Jack Monroe #300 Fauxcialist

[Boyo]

That was terrible. I love it.

Question about the 'recipe' on JM website - can I substitute fresh mint for the straggly old mint?

Fresh mint? Fresh?! Get you, lah-di-f’in-dah. I suppose you’ve got real lemons and pre-rinsed beans too? People like you make me sick. You’re the problem, pal. Have a great day!

 

[SlopAmbsase]

The only thing I want to hear from Jack this weekend is ‘that vicious mendacious gang of TERFS and haters of gays and autistics have now made up 300 entire threads of LIES and LIBEL. It’s all printed off and bound in Moleskine folders, ready to be posted to 1 Israel Street, Israel as soon as I’m allowed back in the post office, pal.’

 

[panda_eyes]

HAVE A LOVELY EVENING X

 

[Clovis]

Happy 300th, ninnies.

 

[moldwarp]

I know nothing of this person, other than the fact she was the one who kicked off the Hopkins libel case, wasn't she? Because KH got her and Jack confused

Shes kind of like a posh version of Jack. Very posh and wealthy family, well connected to the establishment, a literal socialist, performatively queer (married to a bloke), claims to be a feminist (but has clearly never read any feminists EVER), frequently wrings her hands about why the British working class are too thick to vote the way she tells them to vote and think the way she wants them to think. Said that a female child who was exposed to a male stranger displaying his penis should keep her mouth shut and learn not to stare. Claimed PTSD from bad book reviews and got magnicently bodied by JK Rowling. Once got spectacularly owned by David Starkey onstage at Hay for being a posh poseur (this can be found on YouTube if you need a laugh). Loves herself and has zero sense of humour. Used to go out with Grace Lavery (and if you don’t know who Grace is then trust me, you really done wanna go down that rabbit hole).

Despite having the writing skills of a geriatric kangaroo and the political nuance of Ash Sarkar combined with Student Grant after 20 pints, Laurie inexplicably continues to get lucrative writing gigs. Did I mention that her family’s incredibly well connected?

I think that about covers it.

 

[kachoochoo]

oh and, not posted it for a bit and there's a few newbies, delurkers and probably some new lurkers, so here's the latest version of the list i keep of everything jack has said she'll do, but hasn't done

Spoiler: Jack's Coming Soons

£15 a week lunches
£20 shops as a whole
3 recipes per week in 2022
9 half-written manuscripts
35 recipes from a £20 shop, pick your fave
2000 words for print glossy GQ awards
a few announcements
adding to twitter thread of plants as they bloom
advent calendar
aged chicken thigh bone stock
alcohol free versions of recipes
another walk in a restricted mod area
apple and pear crumble with brown sugar
austerity book
base system going in next book
BBC show guest on dr rupy's iplayer show
best value vegetables for squig
big press photo shoots
big work
black bean brownies recipe
black bean recipes from poll
black pudding pastitsio
BLM video monetization donation
blog post excited about for ages
bollocking rishi sunak
book on culinary history
book signing in Belfast
books for slow cooker appeal
books for the rural coffee caravan confirmed never arrived 17.2.22 by rcc twitter
Brand New System for desk - wallpaper
bright blue think tank updates
brioche balls
brioche, mincemeat and camembert wreath
broccoli, creamy cannellini beans and fish
Camp Kitchen from the shed
cannelini bacon and pork belly pie
carrot cake baked oats
chestnut fudge thing
chicken livers
chicken nuggets with black pudding crumb
chocolate and prune oats
Christmas condiment
Christmas leftovers caesar salad - nov 2022
cinnamon granola recipe
coffee scrub
column for the Breakdown
comic filter security
comparison of 2021 £20 shop to 2022 £20 shop
compiling list of independent food banks
Conditions of Bungalow Bubbling lessons
cooking for one book
crispy fish recipe
curating regular book recommendations
David Walliams book reviews
dauphinoise pie
dealing with paying taxes
deep pinky purple mascarpone ice cream
denim shirt embroidery commissions
depressipes
detailed blog on nutrition
devilled eggs recipe - completed it, mate
dig out microwave and kettle recipes
DM to Yel
drawing nigella's garden
dyeing all clothes black
easy care for cutlery
email household management book to agent
ethical on a budget
explain daily usage of pythagoras theorem
festive pop tarts
festive vegan loaf peeling pie
filing accounts
flannel blog
flapjack recipe
food truck of joy
gailymail
goat kleftiko
gold rush xmas presents
great resources by trans + non binary writers
greek cook book
half-written budget xmas recipes
handing over her platform to poc
healthy on a bootstrap
helping disability and mental health writers
history of York road market
homemade hand sanitiser
homemade cleaning items
huge depop or Ebay sale
hummus price increase reason
hybrid cassoulet
ideas for pumpkin flesh
inbox zero by bedtime every day
jackfruit version of something
James Bond conspiracy theory
kidney bean, black bean and coconut soup
Klingon gagh recipe
knit blanket
kolokythokeftedes recipe
kombucha whisky
leftover cranberry sauce recipe
lever arch files of fan mail
life hacks book
line by line spring budget takedown
links to small businesses
list of slow cooker recipes
lockdown larder 2.0 resumption threatened
lockdown list of services
make turnips not taste like turnips
maple syrup story
mashed potato secret
meal planners on website
militant boiled eggs
mince pie doughnuts
mincemeat recipe
mole
monopoly for charity with martin lewis
more cabbage
moving house
mushroom drying completed 2018
mushroom butter
New Thing
newspaper campaign the fucking express
no- and low-fuel cooking
no waste cook book (on twitter for world earth day)
nutrition degree
onion chopping song
Other Plans for cabbage
ouchy mouth recipes
painstakingly coated menu for week under £20
pastry recipe
patreon update
picture of tree postcards
pistachio milk
pointing out real plants
pork and lentil bolognese
postcards, postcards, postcards
poverty memoir
puttanesca soup
quick pickling
radish recipes
recipe roundup on Instagram
recipes for small people
red ephemera soup recipe
redoing dinner to get better light
report for work and pensions committee
repotting spider plants from a friend
reshooting beach pottery in daylight
rooting out Amazon from website

running around in heels with a Tall Man GQ awards 2020. no evidence of running or dancing, but Marcus is tall. she didn't even personally hand him the award.

running order for xmas dinner
salt and vinegar sardines and spaghetti
sardine tin print
sausage and kale slop
Secret Ingredient - possibly banana skin
secret stock ingredient potato water
send squig mandarin carrot recipe
sending maple syrup tin to fan
serious work
setting her teenage musings to music
sexy kitchen makeover reason
shopping trolley viewed Sept 2021, unclear if gift
sideboard photos reason
sleep hygiene routine
slow cooker bubble bath
slow cooker recipes, maybe for depher
slow cooker xmas dinner - before xmas 2021
some kind of timetable for SB in lockdown
something about how money buys time
something else Jack'll remember sometime
squigs pick eyeshadow looks
super secret shopping trip hack
supper nanny
support cabal for bullied media types
swamp thing
sweet and sour soup
sweet potato caramel
t shirts with offensive slogan actually done within 3 hours 1.2.22
t shirt profits to trussell trust updates
teemill profits
thrifty shades of beige
Thursday thunder clap
tiktok
tin juice cordial recipe
tomato soup water content - done
train video for squig
transcribing and blogging non binary talk
transcribing government bollocking
translation of a Greek Cypriot cookbook
unorthodox cheese sauce - done
unorthodox courgette squishing
Up To Something
uses for juice from del monte tins
various cornflakes chicken recipes
vegan char sui buns
vegan cheese list

vegan crackling deep-fried rice paper apparently, admitted April 2022. this was among the original items on this list, first posited in late 2019, preceding these threads

vegan diabetic creme egg (maybe)
vegan haggis
vegan pastitsio in collab with Linda
vegan paella with artichokes
vegan pie glaze
vegan version of upside down pineapple chicken
Vimes Boots Price Index - mid February 2022
visit Poland
weekly routine
write about diva pdf experience
zero waste curry falafels

/SPOILER]

 

[moldwarp]

Every time I read that article, I find some sentence that makes me despise her that little bit more. Everything in it is just a bit too overwrought, reminds one a little bit too much of a scene in a film or a book, feels just a bit too constructed.

Sorry to all those fraus that struggle with issues relating to this. Sorry to all those fraus who don’t have a local shop owner who has nodded understandingly and prevented them from buying certain items.

She really has no shame.

Yes. This is partly how I came to realise she is a fraud, all her “autobiographical” writings are just wrong: a little bit too turned up, camp, telenovela. In writing parlance, she’s making the Creative Writing 101 mistake of using the wrong POV: rather than writing from her own POV, she’s writing through the POV of an audience watching her through a camera lens. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

Perhaps it’s just mean of me, but I just don‘t believe her about the note in the passport thing. I just don‘t think she’d be ID’d, covered in tats Etc. And if you really wanted a drink, you just wouldn’t use a passport with a note in it saying you’re an alcoholic. Besides, there’ll be another shop on the same road most likely, so this strategy just wouldn’t work. On the other hand, it is very attention seeking behavior, so maybe she did really do it.

As an alkie in recovery, I can also say it’s bullshit. When you’re in relapse you’re gonna buy the bottle. You’re not gonna fuck up your chances of a drunk by presenting the server with a bit of paper telling them not to serve you.
I think she’s heard stories of real alcoholics families begging local off licenses not to serve their loved ones. I know at least one person that had that happen to them.
I thought it was actively offensive and irresponsible of the Guardian to publish that piece. She was two weeks sober getting a massive platform to lecture people with real years of recovery on how it’s done.

Ah, Laurie Penny. Every time she needs to sell some books, a new identity comes out. Queer, c-PTSD, neurodivergent. She’s so, so posh and so, so stupid. Another one with a platform she doesn’t deserve.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Just want to add I love seeing the lurkers and rare posters too. Totally understand what it’s like feeling shy before posting, so I’m so glad you all did!

@Jack_M that doesn’t apply to you.

 

[Notmycat]

I love vienetta. I'm going to skip my tea this evening and eat one instead.

This lovely canal of people who are welcoming to all and I found you all around thread 220 after I had the misfortune to try one of her recipes as recommended by an OT while in hospital, it was absolutely rank. When we were done, we softly gently scooped it into the bin and I ordered Deliveroo. The OT carefully removed the book from the shelf and filed it in the recycling bin. She then left the country for good. I

Here is to many more chaos ahead of us and sharpening up our forensic abilities. Party on

 

[Yel]

I feel like we should all get Cornettos on our heads to celebrate the 300 and that jack now identifys as Italian or somefink!

 

[Valiofthedolls]

That mn thread is wonderful

It truly is

Spoiler: Sample quotes

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

I've been celebrating 300 today by having a little nosy through tin can cook. I am a library frau so I do not have to buy it. I even refuse to borrow it officially. And by the way in very very many years of being a library frau I can count the times on one hand I've seen any of Jack's books on the return trolley.

Anyway I was reading this little delight where she waters down a tin of mushroom soup with 2 of water and I suddenly realised she did not know her mum used Campbells condensed soup. Oh my god can you imagine the flavour of that monstrosity swimming in 2 cans of water?


I had to get viennetta to recover from the thought.

So I think this is another grain of truth story

jack-eating cheese from fridge
Big Dave- wait til dinner, we aren’t made of money
Eve- you are eating us out of house and hime
Jack- I grew up in poverty

 

[Into_the_tunnel]

Is she on ITV every morning?

No.

How long has she actually been on ITV in the morning?

Less than 10 minutes.

So can she say she does mornings on ITV?

Hardly.

 

[Boyo]

What's on our heads? Are they hats? Looks like a hotdog. Or a Vienetta.

It’s a Vienetta! That most Italian of desserts. How fitting.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

Big Dave appears to have locked his Facebook down a bit. Good

Hi Jack & Big D

Whilst you’re here, can you ask your daughter to pay her taxes? And the Teemill profits?

Thankyou

 

[traumatised sideboard]

TOOT TOOT it's the fucking idiot alarm I was spelling Viennetta wrong. She did in fact tweet about it in her fugue state. Dear heart Marmalade would never make such an error. I'm throwing myself into the Pumble pit in a gesture of penitent self-sacrifice. YEET.

 

[MooBelle]

Welcome dear heart, sorry to have left an angry emoji but

Exhibit A “my parents were not well off”

View attachment 1251495

Exhibit B

View attachment 1251499

The home address will be worth over half a mil too

On the subject of her parents' address...
Big Dave recently posted on the local FB site about an envelope received at their home but addressed to someone who never lived there.
He put up of a photo and broadcast his address to the whole of FB to see.

 

[jenny2603]

Just reading Jack's article about her alcoholism and this bit leapt out at me.

Frauen, I am at the notion Jack requires a "private hideaway", like she'd be mobbed if she went somewhere else.Also hooting at the bar staff just plonking down her order without having to ask what she wants. I imagine them all whispering "it's Jack Monroe- yes THE Jack Monroe before scampering off to fetch something non alcoholic to support her sobriety.

 

[Arsov Cooper]

....filthy, hot, and tired.

Welcome to my world.

I'm one of the nailbrush crew. Here to celebrate 300 threads for the canal. And it is 'canal', because I once lived in Birmingham, and, would you believe it? Birmingham has more miles of canal than Southend/Venice (delete as appropriate).

I went to school with a self-professed Marxist. He wanted to resurrect 'The North Briton' newspaper and was very vocal with his political beliefs (aged 16). He bought 4 tickets for a Led Zeppelin gig and resold three of them for a handsome profit. I called him out on this and he told me to "Fuck off", which is one of the many reasons why I feel at home here. Hi Ian . Also, I love dad jokes.

 

[Ellabella]

Thread 300? Viennetta?!
What a day to be alive dear hearts. What a day.