plate*, might even be edible..

 

[EllaEm87]

Bring back the KFC family feast that came with Vienetta!

Saturday night treat in my house as a kid!

I always think of vienetta when I think of KFC! Forever linked in my brain!

 

[Ostapbender]

Stop it, you'll summon her!

Ed: no squiggle for blue tick Mic Wright

 

[Spooons]

This has just reminded me of the benefit gig that she was asked to do for Ukraine! Can you imagine Jack catering for paying guests?!

That chef is now hosting a Poland vs Ukraine football friendly fundraiser …. Instead??!

 

[Ninch55]

oh and, not posted it for a bit and there's a few newbies, delurkers and probably some new lurkers, so here's the latest version of the list i keep of everything jack has said she'll do, but hasn't done

Spoiler: Jack's Coming Soons

£15 a week lunches
£20 shops as a whole
3 recipes per week in 2022
9 half-written manuscripts
35 recipes from a £20 shop, pick your fave
2000 words for print glossy GQ awards
a few announcements
adding to twitter thread of plants as they bloom
advent calendar
aged chicken thigh bone stock
alcohol free versions of recipes
another walk in a restricted mod area
apple and pear crumble with brown sugar
austerity book
base system going in next book
BBC show guest on dr rupy's iplayer show
best value vegetables for squig
big press photo shoots
big work
black bean brownies recipe
black bean recipes from poll
black pudding pastitsio
BLM video monetization donation
blog post excited about for ages
bollocking rishi sunak
book on culinary history
book signing in Belfast
books for slow cooker appeal
books for the rural coffee caravan confirmed never arrived 17.2.22 by rcc twitter
Brand New System for desk - wallpaper
bright blue think tank updates
brioche balls
brioche, mincemeat and camembert wreath
broccoli, creamy cannellini beans and fish
Camp Kitchen from the shed
cannelini bacon and pork belly pie
carrot cake baked oats
chestnut fudge thing
chicken livers
chicken nuggets with black pudding crumb
chocolate and prune oats
Christmas condiment
Christmas leftovers caesar salad - nov 2022
cinnamon granola recipe
coffee scrub
column for the Breakdown
comic filter security
comparison of 2021 £20 shop to 2022 £20 shop
compiling list of independent food banks
Conditions of Bungalow Bubbling lessons
cooking for one book
crispy fish recipe
curating regular book recommendations
David Walliams book reviews
dauphinoise pie
dealing with paying taxes
deep pinky purple mascarpone ice cream
denim shirt embroidery commissions
depressipes
detailed blog on nutrition
devilled eggs recipe - completed it, mate
dig out microwave and kettle recipes
DM to Yel
drawing nigella's garden
dyeing all clothes black
easy care for cutlery
email household management book to agent
ethical on a budget
explain daily usage of pythagoras theorem
festive pop tarts
festive vegan loaf peeling pie
filing accounts
flannel blog
flapjack recipe
food truck of joy
gailymail
goat kleftiko
gold rush xmas presents
great resources by trans + non binary writers
greek cook book
half-written budget xmas recipes
handing over her platform to poc
healthy on a bootstrap
helping disability and mental health writers
history of York road market
homemade hand sanitiser
homemade cleaning items
huge depop or Ebay sale
hummus price increase reason
hybrid cassoulet
ideas for pumpkin flesh
inbox zero by bedtime every day
jackfruit version of something
James Bond conspiracy theory
kidney bean, black bean and coconut soup
Klingon gagh recipe
knit blanket
kolokythokeftedes recipe
kombucha whisky
leftover cranberry sauce recipe
lever arch files of fan mail
life hacks book
line by line spring budget takedown
links to small businesses
list of slow cooker recipes
lockdown larder 2.0 resumption threatened
lockdown list of services
make turnips not taste like turnips
maple syrup story
mashed potato secret
meal planners on website
militant boiled eggs
mince pie doughnuts
mincemeat recipe
mole
monopoly for charity with martin lewis
more cabbage
moving house
mushroom drying completed 2018
mushroom butter
New Thing
newspaper campaign the fucking express
no- and low-fuel cooking
no waste cook book (on twitter for world earth day)
nutrition degree
onion chopping song
Other Plans for cabbage
ouchy mouth recipes
painstakingly coated menu for week under £20
pastry recipe
patreon update
picture of tree postcards
pistachio milk
pointing out real plants
pork and lentil bolognese
postcards, postcards, postcards
poverty memoir
puttanesca soup
quick pickling
radish recipes
recipe roundup on Instagram
recipes for small people
red ephemera soup recipe
redoing dinner to get better light
report for work and pensions committee
repotting spider plants from a friend
reshooting beach pottery in daylight
rooting out Amazon from website

running around in heels with a Tall Man GQ awards 2020. no evidence of running or dancing, but Marcus is tall. she didn't even personally hand him the award.

running order for xmas dinner
salt and vinegar sardines and spaghetti
sardine tin print
sausage and kale slop
Secret Ingredient - possibly banana skin
secret stock ingredient potato water
send squig mandarin carrot recipe
sending maple syrup tin to fan
serious work
setting her teenage musings to music
sexy kitchen makeover reason
shopping trolley viewed Sept 2021, unclear if gift
sideboard photos reason
sleep hygiene routine
slow cooker bubble bath
slow cooker recipes, maybe for depher
slow cooker xmas dinner - before xmas 2021
some kind of timetable for SB in lockdown
something about how money buys time
something else Jack'll remember sometime
squigs pick eyeshadow looks
super secret shopping trip hack
supper nanny
support cabal for bullied media types
swamp thing
sweet and sour soup
sweet potato caramel
t shirts with offensive slogan actually done within 3 hours 1.2.22
t shirt profits to trussell trust updates
teemill profits
thrifty shades of beige
Thursday thunder clap
tiktok
tin juice cordial recipe
tomato soup water content - done
train video for squig
transcribing and blogging non binary talk
transcribing government bollocking
translation of a Greek Cypriot cookbook
unorthodox cheese sauce - done
unorthodox courgette squishing
Up To Something
uses for juice from del monte tins
various cornflakes chicken recipes
vegan char sui buns
vegan cheese list

vegan crackling deep-fried rice paper apparently, admitted April 2022. this was among the original items on this list, first posited in late 2019, preceding these threads

vegan diabetic creme egg (maybe)
vegan haggis
vegan pastitsio in collab with Linda
vegan paella with artichokes
vegan pie glaze
vegan version of upside down pineapple chicken
Vimes Boots Price Index - mid February 2022
visit Poland
weekly routine
write about diva pdf experience
zero waste curry falafels

/SPOILER]

Jesus H Christ- how not to do what you’re going to do, eventually…..

I am always lurking because I never have anything interesting to say but HAPPY 300 I first felt sorry for Jack and it hit close to home because I’m almost the same age, have a similar age child and am a single mum. I have been so busy this past week moving into my “forever home” ( well I got a mortgage anyway). The home is very old and in a working class neighbourhood, so it wouldn’t suit lady muck. But I’ve been working bloody hard and I don’t have an OH whisking me to Venice. Oh and I did a degree in arts and studied some Italian as a mature age student and Italian Jack can fuck off. Her lies are so laughable. Questa donna è davvero una truffatrice. E lei è molto molto sporca e pigra. Stick that in google translate Jack

Beautifully put, @Stickybeaker33, beautifully fucking put

 

[HotesTilaire]

Spoiler: OT Dr Sleep

I tried to watch this last night. Mrs T is a major fan. Wouldn’t tell me what was happening and that I had to figure it out myself. Well I didn’t. I gave up. I was going to say that we should watch Interstellar tonight but the TV has decided to break just weeks out of warranty, so…

Spoiler: OT telly chat

Grunking but in case it’s useful/hasn’t been said
This happened to me and I was broke, I cried!
Then I checked my credit card online statements and filed the section 75 claim for shite that costs more than £75 but breaks. Then I also found a tv repair company. Then I bought a little telly second hand.
So the repair cost about £150 but the credit card refunded the WHOLE cost and I sold the little telly for what I paid for it.

 

[ChocolateMuffin]

The first public incident was when Jack slagged off other people's trifles using photos from recipe sites. She then declared her Dad's packet mix Birds trifle to be the best ever.

I wouldn't be surprised if like many of us over the past 6 years, as Jack bounced between identities and ailments and started causing lots of pile ons and creating increasingly sloppy foods, things began not to add up for TD...

Interesting....I was about for the trifle defending and obviously there's the title of TD....I wondered if there was anything going a bit further back? Perhaps not!

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

Hi Jack & Big D

Whilst you’re here, can you ask your daughter to pay her taxes? And the Teemill profits?

Thankyou

But she doesn’t read here!

 

[maytoseptember]

A lot of them do, yes. I've never come across another cook who describes their food quite like Jack. She's got even more revolting descriptions in Tin Can Cook.

Then you must post them! Maybe start a Recipe Of The Day slot. It’ll be a shitshow, but an entertaining shitshow.

 

[Knit one Pearl one]

I’ve just realised, also, that not only is her ex’s/SB’s dad FB wide open, but so is his young daughter’s. Madness. Who would do that? And guess whose birth coincided with The Poverty™️ and who in the accompanying pictures looks very much clean, well-fed, with warm clothes on?

Whaaaa - I can't find any of that info.

Serious FOMO over here.